brief update

[brwneydgrl1084]

September 4th i recd i job offer for Commerce Bank.  it was $12/hour which is equal to my pay at IMB, but the hours were unpredictable and different every week, including weekends, which i really disliked--especially since mike moved and now lives an hour plus away from me, we will only be seeing each other weekends on which is hard enough--if i work on the weekends, i loose the little time with him that i have left--and that just isnt ok.  my start date for training with Commerce was tomorrow morning...after weeks of pondering and stressing and worrying and dreading the situation, i just called and left a vm with the HR rep that hired me--thanks but no thanks.  i REALLY hope i dont end up regretting this decision.  that was my biggest fret/fear...since ive called and the decision has been final i do feel better--but still nervous i wont find anything equal to or better...i planned out my budget with unemployment and i will financially struggle, but survive just being a student for right now--and i think i feel ok with this decision...before i called, mom was cheering me on with making the phone call--she thinks ill find a better oppertunity and shouldnt forfeit my unemployment for commerce...my dad, for the first time in many, MANY years (i dont remember the last time anything close to this ever happened) stood up from the couch and put his arm around me and said he was proud of me for getting this job.  apparently he just realized that i accepted the job three weeks ago, even though i remember distinctly having a conversation with him about whether or not i wanted to accept the offer (my attempt to get closer to my dad and let him in on my world, or even just take advantage of the chance to hold a conversation with him) and he just instantly started yelling at me and getting mad i would consider turning it down--(my plan not only failed but backfired, cause he got mad enough he didnt talk to me for a couple days over it)-- i didnt tell him yet i called and turned the job down...im scared to tell him, i really dont want him to stop talking to me again...when i left for mikes this past thursday dad and i werent on talking terms (again), so i was incredibly shocked and started crying when he put his arm around me earlier this evening...
so i am still completely unemployed--hopefully i made the best decision for me...