#6 - Kristy's Big Day (Chapters 10-14)
Chapters 1-3
Chapters 4-6
Chapters 7-9
Ok, let's see if I can finish this in one go. There's 5 chapters in this one, because for some reason, this book is missing a Chapter 15. I'm really sorry, but pull up a chair, it's incredibly long. But don't worry, I put pictures in! (Thank you dearly to dibbly-fresh.com, which saves the day once again). Oh, and I've got a poll at the end for what book I should snark next, because I can't make up my mind.
Chapter 10:
We start out with a notebook entry from Mary Anne, whose handwriting isn't as sweeping as usual. The content's kind of dull though. Until today, I didn't know that "barber" is a dirty word. But it is - to little boys. Is it really? Chuckie was afraid of getting his hair cut on Rugrats, but he was two years old and terrified of like everything. So basically, Mary Anne as a toddler. When my brother was younger, he had no problem with getting his hair cut, mainly because it meant a lollipop at the end.
So I guess being in Stoneybrook rubbed off on Kristy's relatives and Watson's friends, as they ask the babysitters to take their sons to the barber, then get the hell outta there.. Ok, so maybe that isn't typical "Laissez-Faire Stoneybrook Parenting," but it still strikes me as weird for them to be like "Here, take the kids to the barber for us!". Kristy's already preparing for the worst, saying it's going to be David Michael's tears and whining and complaining and multiply them by six. Sounds lovely. But they're the BSC, they can handle any whiny, bratty, crying child! I mean, they babysit for Claire Pike and Karen Brewer.
The girls divvy up the job and decide Kristy will take them, since she's related to most of them, and Mary Anne volunteers to go too, as she's sick of hanging around the house with the babies. But I thought you wanted the baby group soooo bad! After lunch, Kristy says it's barber time, and Andrew, Peter, and Patrick start screaming like she just announced Karen's going to be babysitting them for the rest of the week. The older boys (Luke, David Michael, and Berk) climb a tree, and refuse to come down until Kristy threatens to sick Nannie on them. Apparently, Nannie's a badass when it comes to disciplining kids.
David Michael whines that the last time he went to Mr. Gates, he made him look like a horned owl. He made David Michael look like the YA RLY owl? How would he do that? Make him two cowlicks? Weird. Kristy tells him to shut up (well, in a nicer way than that) and she and Mary Anne load the little boys into a wagon. As they leave the yard, Emma laughs at them, until Ashley covers her mouth. I like this Ashley...now if only someone would do that to Karen...actually, I'll hold that thought for a few more chapters.
They arrive, Luke makes a crack about Mr. Gates, but quiets down when Mary Anne gives him a "hideous" look. Whatever that means. Mr. Gates calls for his assistant, Mr. Pratt, to help him. Kristy says Mr. Pratt's a skinny, jumpy-looking man who keeps laughing to himself. For some reason, he sounds incredibly creepy.
Luke and David Michael are the first two victims. They refuse, so Kristy pulls the "I'm calling Nannie on the pay phone" card, and they quickly get in the chairs. Wow, what does she do that they're so afraid of? While Kristy keeps an eye on them, Mary Anne has her hands full with the four younger boys, who are climbing around on the chairs. She pulls Peter on her lap after he exclaims he's Rocket Man. Aw, let him do his Elton John impression! You're such a killjoy, Mary Anne.
Luke and David Michael snark on Mr. Pratt, like we snark on BSC books, and David Michael repeats the horned owl thing, which he follows up by sticking his tongue at Kristy, though Mr. Gates thinks it was intended for him. He mentions he's got lollipops for well-behaved customers, and the boys say they're too old for lollipops (though Kristy tells us David Michael asked for two last time he got his hair cut). Hey, you're never too old for lollipops! And since when did David Michael's brattiness start crossing into Karen territory?
Well that did it, because Kristy scolds them both for being rude, and says she's calling Nannie to come and lay the smack down on them. Wow...another case of a BSC member being assertive when babysitting instead of letting the kids walk all over her! What ever went wrong after this? Terrified, David Michael promises to be good, and tells Luke that his sister means business. They stop complaining and remain on their best behavior the rest of the time.
Berk and Andrew whine as they go up next, but quiet down when they're promised lollipops. When it's Peter and Patrick's turn, Peter keeps trying to kick Mr. Gates in the leg and Patrick cries the whole time, despite Kristy singing 17 verses of Old MacDonald (how do you get through 17 verses of that?). The barbershop's still in one piece when the group leaves, and Kristy reminds us there's a subplot going on when she says she needs the perfect gift for Elizabeth and Watson. Unfortunately, none of the suggestions Mary Anne and the kids give her sound good: Toaster oven (Kristy says Watson has 3...how big is his kitchen?), tray, picnic basket, fire engine, robot. And David Michael wants to know what he should give them. Would mailing Karen to Abu Dhabi count as a gift? Who got the reference? Show of hands!
Chapter 11:
Another notebook entry. And this is a Claudia one, though her handwriting kind of looks like Kristy's. I don't know what kind of calendar Claudia's following, but she wrote this entry on a Firday. Claudia starts out with Unfiar! So there's no fires in the Thomas house, whew. Those two errors aside, Claudia actually makes it through the rest of the entry without embarrassing herself. She whines to Kristy about how they shouldn't have to write in the notebook because they're all at the same sitting job, and ergo, they know what's going on. How dare you question the rules of the BSC, Claudia! 10 lashes for you! Kristy will go easy this time, since it's still early in the series.
Claudia says it's unfiar because it rained the whole day and the kids got bored, so she came up with a great idea. Don't tell Kristy, she'll claim it as her own!
As Claudia said, it's raining so they spend the whole morning doing indoor activities - board games, reading, arts and crafts, baking cookies (Mary Anne dumps the babies in the playpen to help...guess she's getting bored with the baby group she specifically requested). And some of the kids *gasp* even watch Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street ON TV! And their brains didn't fall out! Wow, the BSC really took a risk with letting them do that.
After lunch, the kids grow restless and whine that they're sick of reading books and playing games. Emma wants to give the babies a bath, which is met with a resounding "NO!" from Mary Anne. Probably because she's sick and tired of babies. And did I mention I'm happy Emma never turned up again?
The BSC wonders what kind of activity they can wrangle the kids into, and since this is an early book, "Carnival," "marching band," and "poetry slam" aren't the first things that pop into their minds. By this point, the little kids and babies are taking naps, Emma's chasing Katherine around like the little pain she is, Ashley's complaining her leg hurts, and Peter's jumping up and down on the couch. Oh, and Karen's got David Michael and Berk in the corner, and they keep shooting glances over at Dawn, and Kristy hears the word "Martian" coming up in their conversation. Dawn's a Martian, everyone!
When Luke lines up coffee cans on the carpet and brings in a skateboard, the girls realize they have to think of something fast, because kids obviously can't be left to their own devices. Dawn says they should split everyone up, and Stacey shoots that down, saying "They've done everything, already. They've been through every Kid-Kit, played every game, read every book, sung every song..." How dare you even suggest that the BSC are running out of stuff to do, Stacey! The BSC always triumphs! 5 lashes for you!
And the BSC does always triumph, because Mary Anne says they should do something together, but work in the smaller groups (and since your group really can't work on anything, are you trying to get yourself off the hook?). I spoke too soon about the BSC not following their usual m.o., because Dawn suggests a talent show. Call me a bitch, but I love how confident these girls are in always planning talent shows, thinking all the kids they sit for are able to showcase talent. Not everyone are prodigies like the Perkinses!
Kristy says they only need to occupy the kids for a couple of hours, since that evening is the rehearsal dinner. Kristy gives us a quick definition of what a rehearsal dinner is and adds that it's paid for by the groom's family. So if Watson's paying for it, it's going to be good, since he's a MILLIONAIRE and all. And, of course, everyone's invited, including the BSC. Hey, Watson's a MILLIONAIRE, he can afford it.
Since the parents can't be arsed to dress their kids up themselves, they ask the BSC to get the kids all dressed up (each of the kids are dropped off with a change of clothes) and ready so when they come back for the day, they can just bring them over to Watson's. Yeah, they're busy all day at Watson's already, and don't want to go back to their hotel (then why not bring the kids to Watson's and change them in one of the like 30 rooms he has there?), but I'm going to agree with Kristy and say expecting five 12-year-olds to dress 14 children for a fancy dinner party is a recipe for disaster. And...we have foreshadowing!
Claudia then speaks up with a Great Idea - and no, Kristy doesn't give us the usual "Wow, I wish I thought of that! DAMN YOU!" response. She thinks since the kids have been surrounded by wedding crap the whole week, why don't they have the kids stage their own wedding? The BSCers laugh over this, and decide it would be a great idea. And I can't tell if this is a burn or not, but Claudia asks Kristy, "Do you still have those old clothes you used to play make-believe with last summer?" If they're looking for wacky dress-up stuff, why don't they just go across the street and raid Claudia's room?
But they don't have to, because Kristy says in addition to her old things, last year, her grandma (her other one, so I'm assuming it's Patrick's mom) sent them a big trunk of dress-up stuff. What, was she expecting David Michael to use it?
Kristy comes back into the play room (so the Thomases old house is small enough that David Michael's room is the size of a closet, but they have a play room?) with the clothes, to find the BSCers and the kids have already chosen roles for the wedding party. Karen, of course, is the bride, and David Michael is the very unlucky groom. They apparently don't care that they're soon to be step-siblings, as Karen explains they're the bethrothed because they're the same height. Remember the days when height was the measuring stick for everything? My 1st grade class had to line up in size order when we were going somewhere, and I was always like 3rd from the front.
As for the rest of the wedding party, Luke's the minister, Ashley's the mother of the bride (to play the part, she needs to be passing out invitations to the next Stoneybrook Swingers gathering), Emma and Grace are the maids-of-honor (though Kristy later calls them bridesmaids), Katherine's the flower girl, and I guess Berk is a REAL, LIVE MILLIONAIRE because he's giving Karen away (because no one else wants her). Finally, Peter and Mr. I'm-So-Shy Andrew are ushers, and Patrick's the ring bearer.
So they dress the kids up while Mary Anne minds the babies and helps with costumes (thought you'd slip away easily, didn't you?). They gather together for a quick rehearsal, and David Michael's in his best suit and he's got a top hat on from the box of old clothes. Karen, of course, has the most amazing costume of all as the bride. I'm assuming that isn't sarcasm, and Kristy truly does think it's amazing. She's wearing a lovely, lovely pink veil, a hat with a bird's nest (and eggs) on it, a pair of Elizabeth's shoes, and a ton of jewelry. Her wedding dress is bright blue and covered in sequins. Claudia makes a mental note to fashion together a similar ensemble when she gets married.
Ashley complains that a wedding gown shouldn't be electric blue; rather, it should be white, or maybe yellow. Kristy sticks up for Karen and says a wedding gown can be any color, and shuts the girls up when Karen sticks her tongue at Ashley and they start arguing. Ashley says she's playing the part as the mother of the bride, and I always thought that was a funny line.
I was going to put the "wedding" scene from the tv show here, but while youtube does have a few episodes up, this isn't one of them :(
Oh! Wait! Dibbly-fresh can help me illustrate the wedding!
Kristy snaps away on her Polaroid (which, unfortunately, now dates this book like whoa) while Andrew and Peter escort Ashley and the babysitters and the younger kids to their seats. Then Andrew plays the Wedding March on the flute up his nose. Next up are the bridesmaids!
I guess that's Emma and Grace. Way to go, tv show, they held the wedding indoors because it was raining! And Mary Anne's hair isn't in braids anymore, GEEZ!
There's no screencaps of this part, but Katherine the flower girl goes next, wearing a tutu and throwing confetti out of an old Easter basket. I pity whoever has to clean up after that. Why couldn't she have used tissues like in that Ramona book, it would have made it a lot easier! And LOL at me referencing Ramona Quimby in another snark. She's better than this.
Finally, Karen walks down the aisle with Berk and she joins David Michael at the altar. Might I add, the tv show got the outfits right yay!
Well, almost everything. Karen's tacky mess of a hat isn't there, but I doubt they could recreate that.
This whole scene is full of "Kids Say/Do the Darndest Things!" stuff. Luke, as the minister, says "We're gathered here today to join these two guys in...in...holy moly." The babysitters try not to laugh, but they do anyway:
(More like Kristy and Mary Anne are giggling at Stacey and Claudia here)
"Karen, do you promise to love your husband, and help him out and not hog the television and not be a bratty obnoxious twit?" "And you David Michael, do you promise to love your wife and help her out and show her how to ride a two-wheeler and not whine like a 4-year-old?" I think they know what they're in for, because they both respond "I guess."
Luke, for some reason, asks if they want kids; Karen says yes, David Michael says no, because he dreads what a combination of Karen's brattiness and his whininess would result in. Luke reminds that if they do have kids, they should be nice to them, and the others kids chime in with other suggestions - no bedtime, don't yell at them if they forget to feed the dog, let them go into the toy store once in awhile and let them by whatever they want, even it's more than $40! Essentially, follow the model the parents of Stoneybrook gave them, I think Emma had Watson in mind for that last suggestion.
Karen and David Michael agree, and after they exchange rings, Luke proclaims it's time for them to kiss. Both kids are all DO NOT WANT and run for the hills, which is what the last picture Kristy takes is. To quote Jessi from the tv show, "So much for that marriage!"
Chapter 12:
Rehearsal dinner time! The girls take the bags of clothes and the kids and go off to various parts of the house to get them changed. Kristy opens Andrew's bag and pulls out a yellow dress. Wow, is Watson such a lazyass father that he can't even put together a change of clothing properly? Or is he such a stereotypical rich guy that he's cross-dressing his son, like they did back in Victorian times? (And yes, two of the children in that painting are boys).
Kristy thinks she pulled it out of the wrong bag by mistake, but Katherine and Grace say the dress isn't theirs. And sure enough, the bag has Andrew's name on it. While Kristy ponders this, Mary Anne calls her from the kitchen. Leaving two five-year-olds and a four-year-old unattended in the playroom (Kristy tells them to stay put), she goes to see what the problem is. There's a bow tie and gray flannel pants in Beth's bag and a long white slip in Tony's bag! Geez, are all the parents so clueless they can't even pack clothing for their kids without screwing up? Since this is Stoneybrook, I wouldn't be too surprised. Either that, or they had Sharon prepare the bags.
Claudia calls for Kristy from the living room and before Kristy can go see what's wrong, Stacey storms into the kitchen with Emma, who looked as if she couldn't decide whether to giggle or cry. So it wasn't the parents or Sharon in a drug-induced stupor. Emma pranked them by switching the clothes around while everyone was eating lunch. If Karen had done it, Kristy would just laugh, shake her head and get to work sorting the clothes, while praising Karen for being so silly and funny. But this is Emma, and Kristy is, needless to say, pissed. Mainly because it's their last day babysitting and Emma's just thrown a wrench into the perfection that was their biggest babysitting job. That being said, it was a pretty clever prank for an 8-year-old.
Kristy tries to control her temper and Emma starts crying. Tears aren't enough to soften Kristy and she makes Emma sit alone in the den and think about what she did while she and the other babysitters try to sort the clothes out. Thankfully, some of the clothes have nametags, the older kids can pick what belongs to them and their younger siblings, and they use common sense to sort everything else out in time. Everything works out for the BSC! Half an hour later, Kristy lets Emma out of the den, who apologizes to her cousin. Kristy says I felt sort of mean. I could tell she'd been crying. First Kristy, then Dawn. What's with being in charge, then feeling guilty about it when you discipline kids for being bad? Wimps.
Since there's two shots left on the Polaroid, the girls pose the kids for a nice picture and they have Claudia arrange the kids because her one personality trait is being artistic. Well, that and having the same reading level as the kids in her group (2-3 years old). She instructs Berk to not sit on the back of the couch, but on the couch like a regular person. With how you dress, you have no right asking someone to be a regular person, Claudia.
First picture comes out bad, because kids are pulling each other's hair and poking each other and have their eyes closed, and Kristy tells them to try again. With her babysitting magic, the second picture comes out perfect, and her babysitting magic also brings the parents in at the same time too. The babysitters remain quiet when the parents question why some of the kids are wearing different clothes.
With that, the kids and their families head back to Watson's to set up for the rehearsal dinner. Kristy remarks that she's going to miss the kids. After spending a week babysitting for them and having to endure not just the wrath of Karen, but the wrath of Emma? That BSC Kool-Aid is really getting to her. Sam and Charlie finally show up again, and say they won't miss them. Kristy says they've made sure to come home everyday that week five minutes after everyone left. Charlie's spending the whole day, indulging in unmentionable time with Janine. Sam, who knows.
Elizabeth thinks the week they spent together will be enough to have David Michael and Karen get along better. Sam, like most of us, says Don't lay any bets on it. We'll revisit that when Karen makes her little girl version of NO MA'AM, the We Hate Boys Club.
Thankfully, we're spared the details of the rehearsal dinner; it sounds like the wedding party had their rehearsal at church, while all their guests prepared for the dinner itself at Watson's. At the church, Karen pitches a fit when she learns the florist was unable to get her yellow and white flower petals on such short notice (gee, I wonder why? Could it be because they gave the florist a week to get everything together?), so she'll have to make do with just white. Karen's worried because the white magic of her flower petals will crash into the black magic at Morbidda Destiny's house and BA-ROOM (her word, not mine), cause total destruction. And Watson, for once in his life, tells her what we're all thinking: SHUT UP, KAREN. Well, he didn't say that. Karen, not another word about that nonsense. Not one. Eh, I'll give him credit for trying, because we all know Karen isn't going to shut up about Morbidda Destiny.
The dinner's at Watson's and Kristy says the BSC got all dressed up like they were going to one of their many school dances. And, oh yeah, Kristy wears a dress again and she let Claudia help her pick it out! Oh no...this has the potential to look awful. It was a gigantic white sweater with silver designs woven into it. It was a very un-Kristy type dress - and I felt glamorous. Ok, not too bad. I don't know if it the big sweater dress trend of the late 80s was a good or bad thing, I was too young for it. But...a big sweater dress at the end of June?
Kristy shows the other girls the room she picked out and Dawn's first reaction is It's...it's big."
I think that warrants a...
Stacey's more excited about the slumber parties they could have in that big of a room. You know she means the ones where she gives everyone a one-on-one lesson in french kissing. While Claudia gives Kristy advice on how to decorate with a mural or a canopy bed, Mary Anne acts all sad. She isn't moving to another country, Mary Anne, you'll both still be BFF! And I guess Karen's been messing with Kristy's mind, because she says she's relieved her new room doesn't look into Morbidda Destiny's yard.
And the girls get paid, $130 each - $120, plus an extra 10 because they did such a wonderful job. And Kristy still doesn't know what to get Elizabeth and Watson.
Chapter 13:
FINALLY! It's the wedding day! This snark is getting incredibly long, so I'll try and keep the rest of this non-rambling, for my and your sanity.
Nannie shows up and helps Elizabeth pack for the honeymoon, then they head out to the hair salon (aw, Kristy doesn't get her hair done too?). They come back, and Nannie has everyone eat something. Kristy goes to get changed - yes, Nannie finished two dresses in time for the ceremony. Because everything works out perfectly in Stoneybrook.
Kristy invites Mary Anne over to help her get dressed, and after she gets the dress on, she puts on stockings (in June?) and her high heels. Kristy's excited, and starts spazzing about tripping (no, Sharon isn't...oh wait. I'll hold that thought). Yes, Kristy is really getting in touch with her girly side here.
Anyway, Nannie drives them all to Watson's in the Pink Clinker. Since they're following the "it's bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding" thing, they go off into one of the many rooms in the MANSION to finish getting ready. Karen's skipping around the room, singing about her magic flower petals. Elizabeth worries she'll wear herself out (I think you'd want that, because I'd take that over a hyper Karen), then Kristy remembers the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" thing. Thankfully, Elizabeth's already got it covered, and lets everyone know that she's wearing blue underwear. TMI! Though...didn't Dawn go through this with Sharon in #30, and Sharon told her that her underwear was new? Way to go with recycling ideas, AMM!
Andrew wanders in, all disheveled because he just finished playing Wiggle Puppy. Kristy helps him get ready, and I think this was the scene that was depicted on both versions of the book's cover. I could have sworn he was wearing his tool belt too, but I think that was in the LS book where Karen's a flower girl for Ms. Colman.
The wedding party lines up on the patio of the MANSION, and Kristy is surprised to see Charlie and Sam in tuxes and looking handsome and solemn and somehow not much like my big brothers. Charlie scans the crowd for Janine so they can stare at each other lovingly during the ceremony.
Kristy says the yard looks beautiful, with lots of garland and flowers. So I guess a bunch of people can throw together a decent-looking wedding in a week! Or, at least, in Stoneybrook they can. Instead of wondering where all the flowers came from, Kristy says everything would be perfect, if it wasn't for the sight of Morbidda Destiny's house in the background. Oh lord, is she really subscribing to that crap now?
Kristy's next and she walks down the aisle slowly, holding her bouquet of flowers. And more OOCness for Kristy, because when she sees Mary Anne and Claudia (but not Stacey or Dawn, ouch), she almost cries. She gets to the end and turns around to see Karen happily walking down the aisle in front of Charlie and Elizabeth. No stage fright for her, Kristy observes. Of course Little Miss Look at Me, Look at Me, Look at Meeeeee wouldn't have a problem being flower girl with all eyes on her! You should know that Kristy!
Wedding details are (thankfully) skipped, because I have no interest in them. Oh, except JAMIE NEWTON IS THERE AND CALLS OUT "HI-HI!" DURING THE WEDDING! I know Kristy's babysat for him for awhile, but are their families really that close? Or did his parents dump him and Lucy on the babysitters again, because they had to read the newspaper? Geez, next we're going to find out the Pikes and Barretts are there too.
As the ceremony finishes up, Kristy notices Stacey pointing frantically at her. Oh shit, her dress tore as she was walking down and everyone can see her slip! It's that Time of the Month! Wait, no. That wouldn't be in a BSC book. Kristy realizes Stacey isn't pointing at her, she's pointing at Karen, who's staring terrified at something behind them. Sharon's trying to smoke Watson's plants Morbidda Destiny crashed the wedding! Karen screams, but thankfully, gets drowned out by applause because Watson and Elizabeth kissed.
Kristy herself is also scared of Morbidda Destiny, in full black dress, with her snapping eyes and her frazzly, witchy hair. When you put it that way, she sounds like Miss Havisham. Only without all the "still wearing her wedding gown" stuff. Karen wails that the magics are going to crash. I hope they do right on you, Karen. Shut up. Unfazed, Morbidda Destiny offers Watson and Elizabeth a wedding gift and Karen screams for her dad not to take it, because it's a wedding spell, and finally covers Karen's mouth up. Watson accepts the gift and invites Morbidda Destiny to stay for the reception, and Karen bites his hand. She does stay, and Karen hides in the house until she leaves. We never find out what the gift was, maybe it was a magical spell to make Karen stop being so annoying, but they never got around to finding out how to use it.
Later, the caterer wheels the cake out and Kristy says tears spring to her eyes when Elizabeth and Watson cut the first piece together and eat it with their wrists intertwined. Ok, I'm counting that as the first of two times Kristy cried in a BSC book. So she is human afterall, and not a dictator robot bent on taking over the world. She reflects on the two families coming together, and gets one of her patented Great Ideas about what to do for a present.
Chapter 14:
Everyone's leaving after the wedding, they all have station wagons, for some reason. The Millers, Meiners, and Fielding drive away into the sunset and off into the wonderful world of BSC Obscurity, joining Sarge the Cat, the Shillaber twins, the racist Lowells, and the Trip-Man.
A friend of Watson's drives Karen and Andrew back to the Little House. Are we sure it's a friend of Watson's, or is it one of Lisa and Seth's friends from their Stoneybrook Swingers group?
Watson and Elizabeth are preparing to leave on their week-long honeymoon at an inn in Vermont. RIGHT BEFORE MOVING?! You know, you don't always have to take the honeymoon right after the wedding, one of my friends waited almost a year before going on her's. When are the Thomases going to pack everything up? Or are Kristy and her siblings expected to do all that. And leaving Charlie in charge? Ok, so he's 16. I guess we should thankful it isn't an 11-year-old watching two little kids alone for a whole weekend!
Elizabeth throws some last-minute instructions at him and Nannie says she'll be on call (but is going home because she's exhausted...this is the last time she'll get to rest before she becomes live-in babysitter), then Elizabeth and Watson get the hell out of there. When they're alone, Charlie says All right, you guys. You heard Mom. I'm in charge. There are the house rules. Geez, the dictator gene runs in this family!
Oh wait. He's just trying to be funny. Dinner every night will be pizza. Everyone must go to bed an hour later than usual...If the Junk Bucket's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'! But David Michael still has to take his vitamins. Lame.
And David Michael got Watson and Elizabeth goldfish for a wedding gift. Whatever happened to those goldfish? Did they die after a week? Geez, even the pets are peripheral characters in this book.
Kristy goes to Claudia's to work on her present. A family tree. And I'm borrowing this image from the last snark done of this book (which is incredibly hilarious, check it out!)
How thoughtful. It looks like Karen and David Michael made it. The bow's made of actual ribbon, and the background's a piece of wallpaper, but it still looks like an elementary school art project. And, echoing the previous snark, she needed Claudia's help making the flowers? Kristy, are you that unartistic?
They're joined by the other BSC girls, who come bearing photos from the wedding. Stacey got them developed at the one-hour photo place downtown! Ah yes, the days before digital cameras (though I know there's still photo developing places out there). They giggle over Kristy looking nervous and wearing a dress, and Kristy gets grossed out that Stacey took a picture of her mom kissing Watson. Because it's a wedding, Kristy. At least she didn't scream TMI this time.
When asked what she's going to do with her dress, Kristy says she doesn't know, she'll probably outgrow it soon. Not if you're stuck in 8th grade for 13 more years! Mary Anne says she doesn't want her to grow, because she doesn't want to be the "class shrimp." Nice.
The girls admire Kristy's gift for her mom and Watson, and Kristy smiles because the creation of a new family was what the wedding had truly been all about. Took her the whole book to figure that out?
I thought this would be a difficult book to snark, because it's so popular, but there was actually quite a bit of stuff to make fun of in it!
As for my next victim...I can't decide.
-#44: Dawn and the Big Sleepover
-#45: Kristy and the Baby Parade
I know they've been snarked already, but it's already been a few months since and I'm working with a limited supply of books :(
You guys choose and put your vote in a comment, please! Thank you!
Chapters 4-6
Chapters 7-9
Ok, let's see if I can finish this in one go. There's 5 chapters in this one, because for some reason, this book is missing a Chapter 15. I'm really sorry, but pull up a chair, it's incredibly long. But don't worry, I put pictures in! (Thank you dearly to dibbly-fresh.com, which saves the day once again). Oh, and I've got a poll at the end for what book I should snark next, because I can't make up my mind.
Chapter 10:
We start out with a notebook entry from Mary Anne, whose handwriting isn't as sweeping as usual. The content's kind of dull though. Until today, I didn't know that "barber" is a dirty word. But it is - to little boys. Is it really? Chuckie was afraid of getting his hair cut on Rugrats, but he was two years old and terrified of like everything. So basically, Mary Anne as a toddler. When my brother was younger, he had no problem with getting his hair cut, mainly because it meant a lollipop at the end.
So I guess being in Stoneybrook rubbed off on Kristy's relatives and Watson's friends, as they ask the babysitters to take their sons to the barber, then get the hell outta there.. Ok, so maybe that isn't typical "Laissez-Faire Stoneybrook Parenting," but it still strikes me as weird for them to be like "Here, take the kids to the barber for us!". Kristy's already preparing for the worst, saying it's going to be David Michael's tears and whining and complaining and multiply them by six. Sounds lovely. But they're the BSC, they can handle any whiny, bratty, crying child! I mean, they babysit for Claire Pike and Karen Brewer.
The girls divvy up the job and decide Kristy will take them, since she's related to most of them, and Mary Anne volunteers to go too, as she's sick of hanging around the house with the babies. But I thought you wanted the baby group soooo bad! After lunch, Kristy says it's barber time, and Andrew, Peter, and Patrick start screaming like she just announced Karen's going to be babysitting them for the rest of the week. The older boys (Luke, David Michael, and Berk) climb a tree, and refuse to come down until Kristy threatens to sick Nannie on them. Apparently, Nannie's a badass when it comes to disciplining kids.
David Michael whines that the last time he went to Mr. Gates, he made him look like a horned owl. He made David Michael look like the YA RLY owl? How would he do that? Make him two cowlicks? Weird. Kristy tells him to shut up (well, in a nicer way than that) and she and Mary Anne load the little boys into a wagon. As they leave the yard, Emma laughs at them, until Ashley covers her mouth. I like this Ashley...now if only someone would do that to Karen...actually, I'll hold that thought for a few more chapters.
They arrive, Luke makes a crack about Mr. Gates, but quiets down when Mary Anne gives him a "hideous" look. Whatever that means. Mr. Gates calls for his assistant, Mr. Pratt, to help him. Kristy says Mr. Pratt's a skinny, jumpy-looking man who keeps laughing to himself. For some reason, he sounds incredibly creepy.
Luke and David Michael are the first two victims. They refuse, so Kristy pulls the "I'm calling Nannie on the pay phone" card, and they quickly get in the chairs. Wow, what does she do that they're so afraid of? While Kristy keeps an eye on them, Mary Anne has her hands full with the four younger boys, who are climbing around on the chairs. She pulls Peter on her lap after he exclaims he's Rocket Man. Aw, let him do his Elton John impression! You're such a killjoy, Mary Anne.
Luke and David Michael snark on Mr. Pratt, like we snark on BSC books, and David Michael repeats the horned owl thing, which he follows up by sticking his tongue at Kristy, though Mr. Gates thinks it was intended for him. He mentions he's got lollipops for well-behaved customers, and the boys say they're too old for lollipops (though Kristy tells us David Michael asked for two last time he got his hair cut). Hey, you're never too old for lollipops! And since when did David Michael's brattiness start crossing into Karen territory?
Well that did it, because Kristy scolds them both for being rude, and says she's calling Nannie to come and lay the smack down on them. Wow...another case of a BSC member being assertive when babysitting instead of letting the kids walk all over her! What ever went wrong after this? Terrified, David Michael promises to be good, and tells Luke that his sister means business. They stop complaining and remain on their best behavior the rest of the time.
Berk and Andrew whine as they go up next, but quiet down when they're promised lollipops. When it's Peter and Patrick's turn, Peter keeps trying to kick Mr. Gates in the leg and Patrick cries the whole time, despite Kristy singing 17 verses of Old MacDonald (how do you get through 17 verses of that?). The barbershop's still in one piece when the group leaves, and Kristy reminds us there's a subplot going on when she says she needs the perfect gift for Elizabeth and Watson. Unfortunately, none of the suggestions Mary Anne and the kids give her sound good: Toaster oven (Kristy says Watson has 3...how big is his kitchen?), tray, picnic basket, fire engine, robot. And David Michael wants to know what he should give them. Would mailing Karen to Abu Dhabi count as a gift? Who got the reference? Show of hands!
Chapter 11:
Another notebook entry. And this is a Claudia one, though her handwriting kind of looks like Kristy's. I don't know what kind of calendar Claudia's following, but she wrote this entry on a Firday. Claudia starts out with Unfiar! So there's no fires in the Thomas house, whew. Those two errors aside, Claudia actually makes it through the rest of the entry without embarrassing herself. She whines to Kristy about how they shouldn't have to write in the notebook because they're all at the same sitting job, and ergo, they know what's going on. How dare you question the rules of the BSC, Claudia! 10 lashes for you! Kristy will go easy this time, since it's still early in the series.
Claudia says it's unfiar because it rained the whole day and the kids got bored, so she came up with a great idea. Don't tell Kristy, she'll claim it as her own!
As Claudia said, it's raining so they spend the whole morning doing indoor activities - board games, reading, arts and crafts, baking cookies (Mary Anne dumps the babies in the playpen to help...guess she's getting bored with the baby group she specifically requested). And some of the kids *gasp* even watch Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street ON TV! And their brains didn't fall out! Wow, the BSC really took a risk with letting them do that.
After lunch, the kids grow restless and whine that they're sick of reading books and playing games. Emma wants to give the babies a bath, which is met with a resounding "NO!" from Mary Anne. Probably because she's sick and tired of babies. And did I mention I'm happy Emma never turned up again?
The BSC wonders what kind of activity they can wrangle the kids into, and since this is an early book, "Carnival," "marching band," and "poetry slam" aren't the first things that pop into their minds. By this point, the little kids and babies are taking naps, Emma's chasing Katherine around like the little pain she is, Ashley's complaining her leg hurts, and Peter's jumping up and down on the couch. Oh, and Karen's got David Michael and Berk in the corner, and they keep shooting glances over at Dawn, and Kristy hears the word "Martian" coming up in their conversation. Dawn's a Martian, everyone!
When Luke lines up coffee cans on the carpet and brings in a skateboard, the girls realize they have to think of something fast, because kids obviously can't be left to their own devices. Dawn says they should split everyone up, and Stacey shoots that down, saying "They've done everything, already. They've been through every Kid-Kit, played every game, read every book, sung every song..." How dare you even suggest that the BSC are running out of stuff to do, Stacey! The BSC always triumphs! 5 lashes for you!
And the BSC does always triumph, because Mary Anne says they should do something together, but work in the smaller groups (and since your group really can't work on anything, are you trying to get yourself off the hook?). I spoke too soon about the BSC not following their usual m.o., because Dawn suggests a talent show. Call me a bitch, but I love how confident these girls are in always planning talent shows, thinking all the kids they sit for are able to showcase talent. Not everyone are prodigies like the Perkinses!
Kristy says they only need to occupy the kids for a couple of hours, since that evening is the rehearsal dinner. Kristy gives us a quick definition of what a rehearsal dinner is and adds that it's paid for by the groom's family. So if Watson's paying for it, it's going to be good, since he's a MILLIONAIRE and all. And, of course, everyone's invited, including the BSC. Hey, Watson's a MILLIONAIRE, he can afford it.
Since the parents can't be arsed to dress their kids up themselves, they ask the BSC to get the kids all dressed up (each of the kids are dropped off with a change of clothes) and ready so when they come back for the day, they can just bring them over to Watson's. Yeah, they're busy all day at Watson's already, and don't want to go back to their hotel (then why not bring the kids to Watson's and change them in one of the like 30 rooms he has there?), but I'm going to agree with Kristy and say expecting five 12-year-olds to dress 14 children for a fancy dinner party is a recipe for disaster. And...we have foreshadowing!
Claudia then speaks up with a Great Idea - and no, Kristy doesn't give us the usual "Wow, I wish I thought of that! DAMN YOU!" response. She thinks since the kids have been surrounded by wedding crap the whole week, why don't they have the kids stage their own wedding? The BSCers laugh over this, and decide it would be a great idea. And I can't tell if this is a burn or not, but Claudia asks Kristy, "Do you still have those old clothes you used to play make-believe with last summer?" If they're looking for wacky dress-up stuff, why don't they just go across the street and raid Claudia's room?
But they don't have to, because Kristy says in addition to her old things, last year, her grandma (her other one, so I'm assuming it's Patrick's mom) sent them a big trunk of dress-up stuff. What, was she expecting David Michael to use it?
Kristy comes back into the play room (so the Thomases old house is small enough that David Michael's room is the size of a closet, but they have a play room?) with the clothes, to find the BSCers and the kids have already chosen roles for the wedding party. Karen, of course, is the bride, and David Michael is the very unlucky groom. They apparently don't care that they're soon to be step-siblings, as Karen explains they're the bethrothed because they're the same height. Remember the days when height was the measuring stick for everything? My 1st grade class had to line up in size order when we were going somewhere, and I was always like 3rd from the front.
As for the rest of the wedding party, Luke's the minister, Ashley's the mother of the bride (to play the part, she needs to be passing out invitations to the next Stoneybrook Swingers gathering), Emma and Grace are the maids-of-honor (though Kristy later calls them bridesmaids), Katherine's the flower girl, and I guess Berk is a REAL, LIVE MILLIONAIRE because he's giving Karen away (because no one else wants her). Finally, Peter and Mr. I'm-So-Shy Andrew are ushers, and Patrick's the ring bearer.
So they dress the kids up while Mary Anne minds the babies and helps with costumes (thought you'd slip away easily, didn't you?). They gather together for a quick rehearsal, and David Michael's in his best suit and he's got a top hat on from the box of old clothes. Karen, of course, has the most amazing costume of all as the bride. I'm assuming that isn't sarcasm, and Kristy truly does think it's amazing. She's wearing a lovely, lovely pink veil, a hat with a bird's nest (and eggs) on it, a pair of Elizabeth's shoes, and a ton of jewelry. Her wedding dress is bright blue and covered in sequins. Claudia makes a mental note to fashion together a similar ensemble when she gets married.
Ashley complains that a wedding gown shouldn't be electric blue; rather, it should be white, or maybe yellow. Kristy sticks up for Karen and says a wedding gown can be any color, and shuts the girls up when Karen sticks her tongue at Ashley and they start arguing. Ashley says she's playing the part as the mother of the bride, and I always thought that was a funny line.
I was going to put the "wedding" scene from the tv show here, but while youtube does have a few episodes up, this isn't one of them :(
Oh! Wait! Dibbly-fresh can help me illustrate the wedding!
Kristy snaps away on her Polaroid (which, unfortunately, now dates this book like whoa) while Andrew and Peter escort Ashley and the babysitters and the younger kids to their seats. Then Andrew plays the Wedding March on the flute up his nose. Next up are the bridesmaids!
I guess that's Emma and Grace. Way to go, tv show, they held the wedding indoors because it was raining! And Mary Anne's hair isn't in braids anymore, GEEZ!
There's no screencaps of this part, but Katherine the flower girl goes next, wearing a tutu and throwing confetti out of an old Easter basket. I pity whoever has to clean up after that. Why couldn't she have used tissues like in that Ramona book, it would have made it a lot easier! And LOL at me referencing Ramona Quimby in another snark. She's better than this.
Finally, Karen walks down the aisle with Berk and she joins David Michael at the altar. Might I add, the tv show got the outfits right yay!
Well, almost everything. Karen's tacky mess of a hat isn't there, but I doubt they could recreate that.
This whole scene is full of "Kids Say/Do the Darndest Things!" stuff. Luke, as the minister, says "We're gathered here today to join these two guys in...in...holy moly." The babysitters try not to laugh, but they do anyway:
(More like Kristy and Mary Anne are giggling at Stacey and Claudia here)
"Karen, do you promise to love your husband, and help him out and not hog the television and not be a bratty obnoxious twit?" "And you David Michael, do you promise to love your wife and help her out and show her how to ride a two-wheeler and not whine like a 4-year-old?" I think they know what they're in for, because they both respond "I guess."
Luke, for some reason, asks if they want kids; Karen says yes, David Michael says no, because he dreads what a combination of Karen's brattiness and his whininess would result in. Luke reminds that if they do have kids, they should be nice to them, and the others kids chime in with other suggestions - no bedtime, don't yell at them if they forget to feed the dog, let them go into the toy store once in awhile and let them by whatever they want, even it's more than $40! Essentially, follow the model the parents of Stoneybrook gave them, I think Emma had Watson in mind for that last suggestion.
Karen and David Michael agree, and after they exchange rings, Luke proclaims it's time for them to kiss. Both kids are all DO NOT WANT and run for the hills, which is what the last picture Kristy takes is. To quote Jessi from the tv show, "So much for that marriage!"
Chapter 12:
Rehearsal dinner time! The girls take the bags of clothes and the kids and go off to various parts of the house to get them changed. Kristy opens Andrew's bag and pulls out a yellow dress. Wow, is Watson such a lazyass father that he can't even put together a change of clothing properly? Or is he such a stereotypical rich guy that he's cross-dressing his son, like they did back in Victorian times? (And yes, two of the children in that painting are boys).
Kristy thinks she pulled it out of the wrong bag by mistake, but Katherine and Grace say the dress isn't theirs. And sure enough, the bag has Andrew's name on it. While Kristy ponders this, Mary Anne calls her from the kitchen. Leaving two five-year-olds and a four-year-old unattended in the playroom (Kristy tells them to stay put), she goes to see what the problem is. There's a bow tie and gray flannel pants in Beth's bag and a long white slip in Tony's bag! Geez, are all the parents so clueless they can't even pack clothing for their kids without screwing up? Since this is Stoneybrook, I wouldn't be too surprised. Either that, or they had Sharon prepare the bags.
Claudia calls for Kristy from the living room and before Kristy can go see what's wrong, Stacey storms into the kitchen with Emma, who looked as if she couldn't decide whether to giggle or cry. So it wasn't the parents or Sharon in a drug-induced stupor. Emma pranked them by switching the clothes around while everyone was eating lunch. If Karen had done it, Kristy would just laugh, shake her head and get to work sorting the clothes, while praising Karen for being so silly and funny. But this is Emma, and Kristy is, needless to say, pissed. Mainly because it's their last day babysitting and Emma's just thrown a wrench into the perfection that was their biggest babysitting job. That being said, it was a pretty clever prank for an 8-year-old.
Kristy tries to control her temper and Emma starts crying. Tears aren't enough to soften Kristy and she makes Emma sit alone in the den and think about what she did while she and the other babysitters try to sort the clothes out. Thankfully, some of the clothes have nametags, the older kids can pick what belongs to them and their younger siblings, and they use common sense to sort everything else out in time. Everything works out for the BSC! Half an hour later, Kristy lets Emma out of the den, who apologizes to her cousin. Kristy says I felt sort of mean. I could tell she'd been crying. First Kristy, then Dawn. What's with being in charge, then feeling guilty about it when you discipline kids for being bad? Wimps.
Since there's two shots left on the Polaroid, the girls pose the kids for a nice picture and they have Claudia arrange the kids because her one personality trait is being artistic. Well, that and having the same reading level as the kids in her group (2-3 years old). She instructs Berk to not sit on the back of the couch, but on the couch like a regular person. With how you dress, you have no right asking someone to be a regular person, Claudia.
First picture comes out bad, because kids are pulling each other's hair and poking each other and have their eyes closed, and Kristy tells them to try again. With her babysitting magic, the second picture comes out perfect, and her babysitting magic also brings the parents in at the same time too. The babysitters remain quiet when the parents question why some of the kids are wearing different clothes.
With that, the kids and their families head back to Watson's to set up for the rehearsal dinner. Kristy remarks that she's going to miss the kids. After spending a week babysitting for them and having to endure not just the wrath of Karen, but the wrath of Emma? That BSC Kool-Aid is really getting to her. Sam and Charlie finally show up again, and say they won't miss them. Kristy says they've made sure to come home everyday that week five minutes after everyone left. Charlie's spending the whole day, indulging in unmentionable time with Janine. Sam, who knows.
Elizabeth thinks the week they spent together will be enough to have David Michael and Karen get along better. Sam, like most of us, says Don't lay any bets on it. We'll revisit that when Karen makes her little girl version of NO MA'AM, the We Hate Boys Club.
Thankfully, we're spared the details of the rehearsal dinner; it sounds like the wedding party had their rehearsal at church, while all their guests prepared for the dinner itself at Watson's. At the church, Karen pitches a fit when she learns the florist was unable to get her yellow and white flower petals on such short notice (gee, I wonder why? Could it be because they gave the florist a week to get everything together?), so she'll have to make do with just white. Karen's worried because the white magic of her flower petals will crash into the black magic at Morbidda Destiny's house and BA-ROOM (her word, not mine), cause total destruction. And Watson, for once in his life, tells her what we're all thinking: SHUT UP, KAREN. Well, he didn't say that. Karen, not another word about that nonsense. Not one. Eh, I'll give him credit for trying, because we all know Karen isn't going to shut up about Morbidda Destiny.
The dinner's at Watson's and Kristy says the BSC got all dressed up like they were going to one of their many school dances. And, oh yeah, Kristy wears a dress again and she let Claudia help her pick it out! Oh no...this has the potential to look awful. It was a gigantic white sweater with silver designs woven into it. It was a very un-Kristy type dress - and I felt glamorous. Ok, not too bad. I don't know if it the big sweater dress trend of the late 80s was a good or bad thing, I was too young for it. But...a big sweater dress at the end of June?
Kristy shows the other girls the room she picked out and Dawn's first reaction is It's...it's big."
I think that warrants a...
Stacey's more excited about the slumber parties they could have in that big of a room. You know she means the ones where she gives everyone a one-on-one lesson in french kissing. While Claudia gives Kristy advice on how to decorate with a mural or a canopy bed, Mary Anne acts all sad. She isn't moving to another country, Mary Anne, you'll both still be BFF! And I guess Karen's been messing with Kristy's mind, because she says she's relieved her new room doesn't look into Morbidda Destiny's yard.
And the girls get paid, $130 each - $120, plus an extra 10 because they did such a wonderful job. And Kristy still doesn't know what to get Elizabeth and Watson.
Chapter 13:
FINALLY! It's the wedding day! This snark is getting incredibly long, so I'll try and keep the rest of this non-rambling, for my and your sanity.
Nannie shows up and helps Elizabeth pack for the honeymoon, then they head out to the hair salon (aw, Kristy doesn't get her hair done too?). They come back, and Nannie has everyone eat something. Kristy goes to get changed - yes, Nannie finished two dresses in time for the ceremony. Because everything works out perfectly in Stoneybrook.
Kristy invites Mary Anne over to help her get dressed, and after she gets the dress on, she puts on stockings (in June?) and her high heels. Kristy's excited, and starts spazzing about tripping (no, Sharon isn't...oh wait. I'll hold that thought). Yes, Kristy is really getting in touch with her girly side here.
Anyway, Nannie drives them all to Watson's in the Pink Clinker. Since they're following the "it's bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding" thing, they go off into one of the many rooms in the MANSION to finish getting ready. Karen's skipping around the room, singing about her magic flower petals. Elizabeth worries she'll wear herself out (I think you'd want that, because I'd take that over a hyper Karen), then Kristy remembers the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" thing. Thankfully, Elizabeth's already got it covered, and lets everyone know that she's wearing blue underwear. TMI! Though...didn't Dawn go through this with Sharon in #30, and Sharon told her that her underwear was new? Way to go with recycling ideas, AMM!
Andrew wanders in, all disheveled because he just finished playing Wiggle Puppy. Kristy helps him get ready, and I think this was the scene that was depicted on both versions of the book's cover. I could have sworn he was wearing his tool belt too, but I think that was in the LS book where Karen's a flower girl for Ms. Colman.
The wedding party lines up on the patio of the MANSION, and Kristy is surprised to see Charlie and Sam in tuxes and looking handsome and solemn and somehow not much like my big brothers. Charlie scans the crowd for Janine so they can stare at each other lovingly during the ceremony.
Kristy says the yard looks beautiful, with lots of garland and flowers. So I guess a bunch of people can throw together a decent-looking wedding in a week! Or, at least, in Stoneybrook they can. Instead of wondering where all the flowers came from, Kristy says everything would be perfect, if it wasn't for the sight of Morbidda Destiny's house in the background. Oh lord, is she really subscribing to that crap now?
Kristy's next and she walks down the aisle slowly, holding her bouquet of flowers. And more OOCness for Kristy, because when she sees Mary Anne and Claudia (but not Stacey or Dawn, ouch), she almost cries. She gets to the end and turns around to see Karen happily walking down the aisle in front of Charlie and Elizabeth. No stage fright for her, Kristy observes. Of course Little Miss Look at Me, Look at Me, Look at Meeeeee wouldn't have a problem being flower girl with all eyes on her! You should know that Kristy!
Wedding details are (thankfully) skipped, because I have no interest in them. Oh, except JAMIE NEWTON IS THERE AND CALLS OUT "HI-HI!" DURING THE WEDDING! I know Kristy's babysat for him for awhile, but are their families really that close? Or did his parents dump him and Lucy on the babysitters again, because they had to read the newspaper? Geez, next we're going to find out the Pikes and Barretts are there too.
As the ceremony finishes up, Kristy notices Stacey pointing frantically at her. Oh shit, her dress tore as she was walking down and everyone can see her slip! It's that Time of the Month! Wait, no. That wouldn't be in a BSC book. Kristy realizes Stacey isn't pointing at her, she's pointing at Karen, who's staring terrified at something behind them. Sharon's trying to smoke Watson's plants Morbidda Destiny crashed the wedding! Karen screams, but thankfully, gets drowned out by applause because Watson and Elizabeth kissed.
Kristy herself is also scared of Morbidda Destiny, in full black dress, with her snapping eyes and her frazzly, witchy hair. When you put it that way, she sounds like Miss Havisham. Only without all the "still wearing her wedding gown" stuff. Karen wails that the magics are going to crash. I hope they do right on you, Karen. Shut up. Unfazed, Morbidda Destiny offers Watson and Elizabeth a wedding gift and Karen screams for her dad not to take it, because it's a wedding spell, and finally covers Karen's mouth up. Watson accepts the gift and invites Morbidda Destiny to stay for the reception, and Karen bites his hand. She does stay, and Karen hides in the house until she leaves. We never find out what the gift was, maybe it was a magical spell to make Karen stop being so annoying, but they never got around to finding out how to use it.
Later, the caterer wheels the cake out and Kristy says tears spring to her eyes when Elizabeth and Watson cut the first piece together and eat it with their wrists intertwined. Ok, I'm counting that as the first of two times Kristy cried in a BSC book. So she is human afterall, and not a dictator robot bent on taking over the world. She reflects on the two families coming together, and gets one of her patented Great Ideas about what to do for a present.
Chapter 14:
Everyone's leaving after the wedding, they all have station wagons, for some reason. The Millers, Meiners, and Fielding drive away into the sunset and off into the wonderful world of BSC Obscurity, joining Sarge the Cat, the Shillaber twins, the racist Lowells, and the Trip-Man.
A friend of Watson's drives Karen and Andrew back to the Little House. Are we sure it's a friend of Watson's, or is it one of Lisa and Seth's friends from their Stoneybrook Swingers group?
Watson and Elizabeth are preparing to leave on their week-long honeymoon at an inn in Vermont. RIGHT BEFORE MOVING?! You know, you don't always have to take the honeymoon right after the wedding, one of my friends waited almost a year before going on her's. When are the Thomases going to pack everything up? Or are Kristy and her siblings expected to do all that. And leaving Charlie in charge? Ok, so he's 16. I guess we should thankful it isn't an 11-year-old watching two little kids alone for a whole weekend!
Elizabeth throws some last-minute instructions at him and Nannie says she'll be on call (but is going home because she's exhausted...this is the last time she'll get to rest before she becomes live-in babysitter), then Elizabeth and Watson get the hell out of there. When they're alone, Charlie says All right, you guys. You heard Mom. I'm in charge. There are the house rules. Geez, the dictator gene runs in this family!
Oh wait. He's just trying to be funny. Dinner every night will be pizza. Everyone must go to bed an hour later than usual...If the Junk Bucket's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'! But David Michael still has to take his vitamins. Lame.
And David Michael got Watson and Elizabeth goldfish for a wedding gift. Whatever happened to those goldfish? Did they die after a week? Geez, even the pets are peripheral characters in this book.
Kristy goes to Claudia's to work on her present. A family tree. And I'm borrowing this image from the last snark done of this book (which is incredibly hilarious, check it out!)
How thoughtful. It looks like Karen and David Michael made it. The bow's made of actual ribbon, and the background's a piece of wallpaper, but it still looks like an elementary school art project. And, echoing the previous snark, she needed Claudia's help making the flowers? Kristy, are you that unartistic?
They're joined by the other BSC girls, who come bearing photos from the wedding. Stacey got them developed at the one-hour photo place downtown! Ah yes, the days before digital cameras (though I know there's still photo developing places out there). They giggle over Kristy looking nervous and wearing a dress, and Kristy gets grossed out that Stacey took a picture of her mom kissing Watson. Because it's a wedding, Kristy. At least she didn't scream TMI this time.
When asked what she's going to do with her dress, Kristy says she doesn't know, she'll probably outgrow it soon. Not if you're stuck in 8th grade for 13 more years! Mary Anne says she doesn't want her to grow, because she doesn't want to be the "class shrimp." Nice.
The girls admire Kristy's gift for her mom and Watson, and Kristy smiles because the creation of a new family was what the wedding had truly been all about. Took her the whole book to figure that out?
I thought this would be a difficult book to snark, because it's so popular, but there was actually quite a bit of stuff to make fun of in it!
As for my next victim...I can't decide.
-#44: Dawn and the Big Sleepover
-#45: Kristy and the Baby Parade
I know they've been snarked already, but it's already been a few months since and I'm working with a limited supply of books :(
You guys choose and put your vote in a comment, please! Thank you!