(no subject)
i think i know why.
what he does for me.
he always leaves me hanging.
never answers anything directly on purpose.
always keeps things intresting...
very interesting.
and it just keeps drawing me back.
i try to pull away
but he keeps reeling me in.
reeling me in.
it drives me crazy--
crazy with anger,
stress,
frustration,
...
and maybe more?
do i think it is?
i dont want it to be.
not now.
not ever again.
.. well maybe not ever.
just not now.
i cant deal with it.
i'll self-destruct for sure.
i just wish sometimes...
i knew what went on
in that fascinating mind of his.
he has a way
of always leaving me in the dark
but letting me know enough
to throw me head over heels,
again.
...
damn.
i wish i knew more,
but i know he'd never tell me everything
--which i think is ultimately for the better,
bc now he doesnt expect me to tell him
everything too--
but sometimes,
sometimes...
i just want to know more.
i want to know everything about him.
he absolutely FASCINATES me.
and i can't stop thinking about him.
i can't.
i try, and try,
and tell myself that i can forget him,
but i really cant.
as much as i want to tell myself theres nothing there--
that i can see him all the time when he comes back
and it'll be fine,
but there is still something thats fucking there.
i want it to go away
just as much
as i want it to stay.
i never want to stop feeling this way for him again,
but at the same time,
i need to.
because
right now,
or for the next few years,
it wont work.
and then ..
whenever i talk to him..
i always have the dumbest smile on my face.
did u know he made me cry the other day?
"i bet u look beautiful in it"
:'(
fuck, im crying again.
why does he do this to me?
only let me have so much of him
and then leaves me
wanting,
craving,
dying
for more?
i really think,
as i sit here and type this abstract,
really dumb lj entry,
that there isn't one thing in the world
that i wouldnt do for
him.
fuck.
i dont want to be in love,
but im just so confused...
is there any other explanation for it?
...
how can he make me feel
so many things at one time?
i can't wait to see him
when he gets back.
but at the same time,
im so apprehensive.
what's going to happen?
how does he feel?--
he never really does tell me,
which only adds to my frustration
with him, and admiration for him--
how will he act around me?
what will he say?
what will we do?
what will happen to us in august?
when he leaves?
will my heart be torn in two again?
"love will tear us apart"
fuck yeah it will.
>.
what he does for me.
he always leaves me hanging.
never answers anything directly on purpose.
always keeps things intresting...
very interesting.
and it just keeps drawing me back.
i try to pull away
but he keeps reeling me in.
reeling me in.
it drives me crazy--
crazy with anger,
stress,
frustration,
...
and maybe more?
do i think it is?
i dont want it to be.
not now.
not ever again.
.. well maybe not ever.
just not now.
i cant deal with it.
i'll self-destruct for sure.
i just wish sometimes...
i knew what went on
in that fascinating mind of his.
he has a way
of always leaving me in the dark
but letting me know enough
to throw me head over heels,
again.
...
damn.
i wish i knew more,
but i know he'd never tell me everything
--which i think is ultimately for the better,
bc now he doesnt expect me to tell him
everything too--
but sometimes,
sometimes...
i just want to know more.
i want to know everything about him.
he absolutely FASCINATES me.
and i can't stop thinking about him.
i can't.
i try, and try,
and tell myself that i can forget him,
but i really cant.
as much as i want to tell myself theres nothing there--
that i can see him all the time when he comes back
and it'll be fine,
but there is still something thats fucking there.
i want it to go away
just as much
as i want it to stay.
i never want to stop feeling this way for him again,
but at the same time,
i need to.
because
right now,
or for the next few years,
it wont work.
and then ..
whenever i talk to him..
i always have the dumbest smile on my face.
did u know he made me cry the other day?
"i bet u look beautiful in it"
:'(
fuck, im crying again.
why does he do this to me?
only let me have so much of him
and then leaves me
wanting,
craving,
dying
for more?
i really think,
as i sit here and type this abstract,
really dumb lj entry,
that there isn't one thing in the world
that i wouldnt do for
him.
fuck.
i dont want to be in love,
but im just so confused...
is there any other explanation for it?
...
how can he make me feel
so many things at one time?
i can't wait to see him
when he gets back.
but at the same time,
im so apprehensive.
what's going to happen?
how does he feel?--
he never really does tell me,
which only adds to my frustration
with him, and admiration for him--
how will he act around me?
what will he say?
what will we do?
what will happen to us in august?
when he leaves?
will my heart be torn in two again?
"love will tear us apart"
fuck yeah it will.
>.