#98 Karen's Fishing Trip (Chapters 1 to 7)
Baby Sitters Little Sister
#98 Karen's Fishing Trip
So my friend sent me a box of BSC books this week, and I decided if any of the books hadn't been snarked, that would be my next one. So here we are, with Karen's Fishing Trip, Little Sister #98.
I'll be honest, when my friend told me the title of the book before she sent it, the first thought I had was this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-fish-almost-destroyed-my-childhood.html (Please don't read that if you're squemish or don't like swearing...but I promise, it's funny as hell and definitely something Karen would do. So perhaps Young Allie Borsh = Karen. Except I like Allie's blog too much to make that comparison. So consider it null and void. :P )
And away we goooooo....
Cover Art Snark
There's not much to snark here. Karen and Watson are in the same frame for a change, which I think is a sight so rare it's a foreteller of the apocolypse. But otherwise it's a typical fishing scene. Strangely enough there's not a single person in the back ground, when they make Shadow Lake sound like such an amazingly posh resort. And not to be mean, but Karen looks mildly deformed there. Watson, on the other hand, looks quite handsome. Maybe that's how he got trophy wife Lisa?
Chapter One
On the first day of summer vacation, the story opens with Karen eating a bagel. With pineapple cream cheese. Mmmmm...cream cheese...arllllllllggggggghhhh.
Okay, it's not a good idea to snark when you're hungry. Anywhoo.
Hannie calls Karen sounding like a squirrel on crack demanding to know if she's eaten, gotten dressed and heard from Nancy yet. No, Hannie, Karen is standing there naked. It's a Brewer custom to eat naked on the first day of summer vacation.
Anyways, the Three Mustketters congregate at the Brewer house and begin talking about how great the first day of summer is. Hannie lays down on the grass, then Nancy. And then Karen does it so all three of their heads are touching. This is either a Kodak moment or rampant lesbianism, the reader can decide. But it is weird that after their heads touch, Karen goes on about how she was so happy she felt she might burst.
Karen reassures us she loves school and Ms Coleman, but summer is awesome too. I bet Ms Coleman is thinking the same thing. Only not with the "I love Karen" part. Poor lady earned a ninety day furlough.
And then Karen goes into OCD mode and wants to make sure the Three Musketters have the best summer plans EVER. Did anyone else do all these lists and plans when they were seven? I have ADHD, so I'm a bad example. But anyways, Nancy says maybe they should just let summer happen to them. And Hannie suggests a general list to pick stuff off of every day. Karen does not like either of those options, probably because she hates anyone else having a shred of a say int things.
They start listing everything they want to do, and Karen decides she's happy again, but she won't explode because Andrew isn't there to enjoy summer with her. And in Chicago, we hear a little boy yell "woo hoo".
Chapter Two
Two-Two spiel again. And then we find out why Andrew is enjoying...I mean....suffering without his sister for the summer. I still have no idea what's going on with that carpenter story. Unless Seth is really, really AWESOME at carpentry. Otherwise, I think it's a front to get away from Karen for awhile. After seven years with her you would be making up fake work trips too!
Watson does make a point to have lunch with the kids, where he finds out the young ones are playing and the older ones are complaining about money. I especially find it funny that Charlie needs gas money. Isn't that part of the reason the BSC collect dues? Stacey better start paying him better or start putting out.
Chapter Three
This chapter starts with Karen asserting to us that having a good summer can sometimes be hard work.
Um. No. Summer is hard work for adults because we have all of the normal responsiblites, PLUS everyone under eighteen around bugging us PLUS it's too damn hot for three months straight. Now THAT is hard work! Running around, jumping rope, and riding bikes is NOT WORK DAMMIT.
*deep breath* Anyways, they go to Nancy's house and start a mud pie factory. Karen makes a point to tell us they aren't baby mudpies, but elegant mud pies they decorated with flowers and leaves and stones. And it's enough effort to exhaust Karen by the time she goes home. So exhausted, in fact, she can't even keep her eyes open at dinner.
Watson actually taps his water glass to get the family's attention. Um...so they drink water with their meals? Or they each have a seperate glass for water like a fancy resturant? Either way, I don't think he needs to break in all "ahem" to his kids. Tell them to shut up, Dad's got something to say.
And what Dad has got to say is that he and Elizabeth think they should have a family vacation and would the kids like to go to Shadow Lake for a week. This turns into a shot of pure adrenline for Karen, and suddenly she's wide awake and shrieking that she wants to go. Thank God Watson didn't say it was a surprise or she might have wet the floor!
The funny thing is that Sam and Charlie have just started new jobs and don't want to take a week off of them. Elizabeth is not pleased at all at the thought of leaving a fifteen year old and a seventeen year old alone with their GRANDMOTHER for a week. Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey really need to spend some time with Elizabeth, since I think they thought about leaving Jessi alone with both younger siblings for a three day weekend for like five seconds.
Kristy wants to take Scout and David Michael wants to take Shannon. Because it makes perfect sense to take a rat on vacation that's going to stay in her cage the whole time, Karen wants Emily Junior to come too. Watson says hell no to this. Thankfully Nannie wants to stay home for her business and can take care of the pets.
Then the kids start whining to bring friends. Watson is wondering aloud why it always has to be so complicated. Appparently these people do not get what a family vacation means...family goes on a vacation. But who doesn't want a half dozen seven year olds and two teenage girls? They say they'll think about it, and Karen says her friends just HAVE to go. Maybe if she's gone a week the brainwashing will wear off!
Chapter Four
As suspected, the kids all get to bring their friends. Hannie decides to tell Karen this by standing on the opposite side of the street and screaming. Then when she gets close enough, she tells her again and the girls jump around like they've just won the Super Bowl. Nancy can come too! Aren't Watson and Elizabeth LUCKY?
One snag...they'll be there until the Monday after Father's Day. Hannie is immediately emo about this, but Karen bribes her off with the thought of making a card and giving it to him the next day.
Then they get on the phone round robin with Nancy and co-ordinate what clothes and game and toys they bring. If they didn't have this chat, they would have forgotten to bring ALL of their swimsuits. They sensibliy decide to take one book each and swap around. But they have to argue for awhile about which ones.
After lunch, Karen wants to start packing even though the trip is still two weeks away. I can't fault the kid too much for that. I used to show horses every weekend in the summer, and I wouldn't pack my bag until late Thursday night...we left Friday morning. The fact I kept doing that consistantly makes me think Karen's approach might, FOR ONCE, be some sane. Now excuse me while I mourn my self image.
David Michael wanted to bring the Hsu boys, but instead are going to go with them to Adventureland for the same week. Again, family vacation, I do not think it means what you think it means. Also, how does that go? 'Your kids can't come with my kid, so here, take my kid too?'
But with DM gone, Karen and Kristy come to the conclusion (loudly) that Watson is going to be the only male amoung them. Didn't Bart teach Kristy that boys don't have cooties, but they DO have something more to offer than Mary Anne? Or is this foreshadowing for #132 Kristy Comes Out? (Glitterberry, ICON LOVE)
Chapter Five
It's time for the trip! I think Watson must have lost a rock-paper-scissors match with Elizabeth because he gets the Three Musketters. Isn't he lucky? And there's a whole lot of kissing. I mean, like three paragraphs of kissing. I don't think there was this much kissing in the smut fic I just read! Geesh!
First they drove out of Stoneybrooke, then they drove out of Conneticut, then I smack Karen for stating the obvious. Two hours is a long time in the car for three seven year olds, so they start by singing songs. Watson turns up the radio VERY LOUD. Karen thinks he's getting into their singing, I think he's trying to drown the fourtiteh version of "The Wheels On The Bus" out.
For some reason, they take a break halfway there. After an hour in the car? Damn, these kids wouldn't have survived my Dad's idea of taking road stops: only necessary when someone is about to pee in their seat or about to pass out from hunger. They run around like maniacs for five minutes, then get back on the road.
When they get to Shadow Lake, Karen begins screaming at the Lodge and explains that this is a fancy resort for winter-skiing. Uh oh, I smell another Super Special. The girls are so rowdy that Watson has to tell them not to get out of the car until it's completely stopped. What did he feed them at the rest stop, crack? When she does get out of the car, she runs around singing "We're Here" until Watson wishes he'd let her get out of the moving car. Though I don't traction would shut Karen up any, remember when she broke her wrist?
Chapter Six
We find out the cabin at Shadow Lake is really a mansion and hear about how it's set up. Apparently there are two bedrooms with six bunk beds in each and two tiny rooms with single bedrooms. Because there's no boys, the Three Musketters take one of the big rooms and Kristy and Mary Anne have the other. Why do I think someday Mary Anne is going to be all "one time at Shadow Lake....?"
Anyways, the girls immediately make their beds. Like, before the second car has even gotten there. I find this odd, but okay...let's roll with it.
When Elizabeth does get there, the first thing she does is let Emily Michele loose to run up the stairs on her own. It gets better, though, as in the parenting gets worse. Emily Michele is going to have one ofthe small bedrooms to herself. A two year old, who doesn't speak English hardly at all, is going to be in her own bedroom where she can escape into the woods, and into the lake. Excellent parenting!
They decide their room is now the Three Musketters Hotel, where they can do whatever the hell they want and not have Kristy telling them to be quiet. Of course they're more afraid of Kristy than the Brewers. They decide they'll sleep in different beds every night. That sounds like way too much bed making for my taste, and there's not even Andrew to force into doing it for them.
Elizabeth has to go to the store and the girls come with her. Karen is ready to burst with happiness again. Hope Elizabeth has seat covers.
Chapter Seven
They go to a store that sort of sounds like a cross between a grocer and The Cracker Barrel. (Ftw, btw) While Elizabeth shops, the girls look at everything. And then a male voice calls to Karen. It's Keegan! That boy from the time Karen went skiing up at Shadow Lake that we never thought we'd hear from again!
Karen is happy to introduce Keegan to Hannie and Nancy, but they're having none of it. In fact there's a picture with them frowning at the poor guy with their arms crossed. Once again, it seems creepy to me how the three of them have their own mini-cult. Outside friends are forbidden!
Later when they're sitting on the dock (thankfully supervised, but by Kristy who of course wants to spend the trip baby sitting. Oh, wait, she's in the BSC...this is normal for them.) they start talking about the fishing contest that will take place on Father's Day. They decide to "practice" fishing....which I'm not sure you can even do. What if the fish don't show up to practice?
Again Karen wants to make a detailed schedule, afraid they'll forget to do something fun. I think Karen will grow up to be my cousin, who wakes up in the middle of the night to vacum. Then she brings up Keegan, and the girls tell her this is supposed to be a BOY FREE week and Keegan is a BOY. How could Karen forget that? Bitch! But then they agree to spend a bit of time with him, to keep from hurting his feelings. Their secret playhouse, however, has a strick no dick policy.
Okay...this is why you don't start a snark at eleven PM! Next time...sea monsters, Daddy Day Drama, and Karen gets pwn'd by, well, everyone.
#98 Karen's Fishing Trip
So my friend sent me a box of BSC books this week, and I decided if any of the books hadn't been snarked, that would be my next one. So here we are, with Karen's Fishing Trip, Little Sister #98.
I'll be honest, when my friend told me the title of the book before she sent it, the first thought I had was this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-fish-almost-destroyed-my-childhood.html (Please don't read that if you're squemish or don't like swearing...but I promise, it's funny as hell and definitely something Karen would do. So perhaps Young Allie Borsh = Karen. Except I like Allie's blog too much to make that comparison. So consider it null and void. :P )
And away we goooooo....
Cover Art Snark
There's not much to snark here. Karen and Watson are in the same frame for a change, which I think is a sight so rare it's a foreteller of the apocolypse. But otherwise it's a typical fishing scene. Strangely enough there's not a single person in the back ground, when they make Shadow Lake sound like such an amazingly posh resort. And not to be mean, but Karen looks mildly deformed there. Watson, on the other hand, looks quite handsome. Maybe that's how he got trophy wife Lisa?
Chapter One
On the first day of summer vacation, the story opens with Karen eating a bagel. With pineapple cream cheese. Mmmmm...cream cheese...arllllllllggggggghhhh.
Okay, it's not a good idea to snark when you're hungry. Anywhoo.
Hannie calls Karen sounding like a squirrel on crack demanding to know if she's eaten, gotten dressed and heard from Nancy yet. No, Hannie, Karen is standing there naked. It's a Brewer custom to eat naked on the first day of summer vacation.
Anyways, the Three Mustketters congregate at the Brewer house and begin talking about how great the first day of summer is. Hannie lays down on the grass, then Nancy. And then Karen does it so all three of their heads are touching. This is either a Kodak moment or rampant lesbianism, the reader can decide. But it is weird that after their heads touch, Karen goes on about how she was so happy she felt she might burst.
Karen reassures us she loves school and Ms Coleman, but summer is awesome too. I bet Ms Coleman is thinking the same thing. Only not with the "I love Karen" part. Poor lady earned a ninety day furlough.
And then Karen goes into OCD mode and wants to make sure the Three Musketters have the best summer plans EVER. Did anyone else do all these lists and plans when they were seven? I have ADHD, so I'm a bad example. But anyways, Nancy says maybe they should just let summer happen to them. And Hannie suggests a general list to pick stuff off of every day. Karen does not like either of those options, probably because she hates anyone else having a shred of a say int things.
They start listing everything they want to do, and Karen decides she's happy again, but she won't explode because Andrew isn't there to enjoy summer with her. And in Chicago, we hear a little boy yell "woo hoo".
Chapter Two
Two-Two spiel again. And then we find out why Andrew is enjoying...I mean....suffering without his sister for the summer. I still have no idea what's going on with that carpenter story. Unless Seth is really, really AWESOME at carpentry. Otherwise, I think it's a front to get away from Karen for awhile. After seven years with her you would be making up fake work trips too!
Watson does make a point to have lunch with the kids, where he finds out the young ones are playing and the older ones are complaining about money. I especially find it funny that Charlie needs gas money. Isn't that part of the reason the BSC collect dues? Stacey better start paying him better or start putting out.
Chapter Three
This chapter starts with Karen asserting to us that having a good summer can sometimes be hard work.
Um. No. Summer is hard work for adults because we have all of the normal responsiblites, PLUS everyone under eighteen around bugging us PLUS it's too damn hot for three months straight. Now THAT is hard work! Running around, jumping rope, and riding bikes is NOT WORK DAMMIT.
*deep breath* Anyways, they go to Nancy's house and start a mud pie factory. Karen makes a point to tell us they aren't baby mudpies, but elegant mud pies they decorated with flowers and leaves and stones. And it's enough effort to exhaust Karen by the time she goes home. So exhausted, in fact, she can't even keep her eyes open at dinner.
Watson actually taps his water glass to get the family's attention. Um...so they drink water with their meals? Or they each have a seperate glass for water like a fancy resturant? Either way, I don't think he needs to break in all "ahem" to his kids. Tell them to shut up, Dad's got something to say.
And what Dad has got to say is that he and Elizabeth think they should have a family vacation and would the kids like to go to Shadow Lake for a week. This turns into a shot of pure adrenline for Karen, and suddenly she's wide awake and shrieking that she wants to go. Thank God Watson didn't say it was a surprise or she might have wet the floor!
The funny thing is that Sam and Charlie have just started new jobs and don't want to take a week off of them. Elizabeth is not pleased at all at the thought of leaving a fifteen year old and a seventeen year old alone with their GRANDMOTHER for a week. Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey really need to spend some time with Elizabeth, since I think they thought about leaving Jessi alone with both younger siblings for a three day weekend for like five seconds.
Kristy wants to take Scout and David Michael wants to take Shannon. Because it makes perfect sense to take a rat on vacation that's going to stay in her cage the whole time, Karen wants Emily Junior to come too. Watson says hell no to this. Thankfully Nannie wants to stay home for her business and can take care of the pets.
Then the kids start whining to bring friends. Watson is wondering aloud why it always has to be so complicated. Appparently these people do not get what a family vacation means...family goes on a vacation. But who doesn't want a half dozen seven year olds and two teenage girls? They say they'll think about it, and Karen says her friends just HAVE to go. Maybe if she's gone a week the brainwashing will wear off!
Chapter Four
As suspected, the kids all get to bring their friends. Hannie decides to tell Karen this by standing on the opposite side of the street and screaming. Then when she gets close enough, she tells her again and the girls jump around like they've just won the Super Bowl. Nancy can come too! Aren't Watson and Elizabeth LUCKY?
One snag...they'll be there until the Monday after Father's Day. Hannie is immediately emo about this, but Karen bribes her off with the thought of making a card and giving it to him the next day.
Then they get on the phone round robin with Nancy and co-ordinate what clothes and game and toys they bring. If they didn't have this chat, they would have forgotten to bring ALL of their swimsuits. They sensibliy decide to take one book each and swap around. But they have to argue for awhile about which ones.
After lunch, Karen wants to start packing even though the trip is still two weeks away. I can't fault the kid too much for that. I used to show horses every weekend in the summer, and I wouldn't pack my bag until late Thursday night...we left Friday morning. The fact I kept doing that consistantly makes me think Karen's approach might, FOR ONCE, be some sane. Now excuse me while I mourn my self image.
David Michael wanted to bring the Hsu boys, but instead are going to go with them to Adventureland for the same week. Again, family vacation, I do not think it means what you think it means. Also, how does that go? 'Your kids can't come with my kid, so here, take my kid too?'
But with DM gone, Karen and Kristy come to the conclusion (loudly) that Watson is going to be the only male amoung them. Didn't Bart teach Kristy that boys don't have cooties, but they DO have something more to offer than Mary Anne? Or is this foreshadowing for #132 Kristy Comes Out? (Glitterberry, ICON LOVE)
Chapter Five
It's time for the trip! I think Watson must have lost a rock-paper-scissors match with Elizabeth because he gets the Three Musketters. Isn't he lucky? And there's a whole lot of kissing. I mean, like three paragraphs of kissing. I don't think there was this much kissing in the smut fic I just read! Geesh!
First they drove out of Stoneybrooke, then they drove out of Conneticut, then I smack Karen for stating the obvious. Two hours is a long time in the car for three seven year olds, so they start by singing songs. Watson turns up the radio VERY LOUD. Karen thinks he's getting into their singing, I think he's trying to drown the fourtiteh version of "The Wheels On The Bus" out.
For some reason, they take a break halfway there. After an hour in the car? Damn, these kids wouldn't have survived my Dad's idea of taking road stops: only necessary when someone is about to pee in their seat or about to pass out from hunger. They run around like maniacs for five minutes, then get back on the road.
When they get to Shadow Lake, Karen begins screaming at the Lodge and explains that this is a fancy resort for winter-skiing. Uh oh, I smell another Super Special. The girls are so rowdy that Watson has to tell them not to get out of the car until it's completely stopped. What did he feed them at the rest stop, crack? When she does get out of the car, she runs around singing "We're Here" until Watson wishes he'd let her get out of the moving car. Though I don't traction would shut Karen up any, remember when she broke her wrist?
Chapter Six
We find out the cabin at Shadow Lake is really a mansion and hear about how it's set up. Apparently there are two bedrooms with six bunk beds in each and two tiny rooms with single bedrooms. Because there's no boys, the Three Musketters take one of the big rooms and Kristy and Mary Anne have the other. Why do I think someday Mary Anne is going to be all "one time at Shadow Lake....?"
Anyways, the girls immediately make their beds. Like, before the second car has even gotten there. I find this odd, but okay...let's roll with it.
When Elizabeth does get there, the first thing she does is let Emily Michele loose to run up the stairs on her own. It gets better, though, as in the parenting gets worse. Emily Michele is going to have one ofthe small bedrooms to herself. A two year old, who doesn't speak English hardly at all, is going to be in her own bedroom where she can escape into the woods, and into the lake. Excellent parenting!
They decide their room is now the Three Musketters Hotel, where they can do whatever the hell they want and not have Kristy telling them to be quiet. Of course they're more afraid of Kristy than the Brewers. They decide they'll sleep in different beds every night. That sounds like way too much bed making for my taste, and there's not even Andrew to force into doing it for them.
Elizabeth has to go to the store and the girls come with her. Karen is ready to burst with happiness again. Hope Elizabeth has seat covers.
Chapter Seven
They go to a store that sort of sounds like a cross between a grocer and The Cracker Barrel. (Ftw, btw) While Elizabeth shops, the girls look at everything. And then a male voice calls to Karen. It's Keegan! That boy from the time Karen went skiing up at Shadow Lake that we never thought we'd hear from again!
Karen is happy to introduce Keegan to Hannie and Nancy, but they're having none of it. In fact there's a picture with them frowning at the poor guy with their arms crossed. Once again, it seems creepy to me how the three of them have their own mini-cult. Outside friends are forbidden!
Later when they're sitting on the dock (thankfully supervised, but by Kristy who of course wants to spend the trip baby sitting. Oh, wait, she's in the BSC...this is normal for them.) they start talking about the fishing contest that will take place on Father's Day. They decide to "practice" fishing....which I'm not sure you can even do. What if the fish don't show up to practice?
Again Karen wants to make a detailed schedule, afraid they'll forget to do something fun. I think Karen will grow up to be my cousin, who wakes up in the middle of the night to vacum. Then she brings up Keegan, and the girls tell her this is supposed to be a BOY FREE week and Keegan is a BOY. How could Karen forget that? Bitch! But then they agree to spend a bit of time with him, to keep from hurting his feelings. Their secret playhouse, however, has a strick no dick policy.
Okay...this is why you don't start a snark at eleven PM! Next time...sea monsters, Daddy Day Drama, and Karen gets pwn'd by, well, everyone.