(no subject)
i feel like i've hit the first REALl breaking point in my life.
this whole year has been crazy. i haven't spoken to alexis, who was my best friend for years, this entire summer, because i found out she said a few things about me that were un-called for. the whole situation with moe happened, which has resulted in me no longer being friends with lyndsey. my mom and i are constantly fighting with eachother over the same things, and it's becoming increasingly worse as the weeks go by. i've even seriously considered moving in with my grandma. i got into a fight with siobhan for the first time ever this week, and the fact that we aren't on good terms as of right now doesn't even bother me a bit. i'm changing my mind when it comes to alcohol and sex; not extremely but slightly. there is no doubt that all of these situations that have occured lately have definately changed who i am as a person.
i think that i've held so much back for so long, and regarding so many things, and they have all surfaced at the same time, and it's overwhelming. but, i'm holding my own nonetheless, and i'm proud of myself because of it.
i feel like i'm finally growing a back bone... which needed to happen a long time ago.
i don't deal with the same bullshit i used to. i am no longer a door mat for people to step on. i'm not the girl who you can throw around like a rag doll anymore without there being any consequences to it. and call me a bitch because of it, see if i think twice about it.
briana said just to be careful who i get into fights with, because these girls are my best friends, but... are they? are they my best friends if they are talking about me behind my back, and sneaking around, and then acting fake to me when i'm around? no, they aren't. and that's why i'm finished with those certain people who will remain unnamed (soley because this entry is public: the only public entry i have).
and if one of my best friends is getting on my nerves, or actually like an asshole and it's bothering me, instead of brushing it off or ignoring it, you know damn well i am going to say something about it. and so what if it turns into a fight, if we really are best friends, give it a week and things will be fine again. and if i don't feel the need to mend fences, then it wasn't an important friendship in the first place.
i am using this time in my life, this beginning of college, of a new chapter, to seriously re-evaluate my relationships with people; some needed to end, some need to be worked on, and there are some issues that need to be talked out with certain people.
i am a really, really good person. and i have taken too many punches from too many people who are supposed to be my best friends; i've taken way more punches than i should have. and it's time for that to change.
so from now on, my fists are raised, and you can bet that i'm ready to punch right back.