warning...long post

[browz]

my birthday is tomorrow.sad lips.nothing great ever falls through for me.i dunno what the deal is.i guess i could always sit in my own pitiful misery.soak it in like a sponge.what happiness does my life hold.exactly none.not once have i ever had a happy birthday.it would be nice.i did get my haircut yesterday btw it sucks.i have bangs now first ever.my mom still hasn't seen it yet.she's gonna be so pizt.however...what pisses me off the most is i still haven't heard from wen.the fact that all the shit wen's been through the past 4 months.... you would think he would call me to vent about it.i mean he has but i can count them on one hand in a 4 month time period.he just dosen't know what he's losing here.each day that passes is another day we've drifted apart,each hour that ticks by is another we could've spent together if he hadn't left.i know he has priorities.but after he got there he didn't stick to them.which shows me he lacks something important.he told me everything i needed to hear only to leave...knowing i shouldn't trust him i still went along.so it's not regret that overwhelms me it's memories.it wouldn't hurt so bad if i hadn't went along and let it happen.then i would just be wondering what might happen if i hadn't called,if i hadn't snuck out ,if i hadn't danced with him in the rain,if i hadn't let him read every trainwreck in my past as if it were a story book.besides the fact of all the drama that came out of our relationship last year.the 21st is four months.but the 1st of september exactally a year ago we were breaking up.all over my parents oppinions.well fuck them.they may have been right.but i'll never know.if i want something i go after it regardless of whether it not it might hurt me.that is where i'm naive.no regrets tho.through it i've learned a great deal.he has taught me alot,but this absence is killing me.he's the only person that has ever said i love you and i've believed it.he's the only person who has said i love you and not hurt me on purpose.tomorrow is a new day and hopefully with it will be a new outlook on life.i can only "hope that time can heal my broken heart, if u will".the last thing was" faith can pull you through anything.just believe it will work out and it will."<3
hayleigh bianca