Mystery #6: The Mystery at Claudia's House
Tagline: Dawn's house may have a ghost, but Claudia's has a mystery!
My house has a mystery. It's wondering how this book got written. This is only Mystery #6, and they're already dredging the bottom of the barrel for ideas. I could understand if this ended up being the last one, but there are 30 more after this one. Seriously. I had it figured out by Chapter 2. (See if you can beat me!) I mean, when Mallory figures out the mystery before everyone else, we have a problem. The only saving grace is that it's not an AMM book (hello, Ellen Miles), so I can only hope that Scholastic said to her, we have a FABULOUS idea for a BSC mystery! And she went, are you serious? And then promptly dropped it on the ghostie to-do pile. Oh, there's a pile of something here.
To help you play along, I've included helpful hints within the chapters. Hint: I went a little overboard with them. Sorry.
Chapter 1
We open with Becca Ramsey and Charlotte Johanssen pretending to be characters from P.S. 162, their favorite TV show, conveniently starring Stoneybrook's resident star, Derek Masters. And wouldn't you know it, but Derek's coming back to town! Awesome! Because the BSC doesn't have enough charges. Claudia is sitting for Char, and the younger girls mention that Derek's on hiatus from the show so he'll be in town for a while; they then have to explain to Claudia what "hiatus" means. No, not kidding. While Char and Becca chatter on about Derek returning to school, and did he bring Becca an autograph from the boy who plays Lamont on the show, Claudia starts waxing poetic about children--basically, she knows *lots* about them. Like, she already knows that Derek just wants to be treated like a regular kid, not a star, when he gets back to town. How does she know this? Is she magic? No, silly. She just spends a lot of time with them. Baby-sitting's where it's at, yo. Claud does have some natural talents, centering on art; did you know she can take candy and chocolate bars and make them look beautiful on canvas? Wow. I am salivating just sitting here. Claudia leaves the brainiac stuff to her smarty-pants sister, Janine, who could not care less about important stuff like clothes and makeup. Where are your priorities? Sheesh. I mean, Claud practically invents trends at SMS.
Claudia's trend-setting outfit of the day: Lace leggings, purple tie-dyed T-shirt dress, and purple high-tops. (Violet, you're turning violet. Wonder if she's currently painting Everlasting Gobstoppers.)
The girls tug her out of her reverie, wanting to make welcome back cards for Derek. Dr. J returns home around 5, and as it's a meeting day, Claud rushes home to prepare. However, upon returning to her room, it's in disarray. While that's normal, it's the *way* it's in disarray that upsets her. Who knew her clutter had order to it? Claudia is stumped as to how it could have happened. This is despite her saying her parents are still at work and Janine is the only one home. Claud, you don't live with Karen. The ghost of Ben Brewer Mimi isn't haunting your bedroom looking for special tea. Besides, I doubt she'd be playing with your makeup or peering in your closet for your kimono jumpsuit that has the fan made out of sequins on the back.
Hint: It's Janine.
Chapter 2
It's time for the meeting to start. Claud had already determined that her room hadn't been burglarized--what, by life-size mice looking for goodies? Families too cheap to buy their own Halloween candy?--but still mentions to Kristy and Mary Anne that something's up. At first they don't believe her. And then Claud has to go through the minutiae of the BSC.
--Kristy is a dynamo.
--Mary Anne is like a mouse.
--Stacey can't have sweets and loves math, which elicits a (Gag me!) from Claud. Yeah, it's a Miles book.
--Dawn's "absolutely gorgeous, but she doesn't even know it." Doesn't Dawn normally get described as plain but her hair's pretty? Rats, I forget how it's usually put.
--"Mallory is energetic and smart." I...don't think chasing around her siblings qualifies her as "energetic." She's more "put-upon."
--Jessi's black a ballet dancer.
Finally we move on, and with a page left to the chapter Claudia tells the others about her room's minor ransacking. Nobody believes her. Claud, this might be a hint to quit painting Chiclets and pick up a broom. The final call comes in; it's Mrs. Masters! Who could have seen *that* coming? She's going to be needing sitters often in the near future; Kristy's first up. The meeting ends, the girls leave, and Claudia is left to ponder who might have come into her room and used her makeup.
Hint: It's Janine.
Hint #2: She likes a boy.
Chapter 3
Kristy is sitting for Derek and his four-year-old brother, Todd. At lunch that day, Kristy's all worried--"He probably has a car phone and a swimming pool and all kinds of things out there in Hollywood." You dumbass. That describes practically everyone in your current neighborhood. Just take him to your house if you're so concerned about him being impressed. Believe me, the adults won't notice ("Hey! Guess we adopted a couple more kids that we didn't prepare the rest of the household denizens for!" "Great!"). This book must take place after California Girls, because there's a reference to Jessi visiting with him while they were all out in CA. Get this: Kristy is so nervous she actually contemplates what she's going to wear. Dude, he's eight. Still, she peels off her jeans--it's probably time for their once-a-year cleaning anyway--and puts on dress pants.
At the Masterses', Kristy plays Legos with the boys and talks shop with Derek. Conveniently, he's also on a show called Kid Detectives. Won't *that* come in handy. He also mentions that his 'brook friends are all pestering him about what will happen on the next season of P.S. 162. Todd spills the beans: There's supposed to be a kissing scene between Derek's character Waldo and a girl named Jennifer. I'm just thrilled that there's a character with a timely name in these books. It's 1992--half the girls should be named Jennifer or Jessica, and we only have Jenny Prezzioso and Jessi? Please. Score one for Ellen Miles. Though, really, I'm taking it back right away for suggesting an eight-year-old have a romance, even on a TV show. Kids still have cooties at that age. Kristy senses this is an uncomfortable topic for Derek and changes the subject, much to his relief, and that's pretty much where the chapter ends.
Hint #3: Derek and his mad detective skills will help Claudia solve her mystery.
Hint #2: It's a boy. Really.
Chapter 4
Ugh. Claudia is singing in the shower: "Your kisses are so sweet, your lips are like honey." Somehow I don't imagine Claud cracking the charts. She sings this at breakfast, too, and Janine flips out on her. Actually, Janine's just plain flipped out. She's wearing "a gray kilt, a pale-blue button-down shirt, and a gray crew-neck sweater," which is standard for her, though "I would fall asleep immediately if I ever put on such boring clothes," Claud tells us. In addition, though, Janine is wearing makeup. She's smeared blue eye shadow all over her eyelids; it's apparently heavy enough that she can't stop blinking. When she reaches for a cinnamon roll, Claud notices she's also wearing nail polish--orange, at that. And it clashes horribly, according to Claud. So what, pray tell, is Claudia herself wearing that day? Black and white checked stretch pants, a red belt, a black shirt with white polka dots (since her plain black/white blouses were dirty or crumpled into balls on her closet floor--seriously, girl, CLEAN), red ankle boots, red heart-shaped earrings, and a side ponytail held by a black and white barrette. Now, given those outfits, which would you leave the house wearing?
The Kishi parents don't even look up at their daughters for a while. Dad's reading the paper; mom's looking over something for work. They're not even concerned when Janine ends up being slightly late for breakfast. This is why it takes eleven more chapters to come to the obvious conclusion, though I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised. I mean, this *is* the series where a certain millionaire conveniently makes plans every weekend his biological children stay with him; the parents who actually live with their children full-time have to come up with creative ways of ignoring them. The Kishis finally look up at their elder daughter when she announces that she'll be home late because she'll be "working on a paper." Mmm-hmm.
Seriously? IT'S A BOY.
But of course this is Claudia we're talking about, who cannot fathom that her sister has any interests beyond Euclidian geometry, not that she knows what that is. Stacey, ever helpful, suggests calling the cops--oh, no, a sixteen-year-old interested in makeup and nail polish? Alert the media! Actually, Mrs. Kishi almost *does* call the cops, because Janine manages to stay out until--wait for it--eight-thirty. On a school night. Oh, man, you better believe she's punished for such a horrible transgression: She's made to promise she'll never do it again. That'll show her.
When Claud goes upstairs after watching TV that evening, she sees a figure coming from the vicinity of her room. Hold on to your hats, guys--it's Janine! No way! And when Claudia goes into her room, once again it's messy in the non-Claudia-approved way. Janine may have been humming that silly love song Claud was singing that morning, but I have Marvin Gaye in my head. What's goin' on, indeed.
Chapter 5
Claudia wakes up in a panic, thinking it's a weekday and she's overslept for school. Janine may have been acting strangely, but she at least knows it's Saturday. She also watches in amusement as Claud tries to throw an outfit together--and can't find her red sweater in the process--and we get this, the anti-Claudia outfit description: "You should see yourself. You're wearing one red sock and one pink one. A big piece of hair is sticking out of your braid. You have black rings around your eyes [from smearing mascara in her rush to get ready], and your pajama top is still on." In any other book, this description would garner an "On any other person, this would have looked horrible, but Claud was able to make it work and looked fabulous." Thankfully, Ms. Miles knows that she looks foolish, and Claud even realizes so and laughs. She also realizes she has to sit for the Pikes, so she'd had to get up anyway. Since Claud is up and in a semi-jovial mood, Janine takes this moment to ask if she could borrow Claud's red sweater--the same one Claud was just looking for. Oh, it conveniently already found its way into Janine's room! Fancy that! She barely gets an okay from Claud before she's out the door.
Claud makes it to the Pike house and discovers Mal's on her own--her parents left early for a meeting. What was that rule, that the Pikes always had to have two sitters? Ha ha, no. Not when they can put their eldest child to work! I fear, once the triplets reach the magical adult age of 11, they'll sell Mallory off to the highest bidder. I mean, she'll work for $1 an hour plus food, and considering she's eaten her share of Daddy Stew, she'll eat pretty much anything. Okay, why am I spending time on this? The Pikes are getting me worked up today. Anyway, Mal's struggling to clean up after breakfast, and the boys inform her that Derek's coming over; thanks for the head's-up, guys. And somehow they've found out about Derek's kissing scene and are harassing Vanessa about Derek being her boyfriend. There's also a ruse to get Derek to kiss her; when Derek figures it out, he fakes that he's already had plenty of practice. What are you, an eight-year-old George Clooney? Claud looks Derek in the eye and knows he's lied. Oh, what a shock. Claud manages to change the subject and the kids forget about kissing for a while.
Hint #4: Kissing becomes a recurring theme with more than one character in this book.
Hint #5: Vanessa's not the only girl involved.
Chapter 6
It's a meeting day, and Claud's trying to work on a project before the gang arrives. Except that darn sister of hers comes in and...wants makeup advice? What? Claud agrees, though Janine tells her not to ask why.
(It's a boy. For God's sake.)
Claud has Janine stand up and...well, here's the paragraph: I looked her over and took inventory: straight black hair, cut in an old-fashioned Dutch-Boy style. Black wire-rim glasses. Navy-blue crewneck sweater, worn over a white blouse with a Peter Pan collar. Pleated knee-length gray wool skirt. Gray knee socks. Brown loafers. In those clothes, she looked like a skinny twelve-year-old. "Oh, boy," I said, sighing. "We've got our work cut out for us." Claud lets Janine keep her basics of sweater, blouse, and skirt, but changes it up a little: Instead of gray, she gives her a black skirt. Instead of the Peter Pan collar, she gets an Oxford shirt. And the sweater? It has a pattern. What a transformation. They work on shoes and then hair before moving on to makeup; neither can hardly believe her new look. Claudia suggests Janine hang around for a few more minutes, since it's almost 5:30 and the BSC would probably love to see her. Except Janine has to go and rushes off to her hot date at the library. I mean that literally; Claud is simply confused, since Janine's been going to the library a lot lately: "I know Janine's grades are important to her but nobody could have that much homework." When the others arrive, Claud discusses her sister's odd behavior--even suspecting Janine of being her room's ransacker. No! Just knock me over with a feather! So then we get a slew of potential ideas on Janine's whereabouts:
Jessi thinks she got a role in a commercial.
Dawn thinks she's up for some sort of award for academics. Shut up, Dawn. Like Janine would hide something like that.
Only Mallory--poor, put-upon, soon-to-be-sold-as-a-domestic-worker Mallory--suggests that perhaps Janine has a gentleman caller. Claudia's response? "I looked at Mallory and snorted. Stacey laughed, too. The idea of Janine in love was pretty ridiculous."
Oh, just you wait. But poor Mallory. She's so *not* taken seriously that one of the later mysteries, #41, is Mallory and the Mystery of the Hair Down There. (Hint: Jessi's is black.) However, I imagine that, years later, Mallory will get her revenge in one of her novels. Her characters Maude and Tracey will be unable to find dates despite the dibbly-freshness of their outfits. Heh.
Chapter 7
Tracey Stacey is sitting for Derek and Todd; the phone rings and Derek asks if "those guys can come over." Timely reference: Stacey asks, "Which guys? Donatello and Michelangelo and Raphael and Leonardo?" Stacey, don't quit your day job, but nice try. No, silly, he means the Pike boys. Stacey, with her mad math skills, realizes she'll be watching six kids, yet relents. I mean, the rule is two sitters for more than four Pike kids at a time; there's nothing about *other* people's kids in that rule, right? The boys sneak something into Derek's room, and every so often someone creeps out to use the phone. Stacey's sitter-dar pings and she thinks to check on them; what they've snuck in is the Pike family phone book, and they've called Becca and Charlotte to come over. A sane person would go, uh, NO, but Stacey's thrilled the younger generation is following in her "sophisticated" footsteps somehow okay with this...until there are too many giggles and shrieks coming from the rec room, where the spin-the-bottle session group is. Stacey grabs poor little Todd and discovers Derek's supposed to be giving kissing lessons, using Char and Becca as the kissees. While Stacey finds this amusing, she realizes the kids' parents probably won't, though I have a feeling they'll all go on to star in The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Stace makes them play Crazy Olympics instead, hopefully while actively watching them instead of reading magazines on the couch. Somebody's been slouching on her sugar-free Kool-Aid intake this week, hasn't she.
Hint #whatever: Derek is not upset that Stacey intervened. This time.
Chapter 8 (Or, Claudia is inkred encridjul incredulous!)
Things just got real.
Janine has been grounded.
ALERT THE MEDIA!!!
Claudia takes a page from Dawn's How to Be a Terrible Person guide and is way, way too excited at this turn of events, marveling that *she* gets to be the good daughter. There's a timeline to follow:
Thursday, Janine tells her mom she'll miss dinner that night, as she's got more studying in the library to do. Nobody thinks to ask what all she's studying, but I'll bet it's anatomy.
(Thursday outfits: Claud wears a royal blue sweatshirt dress; Janine has on a gray wool skirt (one of her old ones, which she'd hemmed to a much more interesting length), a pink oxford shirt, which she must have bought recently, and my red sweater, which she seemed to have claimed as her own. Her fingernails were still orange. The pink and the red and the orange clashed just a little bit. I'd still take Janine's outfit over Claud's. Quit trying to make sweatshirt dresses happen.)
Mrs. K is all, oh, you should bring your friend by for dinner sometime! We'd like to meet her! Janine's all, her, yeah, sure.
Somewhere, Mallory is poking a needing into her Maude voodoo doll. It works, though: "It occurred to me then that Janine had been acting strangely throughout the discussion of her plans for the evening." No stranger than Claudia sounding like Janine in this paragraph, but whatever. "I can't say exactly what tipped me off; maybe just the tone of her voice, or the way she was tapping her fingernails on the table. But all at once I knew Janine was hiding something." OR MAYBE IT'S THAT SHE WAS NONCOMMITTAL WHEN DISCUSSING THE GENDER OF HER "FRIEND." Claudia, nobody else wonders why you were sent back a grade.
Friday somehow gets skipped in the timeline--what, no BSC discussion on how red, pink, and orange looks crappy on others but on Claud, it looks fabulous?--but Saturday comes along and finds Claudia helping her mom with some gardening. Mrs. Braddock comes by with bread she and her kids have made and mentions that Janine looked radiant at Pizza Express the other night.
...They have a Pizza Express in the college library?
Ruh-roh.
Conveniently, Janine's at the pizza parlor "library" "studying" when this happens, but as soon as she comes home, her parents grill her like she's a Whopper. Janine apologizes for misleading her parents; Claud can't believe she didn't just fudge the truth a little--mmm, fudge, got some in a shoebox labeled "akrillicks"--and say she'd stopped for pizza after studying. Sorry isn't enough, though; she's grounded for two days. Claud goes to talk to her afterward, but Janine doesn't want to talk about it. But Claud does! I mean, there is a Real Live Mystery happening in her house; she's just got to get down to the bottom of this. She gets the brilliant idea to tail her sister, then calls Stacey.
Hint: Her "brilliant" plan involves an eight-year-old.
Chapter 9
Most of the BSC gets in on the plotting, save for Mary Anne, who's probably off somewhere crying, and Jessi, who's too busy being black dancing. The next morning, Janine's "[making] the best use of the time" being grounded and is studying; too bad that's her standard Sunday morning activity. Way to go, Kishis. You should have made her attend, like, a Krushers practice. Claudia, suddenly playing the role of Good Daughter, offers to help her mom do chores around the house. It's only two days. She can handle two days. Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. K are "bewildered" (Claud's word) by the change in attitude of their younger daughter, because they don't have enough to worry about with Janine. It's like the cable TV version of Freaky Friday. Thankfully for Claud, she doesn't have to spend the entire day as Good Daughter, which is exhausting. She gets to sit for the Masterses! Whee! Plus, you know, Derek has detective experience from his TV show. Yeah, I'll bet CSI: Sesame Street really works to be entirely realistic with its forensic techniques. Then again, this is Claudia; she still thinks Snuffleupagus is a real creature, even though she can never find him at the zoo. Derek comes up with these ideas about Janine's strange happenings:
--She was brainwashed by aliens who'd abducted her.
--She's a kleptomaniac.
Even Claudia doesn't believe either of those. However, Derek suggests tailing her; Claud goes for that. Except it's raining. Following Janine around the stacks will have to wait.
Chapter 10
Mary Anne has finished her crying jag and has now taken her turn at sitting for Derek and Todd and playing their new game: Stalking Janine. I'm certain this activity gets 100% approval from all the parents in Stoneybrook. Her notebook entry includes this: "We didn't exactly solve the Janine mystery, but we added one new clue to the story. Make that one big clue. One big, handsome clue."
I FREAKING TOLD YOU IT WAS A BOY. God. Just call me Mallory.
Here's the thing: Claudia, who was home working on her craft project, was antsy to learn what was up with Janine, who was also home, though Claud suspected not for long. So Claud calls Mary Anne at the Masterses', invites herself over, then sneaks them all back to her house to hide in the bushes waiting for Janine to come out. Now, mind you, Todd's four. If you honestly think a four-year-old can handle a stakeout, I'm sending you back to the seventh grade with Caludia. And I'm changing your name to Caludia. They're out there for a while; Janine comes out once to check the mail, then disappears back inside after sticking a letter in her pocket. When she eventually comes back out, she's changed and put on makeup; Derek says Janine looks like Claudia. I'm not sure, but that may or may not be an insult. They end up following her to the high school, several streets away. Derek points out that they've now discovered who Janine was meeting. And...he's gorgeous. Claud's once again incredulous, saying he can't know Janine because he doesn't have a pocket protector. Not all smart people look like they're extras from Revenge of the Nerds, dear. They don't kiss or anything, but they do shake hands--and they *don't* go into the school. OMG, what's going to happen?
Hint: Mary Anne's going to wet-blanket the whole thing and say the boys have to get home so they can get back to Claud's in time for the BSC meeting. Talk about anticlimactic.
Chapter 11
Three guesses as to what took up much of their meeting time. Hint: It wasn't Kristy's Guide to Proper Visor-Wearing, Lesson 12. They're still not convinced that this could be a possible paramour; even Mal's like, maybe he's a spy and they're working on secret chemistry projects. Sigh. It's still a regular meeting, though, and Mrs. Masters calls for a couple more sitting jobs, specifically requesting Claudia. Kristy lets it slide because, hell, there's a MYSTERY to be SOLVED here, people! They even come up with a plan to try and get Janine to reveal her secret(s). It's put into play the next time Claud sits for Derek; she convinces Janine to come over and help Derek with his homework. Here's the thing: Derek's fake homework involves staging a courtroom drama. The only time I ever had to do that was in AP English my senior year of high school. I can't imagine that many third-grade teachers are putting on Law and Order in their classrooms. Your standard Janine probably would have figured that out. However, Folger's Crystals Janine falls for it...except it backfires. In trying to convince Janine that lying is wrong, Claudia, the fake prosecutor, only ends up getting Derek to confess that, one, he's never kissed a girl, and two, he's terrified of having to do so on TV. He's also upset over having ruined the plan, but that's neither here nor there at the time.
Cute note: When getting sworn in, they place their hands on Charlotte's Web. Radiant.
Chapter 12 (or, what the hell are those Pike boys up to now?)
Claud's back at the Masterses' again. She's tired and frustrated about not getting the truth out of Janine and decides to take a few days off from spying on her. Also, her conscience kicks in and she realizes, hey, her charges' parents probably wouldn't be thrilled that the BSC was teaching their kids to spy on people. She and the boys are playing outside when the 8- to 10-year-old Pikes show up unannounced. The boys all want Derek to kiss Vanessa. Derek had been wondering how to break his news to his friends; now's his chance. Not surprisingly, the Pikes had all figured out Derek's secret; a relieved Vanessa runs off, with her brothers calling after her that she owes them money. Uh, so, you guys were basically prostituting your sister? Paying her so a guy could have his way with her? Glad to know there's much bigger issues in Stoneybrook that simply stalking! Hooray! Also, Vanessa's only worth $2.13. That's what her four brothers were able to scrounge up for her. This is so disturbing. Once the Pike boys and Derek come up with an idea to get their money back from Vanessa, the Pikes leave; Claud is left to discuss the day's lesson with Derek. Lying is bad, mmkay? Frankly, I think prostituting your sister is worse, but that's just me.
Chapter 13 (or, stranger danger!)
It turns out that both Claudia and Janine, due to their fake courtroom drama, had helped Derek learn his lesson about the truth being superior to lying. Derek got to thank Claudia in person; he insists on calling Janine to thank her. Except the only Kishi phone number he knows is Claudia's personal, private number, not the regular Kishi number. He calls Claud's phone, and it's busy. But Claud's right there! She certainly can't be using her phone when she's not in her room! OH WAIT. As soon as she gets home, Claud goes to talk to Janine, wanting to confront her on all her mysteriousness as of late. At first, Janine won't open the door. When she does, she's in full makeup and once again wearing the red sweater. Sweetie, you have to wash that at some point. You're not Kristy. But Janine doesn't have time for this, or the third degree; can't a girl live her life without scrutiny? Gawd. So much for Claud's resolve to not follow her sister anymore; after Janine leaves, Claud decides to tail her again. She catches up to Janine at the high school; whomever she's meeting isn't there yet. Both Claud and Janine spot him at the same time--it's the handsome fellow from before, *and* he has a flashy red car in which to pick her up. To Claud's surprise, Janine eventually gets in the car and drives off with the guy. Since it's not anyone the family knows, Claud freaks out. She's honestly concerned about Janine's well-being. So when Janine eventually comes home and claims she's been in the chem lab the whole time, Claud decides to spill what she knows to her parents. Doink-doink.
Chapter 14
Once Claud tells her parents what she knows, Janine is called over and asked to 'splain, Lucy. The stunning truth comes out: She has a boyfriend.
*passes out balloons and bubble gum cigars* It's a boy! He's tall, has black hair, and answers to Jerry. And, yes, he's totally hot. Part of why Janine didn't want to mention him was because of his everlasting hotness, because he's totally smart, too; he's also a junior in AP classes. Claud's confused--if brains matter more than beauty, then why the sudden interest in her own appearance? Because, well, Janine wanted to impress him, except it turned out Jerry didn't care about that. He's all about her brain. Well then. Sounds perfect. So why hide him? Janine admits, frankly, that she likes her privacy. Her parents can understand that, though because she lied, that means another two days stuck at home. As further punishment, she has to bring Jerry home for dinner. Wait, so Janine can keep seeing him? The Kishis say that's fine, just so long as she's open about what she's doing and where she's going. Janine admits they mostly study; yeah, I'd worry less about her and more about those darn Pike kids.
Chapter 15
One last BSC meeting. Mary Anne and Mallory sigh about how romantic it is that Janine has a boyfriend; the others are disappointed it wasn't anything more interesting. But she wore red AND pink AND orange at the same time! That wasn't interesting enough for you?
Since it's a meeting, there's a call; it's Derek. His producer for the show says the kiss has been canceled since his character's too young. No kidding. Way to stress out your young star needlessly. Hope his salary includes therapy!
Janine interrupts; it's the night Jerry's coming over for dinner. She asks Claud to act like an adult during the meal and Claud promises not to do a bunch of babyish things, hoping to get a laugh out of her. It doesn't work. After Janine leaves, she asks the BSC if they think Janine will ever forgive her. She's told eventually, but she'll have to wait and see.
The dinner goes well; Jerry's completely polite and well-spoken. After he leaves, Janine apologizes to Claud; Claud understands, saying she realizes Janine's never had a boyfriend and didn't know what to do. Especially when it came to eye shadow. The conversation dissolves into girl talk--oh my lord, they've even kissed--and Claud finds out that Jerry and Janine's song is that silly one she'd sung in the shower weeks ago. Aw. To show that they're okay again, Janine helps Claud with her homework; Claud lets Janine keep the infamous red sweater. Things are back to normal in the Kishi house. Now let's have some tea.
My house has a mystery. It's wondering how this book got written. This is only Mystery #6, and they're already dredging the bottom of the barrel for ideas. I could understand if this ended up being the last one, but there are 30 more after this one. Seriously. I had it figured out by Chapter 2. (See if you can beat me!) I mean, when Mallory figures out the mystery before everyone else, we have a problem. The only saving grace is that it's not an AMM book (hello, Ellen Miles), so I can only hope that Scholastic said to her, we have a FABULOUS idea for a BSC mystery! And she went, are you serious? And then promptly dropped it on the ghostie to-do pile. Oh, there's a pile of something here.
To help you play along, I've included helpful hints within the chapters. Hint: I went a little overboard with them. Sorry.
Chapter 1
We open with Becca Ramsey and Charlotte Johanssen pretending to be characters from P.S. 162, their favorite TV show, conveniently starring Stoneybrook's resident star, Derek Masters. And wouldn't you know it, but Derek's coming back to town! Awesome! Because the BSC doesn't have enough charges. Claudia is sitting for Char, and the younger girls mention that Derek's on hiatus from the show so he'll be in town for a while; they then have to explain to Claudia what "hiatus" means. No, not kidding. While Char and Becca chatter on about Derek returning to school, and did he bring Becca an autograph from the boy who plays Lamont on the show, Claudia starts waxing poetic about children--basically, she knows *lots* about them. Like, she already knows that Derek just wants to be treated like a regular kid, not a star, when he gets back to town. How does she know this? Is she magic? No, silly. She just spends a lot of time with them. Baby-sitting's where it's at, yo. Claud does have some natural talents, centering on art; did you know she can take candy and chocolate bars and make them look beautiful on canvas? Wow. I am salivating just sitting here. Claudia leaves the brainiac stuff to her smarty-pants sister, Janine, who could not care less about important stuff like clothes and makeup. Where are your priorities? Sheesh. I mean, Claud practically invents trends at SMS.
Claudia's trend-setting outfit of the day: Lace leggings, purple tie-dyed T-shirt dress, and purple high-tops. (Violet, you're turning violet. Wonder if she's currently painting Everlasting Gobstoppers.)
The girls tug her out of her reverie, wanting to make welcome back cards for Derek. Dr. J returns home around 5, and as it's a meeting day, Claud rushes home to prepare. However, upon returning to her room, it's in disarray. While that's normal, it's the *way* it's in disarray that upsets her. Who knew her clutter had order to it? Claudia is stumped as to how it could have happened. This is despite her saying her parents are still at work and Janine is the only one home. Claud, you don't live with Karen. The ghost of Ben Brewer Mimi isn't haunting your bedroom looking for special tea. Besides, I doubt she'd be playing with your makeup or peering in your closet for your kimono jumpsuit that has the fan made out of sequins on the back.
Hint: It's Janine.
Chapter 2
It's time for the meeting to start. Claud had already determined that her room hadn't been burglarized--what, by life-size mice looking for goodies? Families too cheap to buy their own Halloween candy?--but still mentions to Kristy and Mary Anne that something's up. At first they don't believe her. And then Claud has to go through the minutiae of the BSC.
--Kristy is a dynamo.
--Mary Anne is like a mouse.
--Stacey can't have sweets and loves math, which elicits a (Gag me!) from Claud. Yeah, it's a Miles book.
--Dawn's "absolutely gorgeous, but she doesn't even know it." Doesn't Dawn normally get described as plain but her hair's pretty? Rats, I forget how it's usually put.
--"Mallory is energetic and smart." I...don't think chasing around her siblings qualifies her as "energetic." She's more "put-upon."
--Jessi's black a ballet dancer.
Finally we move on, and with a page left to the chapter Claudia tells the others about her room's minor ransacking. Nobody believes her. Claud, this might be a hint to quit painting Chiclets and pick up a broom. The final call comes in; it's Mrs. Masters! Who could have seen *that* coming? She's going to be needing sitters often in the near future; Kristy's first up. The meeting ends, the girls leave, and Claudia is left to ponder who might have come into her room and used her makeup.
Hint: It's Janine.
Hint #2: She likes a boy.
Chapter 3
Kristy is sitting for Derek and his four-year-old brother, Todd. At lunch that day, Kristy's all worried--"He probably has a car phone and a swimming pool and all kinds of things out there in Hollywood." You dumbass. That describes practically everyone in your current neighborhood. Just take him to your house if you're so concerned about him being impressed. Believe me, the adults won't notice ("Hey! Guess we adopted a couple more kids that we didn't prepare the rest of the household denizens for!" "Great!"). This book must take place after California Girls, because there's a reference to Jessi visiting with him while they were all out in CA. Get this: Kristy is so nervous she actually contemplates what she's going to wear. Dude, he's eight. Still, she peels off her jeans--it's probably time for their once-a-year cleaning anyway--and puts on dress pants.
At the Masterses', Kristy plays Legos with the boys and talks shop with Derek. Conveniently, he's also on a show called Kid Detectives. Won't *that* come in handy. He also mentions that his 'brook friends are all pestering him about what will happen on the next season of P.S. 162. Todd spills the beans: There's supposed to be a kissing scene between Derek's character Waldo and a girl named Jennifer. I'm just thrilled that there's a character with a timely name in these books. It's 1992--half the girls should be named Jennifer or Jessica, and we only have Jenny Prezzioso and Jessi? Please. Score one for Ellen Miles. Though, really, I'm taking it back right away for suggesting an eight-year-old have a romance, even on a TV show. Kids still have cooties at that age. Kristy senses this is an uncomfortable topic for Derek and changes the subject, much to his relief, and that's pretty much where the chapter ends.
Hint #3: Derek and his mad detective skills will help Claudia solve her mystery.
Hint #2: It's a boy. Really.
Chapter 4
Ugh. Claudia is singing in the shower: "Your kisses are so sweet, your lips are like honey." Somehow I don't imagine Claud cracking the charts. She sings this at breakfast, too, and Janine flips out on her. Actually, Janine's just plain flipped out. She's wearing "a gray kilt, a pale-blue button-down shirt, and a gray crew-neck sweater," which is standard for her, though "I would fall asleep immediately if I ever put on such boring clothes," Claud tells us. In addition, though, Janine is wearing makeup. She's smeared blue eye shadow all over her eyelids; it's apparently heavy enough that she can't stop blinking. When she reaches for a cinnamon roll, Claud notices she's also wearing nail polish--orange, at that. And it clashes horribly, according to Claud. So what, pray tell, is Claudia herself wearing that day? Black and white checked stretch pants, a red belt, a black shirt with white polka dots (since her plain black/white blouses were dirty or crumpled into balls on her closet floor--seriously, girl, CLEAN), red ankle boots, red heart-shaped earrings, and a side ponytail held by a black and white barrette. Now, given those outfits, which would you leave the house wearing?
The Kishi parents don't even look up at their daughters for a while. Dad's reading the paper; mom's looking over something for work. They're not even concerned when Janine ends up being slightly late for breakfast. This is why it takes eleven more chapters to come to the obvious conclusion, though I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised. I mean, this *is* the series where a certain millionaire conveniently makes plans every weekend his biological children stay with him; the parents who actually live with their children full-time have to come up with creative ways of ignoring them. The Kishis finally look up at their elder daughter when she announces that she'll be home late because she'll be "working on a paper." Mmm-hmm.
Seriously? IT'S A BOY.
But of course this is Claudia we're talking about, who cannot fathom that her sister has any interests beyond Euclidian geometry, not that she knows what that is. Stacey, ever helpful, suggests calling the cops--oh, no, a sixteen-year-old interested in makeup and nail polish? Alert the media! Actually, Mrs. Kishi almost *does* call the cops, because Janine manages to stay out until--wait for it--eight-thirty. On a school night. Oh, man, you better believe she's punished for such a horrible transgression: She's made to promise she'll never do it again. That'll show her.
When Claud goes upstairs after watching TV that evening, she sees a figure coming from the vicinity of her room. Hold on to your hats, guys--it's Janine! No way! And when Claudia goes into her room, once again it's messy in the non-Claudia-approved way. Janine may have been humming that silly love song Claud was singing that morning, but I have Marvin Gaye in my head. What's goin' on, indeed.
Chapter 5
Claudia wakes up in a panic, thinking it's a weekday and she's overslept for school. Janine may have been acting strangely, but she at least knows it's Saturday. She also watches in amusement as Claud tries to throw an outfit together--and can't find her red sweater in the process--and we get this, the anti-Claudia outfit description: "You should see yourself. You're wearing one red sock and one pink one. A big piece of hair is sticking out of your braid. You have black rings around your eyes [from smearing mascara in her rush to get ready], and your pajama top is still on." In any other book, this description would garner an "On any other person, this would have looked horrible, but Claud was able to make it work and looked fabulous." Thankfully, Ms. Miles knows that she looks foolish, and Claud even realizes so and laughs. She also realizes she has to sit for the Pikes, so she'd had to get up anyway. Since Claud is up and in a semi-jovial mood, Janine takes this moment to ask if she could borrow Claud's red sweater--the same one Claud was just looking for. Oh, it conveniently already found its way into Janine's room! Fancy that! She barely gets an okay from Claud before she's out the door.
Claud makes it to the Pike house and discovers Mal's on her own--her parents left early for a meeting. What was that rule, that the Pikes always had to have two sitters? Ha ha, no. Not when they can put their eldest child to work! I fear, once the triplets reach the magical adult age of 11, they'll sell Mallory off to the highest bidder. I mean, she'll work for $1 an hour plus food, and considering she's eaten her share of Daddy Stew, she'll eat pretty much anything. Okay, why am I spending time on this? The Pikes are getting me worked up today. Anyway, Mal's struggling to clean up after breakfast, and the boys inform her that Derek's coming over; thanks for the head's-up, guys. And somehow they've found out about Derek's kissing scene and are harassing Vanessa about Derek being her boyfriend. There's also a ruse to get Derek to kiss her; when Derek figures it out, he fakes that he's already had plenty of practice. What are you, an eight-year-old George Clooney? Claud looks Derek in the eye and knows he's lied. Oh, what a shock. Claud manages to change the subject and the kids forget about kissing for a while.
Hint #4: Kissing becomes a recurring theme with more than one character in this book.
Hint #5: Vanessa's not the only girl involved.
Chapter 6
It's a meeting day, and Claud's trying to work on a project before the gang arrives. Except that darn sister of hers comes in and...wants makeup advice? What? Claud agrees, though Janine tells her not to ask why.
(It's a boy. For God's sake.)
Claud has Janine stand up and...well, here's the paragraph: I looked her over and took inventory: straight black hair, cut in an old-fashioned Dutch-Boy style. Black wire-rim glasses. Navy-blue crewneck sweater, worn over a white blouse with a Peter Pan collar. Pleated knee-length gray wool skirt. Gray knee socks. Brown loafers. In those clothes, she looked like a skinny twelve-year-old. "Oh, boy," I said, sighing. "We've got our work cut out for us." Claud lets Janine keep her basics of sweater, blouse, and skirt, but changes it up a little: Instead of gray, she gives her a black skirt. Instead of the Peter Pan collar, she gets an Oxford shirt. And the sweater? It has a pattern. What a transformation. They work on shoes and then hair before moving on to makeup; neither can hardly believe her new look. Claudia suggests Janine hang around for a few more minutes, since it's almost 5:30 and the BSC would probably love to see her. Except Janine has to go and rushes off to her hot date at the library. I mean that literally; Claud is simply confused, since Janine's been going to the library a lot lately: "I know Janine's grades are important to her but nobody could have that much homework." When the others arrive, Claud discusses her sister's odd behavior--even suspecting Janine of being her room's ransacker. No! Just knock me over with a feather! So then we get a slew of potential ideas on Janine's whereabouts:
Jessi thinks she got a role in a commercial.
Dawn thinks she's up for some sort of award for academics. Shut up, Dawn. Like Janine would hide something like that.
Only Mallory--poor, put-upon, soon-to-be-sold-as-a-domestic-worker Mallory--suggests that perhaps Janine has a gentleman caller. Claudia's response? "I looked at Mallory and snorted. Stacey laughed, too. The idea of Janine in love was pretty ridiculous."
Oh, just you wait. But poor Mallory. She's so *not* taken seriously that one of the later mysteries, #41, is Mallory and the Mystery of the Hair Down There. (Hint: Jessi's is black.) However, I imagine that, years later, Mallory will get her revenge in one of her novels. Her characters Maude and Tracey will be unable to find dates despite the dibbly-freshness of their outfits. Heh.
Chapter 7
Tracey Stacey is sitting for Derek and Todd; the phone rings and Derek asks if "those guys can come over." Timely reference: Stacey asks, "Which guys? Donatello and Michelangelo and Raphael and Leonardo?" Stacey, don't quit your day job, but nice try. No, silly, he means the Pike boys. Stacey, with her mad math skills, realizes she'll be watching six kids, yet relents. I mean, the rule is two sitters for more than four Pike kids at a time; there's nothing about *other* people's kids in that rule, right? The boys sneak something into Derek's room, and every so often someone creeps out to use the phone. Stacey's sitter-dar pings and she thinks to check on them; what they've snuck in is the Pike family phone book, and they've called Becca and Charlotte to come over. A sane person would go, uh, NO, but Stacey's thrilled the younger generation is following in her "sophisticated" footsteps somehow okay with this...until there are too many giggles and shrieks coming from the rec room, where the spin-the-bottle session group is. Stacey grabs poor little Todd and discovers Derek's supposed to be giving kissing lessons, using Char and Becca as the kissees. While Stacey finds this amusing, she realizes the kids' parents probably won't, though I have a feeling they'll all go on to star in The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Stace makes them play Crazy Olympics instead, hopefully while actively watching them instead of reading magazines on the couch. Somebody's been slouching on her sugar-free Kool-Aid intake this week, hasn't she.
Hint #whatever: Derek is not upset that Stacey intervened. This time.
Chapter 8 (Or, Claudia is inkred encridjul incredulous!)
Things just got real.
Janine has been grounded.
ALERT THE MEDIA!!!
Claudia takes a page from Dawn's How to Be a Terrible Person guide and is way, way too excited at this turn of events, marveling that *she* gets to be the good daughter. There's a timeline to follow:
Thursday, Janine tells her mom she'll miss dinner that night, as she's got more studying in the library to do. Nobody thinks to ask what all she's studying, but I'll bet it's anatomy.
(Thursday outfits: Claud wears a royal blue sweatshirt dress; Janine has on a gray wool skirt (one of her old ones, which she'd hemmed to a much more interesting length), a pink oxford shirt, which she must have bought recently, and my red sweater, which she seemed to have claimed as her own. Her fingernails were still orange. The pink and the red and the orange clashed just a little bit. I'd still take Janine's outfit over Claud's. Quit trying to make sweatshirt dresses happen.)
Mrs. K is all, oh, you should bring your friend by for dinner sometime! We'd like to meet her! Janine's all, her, yeah, sure.
Somewhere, Mallory is poking a needing into her Maude voodoo doll. It works, though: "It occurred to me then that Janine had been acting strangely throughout the discussion of her plans for the evening." No stranger than Claudia sounding like Janine in this paragraph, but whatever. "I can't say exactly what tipped me off; maybe just the tone of her voice, or the way she was tapping her fingernails on the table. But all at once I knew Janine was hiding something." OR MAYBE IT'S THAT SHE WAS NONCOMMITTAL WHEN DISCUSSING THE GENDER OF HER "FRIEND." Claudia, nobody else wonders why you were sent back a grade.
Friday somehow gets skipped in the timeline--what, no BSC discussion on how red, pink, and orange looks crappy on others but on Claud, it looks fabulous?--but Saturday comes along and finds Claudia helping her mom with some gardening. Mrs. Braddock comes by with bread she and her kids have made and mentions that Janine looked radiant at Pizza Express the other night.
...They have a Pizza Express in the college library?
Ruh-roh.
Conveniently, Janine's at the pizza parlor "library" "studying" when this happens, but as soon as she comes home, her parents grill her like she's a Whopper. Janine apologizes for misleading her parents; Claud can't believe she didn't just fudge the truth a little--mmm, fudge, got some in a shoebox labeled "akrillicks"--and say she'd stopped for pizza after studying. Sorry isn't enough, though; she's grounded for two days. Claud goes to talk to her afterward, but Janine doesn't want to talk about it. But Claud does! I mean, there is a Real Live Mystery happening in her house; she's just got to get down to the bottom of this. She gets the brilliant idea to tail her sister, then calls Stacey.
Hint: Her "brilliant" plan involves an eight-year-old.
Chapter 9
Most of the BSC gets in on the plotting, save for Mary Anne, who's probably off somewhere crying, and Jessi, who's too busy being black dancing. The next morning, Janine's "[making] the best use of the time" being grounded and is studying; too bad that's her standard Sunday morning activity. Way to go, Kishis. You should have made her attend, like, a Krushers practice. Claudia, suddenly playing the role of Good Daughter, offers to help her mom do chores around the house. It's only two days. She can handle two days. Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. K are "bewildered" (Claud's word) by the change in attitude of their younger daughter, because they don't have enough to worry about with Janine. It's like the cable TV version of Freaky Friday. Thankfully for Claud, she doesn't have to spend the entire day as Good Daughter, which is exhausting. She gets to sit for the Masterses! Whee! Plus, you know, Derek has detective experience from his TV show. Yeah, I'll bet CSI: Sesame Street really works to be entirely realistic with its forensic techniques. Then again, this is Claudia; she still thinks Snuffleupagus is a real creature, even though she can never find him at the zoo. Derek comes up with these ideas about Janine's strange happenings:
--She was brainwashed by aliens who'd abducted her.
--She's a kleptomaniac.
Even Claudia doesn't believe either of those. However, Derek suggests tailing her; Claud goes for that. Except it's raining. Following Janine around the stacks will have to wait.
Chapter 10
Mary Anne has finished her crying jag and has now taken her turn at sitting for Derek and Todd and playing their new game: Stalking Janine. I'm certain this activity gets 100% approval from all the parents in Stoneybrook. Her notebook entry includes this: "We didn't exactly solve the Janine mystery, but we added one new clue to the story. Make that one big clue. One big, handsome clue."
I FREAKING TOLD YOU IT WAS A BOY. God. Just call me Mallory.
Here's the thing: Claudia, who was home working on her craft project, was antsy to learn what was up with Janine, who was also home, though Claud suspected not for long. So Claud calls Mary Anne at the Masterses', invites herself over, then sneaks them all back to her house to hide in the bushes waiting for Janine to come out. Now, mind you, Todd's four. If you honestly think a four-year-old can handle a stakeout, I'm sending you back to the seventh grade with Caludia. And I'm changing your name to Caludia. They're out there for a while; Janine comes out once to check the mail, then disappears back inside after sticking a letter in her pocket. When she eventually comes back out, she's changed and put on makeup; Derek says Janine looks like Claudia. I'm not sure, but that may or may not be an insult. They end up following her to the high school, several streets away. Derek points out that they've now discovered who Janine was meeting. And...he's gorgeous. Claud's once again incredulous, saying he can't know Janine because he doesn't have a pocket protector. Not all smart people look like they're extras from Revenge of the Nerds, dear. They don't kiss or anything, but they do shake hands--and they *don't* go into the school. OMG, what's going to happen?
Hint: Mary Anne's going to wet-blanket the whole thing and say the boys have to get home so they can get back to Claud's in time for the BSC meeting. Talk about anticlimactic.
Chapter 11
Three guesses as to what took up much of their meeting time. Hint: It wasn't Kristy's Guide to Proper Visor-Wearing, Lesson 12. They're still not convinced that this could be a possible paramour; even Mal's like, maybe he's a spy and they're working on secret chemistry projects. Sigh. It's still a regular meeting, though, and Mrs. Masters calls for a couple more sitting jobs, specifically requesting Claudia. Kristy lets it slide because, hell, there's a MYSTERY to be SOLVED here, people! They even come up with a plan to try and get Janine to reveal her secret(s). It's put into play the next time Claud sits for Derek; she convinces Janine to come over and help Derek with his homework. Here's the thing: Derek's fake homework involves staging a courtroom drama. The only time I ever had to do that was in AP English my senior year of high school. I can't imagine that many third-grade teachers are putting on Law and Order in their classrooms. Your standard Janine probably would have figured that out. However, Folger's Crystals Janine falls for it...except it backfires. In trying to convince Janine that lying is wrong, Claudia, the fake prosecutor, only ends up getting Derek to confess that, one, he's never kissed a girl, and two, he's terrified of having to do so on TV. He's also upset over having ruined the plan, but that's neither here nor there at the time.
Cute note: When getting sworn in, they place their hands on Charlotte's Web. Radiant.
Chapter 12 (or, what the hell are those Pike boys up to now?)
Claud's back at the Masterses' again. She's tired and frustrated about not getting the truth out of Janine and decides to take a few days off from spying on her. Also, her conscience kicks in and she realizes, hey, her charges' parents probably wouldn't be thrilled that the BSC was teaching their kids to spy on people. She and the boys are playing outside when the 8- to 10-year-old Pikes show up unannounced. The boys all want Derek to kiss Vanessa. Derek had been wondering how to break his news to his friends; now's his chance. Not surprisingly, the Pikes had all figured out Derek's secret; a relieved Vanessa runs off, with her brothers calling after her that she owes them money. Uh, so, you guys were basically prostituting your sister? Paying her so a guy could have his way with her? Glad to know there's much bigger issues in Stoneybrook that simply stalking! Hooray! Also, Vanessa's only worth $2.13. That's what her four brothers were able to scrounge up for her. This is so disturbing. Once the Pike boys and Derek come up with an idea to get their money back from Vanessa, the Pikes leave; Claud is left to discuss the day's lesson with Derek. Lying is bad, mmkay? Frankly, I think prostituting your sister is worse, but that's just me.
Chapter 13 (or, stranger danger!)
It turns out that both Claudia and Janine, due to their fake courtroom drama, had helped Derek learn his lesson about the truth being superior to lying. Derek got to thank Claudia in person; he insists on calling Janine to thank her. Except the only Kishi phone number he knows is Claudia's personal, private number, not the regular Kishi number. He calls Claud's phone, and it's busy. But Claud's right there! She certainly can't be using her phone when she's not in her room! OH WAIT. As soon as she gets home, Claud goes to talk to Janine, wanting to confront her on all her mysteriousness as of late. At first, Janine won't open the door. When she does, she's in full makeup and once again wearing the red sweater. Sweetie, you have to wash that at some point. You're not Kristy. But Janine doesn't have time for this, or the third degree; can't a girl live her life without scrutiny? Gawd. So much for Claud's resolve to not follow her sister anymore; after Janine leaves, Claud decides to tail her again. She catches up to Janine at the high school; whomever she's meeting isn't there yet. Both Claud and Janine spot him at the same time--it's the handsome fellow from before, *and* he has a flashy red car in which to pick her up. To Claud's surprise, Janine eventually gets in the car and drives off with the guy. Since it's not anyone the family knows, Claud freaks out. She's honestly concerned about Janine's well-being. So when Janine eventually comes home and claims she's been in the chem lab the whole time, Claud decides to spill what she knows to her parents. Doink-doink.
Chapter 14
Once Claud tells her parents what she knows, Janine is called over and asked to 'splain, Lucy. The stunning truth comes out: She has a boyfriend.
*passes out balloons and bubble gum cigars* It's a boy! He's tall, has black hair, and answers to Jerry. And, yes, he's totally hot. Part of why Janine didn't want to mention him was because of his everlasting hotness, because he's totally smart, too; he's also a junior in AP classes. Claud's confused--if brains matter more than beauty, then why the sudden interest in her own appearance? Because, well, Janine wanted to impress him, except it turned out Jerry didn't care about that. He's all about her brain. Well then. Sounds perfect. So why hide him? Janine admits, frankly, that she likes her privacy. Her parents can understand that, though because she lied, that means another two days stuck at home. As further punishment, she has to bring Jerry home for dinner. Wait, so Janine can keep seeing him? The Kishis say that's fine, just so long as she's open about what she's doing and where she's going. Janine admits they mostly study; yeah, I'd worry less about her and more about those darn Pike kids.
Chapter 15
One last BSC meeting. Mary Anne and Mallory sigh about how romantic it is that Janine has a boyfriend; the others are disappointed it wasn't anything more interesting. But she wore red AND pink AND orange at the same time! That wasn't interesting enough for you?
Since it's a meeting, there's a call; it's Derek. His producer for the show says the kiss has been canceled since his character's too young. No kidding. Way to stress out your young star needlessly. Hope his salary includes therapy!
Janine interrupts; it's the night Jerry's coming over for dinner. She asks Claud to act like an adult during the meal and Claud promises not to do a bunch of babyish things, hoping to get a laugh out of her. It doesn't work. After Janine leaves, she asks the BSC if they think Janine will ever forgive her. She's told eventually, but she'll have to wait and see.
The dinner goes well; Jerry's completely polite and well-spoken. After he leaves, Janine apologizes to Claud; Claud understands, saying she realizes Janine's never had a boyfriend and didn't know what to do. Especially when it came to eye shadow. The conversation dissolves into girl talk--oh my lord, they've even kissed--and Claud finds out that Jerry and Janine's song is that silly one she'd sung in the shower weeks ago. Aw. To show that they're okay again, Janine helps Claud with her homework; Claud lets Janine keep the infamous red sweater. Things are back to normal in the Kishi house. Now let's have some tea.