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Today was a good distraction. Although the minute I woke up (after finally getting to sleep because last night a million thoughts were running through my head) I turned on the internet which was silly because at 10am I came across the news story that fucking biggoted religious fundamentalists plan on protesting at Heath's funeral. Can't they just
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I am doing a little better today, but his passing is still weighing heavily on me. Especially with all the bullshit my country is vomiting out in excess about 'what really happened' and then there's the paparazzi and so on.
It really messed me up when I caught a stray picture by accident uh after the coroners came.
So wrong too because my friend Alex from LA is coming out in March and we planned to visit the city and I kept thinking. "Wow. Heath's in SoHo... how bizarre would it be if by some random happy accident I saw him on the street somewhere as we passed through the area." It was just random wishful thinking and then the headline came and I just... It was like the room was too loud and too silent all at once.
I hate that he's gone. I don't want to sound like a freak, but as I edged out of my teen years he went from a talented crush to being... I don't know. Like I felt a small connection. Like Daniel Day Lewis said something to the effect of "I didn't know him, but I had a strong strong impression I wouldn't gotten along with him. I would've liked him." I never thought I'd ever meet him (although it kills me to think this tragedy is the reason why I never will now)... I was never so deluded, but I did feel like... strangely if I ever had we might've understood each other and if on only some small level we could've had a mutual respect in that regard. I don't know why I just felt that in my heart, but never had the courage to say it til now even though I still think it makes me sounds crazy.
I was just deeply touched through seeing him act and through seeing/reading interviews and so on. I got that strong impression that in another place and another lifetime we might've been good friends.
His work inspires and effects me and I just would love nothing more than to visit you and have a day where we do nothing but curl up watch his films, laugh, cry, and talk til we're too tired to talk anymore.
Why am I babbling in your journal like this? Ugh. ridiculous. :p
I need to go to bed. I have to be up early for work. :p
*sigh* Distractions are good.
I remember watching that clip when Heath was first on Ellen. I loved that little thing they did. Heath and Ellen. Ellen is lovely. I adore her and I was fine until the end I saw her get choked up and I started to cry again. *sigh*
Love you hun. *hugs* Good Night From Me.
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<3 I'm doing ok as well. I still keep tearing up when I read certain stories etc... but the media that is now getting behind the need for privacy is making me feel better. So far Perezhilton, Star Jones, Anderson Cooper and some show called The Soup have refused to report anything further until there's something truthful to report and that gives me a little hope. And the Baptist church in Australia is sickened at the WBP's plans to protest so Australia is on side. Thank god for that.
I understand that. I was so angry girl as a teen which is probably why 10 Things I Hate About You spoke to me so much as a movie and I watched it over and over and over again. But I fell in love with Patrick first time and Heath was a huge crush. And as he grew and each role he did was so different from the previous it just made me love him even more. And yeah I totally understand that connection thing, it's not delusion at all, it's a valid thought and it was something that was possible. But that reminds me I wanted to link you to a photograph I found and it has a beautiful story about him with it - http://nottheredbaron.deviantart.com/art/Heath-and-Heather-75602428
You know what, we're going to do that. The day we meet up, and that day will come, we are going to ensure that we have a Heath movie marathon. And in the meantime when you're ready to watch one of his movies then we'll do it together via the internet. You choose a movie and we'll get on aim, put it on at the same time and watch it together in the best way that we can.
Babble all you want <3
You make me feel sane about this whole issue and I just have to say thank you for that.
(Don't know if you have it but 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You' audio from 10 things... - http://www.mediafire.com/?80nm9xmwmxd
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