y♥u'll always be in my memory, if not pressence.
yesterday was an all around emotional day for me and i was real sensitive that each word had an effect on me, regardless if it was intentionally meant to be hurtful. my dad didn't like dealing with this personality change of the day.
having to deal with it being the day marking my grandfathers birthday, the first one without him in the last 18 years, and just really how different this year seems to be without him, and how drifted apart the family is now with him gone.
my friends really cheered me up beyond words and though i am lame; it was very hard to keep my mind off the memory of what is no longer with us these days, such a sudden increase in being cheered up
yesterday was tough. it included alot of reliving memories spent with grandpa in the past before he got sick. and how hurtful it was for me the first week with him gone, waking up each morning thinking i would go to the living room and see him drinking his usual morning coffee, watching morning news and how fast his face would light up at the sight an sound of his favorite grand daughter.
kind've upsetting thinking how things would be like now if he were still here.
the hardest part for me, i think, was acknowledging the fact that he was gone, just not accepting it, like i'll never be able to do. which is wrong and a very unhealthy opinionated outlook of accepting a natural part of life in dying and resenting it and being un mature enough to see it as a positive because there was nothing positive after loosing my last close family member in m life, and how noone iwll ever compare.. how i'll never meet anyone as great as m grandfather.
i couldn't emotionally deal with waiting for him to come home from work everyday after he passed away. i swore time and again that i would hear the truck roar, and see a glimpse of an illusion glare of what i believed to have been the truck. which made no sense because before grandpa passed away, he donated his truck to a cancer program. i waited by the windoe and looked out to not see a thing but to be greeted with wilted leaves from a falling tree above my front yard grass and reckless cars driving by without caution.
and for future reference, please refrain from encouraging me to mix soma with other substances.
having to deal with it being the day marking my grandfathers birthday, the first one without him in the last 18 years, and just really how different this year seems to be without him, and how drifted apart the family is now with him gone.
my friends really cheered me up beyond words and though i am lame; it was very hard to keep my mind off the memory of what is no longer with us these days, such a sudden increase in being cheered up
yesterday was tough. it included alot of reliving memories spent with grandpa in the past before he got sick. and how hurtful it was for me the first week with him gone, waking up each morning thinking i would go to the living room and see him drinking his usual morning coffee, watching morning news and how fast his face would light up at the sight an sound of his favorite grand daughter.
kind've upsetting thinking how things would be like now if he were still here.
the hardest part for me, i think, was acknowledging the fact that he was gone, just not accepting it, like i'll never be able to do. which is wrong and a very unhealthy opinionated outlook of accepting a natural part of life in dying and resenting it and being un mature enough to see it as a positive because there was nothing positive after loosing my last close family member in m life, and how noone iwll ever compare.. how i'll never meet anyone as great as m grandfather.
i couldn't emotionally deal with waiting for him to come home from work everyday after he passed away. i swore time and again that i would hear the truck roar, and see a glimpse of an illusion glare of what i believed to have been the truck. which made no sense because before grandpa passed away, he donated his truck to a cancer program. i waited by the windoe and looked out to not see a thing but to be greeted with wilted leaves from a falling tree above my front yard grass and reckless cars driving by without caution.
and for future reference, please refrain from encouraging me to mix soma with other substances.