Im goin crazy crazy crazy...
so ive decided im a bad girlfriend. I try so hard to make jon happy then i just suck at it. he doesnt trust me, he thinks im sketchy, and thats not a good thing for ur bf to think. Im madly inlove with him, more than i can put into words, yet i make the stupidest mistakes in the world.
last night, him and i were sposed to hang out but he said he hadda graduation party for his cousin, ok. i was like no prob see u tomorrow. well i dunno. i got sketched out cuz he didnt call me like he normally does and i thought maybe that the party was a cover up for something else. so when i woke up this morning i blocked my number and called him. He answered. i hung up. i was shocked that he answered cuz well..i hadnt talked to him and he didnt answer when i called at all last night. so stupid me. called 5 minutes later from my number and he didnt answer. i flipped i was like omg. freaking out cuz i didnt kno wat the hell was goin on. so i called and he answered and i said the blocked number wasnt me. he said he knew it was me, so there was no point in tryin to hide it. then he told me im a sketchy girl, i lie way to much for his liking, and that he couldnt stand me sometimes and those was one of the times. he said he didnt wanna talk to me or anything, and then he was like i gotta go and hung up the fone. i wont call him back. not til later on tonight. i highly doubt ill be spending my sunday night over there, and i doubt even more ill be waking up next to him on my birthday. the exact thing that i wanted to do. but its my fault. im stupid, why would i do something stupid like that? well ill tell u, i wasnt thinking. i dunno. i couldnt tell you. i just wanna be able to talk to my boyfriend, and i wanna not be sketchy or untrusting. but hey..how can u do that when the girlfriend cant even be truthful about stupid blocked numbers. uh i dunno. i just pulled a dumbass move today, and its definitely not wat i wanted to do.
all i ever want is for jon to be happy, for him to be as happy with me as i am with him. the other night, wednesday night, he told me that he has "reliable sources" saying that ive been cheating on him and shit and i really havent. everyone knows that i have not laid so much as a finger on anyone other than him for the pat 4 months. i wouldnt. i dont cheat. its not a good feeling. so when he told me that, and asked for answers, i gave him answers...and he still didnt believe me. i dont get it. i told him the truth, but i guess i deserve that right? its my own fault. uh, i dunno. i just dont wana lose him. thats the last thing i want in the world. ok im gonna go lay down. since my days sucking already. 5 bucks work is gonna suck, and my birthday is gonna suck, cuz my bf wont be around to spend the day with me. ok bye.
Jon..i do love u, and im sorry for everything ive done wrong.