(no subject)
I keep getting headaches and they make me naseous. I think it's because I don't drink enough water because seriously I've been going for days drinking just one glass a day.
But there's this fear in the back of my mind that there's something seriously wrong with me. It's the sort of of headache that makes your teeth hurt and it's throbing and my throat feels like I need to throw up.
I'm probably dying and just don't know it.
I hate how death as overtaken my life over the past year because now I worry that I won't get to do all that I want to do because I'll die before I can.
For someone who was a goth and was all about death once upon a time I'm rather frightened by the prospect. It's not tragically beautiful. Life is not art or books or movies. It's not going to be this Ghost Whisperer type 'walking to the light' and you don't turn into a reaper and watch your family from afar. It's horrible and upsetting and you don't know what's in the 'great beyond' because if my religion is right then I'm going straight to hell and eternal damnation. That scares me sometimes but it doesn't make me change as a person and I don't know why.
Wow, I like to ramble. I'm a rambler. I need to shut up and drink some more water. Water cures headaches, that was my aunts belief. When my parents were away to Saudi last year and we would go to hers for dinner sometimes. I remember my head hurt and I felt ill and she told me it was because I needed more water so I didn't take any painkilers, I just drank lots of water. Can't remember if it worked. I hate not remembering. Sometimes it scares me that I might forget her voice, the way it sounded or how she looked - not in a photograph because that only captures part of you - but how she looked when she was messing around or telling one of my cousins off for doing something.
Again with the rambling. Now I'm definetly getting some water, thirsty.
But there's this fear in the back of my mind that there's something seriously wrong with me. It's the sort of of headache that makes your teeth hurt and it's throbing and my throat feels like I need to throw up.
I'm probably dying and just don't know it.
I hate how death as overtaken my life over the past year because now I worry that I won't get to do all that I want to do because I'll die before I can.
For someone who was a goth and was all about death once upon a time I'm rather frightened by the prospect. It's not tragically beautiful. Life is not art or books or movies. It's not going to be this Ghost Whisperer type 'walking to the light' and you don't turn into a reaper and watch your family from afar. It's horrible and upsetting and you don't know what's in the 'great beyond' because if my religion is right then I'm going straight to hell and eternal damnation. That scares me sometimes but it doesn't make me change as a person and I don't know why.
Wow, I like to ramble. I'm a rambler. I need to shut up and drink some more water. Water cures headaches, that was my aunts belief. When my parents were away to Saudi last year and we would go to hers for dinner sometimes. I remember my head hurt and I felt ill and she told me it was because I needed more water so I didn't take any painkilers, I just drank lots of water. Can't remember if it worked. I hate not remembering. Sometimes it scares me that I might forget her voice, the way it sounded or how she looked - not in a photograph because that only captures part of you - but how she looked when she was messing around or telling one of my cousins off for doing something.
Again with the rambling. Now I'm definetly getting some water, thirsty.