Emotional Intelligence
This the 2nd book that I have completed reading for the past few weeks. It's quite a lengthy book as the Author style of writing is keep on repeating some ideas over and over again which could be cut short to the point. I won't recommend it to people who don't have patience. Also, I don't think I want to pick up another book written by the same aurthor due to the writing style. Nonetheless, it's quite a good book overall. It's hard to summarize it, but I will try my best to write down what I have remembered.
EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is important to determine the success of a person. IQ alone is not good enough to predict whether a person will be successful or not. Many high IQ people fail miserably in life because they lack of EQ. The structure of brain signal is such that it reaches the part that control the emotional of a person first before reaching the part that control rational mind. Hence, there are times, we take action first according to emotion that we felt immediately without giving much thoughts, especially when we are under emergency. Chances are we may take the wrong action and then regret later, such as pulling a trigger on a gun and shoot a person. We act under emergency different because of some basic survival instincts in us. When we were caveman, we might be aggressive when we encounter with tigers to fight for survival. Because the modern times have changed, we no longer need such aggressiveness but the basic survival instinct is still pretty much left inside everyone of us. There is also the left and right part of the brain. One side create more positive emotion and the other create negative emotions. Loosing some part of the brain due to surgery can cause people to feel more positive or more negative or worse, not having feeling anything at all.
It's important for us to have self awareness of the kind of emotion that we felt at a particular time. Having this emotion, we can then analyze why we felt that way, use rational mind to control it and then figure out the appropriate action instead of acting on impulses. Example are like anger/rage, worry/anxiety, melancholy/sadness. It's easy for anger to build more anger if we do not calm down and let the angers stack on top of each other. For anger, we might need to calm down and examine that the reason that cause us angry might not be true. Things may not seem to be like we have thought/assumed. For example, a speeding car went pass your car. You may curse the driver to death as he drives recklessly. But if you think otherwise positively that the driver might be in a rush/emergency to save life, it may dampen your anger. As for worries, we shouldn't think too far or too much of unnecessary things that haven't not happen yet as future is uncertain. Things may turn out to be in positive light. Same as anger, one who is depressed may sink into more depression if they continue to stack more depressing factors together. They need to view things in a positive way, focus on things that lift their mood up and believe that there is hope.
People who delay gratification and don't act on impulses are considered more EQ. People with high EQ have positive thinkings, are optimistic. Going through the "flow" of process is the best way to handle life, be it in jobs/sports and etc. It's the state of mind where we enjoy the process without much stress, pressure and the state where brain functions most optimum. Sportsman perform the best when their mind in "flow" and the sports task seemed to be very natural to them. Being high EQ also requires one to show empathy and attune to the moods of the other people. Criminals like rapist act because they don't have empathy on the victims and the sufferings they may undergo. Emotion can be contagious too. The emotion you show on the face will affect how the other people surround you feel. If you smile alot, the people around will most likely be happy to hang out with you as you create happy atmosphere. If your emotion is always down, it will repel people because no one likes to feel negative all the time.
Social intelligence is the capability of a person to connect with others, read the social context, act appropriately and have good communication/negotiation skills to create good relationships. They are linked to EQ skills. Some people has difficulty identifying the emotions and expressing the wrong emotion at the wrong time. EQ is also important in relationships between partners, husband and wife. It's dangerous when the mind has the flooding thoughts/extreme thoughts of your partner. Just because your partner didn't do the right thing, you assume your partner characteristic is always like that. Then overtime, you find similar faults in your partner, just to prove/justify that your theory is right. For example, blaming your partner that "He is always like that. Always late". A good EQ will view a wrong doing as a one-time act that has a reason behind and forgiving it. Showing empathy, offer listening ear and etc. are essential EQ skills in building a good relationship.
There are other EQ skills at work too. Giving praise appropriately, giving critique without embarrassing, having empathy and be truly present when giving critics are some of it. One should not be discriminated base on skin color, religion and etc at work place. EQ is also important in medical treatment. Being positive is crucial in cancer patient and may have positive effects in curing disease. Being depressive are more likely to cause cancer patient to die faster or condition get worse or unlikely to recover.
The children period is a crucial period to post and develope important EQ influence. Children who are social outcast are more likely become bully and involve in delinquancy when they become adult. Chilren who are overprotective may become timid and unable to face challenges later. Many emotional circuitaries in brain are build overtime, not overnight. It's possible to relearn some emotional skills so that we can alter the circuitaries as we reinforce it overtime. Sometimes, our emotion and thoughts are based on past experience which may not hold true in future events. It can create unnecessary trauma. Some schools have already incorporated EQ study materials to help children better identify, manage and control their emotions.
In short, we should be aware that each of us can control our emotions if we take a second to avoid acting on impulses. Just assume it is like a traffic light with red, yellow and green light. When we are emotional, we see the red light. Stop whatever action that we tend to act on. Ponder over the consequences of our different actions that is caused by the emotion, similar to the state of the yellow light. When we have thought about it, we proceed with the right action, which is the green light state.
For more details, I recommend to read a very short 13 pages PDF material The Emotional Intelligence Quickbook.