BSC Little Sister #78: Karen's Half Birthday, part two
Oh my gosh. This book is getting progressively more stupid and the party hasn't even happened yet.
In our last installment, Ms. Colman had just read Karen's note out loud. Good going, Ms. C.
community.livejournal.com/bsc_snark/184405.html chapters 1-5
Chapter Six
Ms. Colman thanks Karen for the letter (?!) and decides to give the class a lecture about teasing.Then the art teacher comes in talking about collages. He tells the kids teasing ain't cool and hands out supplies. Just as Karen is glittering her paper, Pamela, Leslie, and Jannie tap her on the shoulder and give her paper flowers, apologizing. If they tried to apologize if they'd done that to me, I'd have smacked a bitch, but Karen takes the flowers, even saying they're very pretty. Then Natalie puts some smiley-face stickers (from Addie) in front of her.
By the time I went home I had three paper flowers, a package of stickers, a brand-new eraser, three nice notes, and an invitation from Nancy to have a Lovely Ladies tea party at her house after school.
Oh, God. We know what's coming.
Chapter Seven
Have you ever wondered what second graders do in their spare time? Play outside? Maybe play school, or house, or even doctors? Nope. Karen's too cool for all that, because she plays Lovely Ladies! We get an outfit description--
I put on a lacy pink skirt, a long string of pearls, and a purple hat with a veil.
What, no shirt?
They go on to say "dahlink" and drink iced tea, eating oatmeal raisin cookies. When I was seven, I hated iced tea and oatmeal raisin cookies. Something tells me I would've been a second-grade outcast in the 'Brook. They talk about Halloween, which apparently is not far away. Karen has already been a witch, a ghost, a monster, and Pippi Longstocking. Jeez. Hannie is considering being a black cat. We get a visual in which Karen is wearing a dress (continuity alert!) and Hannie is answering a phone. Nancy is laughing while somehow holding tea with her fists. What.
Since they want to go trick-or-treating without grown-ups this year, the moms talk and say maybe. Karen settles down to wait as this chapter ends.
Chapter Eight
Saturday, Karen hops out of bed and "races to the kitchen", asking about important Halloween news. The 'rents can't think of any and this bothers her. She eats a blueberry mini muffin and Krispy Krunchy cereal, since Seth is too cheap to buy Rice Krispies copyright laws exist. She finishes and counts the days till Halloween. Karen bets if she was eight she could go trick or treating without a grown-up.
Eight is very grown-up. No one could call me a baby if I was eight.
Karen notices her half birthday is only two weeks away. She hatches the brilliant idea of a half birthday party, runs it by Goosie, and starts planning.
It will be just like a regular birthday party, but everything will be in half. I will serve half a cake. I will invite half the kids in my class. I will ask each guest to bring half a present.
Uh-oh. I can see the problems. Pamela is gonna be pissed. There probably won't be enough cake. And who asks for half a present? Half a pair of shoes isn't gonna help you, Karen.
Chapter Nine
On Sunday morning, Karen reports to the kitchen and pointedly doesn't ask about Halloween, to the point where she makes her mom ask. She says she is being patient. She also has some more store-brand Rice Krispies Krispy Krunchy cereal. Finally, Karen cracks and asks about having a half birthday party. She explains the teasing situation and she actually gets the party! Karen tells Goosie the good news and starts making a guest list. She wants Hannie and Nancy to come, of course, and Addie, and Bobby, but oh no! Does she have to invite the bitch crew because they gave her flowers? She pulls names out of a hat and makes invitations for the next day.
Hannie, Nancy, Bobby, Omar, Sara, and Jannie end up being the guest list. Pamela pitches a hissy fit and Karen tries to explain, with a picture of someone giving Karen a meanie-mo look. Omar ponders on how to give half a present and Karen makes everyone who wants to come raise their hands. People do, but they don't look happy. Karen brushes it off.
Chapter Ten
On Wednesday, Hannie & Nancy come over for a playdate. They are informed that they can go trick-or-treating alone, but there are two conditions. They have to start when it's four thirty and it's still light, and they have to stay on their street. If I were Karen, I would've let the parents come. The people on the street probably will generate about 5 pieces of candy.
Still considering their costumes, Hannie might be a leopard and Nancy might be Little Red Riding Hood. They'd better hurry up or all the costumes will be gone. Karen wants to be maybe a royal princess or a dragon. No, seriously. Andrew comes into the room and asks to tag along. The girls refuse. He says he doesn't like them anymore and hopes they only get tricks instead of treats. Stupid brothers. Karen ends with having 'lots more ideas to share' with her friends.
Chapter Eleven/Twelve (twelve is only a page and a HALF)
Karen explains the cover by saying her guests only have to get half dressed up. She's going to wear play clothes on her left side and dress up on her right side. How?! She'll wear one party sock, one party bow, and one white party glove. God. Karen orders her parents to only decorate half the living room and bake half a birthday cake. Seth suggests baking a whole cake but serving it in halves, so Karen shoots that idea down. She thinks of telling her friends only half her ideas, but since it's not her half birthday yet, she tells all.
She has another idea before they can say anything-- only playing games halfway. Bobby, listening in, points out that there will be no winners, losers, or prizes, either, and Pamela delivers this piece of genius:
"I am glad I am not going," she said. "It sounds as though your half birthday party is only going to be half fun."
Karen's ears are almost toasted from that burn, but she still says Pamela's just mad she wasn't invited. Rationalization only works for so long, Karen...
Jannie offers Pamela her invitation while Karen has another idea. She will only make the guests sing half of "Happy Birthday" to her and only blow out half the candles.
Chapter Thirteen
Karen's costume search is over. She's going to be an ultrasaurus, one of the greatest dinosaurs who ever lived. Uh huh. Nancy and Hannie don't think she can wear such a large costume by herself, but neither of them wants to be the dino butt. They compliment one another's costume beginnings, and Karen chases Nancy around the room.
Chapter Fourteen
The chapter opens like this.
"Happy half birthday to me! Happy half birthday to me! Happy half..."
I can just tell this party is gonna be a blast. Apparently, Seth is procrastinator man so they have to bake/ice the cake, decorate the living room, and fill goodie bags. Karen realizes she should've gotten up hours ago. The cake is mixed, and it's to be baked for HALF an hour. Seth and Andrew accidentally decorated the whole room, so they take it down and put it all on the right side. Ungrateful little brat.
Mommy cuts the cake down the middle and ices it while Karen halfway fills the goody bags with half filled boxes of candy (?!).
I put on a pink and white striped T-shirt to go with the pink and white icing. I wore a black jumper and maroon party tights. On my left foot I put a sneaker. On my right foot I put on a black patent party shoe. I made the left side of my hair into a pigtail. I combed the right side of my hair down and put a pink party barrette in it. I found a pair of white gloves in my drawer and put on only the right-hand glove.
You know your IQ is low when you're color coordination depends on icing.
Chapter Fifteen
The kids started showing up at twelve thirty. Karen points out that this is twelve and HALF an hour. Some apparently forgot to wear only half party clothes, so Karen suggests they strip take some stuff off, but they don't. They play pin the tail on the donkey until half the kids half gone, then the game is over. Jannie shits herself because it was her turn.
Next, they have a funny face relay, which I have never heard of and will let Karen explain:
The kids split into two teams. Two big pieces of paper were taped to the wall with an outline of a head on each. Each player had to draw one part of a face. The team that finished the race first won.
Needless to say, she stops the game before anyone is done. Karen stops them when they get halfway through "Happy Birthday" and tells Natalie she can only have half a glass of water at a time. Hilariously, she almost tells Jannie she can only halfway go to the bathroom. Hannie and Nancy reassure her that the party is fun, but Nancy says she might be being a bit bossy.
Chapter Sixteen
Hannie gives Karen a sock and a card with half the words written on it. Nancy gives her half a certificate to the Unicorn Toy Store and half a card. She also receives half a deck of cards, half a set of jacks, and half a Barbie outfit. She thanks everyone. No one wants to play hide and seek and no one wants to play in the treehouse. They listen to tapes until it's time to go. Bobby says Karen should call the goodie bags "not-so-goodie" bags. She's glad to end the party. I'm glad she ended the chapter.
Chapter Seventeen
Karen's classmates are back with a vengeance on Monday. Pamela only says half of good morning and Omar says it's Half Day in honor of her half birthday. Leslie is handing out paper and rips Karen's piece down the middle. Karen wants to tell Ms. Colman, but she's afraid of being teased again.
She trades her whole sandwich for only half a sandwich. Now that's mean, Addie. Karen doesn't want to go outside; Hannie and Nancy say they'll play with her, but Karen refuses. She knows she needs to apologize and I bet you can guess how she'll do it.
Chapter Eighteen
Karen writes her letter on a piece of paper, then goes to the blackboard. She only writes the left half of her letter. It says:
Dear classmates,
I am sorry if I
I did not mean to
I just thought it would be fun
I hope you will forgive
Your
Karen
When they all come in, she writes the rest.
Dear classmates,
I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
I did not mean to make you mad.
I just thought it would be fun to celebrate my half birthday the way I did.
I hope you will forgive me for not inviting some of you to my party and being bossy.
Your friend,
Karen Brewer
Baww. They forgive her, of course. They end Half Day since the day is half over anyway.
Chapter Nineteen
Andrew agrees to be the dinosaur butt.
Chapter Twenty
Karen and Andrew are ready to go. Hannie shows up in her costume and Karen tells her she is a "cool cat". The three girls are the only ones out without parents. They must have a long street because apparently they collect bagfuls of candy.
YAY THIS BOOK IS OVER!!!!!! Next up: Karen's New Year....
In our last installment, Ms. Colman had just read Karen's note out loud. Good going, Ms. C.
community.livejournal.com/bsc_snark/184405.html chapters 1-5
Chapter Six
Ms. Colman thanks Karen for the letter (?!) and decides to give the class a lecture about teasing.Then the art teacher comes in talking about collages. He tells the kids teasing ain't cool and hands out supplies. Just as Karen is glittering her paper, Pamela, Leslie, and Jannie tap her on the shoulder and give her paper flowers, apologizing. If they tried to apologize if they'd done that to me, I'd have smacked a bitch, but Karen takes the flowers, even saying they're very pretty. Then Natalie puts some smiley-face stickers (from Addie) in front of her.
By the time I went home I had three paper flowers, a package of stickers, a brand-new eraser, three nice notes, and an invitation from Nancy to have a Lovely Ladies tea party at her house after school.
Oh, God. We know what's coming.
Chapter Seven
Have you ever wondered what second graders do in their spare time? Play outside? Maybe play school, or house, or even doctors? Nope. Karen's too cool for all that, because she plays Lovely Ladies! We get an outfit description--
I put on a lacy pink skirt, a long string of pearls, and a purple hat with a veil.
What, no shirt?
They go on to say "dahlink" and drink iced tea, eating oatmeal raisin cookies. When I was seven, I hated iced tea and oatmeal raisin cookies. Something tells me I would've been a second-grade outcast in the 'Brook. They talk about Halloween, which apparently is not far away. Karen has already been a witch, a ghost, a monster, and Pippi Longstocking. Jeez. Hannie is considering being a black cat. We get a visual in which Karen is wearing a dress (continuity alert!) and Hannie is answering a phone. Nancy is laughing while somehow holding tea with her fists. What.
Since they want to go trick-or-treating without grown-ups this year, the moms talk and say maybe. Karen settles down to wait as this chapter ends.
Chapter Eight
Saturday, Karen hops out of bed and "races to the kitchen", asking about important Halloween news. The 'rents can't think of any and this bothers her. She eats a blueberry mini muffin and Krispy Krunchy cereal, since Seth is too cheap to buy Rice Krispies copyright laws exist. She finishes and counts the days till Halloween. Karen bets if she was eight she could go trick or treating without a grown-up.
Eight is very grown-up. No one could call me a baby if I was eight.
Karen notices her half birthday is only two weeks away. She hatches the brilliant idea of a half birthday party, runs it by Goosie, and starts planning.
It will be just like a regular birthday party, but everything will be in half. I will serve half a cake. I will invite half the kids in my class. I will ask each guest to bring half a present.
Uh-oh. I can see the problems. Pamela is gonna be pissed. There probably won't be enough cake. And who asks for half a present? Half a pair of shoes isn't gonna help you, Karen.
Chapter Nine
On Sunday morning, Karen reports to the kitchen and pointedly doesn't ask about Halloween, to the point where she makes her mom ask. She says she is being patient. She also has some more store-brand Rice Krispies Krispy Krunchy cereal. Finally, Karen cracks and asks about having a half birthday party. She explains the teasing situation and she actually gets the party! Karen tells Goosie the good news and starts making a guest list. She wants Hannie and Nancy to come, of course, and Addie, and Bobby, but oh no! Does she have to invite the bitch crew because they gave her flowers? She pulls names out of a hat and makes invitations for the next day.
Hannie, Nancy, Bobby, Omar, Sara, and Jannie end up being the guest list. Pamela pitches a hissy fit and Karen tries to explain, with a picture of someone giving Karen a meanie-mo look. Omar ponders on how to give half a present and Karen makes everyone who wants to come raise their hands. People do, but they don't look happy. Karen brushes it off.
Chapter Ten
On Wednesday, Hannie & Nancy come over for a playdate. They are informed that they can go trick-or-treating alone, but there are two conditions. They have to start when it's four thirty and it's still light, and they have to stay on their street. If I were Karen, I would've let the parents come. The people on the street probably will generate about 5 pieces of candy.
Still considering their costumes, Hannie might be a leopard and Nancy might be Little Red Riding Hood. They'd better hurry up or all the costumes will be gone. Karen wants to be maybe a royal princess or a dragon. No, seriously. Andrew comes into the room and asks to tag along. The girls refuse. He says he doesn't like them anymore and hopes they only get tricks instead of treats. Stupid brothers. Karen ends with having 'lots more ideas to share' with her friends.
Chapter Eleven/Twelve (twelve is only a page and a HALF)
Karen explains the cover by saying her guests only have to get half dressed up. She's going to wear play clothes on her left side and dress up on her right side. How?! She'll wear one party sock, one party bow, and one white party glove. God. Karen orders her parents to only decorate half the living room and bake half a birthday cake. Seth suggests baking a whole cake but serving it in halves, so Karen shoots that idea down. She thinks of telling her friends only half her ideas, but since it's not her half birthday yet, she tells all.
She has another idea before they can say anything-- only playing games halfway. Bobby, listening in, points out that there will be no winners, losers, or prizes, either, and Pamela delivers this piece of genius:
"I am glad I am not going," she said. "It sounds as though your half birthday party is only going to be half fun."
Karen's ears are almost toasted from that burn, but she still says Pamela's just mad she wasn't invited. Rationalization only works for so long, Karen...
Jannie offers Pamela her invitation while Karen has another idea. She will only make the guests sing half of "Happy Birthday" to her and only blow out half the candles.
Chapter Thirteen
Karen's costume search is over. She's going to be an ultrasaurus, one of the greatest dinosaurs who ever lived. Uh huh. Nancy and Hannie don't think she can wear such a large costume by herself, but neither of them wants to be the dino butt. They compliment one another's costume beginnings, and Karen chases Nancy around the room.
Chapter Fourteen
The chapter opens like this.
"Happy half birthday to me! Happy half birthday to me! Happy half..."
I can just tell this party is gonna be a blast. Apparently, Seth is procrastinator man so they have to bake/ice the cake, decorate the living room, and fill goodie bags. Karen realizes she should've gotten up hours ago. The cake is mixed, and it's to be baked for HALF an hour. Seth and Andrew accidentally decorated the whole room, so they take it down and put it all on the right side. Ungrateful little brat.
Mommy cuts the cake down the middle and ices it while Karen halfway fills the goody bags with half filled boxes of candy (?!).
I put on a pink and white striped T-shirt to go with the pink and white icing. I wore a black jumper and maroon party tights. On my left foot I put a sneaker. On my right foot I put on a black patent party shoe. I made the left side of my hair into a pigtail. I combed the right side of my hair down and put a pink party barrette in it. I found a pair of white gloves in my drawer and put on only the right-hand glove.
You know your IQ is low when you're color coordination depends on icing.
Chapter Fifteen
The kids started showing up at twelve thirty. Karen points out that this is twelve and HALF an hour. Some apparently forgot to wear only half party clothes, so Karen suggests they strip take some stuff off, but they don't. They play pin the tail on the donkey until half the kids half gone, then the game is over. Jannie shits herself because it was her turn.
Next, they have a funny face relay, which I have never heard of and will let Karen explain:
The kids split into two teams. Two big pieces of paper were taped to the wall with an outline of a head on each. Each player had to draw one part of a face. The team that finished the race first won.
Needless to say, she stops the game before anyone is done. Karen stops them when they get halfway through "Happy Birthday" and tells Natalie she can only have half a glass of water at a time. Hilariously, she almost tells Jannie she can only halfway go to the bathroom. Hannie and Nancy reassure her that the party is fun, but Nancy says she might be being a bit bossy.
Chapter Sixteen
Hannie gives Karen a sock and a card with half the words written on it. Nancy gives her half a certificate to the Unicorn Toy Store and half a card. She also receives half a deck of cards, half a set of jacks, and half a Barbie outfit. She thanks everyone. No one wants to play hide and seek and no one wants to play in the treehouse. They listen to tapes until it's time to go. Bobby says Karen should call the goodie bags "not-so-goodie" bags. She's glad to end the party. I'm glad she ended the chapter.
Chapter Seventeen
Karen's classmates are back with a vengeance on Monday. Pamela only says half of good morning and Omar says it's Half Day in honor of her half birthday. Leslie is handing out paper and rips Karen's piece down the middle. Karen wants to tell Ms. Colman, but she's afraid of being teased again.
She trades her whole sandwich for only half a sandwich. Now that's mean, Addie. Karen doesn't want to go outside; Hannie and Nancy say they'll play with her, but Karen refuses. She knows she needs to apologize and I bet you can guess how she'll do it.
Chapter Eighteen
Karen writes her letter on a piece of paper, then goes to the blackboard. She only writes the left half of her letter. It says:
Dear classmates,
I am sorry if I
I did not mean to
I just thought it would be fun
I hope you will forgive
Your
Karen
When they all come in, she writes the rest.
Dear classmates,
I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
I did not mean to make you mad.
I just thought it would be fun to celebrate my half birthday the way I did.
I hope you will forgive me for not inviting some of you to my party and being bossy.
Your friend,
Karen Brewer
Baww. They forgive her, of course. They end Half Day since the day is half over anyway.
Chapter Nineteen
Andrew agrees to be the dinosaur butt.
Chapter Twenty
Karen and Andrew are ready to go. Hannie shows up in her costume and Karen tells her she is a "cool cat". The three girls are the only ones out without parents. They must have a long street because apparently they collect bagfuls of candy.
YAY THIS BOOK IS OVER!!!!!! Next up: Karen's New Year....