FIC: Both Sides Now - Annie/Jeff (Community)
Title: Both Sides Now
Author: brynna82
Rating: PG-13 (or T )
Character(s): Jeff/Annie
Summary: A rambling little character study about the finale kiss and beyond.
Disclaimer: I own nothing..
Both Sides Now
She has to stand on her toes just to reach his chin. She has to stand on a higher step if she wants to reach his mouth. There's comfort there, in knowing that he has to meet her halfway. Nearly all of their kisses are mutual, all give and take. He dips his head and she rises to her toes. He lifts, she clings. She tugs, he follows. Always in tandem. Always push and pull.
Maybe that's why it works.
With Vaughn it was sloppy kisses and too much hands and teeth that scraped. It was all vying for dominance. He wanted to teach and move forward and, though he was truly quite sweet, to conquer. She wanted to prove something. She wanted to prove that she was an adult, that she could be in a relationship, that she was desirable. She wanted to prove that she knew the moves and the steps. She wanted to show herself that it could be different, that this relationship stuff didn't have to destroy her.
And in that way, Vaughn served his purpose, didn't he?
She goes into this thing with Jeff with something that looks eerily like confidence. She stands on her toes and he dips down just slightly, just enough so that he can claim the kiss is theirs and not hers. And she never even gets to question if it's right or good or “what if” or “oh my God” or any of it. She just stands on her toes and trusts that he'll meet her halfway.
When they take a step back, she gives him a look that's equal parts challenge and question. And maybe that explains her now. Maybe she is insecure Annie and newly confident Annie all tangled up into something that's just right for Jeff. She's nineteen and he's thirty-something-or-other and everything they both know about the way of the world says this will never work.
And yet...
And yet he pulls her back, wraps his arms around her until she is flush against his body. Her hands are steady and high on his back. Her lips are sure and she takes what he offers without hesitation. He wouldn't have expected that. Her hair is down and his hand gets lost in it. Her hands clutch and then drift, trailing down his spine until they're flat against his lower back. He gives a satisfied little hum against her lips and wonders, fleetingly, how much of her reactions are knowledge and how much are instinct.
He pulls back because maybe he wants to see some of his Annie in this newly confident creature and when her eyes meet his, he sees her. Her eyes are wide and round and he suddenly wants to apologize for all of his past wrongs. Her eyes are searching, unsure, but her mouth quirks up just a little and he knows that this version of Annie, this girl who seizes the day and then manages to look scared and proud all at the same time, may just be a force to be reckoned with.
They walk away from that dance and that kiss and they grow together. Because, oh God, do they both have growing to do.
With Michelle, it was a pair of masks. It was mutual pleasure and the knowledge that what they had was fleeting. The sex was good and she never looked deeper and never expected him to look deeper. They lived the time they had to the fullest but they both knew it was just a stop on the road, just a detour until one or both of them decided to move on. Every step they took together was lateral.
With Annie, every step is up.
One day, she'll look back and marvel at the fact that it didn't take some perfect dream to make her grow up. It didn't take good grades or Troy or popularity. It just took chemistry. It took throwing caution to the wind and kissing the wrong guy until he became the right guy.
He teaches her to let her hair down and sleep in and drive with the gas light on. The first time he convinces her to blow off a study session to accompany him to a movie, he feels like a million bucks. The first time she lets him cop a feel when they are out at a club, he feels like goddamn Superman.
She grows by degrees.
She stands taller and finds her backbone. She learns to let go of a whole host of her insecurities. Jeff wants her and even as he learns more and sees more, he continues to want. They see one of her old school-mates and she barely leans on Jeff. She barely flinches as the asshole brings up her past indiscretions. She places a restraining hand on Jeff's chest and she handles it herself. And later, when they're laying in bed, their legs tangled together as they face each other and talk and laugh, she wonders if she's ever seen him look more proud.
It takes a teenager to make him a man.
It's a startling realization, really. He looks at her and for the first time in his life, he wants so much for someone else. He wants her to be happy. He wants her to shake off 'Little Annie Adderall.' He wants her to realize that she is oh so hot, that he aches for wanting her. He never gets used to the look on her face when he succeeds. He gets an A on a test they've studied weeks for and she doesn't stop smiling for three days.
He opens up to her and he realizes that maybe she is the only genuinely good person in his life. She identifies with his fears and insecurities and she offers quiet advice. He looks to her to take his side when they argue with the group and sometimes she does. She becomes his bellwether. He takes his stand and glances at Annie. A raised eyebrow means he's off-base, in the wrong. Sometimes he sticks to his guns anyway because he hasn't become a whole new person for God's sake. But sometimes? Sometimes he back-pedals, concedes whatever argument they're all having before it even begins. He offers her a wink that says, “Yeah yeah. You win.”
They don't manage to shake off some things. She still gets intimidated around women she thinks are more beautiful or smarter or better. He's still vain, still tends to slack more than not. She rambles and is high-strung. He can be dismissive and a bit of a jerk.
She still looks at him as if he can fix anything.
He still wants to break the face of anyone who makes her sad.
Sometimes she tries to remember those other dreams. She tries to remember her obsession over Troy, her desire to please everyone, all at once. And then she thinks of Jeff, standing in the kitchen, his boxers low on his hips and his hair standing on end. She thinks of him dressed to the nines, his eyes full of the kind of love and lust that makes her heart forget how to beat. The reality makes those dreams seem ridiculous, the imaginings of a little girl with no clue.
Sometimes he tries to remember hating Greendale. He tries to remember wanting to get Britta into bed and finding Annie absolutely maddening. And then he thinks of Annie, laying on the couch in only his dress shirt, an open book on her upturned knees and her lip drawn between her teeth. He thinks of her in a gorgeous dress, her eyes shy and her smile just for him as she adjusts his tie. He thinks of her and can only lament that they wasted a year. He should have kissed her that first day. A year. Ridiculous.
They don't know if it'll last forever. They know that most people think it won't. But those people only see that scary number that is their age difference. They only see savvy and naïve, confident and insecure. They don't see how she rises and he dips. They don't see the growth and the change and overwhelming, bounding leaps they've taken together.
And maybe it won't last.
But for now she stands on her toes and he meets her halfway and it's so much more than either of them imagined.
Author: brynna82
Rating: PG-13 (or T )
Character(s): Jeff/Annie
Summary: A rambling little character study about the finale kiss and beyond.
Disclaimer: I own nothing..
Both Sides Now
She has to stand on her toes just to reach his chin. She has to stand on a higher step if she wants to reach his mouth. There's comfort there, in knowing that he has to meet her halfway. Nearly all of their kisses are mutual, all give and take. He dips his head and she rises to her toes. He lifts, she clings. She tugs, he follows. Always in tandem. Always push and pull.
Maybe that's why it works.
With Vaughn it was sloppy kisses and too much hands and teeth that scraped. It was all vying for dominance. He wanted to teach and move forward and, though he was truly quite sweet, to conquer. She wanted to prove something. She wanted to prove that she was an adult, that she could be in a relationship, that she was desirable. She wanted to prove that she knew the moves and the steps. She wanted to show herself that it could be different, that this relationship stuff didn't have to destroy her.
And in that way, Vaughn served his purpose, didn't he?
She goes into this thing with Jeff with something that looks eerily like confidence. She stands on her toes and he dips down just slightly, just enough so that he can claim the kiss is theirs and not hers. And she never even gets to question if it's right or good or “what if” or “oh my God” or any of it. She just stands on her toes and trusts that he'll meet her halfway.
When they take a step back, she gives him a look that's equal parts challenge and question. And maybe that explains her now. Maybe she is insecure Annie and newly confident Annie all tangled up into something that's just right for Jeff. She's nineteen and he's thirty-something-or-other and everything they both know about the way of the world says this will never work.
And yet...
And yet he pulls her back, wraps his arms around her until she is flush against his body. Her hands are steady and high on his back. Her lips are sure and she takes what he offers without hesitation. He wouldn't have expected that. Her hair is down and his hand gets lost in it. Her hands clutch and then drift, trailing down his spine until they're flat against his lower back. He gives a satisfied little hum against her lips and wonders, fleetingly, how much of her reactions are knowledge and how much are instinct.
He pulls back because maybe he wants to see some of his Annie in this newly confident creature and when her eyes meet his, he sees her. Her eyes are wide and round and he suddenly wants to apologize for all of his past wrongs. Her eyes are searching, unsure, but her mouth quirks up just a little and he knows that this version of Annie, this girl who seizes the day and then manages to look scared and proud all at the same time, may just be a force to be reckoned with.
They walk away from that dance and that kiss and they grow together. Because, oh God, do they both have growing to do.
With Michelle, it was a pair of masks. It was mutual pleasure and the knowledge that what they had was fleeting. The sex was good and she never looked deeper and never expected him to look deeper. They lived the time they had to the fullest but they both knew it was just a stop on the road, just a detour until one or both of them decided to move on. Every step they took together was lateral.
With Annie, every step is up.
One day, she'll look back and marvel at the fact that it didn't take some perfect dream to make her grow up. It didn't take good grades or Troy or popularity. It just took chemistry. It took throwing caution to the wind and kissing the wrong guy until he became the right guy.
He teaches her to let her hair down and sleep in and drive with the gas light on. The first time he convinces her to blow off a study session to accompany him to a movie, he feels like a million bucks. The first time she lets him cop a feel when they are out at a club, he feels like goddamn Superman.
She grows by degrees.
She stands taller and finds her backbone. She learns to let go of a whole host of her insecurities. Jeff wants her and even as he learns more and sees more, he continues to want. They see one of her old school-mates and she barely leans on Jeff. She barely flinches as the asshole brings up her past indiscretions. She places a restraining hand on Jeff's chest and she handles it herself. And later, when they're laying in bed, their legs tangled together as they face each other and talk and laugh, she wonders if she's ever seen him look more proud.
It takes a teenager to make him a man.
It's a startling realization, really. He looks at her and for the first time in his life, he wants so much for someone else. He wants her to be happy. He wants her to shake off 'Little Annie Adderall.' He wants her to realize that she is oh so hot, that he aches for wanting her. He never gets used to the look on her face when he succeeds. He gets an A on a test they've studied weeks for and she doesn't stop smiling for three days.
He opens up to her and he realizes that maybe she is the only genuinely good person in his life. She identifies with his fears and insecurities and she offers quiet advice. He looks to her to take his side when they argue with the group and sometimes she does. She becomes his bellwether. He takes his stand and glances at Annie. A raised eyebrow means he's off-base, in the wrong. Sometimes he sticks to his guns anyway because he hasn't become a whole new person for God's sake. But sometimes? Sometimes he back-pedals, concedes whatever argument they're all having before it even begins. He offers her a wink that says, “Yeah yeah. You win.”
They don't manage to shake off some things. She still gets intimidated around women she thinks are more beautiful or smarter or better. He's still vain, still tends to slack more than not. She rambles and is high-strung. He can be dismissive and a bit of a jerk.
She still looks at him as if he can fix anything.
He still wants to break the face of anyone who makes her sad.
Sometimes she tries to remember those other dreams. She tries to remember her obsession over Troy, her desire to please everyone, all at once. And then she thinks of Jeff, standing in the kitchen, his boxers low on his hips and his hair standing on end. She thinks of him dressed to the nines, his eyes full of the kind of love and lust that makes her heart forget how to beat. The reality makes those dreams seem ridiculous, the imaginings of a little girl with no clue.
Sometimes he tries to remember hating Greendale. He tries to remember wanting to get Britta into bed and finding Annie absolutely maddening. And then he thinks of Annie, laying on the couch in only his dress shirt, an open book on her upturned knees and her lip drawn between her teeth. He thinks of her in a gorgeous dress, her eyes shy and her smile just for him as she adjusts his tie. He thinks of her and can only lament that they wasted a year. He should have kissed her that first day. A year. Ridiculous.
They don't know if it'll last forever. They know that most people think it won't. But those people only see that scary number that is their age difference. They only see savvy and naïve, confident and insecure. They don't see how she rises and he dips. They don't see the growth and the change and overwhelming, bounding leaps they've taken together.
And maybe it won't last.
But for now she stands on her toes and he meets her halfway and it's so much more than either of them imagined.