It has to end sometime.
We all hate to admit it. Its true though.
I've been going through this "thing" lately. I haven't got a better way to describe it. I'm too young for a midlife crisis. I feel sometimes as if I've lived long enough for one, though.
So anyhow, back to my thing.
I've been doing that thing you do w/ your brain. The one that produces the internal audio. Thinking. That's it. I've thought about my life. I've thought about my friend's lives. I've been thinking about the lives of some of my friend's friends. But mostly I've been thinking about my family.
By family, I mean the people nearest and dearest. They know who they are, and they know that they may not be related by blood. They also know that they're the ones that have been waiting for me to figure out what what fuck I'm going to do with my life. Well, here it is:
I HAVE NO IDEA.
Seriously, who does? I know what I'd like to do, and I know what I'd like NOT to do. The problem is, I've sat on my ass and not made EITHER of them happen. I'm doing what I didn't want to, and not doing what I wanted to do. I am not going to school, I am not being responsible, and I am not behaving like an adult.
That's right, I said the "bad" word. Adult. Its time. It was really time back at the end of 1997, but I couldn't do it. Well, I did for awhile. Then I don't know what happened, but I digress.
I've got all these serious thoughts. Like, "I'm in love with this guy and I want to marry him and have his kids, and he wants to marry me and have kids with me." I'm contemplating on how I can straighten myself out enough to be worthy of that kind of love in return.
Lets face it, I'm damaged goods. I'm not delusional enough to think otherwise. I'm definitely a fixer upper. The important thing is, I want to be "fixed". I just have to do it myself.
I had a long talk with a friend the other night, and it just reconfirmed all the crap going on in my head. The, "who am I's" and the "what if's". I've been aware that I need to do this, but I feel like I was dragging my heels and kicking and screaming.
No, I'm not saying I'm going to be a different person entirely. I'll still have fun at other people's expense (tomato boy), and I'll still go out sometimes to support my friends. I just need to focus more on me and mine here at home.
So yeah. I'll be around, and I'll still post stupid random angry stuff about the idiot in the next bathroom stall that doesn't get that I am NOT okay w/ chatting in a public restroom, but now I'm doing it as an angry adult.
Hey you guys, I actually feel like a grown up for the first time in my life. Its not as scary as I thought it would be.
I've been going through this "thing" lately. I haven't got a better way to describe it. I'm too young for a midlife crisis. I feel sometimes as if I've lived long enough for one, though.
So anyhow, back to my thing.
I've been doing that thing you do w/ your brain. The one that produces the internal audio. Thinking. That's it. I've thought about my life. I've thought about my friend's lives. I've been thinking about the lives of some of my friend's friends. But mostly I've been thinking about my family.
By family, I mean the people nearest and dearest. They know who they are, and they know that they may not be related by blood. They also know that they're the ones that have been waiting for me to figure out what what fuck I'm going to do with my life. Well, here it is:
I HAVE NO IDEA.
Seriously, who does? I know what I'd like to do, and I know what I'd like NOT to do. The problem is, I've sat on my ass and not made EITHER of them happen. I'm doing what I didn't want to, and not doing what I wanted to do. I am not going to school, I am not being responsible, and I am not behaving like an adult.
That's right, I said the "bad" word. Adult. Its time. It was really time back at the end of 1997, but I couldn't do it. Well, I did for awhile. Then I don't know what happened, but I digress.
I've got all these serious thoughts. Like, "I'm in love with this guy and I want to marry him and have his kids, and he wants to marry me and have kids with me." I'm contemplating on how I can straighten myself out enough to be worthy of that kind of love in return.
Lets face it, I'm damaged goods. I'm not delusional enough to think otherwise. I'm definitely a fixer upper. The important thing is, I want to be "fixed". I just have to do it myself.
I had a long talk with a friend the other night, and it just reconfirmed all the crap going on in my head. The, "who am I's" and the "what if's". I've been aware that I need to do this, but I feel like I was dragging my heels and kicking and screaming.
No, I'm not saying I'm going to be a different person entirely. I'll still have fun at other people's expense (tomato boy), and I'll still go out sometimes to support my friends. I just need to focus more on me and mine here at home.
So yeah. I'll be around, and I'll still post stupid random angry stuff about the idiot in the next bathroom stall that doesn't get that I am NOT okay w/ chatting in a public restroom, but now I'm doing it as an angry adult.
Hey you guys, I actually feel like a grown up for the first time in my life. Its not as scary as I thought it would be.