Long ago, and oh so far away, Dawn was my favourite BSC member. One day, in a bookstore, I sneaked a peak at the “coming soon” passage in the back of #87 and discovered that Dawn was about to head out west permanently. It rocked my BSC world, and I adamantly refused to read the actual book because I was so against the concept of Dawn leaving the ‘Brook.
Only recently did I finally let go of that grudge, and when I found Farewell, Dawn, I knew I just had to read - and eventually snark on - the book. It’s completely snark-worthy, and mainly because of Mary Anne’s epic mug-smashing incident in chapter six. This just may be one of the better Mary Anne hissy fits in the series, guys. And naturally MA and Dawn get into a big fight, and, well - you know me. I just can’t resist a BSC fight.
All right, gang. Let's get started!
First order of business, the cover:
You know, I actually really like it. Dawn looks super cute, even though she’s on the short side. I mean, put her beside Kristy, and Kristy would tower over her, and that’s just not canon. Speaking of Kristy - have some tact, woman! I know there was some tension between you and Dawn, but try not to look so ecstatic that she’s moving away. You can practically see her think “GOD, FINALLY!!” Or perhaps she’s thinking “At last, I can have Mary Anne all to myself!’ I mean, Dawn hasn’t boarded the plane yet and Kristy’s already laying a possessive hand on Mary Anne’s shoulder. Either way, she’s grinning like the freaking Cheshire Cat.
Mary Anne looks appropriately sad and still pretty cute. But Claudia is another story. That version of Claudia looks absolutely nothing like any of the other (many) Claudias we’ve seen on the BSC covers, to begin with. Clearly Hodges had a different model for this cover. At least she looks Asian. The outfit, though - particularly the stripy vest - is hideodious. And she’s standing weirdly. It’s been a long, long time since my last ballet lesson, but it looks to me as though she’s standing in fifth position. Jessi would approve.
Now, the plot - Dawn wants to move back to California. So she does. Meanwhile, MA acts like a douchebag. Sub-plot, something to do with the Hobarts and Christmas in the summer. Confession time, I haven’t read the sub-plot in its entirety. It’s that boring.
Let’s get into it, shall we?
Chapter One: It’s a good thing we already know that this book is about Dawn moving back to California. If we didn’t, Suzanne Weyn’s not-so-subtle intro about Dawn dreaming about the beach would have been a dead give-away. It’s only the first page, but Dawn is angsting already about how much she misses the beach. Siiiiigh. I have a feeling this will be a long book.
Mary Anne wakes her up, saying she has to be at the Hills’ in less than an hour. It’s summer vacation, and Dawn’s supposed to be baby-sitting at 9 a.m. That’s dedication, especially for a 13-year-old. Somebody must have been drinking the BSC Kool-aid.
Blah blah blah - we get the usual story of how different the Schafers and Spiers are, but they’re one big happy family! Dawn gets all high and mighty about health food and she launches into how much she misses Cali and considers it her home. Again with the lack of subtlety.
Dawn sits for the Hills and it’s all uneventful and actually pretty unnecessary. When she gets home, she starts eating alfalfa sprouts and avocado, and wouldn’t you know it, starts thinking about California. Again.
She then tells us about Sunny Winslow, her California best friend, and mentions that Mrs. W. has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, which is really sad. (Especially since I’ve read Sunny’s third diary in the California Diaries series - holy hell, that is one sad book. Mine is covered in tear stains all the way through, no lie.)
Dawn decides she needs to talk to Sunny right then and there, so she gives her a call. Mrs. W. is in the hospital but should be getting out soon. The girls start chatting about more light-hearted stuff, like the We Heart Kids Club, and Dawn laments that she wishes she could be in two places at once. Sunny mentions that she always wishes that she could be in two places at once, since one would always be at the beach. Foreshadowing for her first California Diaries book! Anyway, Sunny asks Dawn if this means Dawn is coming back to California, and Dawn says no, but she wants to go back to visit for a while.
After they hang up, though, Dawn has a realization: “As much as I loved living in Stoneybrook, I wanted to move back to California. Permanently.” It’s not like we didn’t see that coming from a mile away, but that’s actually effective writing. At least, it’s an effective way to end a chapter. And hallelujah, this means no more angsting from Dawn about how much she misses the place. At least, I think it does. I was getting a little sick of it, and this is only the first chapter.
Chapter Two: You know what this means - obligatory BSC meeting! Since this book takes place right after Stacey and the Bad Girls, we get a brief mention of the “changes Stacey’s been going through.” Um, they usually call that puberty, but okay. Have it your way.
In all honesty, I usually just skim these dreadful chapter twos. Highlights include:
1. “Claudia is so sympathetic to Stacey’s condition [diabetes] that she makes sure there are always nonsweet snacks around for her to eat during meetings.” Right. Sure, she provides non-sweet snacks, but also has no problem wolfing down bags of M&Ms right in front of her every single day and going on about how much she loves chocolate. Definitely sympathetic.
2. Claudia Outfit time: “Today she was wearing a baggy, white, cotton jumpsuit that was cut wide and open at the sides and neckline. Under it she wore two sleeves T-shirts, one purple, one pink. She’d tied the jumpsuit with a belt she’d made from safety pins and beads, and she’d used fabric paint to create a jungle scene on the left leg of the jumpsuit. From her ears dangled two colorful wooden parrot earrings onto which she’d glued beads that matched the beads on her belt.” For the most part, that sounds more like a Stacey outfit (at least the jumpsuit and pink tee are Staceyish). Is this really the best you can do, Miss Kishi? I so prefer the days where you’re wearing a bungee cord for a belt or dressing like a watermelon.
3. Shannon makes an appearance! (The person, not the dog.)
4. “One of the things I like best about Mal is her sense of humor. Sometimes she comes up with a snappy remark that just cracks me up.” Really, Dawn? Cite examples.
5. Suzanne Wyen, I’m sorry for calling you out on your lack of subtle writing. You managed to squeeze in the boring chapter three descriptions of the club duties into this chapter, you merciful angel. Thank you. Why couldn’t all the ghosties have done this?
The chapter ends with Dawn wondering how she could possibly leave the club behind. Haven’t I read this somewhere before?
Chapter Three: Dawn gets home from an evening baby-sitting job and finds the house empty. The phone’s ringing and it turns out to be Jeff on the other line. He mentions that he saw Sunny with “some guy” getting a surfing lesson, which Dawn thinks is strange, but I don’t really see why. If he had seen Sunny performing oral sex on some guy, sure, that’s worth a mention. But I don’t know why Dawn’s all weirded out by this mystery surfer guy. Isn’t it possible that he was just her surfing instructor? Anyway, Dawn talks to her dad, then Carol, and mentions to the latter that she wants to move back to Palo City. Sharon comes home, and Dawn decides it’s time to tell her the truth.
I have to be honest; I can’t really snark on this next bit. It’s just sad and - confession - made me cry a little the first time I read it. Dawn and Sharon start crying when Dawn breaks the news, and again it’s just sad. Richard comes home, and they tell him what’s going, and then Dawn realizes that she has to tell Mary Anne. Apparently, telling Sharon was bad enough, but telling Mary Anne will be unbearable. Personally I think it would be harder to tell your mom something like that than your best friend. But maybe Dawn is psychic and knows what heinous bitch Mary Anne will be about the whole ordeal. In that case, I don’t blame Dawn for not wanting to tell her.
Chapter Four: Oh no, the obligatory baby-sitting side plot. If there’s anything I hate more than a forced, unrelated baby-sitting side-plot, it’s one involving the Pikes. (Or the Thomas-Brewers, who - thank God - aren’t a part of this at all.) I can’t really bring myself to read it. All I know is that Mal and Ben baby-sit their siblings together, and James breaks his leg pretty badly. I’m not entirely sure how this happens, since it seems that a couple of the kids were playing football (American football, that is) and the whole thing is glossed over, so I’m confused as to how he broke his leg badly enough in two places that it required surgery to put pins in it. It seems there was a three-kid pile up - seriously, can you break your leg from that? Especially when the kids are your size, if not smaller than you? I have a hard time buying this, but okay. Since I only skimmed, I guess I’m in no position to question it.
James will be in a cast for probably the rest of the summer. That sucks, but I also sort of don’t care. Sorry, I know that’s horrible, but it’s the truth. Maybe I’d care if this whole sub-plot didn’t feel so contrived.
Chapter Five: It’s Wednesday and Mary Anne doesn’t know about Dawn’s departure. While MA’s away on a sitting job, Dawn thinks about how she’ll break the news. She knows MA will take it personally, and gods that must be annoying. You’d think that as someone who is apparently really understanding, Mary Anne would be able empathize with Dawn and see that she’s making the best decision for herself. I guess MA is only understanding if it doesn’t affect her life in some way.
Tired of thinking of ways to explain the situation to MA, Dawn takes a break and calls Kristy. She explains why - CA is home to her, and that her 6-month stay made her realize how much she misses it - and Kristy asks if she’s sure about it. Dawn replies, “I think so.”
This wouldn’t be a Dawn book without Dawn getting all uppity over something stupid. In response to Dawn’s “I think so,” Kristy says she doesn’t sound certain and maybe she should think about it some more.
“I couldn’t believe how difficult she was making this!” Dawn bitchily thinks. Easy, tiger. Kristy has a point. When someone asks if you’re sure about something, and you say “I think so,” it does come off as uncertain and undecided. Besides, Kristy’s just trying to be a good friend. Dammit Dawn, I’m trying to like you, but you do make it hard sometimes.
Once Dawn sets the record straight - yes, she’s definitely leaving (and why couldn’t she have just said that in the first place?) - the rest of the conversation goes smoothly. Kristy seems genuinely sad that Dawn’s leaving, which is kind of sweet, considering her shit-eating grin on the cover. Kristy wishes her luck in telling MA the news, and says she’ll keep everything top secret until MA knows. Um, Dawn, this is Kristy we’re talking about. Isn’t she described as having a big mouth in every single BSC book on the face of the planet? Yeah, so don’t be surprised when this top-secret thing fails. Miserably.
That evening, MA has a sitting job, which buys Dawn more time to think about how she’ll break the news. It’s an evening well spent, since instead of actually coming up with a solution, she reads magazines. Later MA asks if Dawn is okay and worries that if she (Dawn) feels she’s been ignored by MA, who hasn’t been around much. Dawn thinks, “That was Mary Anne for you, always thinking about the other person’s feelings.” Ha. Wait a few more chapters and see if you still feel that way, Dawn.
Anyway, MA coerces Dawn into a pizza and movie night for the next evening, which actually sounds cute and fun. Dawn agrees, wondering how many more nights like this they’ll have together. Dawn decides she’ll tell her tomorrow, since they’ll be alone and MA will be in a good mood. She then adds an ominous “Or so I thought” at the end of the chapter. Oooh, the good stuff is coming up!
Chapter Six: Well, Dawn finally found a way to tell MA the news. And since this is the BSC, she wrote her speech on an index card. I have to wonder, is she planning on memorizing the speech, or is she actually going to sit there and read off of the cards when she talks to MA? It brings a funny image to mind.
Just as the girls are about to start making pizzas, the phone rings and it’s Logan. Guess what, Dawn? The shit just hit the fan. Of course, he found out about Dawn leaving, and called to see how MA took the news.
As it turns out, Kristy told Claudia, who told Stacey, who told Robert, who told Logan. Too bad this was before the days of blogs, ‘cause they could’ve just posted it on the SMS equivalent of Gossip Girl and be done with it. Dawn confirms the story - yes, she’s moving back to Cali - and one of my favourite moments in BSC history takes place. I’ll transcribe it for you:
“Then Mary Anne did something so shocking and out of character that I couldn’t believe my eyes. She picked up a used coffee cup that had been left on the counter and deliberately smashed it on the kitchen floor.
“Crash! The ceramic pieces shattered.”
Whoa. Take a chill pill, MA.
It gets even better - or worse, depending on how you look at it - when MA starts sobbing, “How could you, Dawn? How could you?” Sheesh, MA. It sucks, yeah, but quit acting like Dawn ran over your cat or had sex with Logan or something.
Hilariously, Dawn thinks that it would be idiotic if she breaks out the index cards. No kidding. When Dawn says that Palo City is her home and that she misses it, MA gets her snark on. It’s kind of awesome, except she’s doing it all wrong. She starts saying stuff like, in reference to Dawn’s prior 6-month stay, “You couldn’t predict that we wouldn’t be cool enough for you after your fabulous time in California. Sorry we’re so boring now. Sorry I’m such a drag compared to everyone in California.” I appreciate the effort, MA, but you’re completely ruining your credibility by pretty much making shit up and blowing everything out of proportion. And I don’t think anyone could accuse you of being a drag, what with your drama queenly ways.
And then MA drops the bombshell:
“Dawn, you’re so selfish. All you care about is what you want. What about how your mother feels? What about the BSC? What about me? None of that counts, I guess. All that counts are your feelings. Your selfish, selfish feelings.”
Right, so…Dawn should stay in a place where she feels unhappy because that’s what you want? And you’re accusing Dawn of being selfish? Hon, do you not understand the concept of selfishness?
Dawn’s rebuttal? “I have a right to do what makes me happy. I have a perfect right to be happy! You don’t live my life. I do. You’re totally happy here so you think I have to be. Talk about selfish. You’re the selfish one.”
*Stands up and applauds* Thank you, Dawn!
She takes it a step too far, though, when she continues, “You act like you’re just poor, sweet Mary Anne who wouldn’t hurt a fly. You’re never to blame for anything. That’s because you never do anything! You just react to what’s happening around you, you never act. You never start anything. Well, I’m not you. I act! And if you want to blame me for not being you, go ahead, but I’ll never be you, and I’m glad!” For the most part, I kind of agree with Dawn. MA definitely milks that poor, sweet Mary Anne thing for all it’s worth. But the whole act-react thing is a little extreme. If this were anything but the BSC, MA would’ve said something like, “I never act, do I?!” and then bitch-slapped Dawn across the face. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. MA leaves and Dawn cries and the chapter ends. It’s all so dramatic.
That's it for part one. Sorry it is more of a recap than a snark, but that's what happens when the book isn't 100% made of snark. Hope you enjoyed it, and look for part two, coming soon!