you've slipped away like a fistful of sand
tsn. mark/eduardo. there are no happy endings, because life goes on after the hero kisses the girl.
so a long time ago i promised
aurora_84 some rain shenanigans and then it turned into something completely different. i am also incapable of writing fluffy happy endings it seems, so this is as happy as i can get without sounding like a cliche.
ginevrawp is basically the best for putting up with my never ending talk about this story and giving me ideas when i would go I AM STUCK IT DOESN'T FLOOOOOOOW~. so as always... for the good, thank her. for the bad, mea culpa.
when i said ' I can see me in your eyes'
you said 'I can see you in my bed'
that's not just friendship that's romance too
- The Strokes
Eduardo is pretty used to these events by now.
He wears a suit, gels up his hair, shakes a couple of hands, keeps the conversation to a minimum and pretends to be civil with Mark.
Pretend being the key word.
He stands next to Mark and deceits the cameras with his smile for the briefest of moments before making small talk with investors and programers and anyone who is not Mark.
Wash, rinse and repeat.
Eduardo knows the routine by now.
The salad has too much dressing and the salmon isn't fresh, but the alcohol isn't watered down. At times like these, that makes all the difference.
A balding man is talking to him about Facebook's expansion in Brazil and offering insight to taking on Orkut. Eduardo is not really paying attention to him as he is thinking about the ice melting on the glass and ruining the scotch.
He takes another sip; the conversation moves onto investing in web game developing companies.
Eduardo nods and tries his best to look interested. He smiles and thanks the balding man, Henry, when he praises Eduardo's business savvy and what he's gone out to do with that small gaming company he now owns in Singapore.
The bartender refills his glass.
"It's hard not to wonder though, what the company would be now had you never left."
Eduardo is tipsy-drunk now. Not that he can blame anything on the alcohol, he's learned that the hard way. But drunk nonetheless.
"I take it you would have more revenue to invest in other companies. Who knows what other contributions you could be making to the company by now."
He wants to tell him,
You don't know what you're talking about.
Shut up.
Yes, I wonder about these things myself.
He settles on, "I try not to get hung up on 'what ifs'."
"All I'm saying, Mr. Saverin," And Eduardo wonders when he became so old that balding men started calling him Mr. "is I think Mr. Zuckerberg made a mistake."
And Eduardo wants to tell him,
I thought he was my friend.
Mark is a douchebag.
Watch out or he will stab you in the back.
But then he can hear a voice inside his brain that sounds too much like Gretchen talking about non-disclosures and lawsuits. So he does what Eduardo does best and starts making up excuses for Mark.
"Mark had a vision for the company beyond anything any of us could have imagined. He wanted to change the way we communicate with one another." Eduardo takes a small sip of scotch, bad idea. "And what Mark wants, Mark usually gets."
Henry smiles at Eduardo and pats his shoulder, as if saying 'you are so naive'. Eduardo downs the last of his scotch.
"Look at what Facebook is now. In the end, it didn't matter who was on board or not. It was all Mark."
He smiles at Eduardo one last time and wishes him the best of luck before excusing himself to the bathroom.
When he leaves Eduardo sees Mark standing there, mouth open and looking as perplexed as only Mark can.
MZuckonit: dustin put a ban on the sabre.
MZuckonit: i told him who's boss but he threatened to quit
MZuckonit: so i guess no more sabre.
ESaverin: You have time to poke your sword around? I thought it was all work work down there.
MZuckonit: if you were here you could reason with him
MZuckonit: tell him it's part of the deal or something
ESaverin: I doubt he would fall for that.
MZuckonit: he would wardo.
ESaverin: Well I'm not flying there just so you can poke people.
MZuckonit: sean can get you an internship here.
MZuckonit: it wouldn't be all about the sabre.
MZuckonit: wardo?
ESaverin: I'd rather stay on this coast, free of your poking.
Two hours later, when Eduardo was done looking at business plans, his Facebook read:
you were poked by Mark Zuckerberg
It made Eduardo smile like it was supposed to.
Eduardo doesn't storm off or even move from where is standing. He's spent too much time avoiding Mark and trying to run away from him. If Mark wants to stand there looking like a buffoon, then all Eduardo can do is turn 45 degrees to the right and ask for another drink.
"Make it two." Mark says behind him.
The bartender serves them a couple of beers and Mark raises both eyebrows at Eduardo.
"Your hair is longer."
Eduardo has known Mark long enough to know he doesn't care for chit chat, which means Mark wants something.
"Well, some things change."
Mark looks elsewhere before taking a sip from his beer. "Some things don't."
He is too drunk, and too tired. Too tired of trying to read too much into what Mark is saying, or not read anything into it. Erica was right, it's exhausting. "Don't you have somewhere else--"
"Henry has been trying to get us to switch servers. He has a company out in Tennessee, doesn't look promising."
"Yeah? He was offering advice on how to deal with Orkut."
"He's a friend of Peter's, I mostly go through to-do lists in my mind while he speaks." Mark gives Eduardo a half-smile. "But you dealt just fine with him."
So that's what Mark wants to talk about. He heard Eduardo basically tell a complete stranger how smart Mark is and now wants to rub it in his face.
"Yeah well, I had to say something to get him off my back."
Mark laughs like Eduardo hasn't seen him do since Harvard. It's contagious.
It was almost six am when the phone rang three times too many.
The screen flashed Mark. If it were anyone else, they would've gotten voicemail instead of a half-asleep Eduardo.
"I didn't think you'd be up."
"Then why did you call? Is everything OK?"
"No."
Eduardo leaned forward and turned the bedside lamp on. "What is it? Servers down?"
"I can't sleep."
"So go back and code. Wasn't that the point of Palo Alto?"
"Dustin said that's what interns are for. Then told me I should sleep."
Eduardo pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "Well then put on a movie or something."
"Wardo--"
"I'm tired Mark, and I have an appointment in," The clock reads 6:03, "three hours."
"Come to Palo Alto."
"You don't need me down there, you need me here."
"Come to Palo Alto."
Eduardo ignored Mark's stupid request and instead talked about an article on Remote Sensing he'd come across two days ago. He talked about the homeless guy he saw every time he took the A train, the best onion bagel he had to date and the meeting an old friend from the Harvard Investors Association had set up for them.
"Sounds like you're having fun."
"Yeah, I think I love New York."
Mark didn't say anything.
"It's not Cambridge though."
Time moves fast and slow at the same time.
His fingers are filled with salt from the bar nuts and his mouth tastes like a weird combination of scotch and amber lager.
Mark is telling him an epic story about an intern who coded something and went wrong, and the copious amounts of hate mail he got because of people being un happy with not being able to see friends of friends' drunken photos.
Eduardo knows this story, he heard it from his assistant last month.
It's more entertaining this time around. His assistant didn't add full color commentary or go into the details of what said e-mails contained.
He slams the last of his beer and asks the bartender for two more, mostly out of reflex.
"You should come by the office tomorrow." Mark says before he bites his lip and reaches for the cold beer. "I can show you."
"I'm flying back tomorrow."
"Wardo--" Eduardo grabs a handful of nuts and Mark blinks twice. "What's so interesting about Singapore anyways?"
"You wouldn't understand."
"What, that you thought it was personal when your shares got diluted so you had to run to a different country?"
He doesn't say anything back.
"You don't even like Asian cuisine!" Mark blurts out.
Maybe if Eduardo stops looking at Mark and starts paying attention to the label on his beer peeling off, he will understand Eduardo doesn't want to tall to him anymore. Mark doesn't understand words, he understand actions.
"I know you don't hate me anymore, and you know it was what needed to be done."
Mark waits for Eduardo to say something back.
"Just because I've come to terms with it doesn't mean I want to come by your office and play tetris with you, Mark."
"You want an office now?"
Eduardo laughs sarcastically. "That's not the point. You need to stop pretending like everything is fine. Like I am an essential part of Facebook. Mark--"
"Your name is on the masthead."
"And how many lawyers did that take?"
"Eduardo you're a billionaire now, who cares how it happened. You got what you wanted."
"You don't know what I want."
Mark is now looking at him straight in the eye. "You're right, but just don't-- I miss you."
The words stay lingering in his ears. Mark misses him and Eduardo can't remember the last time he's said that, probably because Mark never says things like that.
"Fuck you." Is what comes out of his mouth.
"If you could just get over it and realize that you're not mad at me anymore. If you could realize that I made you a billionaire then--"
"Then what? We can go back to being friends?"
Mark shrugs at him.
"That's not how it works."
"But you said all those things, to Henry. I just-- I thought we could-- I mean, you don't lie. You are sincere and why would you say those things if you didn't mean them? Everyone knows what happened. He knows what happened, you don't need to pretend. That's not how you act, you're more-- I just thought you were finally over it or that you loved me again. I mean-- liked me. Not love. Love wasn't the right word. We could go back. It could be the same."
Eduardo looks around, no one seems to be paying attention to them. Mark just came as close as he ever will to giving him an apology, right in the middle of business people and people who work for him. For them. He wants to punch him in the gut and tell him it's too little too late, and how dare he bring up words like love.
It's only after he is done weighing the pros and cons that he realizes Mark is gone.
He successfully peels the label from his beer with one straight motion and takes the last sip. Ordering another drink would be a bad idea, he's got a long flight ahead of him tomorrow. He nods at the bartender before making way to get his coat before leaving.
The rain outside makes everything smell like mud and dirty socks. It reminds him of Brazil, of spending time looking at the condensation on bedroom windows. It reminds him of-- Mark.
Mark is standing there in the rain, waiting for his car to arrive.
"What did you mean get left behind?" Eduardo knew the answer to that before he finished the question.
Mark just stared past him. He stared at the wall or the open door of the laundry room or at something. He stared at anything but Eduardo. And Eduardo stormed out of the hallway.
Sean was there, holding two fluorescent drinks while two girls twirled around on top of the couch. His couch.
He didn't bother to grab his bag before getting out of the house. He punched some numbers and called a cab.
Two minutes passed by and then three more before he noticed Mark standing on the doorway.
"Wardo--"
"Just go back in. I can't deal with you right now."
But Mark, being Mark and never listening to Eduardo, walked outside and stood three steps too close to him.
"Do you have any idea of what I've been doing to try and get this company to just keep going?"
"Come back inside."
"No, Mark. Just go."
Instead of leaving, Mark fisted his hands into the lapels of Eduardo's coat and pressed his mouth against his. Standing in the rain like a bad romantic comedy that had reached it's inevitable happy ending, Mark was kissing him. Eduardo tasted bitter rain and Red Vines and something that was just all Mark.
He tried breaking it up, but every time he did, Mark pushed deeper and deeper. Like kissing would make Eduardo forget about house guests and angel investments and underage girls running around his house.
Like Eduardo would forget you're going to get left behind.
Eduardo walks up to Mark against his better judgement. His hood is on, but his face has traces of rain.
"It was the right word."
Mark is looking straight at the horizon. He's looking at the cars pass by or the way the light changes from yellow to red. At anything but Eduardo.
"Love, it was the right word Mark."
"Was?" Mark's still not looking at him.
"Yes Mark, was."
Mark fists his hand and holds it close to Eduardo's chest. "You're a bullshit liar, Wardo." He says right as the driver pulls up in front of them.
Water splashes on his shoes as Mark steps into the backseat of a black Mercedes.
Mark's just being himself and trying to twist Eduardo's words into something else. He's trying to see how hard he can push until Eduardo will snap and do something stupid all over again.
Except that Eduardo keeps replaying you're a bullshit liar in his head over and over. He's trying hard not to think about the look on Mark's face as he said the words. A look reserved for having to write about post-modern art instead of coding or having Eduardo accuse him of cheating on his finals in front of lawyers and a stenographer.
The car is already out of sight and ok, maybe Eduardo really is a bad liar. Because I loved you once really means I've always loved you.
There was champagne everywhere.
Dustin had a lampshade on his head and Sean was off doing things Eduardo didn't need to know about.
He didn't care. He was high off happiness and vodka.
"Mark, just stop for a minute. Coding can wait for a minute. Here," He handed Mark a glass filled with sparkling juice and alcohol. "drink this."
Mark took the drink and smiled at Eduardo. "We did it."
"Yeah, we did."
The music was loud and the alcohol was flowing, that was the excuse he had for pulling Mark from his chair and pressing their mouths together. Mark pushed a couple of keys before grabbing Eduardo's hair and shoving his tongue inside his mouth.
"Things are going to change now, won't they?" He asked while bitting Eduardo's jaw.
"Not unless we want to."
Eduardo unbuttoned his shirt and Mark peeled his t-shirt off before launching himself at him.
He was happy. They had finally done what they set out to do that night in Mark's dorm. He finally had Mark's full attention.
"I'm really happy you are here."
Eduardo bit Mark's lip. "Yeah, me too."
END.