words in small
i think it was in between struggling to get the luggage into the car and bolting upstairs to see if i'd packed up everything when my mum came to me with this book. she pressed it in my hand and tried to keep from crying. and there i was standing on the landing with a book in my hand thinking the whole thing rather silly at that point. i was a bit bewildered that she was actually trying to put me though one of those ridiculous refrain-from-touching-each-other british moments, and, quite frankly, i wasn't going to stand for it. so i swept my mum in my arms and said, "hey, at least i'll pass". and we both had a bit of a laugh. i was sixteen and about to leave when she passed me this book, words in small, by john robert colombo - and she had scribbled within: "let even your nothings be full of meaning". the book's gone now, but the memory of it is still so absolutely incredible, and at the risk of doing a whole my-mum-is-better-than-your-mum thing, my mother awes me.
i still think about that book. it's this collection of minimalist short stories (all under 50 words) that tell/imply impossible tales, and whenever i was bored i'd pick one and try building a whole world out of those few words. it's been on my mind these few days especially since i was totally over the word limit on my thesis (handed it in on wed) - i fail miserably at being succinct. i had reached this point where it had been sitting on my desktop for days and i still couldn't bring myself to get jumpin' back into the fray to do some serious snipping. so, shocking conclusion and all, i decided to just hand it in before i did something totally drastic (like delete the intro and rewrite it from scratch). i'm a bit numb at the moment, so i'm finding a bit of amusement out of it all... but i suspect when my results come out, i might be doing some serious gnashing of teeth. esp. if that means there'd be no way they'd let me do the phd program. i'm really hoping to try for the lysaght scholarship.
hm. right now i'm thinking of the o'level urban legend where they had this essay question on courage and this student handed in this essay with just three words, "this is courage". haha. grace khoo had a field day screaming the shit out of us when we thought we could do something like that (chen yeshan will be rolling on the floor laughing if he ever reads this). sigh. in our defence we told her that ernest hemingway did write a short story in six words.... but, talking about gnashing of teeth, i'm quite surprised she hasn't ground them to little baby stumps by now.
twenty-three years ago: me =
baby on a potty
- where my life's all about eating, shitting, laughing.
fast forward to today: this is me = my life's still all about eating, shitting and laughing - but hey. at least i'm toilet trained. and of course, incredibly grateful that everything is done for now (fingers crossed). so, now twenty-three, semi-proud owner of two degrees (okay, that may be a bit premature seeing i haven't got my results yet), i will say this: "at least i passed". /launches into a nervous laugh.
tabula rasa is a shit place to be.
i did wake up yesterday at some obscene hour in the morning thinking: shit! day one of unemployment! shuffled around the cutlery sitting in the sink thinking about cleaning up, but that was too difficult. cuddled diesel. snacked on mee goreng (isn't unemployment so banal?). spent the rest of the morning telling a friend that her grand plan to finish some press kit was beyond impossible. then pigged out on double whoppers (reserved only for happy-food days), dropped off my resume at some cafes, hung out with emily and had way too many mojittos. we got to this point in our conversation where we both realised we could not continue pretending that life would just throw bon-bons at us (a point we should have gotten to maybe about three years ago). she had just left someone she'd been seeing for two years because he was heading nowhere, and i had just completed a degree i didn't want to use. so there we were, completely aimless ourselves, wondering what the bleepers we had just done. and then the alcohol set in and, wonderfully, we returned to whole wide world of who-cares. we're back to believing the world owes us bon-bons.
but after driving up to kyneton today, and really just getting out of the city, i guess i think i can handle the just eat, shit, laugh scenario for the moment (or at least until sunday when my bank account finally gasps its last breath). i know i'm definitely going to haul my ass up to london, spain and chicago this year. and i need to submit my research proposals by aug 1 (does anyone have spare research topics? it has to benefit australia in some way though). but i'm currently incubating a plan which i hope is going to hatch into some golden goose, and who knows? maybe this moment of nothingness might actually be meaningful.
after all, it's an empty journey to triumph if you don't plant the seeds of catastrophe along the way.
nite peeps.
i still think about that book. it's this collection of minimalist short stories (all under 50 words) that tell/imply impossible tales, and whenever i was bored i'd pick one and try building a whole world out of those few words. it's been on my mind these few days especially since i was totally over the word limit on my thesis (handed it in on wed) - i fail miserably at being succinct. i had reached this point where it had been sitting on my desktop for days and i still couldn't bring myself to get jumpin' back into the fray to do some serious snipping. so, shocking conclusion and all, i decided to just hand it in before i did something totally drastic (like delete the intro and rewrite it from scratch). i'm a bit numb at the moment, so i'm finding a bit of amusement out of it all... but i suspect when my results come out, i might be doing some serious gnashing of teeth. esp. if that means there'd be no way they'd let me do the phd program. i'm really hoping to try for the lysaght scholarship.
hm. right now i'm thinking of the o'level urban legend where they had this essay question on courage and this student handed in this essay with just three words, "this is courage". haha. grace khoo had a field day screaming the shit out of us when we thought we could do something like that (chen yeshan will be rolling on the floor laughing if he ever reads this). sigh. in our defence we told her that ernest hemingway did write a short story in six words.... but, talking about gnashing of teeth, i'm quite surprised she hasn't ground them to little baby stumps by now.
twenty-three years ago: me =
baby on a potty
- where my life's all about eating, shitting, laughing.
fast forward to today: this is me = my life's still all about eating, shitting and laughing - but hey. at least i'm toilet trained. and of course, incredibly grateful that everything is done for now (fingers crossed). so, now twenty-three, semi-proud owner of two degrees (okay, that may be a bit premature seeing i haven't got my results yet), i will say this: "at least i passed". /launches into a nervous laugh.
tabula rasa is a shit place to be.
i did wake up yesterday at some obscene hour in the morning thinking: shit! day one of unemployment! shuffled around the cutlery sitting in the sink thinking about cleaning up, but that was too difficult. cuddled diesel. snacked on mee goreng (isn't unemployment so banal?). spent the rest of the morning telling a friend that her grand plan to finish some press kit was beyond impossible. then pigged out on double whoppers (reserved only for happy-food days), dropped off my resume at some cafes, hung out with emily and had way too many mojittos. we got to this point in our conversation where we both realised we could not continue pretending that life would just throw bon-bons at us (a point we should have gotten to maybe about three years ago). she had just left someone she'd been seeing for two years because he was heading nowhere, and i had just completed a degree i didn't want to use. so there we were, completely aimless ourselves, wondering what the bleepers we had just done. and then the alcohol set in and, wonderfully, we returned to whole wide world of who-cares. we're back to believing the world owes us bon-bons.
but after driving up to kyneton today, and really just getting out of the city, i guess i think i can handle the just eat, shit, laugh scenario for the moment (or at least until sunday when my bank account finally gasps its last breath). i know i'm definitely going to haul my ass up to london, spain and chicago this year. and i need to submit my research proposals by aug 1 (does anyone have spare research topics? it has to benefit australia in some way though). but i'm currently incubating a plan which i hope is going to hatch into some golden goose, and who knows? maybe this moment of nothingness might actually be meaningful.
after all, it's an empty journey to triumph if you don't plant the seeds of catastrophe along the way.
nite peeps.