SS#13 Aloha BSC, Prologue-Chapter 5
I couldn't help but snark this, although I don't know if I can do it justice...
First, the cover...(courtesy of dibby-fresh.com)
At first, I was like "hey, where's Kristy?" then we soon find out that Kristy and her fam are going to Hawaii later, so she didn't go on the school trip (wait, you mean to say that the Thomas-Brewer clan planned a family vacation that didn't involve the entire BSC? I'm shocked!)
Logan looks, well like a huge dork, Claud actually looks Asian, Stacey's ho-in' it out with her grass skirt (and disturbingly is making goo-goo eyes with Logan - WHAT?), MA looks really unhappy, Abby apparently hasn't figured out that the whole floral ensemble doesn't suit her, Jessi is attempting to master Logan's dorkiness but failing and Dawn and Robert just crack me up, especially since Robert looks a hellava lot like Lewis Bruno in the pic...hmmm...
Prologue: Jessi
Jessi is so excited she's dancing all over the place (doesn't she do this every freakin' time the BSC goes somewhere?). She makes a point to mention that Aunt Cecilia thinks she's insane (well, 'cause yeah, you kinda are). Oh, and even though Mal's Caucasian and Jessi's Black, they're still like sisters. *sigh*
So the basic rundown. The BSC entered a pineapple recipe contest (oh wait, my mistake. That was the other Hawaiian adventure, The Unicorns Go Hawaiian). Mal can't go to Hawaii because a) she agreed to help Mrs. Stone with her farm and b) it's too expensive (the later makes the most sense, honestly). Kristy is already going with her family later in the summer. So that leaves Jessi, Mary Anne, Claudia, Stacey, Dawn, Abby, Robert and Logan going to the lovely island of Hawaii because SMS can so afford to send these kids on yet ANOTHER trip (seriously, do the teachers at SMS just get together and say "hey, look I'd really like to go to Hawaii but I can't afford it. What do you say we get the school to sponsor a trip and suggest chaperoning it? Brilliant!).
Jessi decides since Mal can't go, she'll bring Hawaii to her, via journal, tape recorder and pictures. 'Cause Jessi clearly does not want to relax or enjoy herself on this trip. Of course all of the BSC members are going to write in the journal, 'cause hey, it's not an official BSC trip unless there's an official "journal."
Chapter 1: Kristy
Abby is being annoying singing "Blue Hawaii" while the rest of the BSC'ers sans Kristy and Mal are Hawaii crazy. For some odd reason Logan is at the meeting. The chapter continues on with typical Chapter 2 "meet the BSC memberness" and I just can't bring myself to read about poor Stacey's diabetes and Claud's genius sister again. Except for one thing: I find it pretty weird that Dawn came all the way to Connecticut to visit and now she's flying off to Hawaii - by hey, life is for living, right? Touche, Kristy.
Kristy had BSC t-shirts made up for all of the members, in which the following conversation ensues:
"We're supposed to wear them in Hawaii?" Claudia asked.
"A new fashion statement on the beaches on Waikiki," Abby remarked.
"It's just so you can remember who you are," I said in my best Mufasa impression.
Wow, a Lion King reference. Nice. And seriously, why would the BSC need to advertise in Hawaii? (oh, just wait...)
Chapter 2: Abby
So, in case you didn't know, Abby is allergic to everything. And apparently when her allergies act up, she sounds like a four-year old kid with a speech impediment. I have allergies, and they act up from time and time. But I do not talk in strange stuffed up talk like, ALL the time. Only for a moment until I sneeze and then typically I'm okay, unless it's an actual infection. Seriously, if Abby says "bording!" or "Bob" instead of mom one more time I'm gonna need another drink. Damn, I guess I better get another one.
So the Hawaii-bound folks meet up, get on a bus and end up at JFK airport in NYC. Abby freaks when she hears that their plane is going to LA and Dawn being the obvious master of flying, rolls her eyes and informs Abby that of COURSE we have a layover there. Nice, Dawn. Not everyone can be as "bi-coastal" as you are.
Some blonde chick (not Stacey) starts flirting it up with Robert, and when they reach LA Dawn's family is there in the airport to greet them (Dawn's dad just wanted to remind Dawn that he already paid for her to spend the summer in Stoneybrook and she just HAD to go to Hawaii with the rest of her friends).
Chapter 3: Mary Anne
MA is so excited and never ever wants to leave! (Wait, didn't she say that about NYC? And Cali?). Poor MA just likes going anywhere but Stoneybrook. Girl needs to get out more, seriously.
So Logan and MA have decided to experiment (I knew it! MA's not so innocent now...) something called TBI (Together-But-Independent). Damn. Apparently their friends think they spend too much time together (oooh the jealous teenage angst rears its ugly head "you spend more time with him than me!" Ahh, I do NOT miss those years).
Logan's upset because he didn't get leid when he got off of the plane (well, what did he expect? You got to at least wait until you get to the hotel room! Oh, right. Not THAT kinda lei). Anyway, when I went to Hawaii when I was four we all got leid when we got off of the plane so frankly, I don't blame Logan for being disappointed.
We learn the blonde who had been flirting with Robert is Sue Archer, and now MA and Claud have noticed the flirtation between them (WAY to be subtle Robert). Mr. De Young is built like Jean-Claude Van Damme and is strong enough to lift Claud's suitcase explosion. I'm suddenly having a really hard time taking Mr. De Young seriously if he looks like Van Damme.
They get to a hotel downtown and Stacey's disappointed and the following conversation ensues:
Mr. De Young smiled. "You were expecting The Plaza?"
"No, but this is the Honolulu Surf," Stacey explained. "Where's the surf?"
Claudia shrugged. "You can make one in the tub."
"Hang ten on the bathmat," Abby said.
"Catch a shredder through your Mr. Bubble," Dawn added.
"Gnarly, dudes," Jessi remarked.
Mr. De Young must have thought we were out of our minds.
This whole thing makes my head hurt. I didn't know that Michaelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo and Rafael were going to catch Shredder in Hawaii during Stacey's disturbing bathroom adventure. Cowabunga, dudes!
Dawn identifies Abby's odd looking tree as a banyan tree, to which Logan replies "Thank you Ms. Natural.Will you be eating the leaves raw or steamed for dinner tonight?" I f'ing love you Logan.
The bellhop helps carry the luggage to the room and Claud gets confused when the bellhop won't leave and appears to be waiting for something. Abby hands him some money and Claud says "you have to pay them to leave?" *Smacks hand to forehead and takes another drink.* No Claud, he just lugged your million ton luggage to your door for you and hoped you would be gracious enough to at least give him a decent tip. You'd think Claud had never been to a hotel before (or a restaurant for that matter!).
After settling in the groups split (MA is cautious to not go with the same group as Logan) and they take a walking tour. Apparently breadfruit looks like an old grapefruit with acne. You tell me: http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/869/50027514.JPG.
Dawn practically strangles herself when she hears that mahi-mahi is dolphin...fish, that is. Dawn recovers and Abby makes some remark about poi bread being the opposite of girl bread. Ugh, Abs, you're killing me here.
Chapter 4: Jessi
Jessi writes in her journal for Mal and asks her if she can believe that Abby and Stacey are still asleep at 5:58am (even though it's almost 11 at home). Well yes Jessi, I can. It's called jet-lag and multiple hours of travel the day before.
Stacey teases Jessi about writing so much in the journal and I have to agree. How in the hell is Jessi going to enjoy herself if she's writing the whole damn time?
Anywho, Abby the Annoying Allergy Queen emerges (hey all, every time Abby says "bording!" take a shot. You'll be wasted before you read the second page of this chapter!). Also, in rare editing mishap Jessi tells Mallory that Abby is "suffed up." LOL.
Jessi opts to take a guided walking tour of Honolulu, and Mr. Yap (seriously, could Ann not think of a better name? Yikes!), the tour guide shows them the statue of Kamehameha the Great (hey, is Screech Powers there too?). Mr. Yap yaps on (haha) about Hawaiian history and how the muu-muu was created for the women to wear because the missionaries were appalled by the Hawaiians scantily clothed bodies and their culture. This causes Jessi to compare treatment of Hawaiians by the Europeans to treatment of blacks in America. *Sigh* It only took 50 pages for Jessi to play the black card.
Jessi continues to take plenty of pics and at the end of the chapter MA says she's "so relaxed" while Jessi is about ready to drop. It's tough bringing Hawaii to Mal I suppose.
Chapter 5: Mallory
Speaking of Mal, she's having a blast in good ole' Stoneybrook at Farm Camp and baby-sitting all the f'in time. In fact, her latest baby-sitting excursion is for Jenny Prezzioso, who in case you didn't know, is spoiled. (WHAT?!! NO!)
So Jenny's yelling and having a hissy fit and Mrs. Prezzioso pulls Mallory aside to inform her that the parenting group she and Mr. P go to says they give Jenny too much power (ya think?) and are practicing ignoring her tantrums as an act of discipline. Mal hears the "Hallelujah" chorus at these words.
Bratty Jenny, or excuse me, Jennifer just hates Mal but Mal ignores her and Jenny calms down and wants to go to the park and play in the sprinkler (since when do they have sprinklers for kids to play in at the park? We always played in the sprinkler in I dunno, my backyard? But that's just me). So Mal, Jen and baby Andrea take a day trip to the park and Jenny's good behavior lasts until the ice cream man comes by and she naturally throws a tantrum when Mal says no to sweets. She ignores her, and continues to care after Andrea. Some woman at the park disapproves of Mal's parenting skills and makes it known that Mal shouldn't be neglecting her.
Then she glares at her, only for Mal to realize she was wearing her BSC shirt with the number fully printed on it. Uh-oh. See what advertising does for you Kristy?
Coming up next...Claud freaks out, Abby 's allergies DON'T act up, Jessi's hand falls off from writing to Mal so much, and Kristy enjoys the trials and tribulations of Farm Camp!
First, the cover...(courtesy of dibby-fresh.com)
At first, I was like "hey, where's Kristy?" then we soon find out that Kristy and her fam are going to Hawaii later, so she didn't go on the school trip (wait, you mean to say that the Thomas-Brewer clan planned a family vacation that didn't involve the entire BSC? I'm shocked!)
Logan looks, well like a huge dork, Claud actually looks Asian, Stacey's ho-in' it out with her grass skirt (and disturbingly is making goo-goo eyes with Logan - WHAT?), MA looks really unhappy, Abby apparently hasn't figured out that the whole floral ensemble doesn't suit her, Jessi is attempting to master Logan's dorkiness but failing and Dawn and Robert just crack me up, especially since Robert looks a hellava lot like Lewis Bruno in the pic...hmmm...
Prologue: Jessi
Jessi is so excited she's dancing all over the place (doesn't she do this every freakin' time the BSC goes somewhere?). She makes a point to mention that Aunt Cecilia thinks she's insane (well, 'cause yeah, you kinda are). Oh, and even though Mal's Caucasian and Jessi's Black, they're still like sisters. *sigh*
So the basic rundown. The BSC entered a pineapple recipe contest (oh wait, my mistake. That was the other Hawaiian adventure, The Unicorns Go Hawaiian). Mal can't go to Hawaii because a) she agreed to help Mrs. Stone with her farm and b) it's too expensive (the later makes the most sense, honestly). Kristy is already going with her family later in the summer. So that leaves Jessi, Mary Anne, Claudia, Stacey, Dawn, Abby, Robert and Logan going to the lovely island of Hawaii because SMS can so afford to send these kids on yet ANOTHER trip (seriously, do the teachers at SMS just get together and say "hey, look I'd really like to go to Hawaii but I can't afford it. What do you say we get the school to sponsor a trip and suggest chaperoning it? Brilliant!).
Jessi decides since Mal can't go, she'll bring Hawaii to her, via journal, tape recorder and pictures. 'Cause Jessi clearly does not want to relax or enjoy herself on this trip. Of course all of the BSC members are going to write in the journal, 'cause hey, it's not an official BSC trip unless there's an official "journal."
Chapter 1: Kristy
Abby is being annoying singing "Blue Hawaii" while the rest of the BSC'ers sans Kristy and Mal are Hawaii crazy. For some odd reason Logan is at the meeting. The chapter continues on with typical Chapter 2 "meet the BSC memberness" and I just can't bring myself to read about poor Stacey's diabetes and Claud's genius sister again. Except for one thing: I find it pretty weird that Dawn came all the way to Connecticut to visit and now she's flying off to Hawaii - by hey, life is for living, right? Touche, Kristy.
Kristy had BSC t-shirts made up for all of the members, in which the following conversation ensues:
"We're supposed to wear them in Hawaii?" Claudia asked.
"A new fashion statement on the beaches on Waikiki," Abby remarked.
"It's just so you can remember who you are," I said in my best Mufasa impression.
Wow, a Lion King reference. Nice. And seriously, why would the BSC need to advertise in Hawaii? (oh, just wait...)
Chapter 2: Abby
So, in case you didn't know, Abby is allergic to everything. And apparently when her allergies act up, she sounds like a four-year old kid with a speech impediment. I have allergies, and they act up from time and time. But I do not talk in strange stuffed up talk like, ALL the time. Only for a moment until I sneeze and then typically I'm okay, unless it's an actual infection. Seriously, if Abby says "bording!" or "Bob" instead of mom one more time I'm gonna need another drink. Damn, I guess I better get another one.
So the Hawaii-bound folks meet up, get on a bus and end up at JFK airport in NYC. Abby freaks when she hears that their plane is going to LA and Dawn being the obvious master of flying, rolls her eyes and informs Abby that of COURSE we have a layover there. Nice, Dawn. Not everyone can be as "bi-coastal" as you are.
Some blonde chick (not Stacey) starts flirting it up with Robert, and when they reach LA Dawn's family is there in the airport to greet them (Dawn's dad just wanted to remind Dawn that he already paid for her to spend the summer in Stoneybrook and she just HAD to go to Hawaii with the rest of her friends).
Chapter 3: Mary Anne
MA is so excited and never ever wants to leave! (Wait, didn't she say that about NYC? And Cali?). Poor MA just likes going anywhere but Stoneybrook. Girl needs to get out more, seriously.
So Logan and MA have decided to experiment (I knew it! MA's not so innocent now...) something called TBI (Together-But-Independent). Damn. Apparently their friends think they spend too much time together (oooh the jealous teenage angst rears its ugly head "you spend more time with him than me!" Ahh, I do NOT miss those years).
Logan's upset because he didn't get leid when he got off of the plane (well, what did he expect? You got to at least wait until you get to the hotel room! Oh, right. Not THAT kinda lei). Anyway, when I went to Hawaii when I was four we all got leid when we got off of the plane so frankly, I don't blame Logan for being disappointed.
We learn the blonde who had been flirting with Robert is Sue Archer, and now MA and Claud have noticed the flirtation between them (WAY to be subtle Robert). Mr. De Young is built like Jean-Claude Van Damme and is strong enough to lift Claud's suitcase explosion. I'm suddenly having a really hard time taking Mr. De Young seriously if he looks like Van Damme.
They get to a hotel downtown and Stacey's disappointed and the following conversation ensues:
Mr. De Young smiled. "You were expecting The Plaza?"
"No, but this is the Honolulu Surf," Stacey explained. "Where's the surf?"
Claudia shrugged. "You can make one in the tub."
"Hang ten on the bathmat," Abby said.
"Catch a shredder through your Mr. Bubble," Dawn added.
"Gnarly, dudes," Jessi remarked.
Mr. De Young must have thought we were out of our minds.
This whole thing makes my head hurt. I didn't know that Michaelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo and Rafael were going to catch Shredder in Hawaii during Stacey's disturbing bathroom adventure. Cowabunga, dudes!
Dawn identifies Abby's odd looking tree as a banyan tree, to which Logan replies "Thank you Ms. Natural.Will you be eating the leaves raw or steamed for dinner tonight?" I f'ing love you Logan.
The bellhop helps carry the luggage to the room and Claud gets confused when the bellhop won't leave and appears to be waiting for something. Abby hands him some money and Claud says "you have to pay them to leave?" *Smacks hand to forehead and takes another drink.* No Claud, he just lugged your million ton luggage to your door for you and hoped you would be gracious enough to at least give him a decent tip. You'd think Claud had never been to a hotel before (or a restaurant for that matter!).
After settling in the groups split (MA is cautious to not go with the same group as Logan) and they take a walking tour. Apparently breadfruit looks like an old grapefruit with acne. You tell me: http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/869/50027514.JPG.
Dawn practically strangles herself when she hears that mahi-mahi is dolphin...fish, that is. Dawn recovers and Abby makes some remark about poi bread being the opposite of girl bread. Ugh, Abs, you're killing me here.
Chapter 4: Jessi
Jessi writes in her journal for Mal and asks her if she can believe that Abby and Stacey are still asleep at 5:58am (even though it's almost 11 at home). Well yes Jessi, I can. It's called jet-lag and multiple hours of travel the day before.
Stacey teases Jessi about writing so much in the journal and I have to agree. How in the hell is Jessi going to enjoy herself if she's writing the whole damn time?
Anywho, Abby the Annoying Allergy Queen emerges (hey all, every time Abby says "bording!" take a shot. You'll be wasted before you read the second page of this chapter!). Also, in rare editing mishap Jessi tells Mallory that Abby is "suffed up." LOL.
Jessi opts to take a guided walking tour of Honolulu, and Mr. Yap (seriously, could Ann not think of a better name? Yikes!), the tour guide shows them the statue of Kamehameha the Great (hey, is Screech Powers there too?). Mr. Yap yaps on (haha) about Hawaiian history and how the muu-muu was created for the women to wear because the missionaries were appalled by the Hawaiians scantily clothed bodies and their culture. This causes Jessi to compare treatment of Hawaiians by the Europeans to treatment of blacks in America. *Sigh* It only took 50 pages for Jessi to play the black card.
Jessi continues to take plenty of pics and at the end of the chapter MA says she's "so relaxed" while Jessi is about ready to drop. It's tough bringing Hawaii to Mal I suppose.
Chapter 5: Mallory
Speaking of Mal, she's having a blast in good ole' Stoneybrook at Farm Camp and baby-sitting all the f'in time. In fact, her latest baby-sitting excursion is for Jenny Prezzioso, who in case you didn't know, is spoiled. (WHAT?!! NO!)
So Jenny's yelling and having a hissy fit and Mrs. Prezzioso pulls Mallory aside to inform her that the parenting group she and Mr. P go to says they give Jenny too much power (ya think?) and are practicing ignoring her tantrums as an act of discipline. Mal hears the "Hallelujah" chorus at these words.
Bratty Jenny, or excuse me, Jennifer just hates Mal but Mal ignores her and Jenny calms down and wants to go to the park and play in the sprinkler (since when do they have sprinklers for kids to play in at the park? We always played in the sprinkler in I dunno, my backyard? But that's just me). So Mal, Jen and baby Andrea take a day trip to the park and Jenny's good behavior lasts until the ice cream man comes by and she naturally throws a tantrum when Mal says no to sweets. She ignores her, and continues to care after Andrea. Some woman at the park disapproves of Mal's parenting skills and makes it known that Mal shouldn't be neglecting her.
Then she glares at her, only for Mal to realize she was wearing her BSC shirt with the number fully printed on it. Uh-oh. See what advertising does for you Kristy?
Coming up next...Claud freaks out, Abby 's allergies DON'T act up, Jessi's hand falls off from writing to Mal so much, and Kristy enjoys the trials and tribulations of Farm Camp!