(no subject)
Ok...
Well. I almost wrote Joe this whole entire email last night saying how I just want to have fun at Prom and I want him to have fun. So I didn't want any fights and I didn't want him to be mean or anything stupid to ruin it.
He told me like last week that he thinks I should break up with him and all this stuff and it got me all upset. But last night when I got off the phone with him I started to think about what he said. So I told him in the email that if things still weren't working out by prom, we should just break up.
Yea, I know. It's shocking that I'd ever say that. Well..of course I am too chicken shit and didn't send it. I started thinkin about how maybe it's not as bad as I think and that a lot can happen in a week...and plus, I wasn't going to start all this shit right before prom. So I didn't send it and I hoped I wouldn't have to later.
Today was fine and everything was ok. And Joe was bringin me home and I mentioned something about gas and how he spends a lot of money on it and he flipped out. I realize I bring up alot of subjects that he doesn't want to talk about...and it probably is really annoying. But there was really no need to say the things he was saying to me. He was screaming and he told me to Shut the Fuck up or he was going to punch me in the Face. I don't know if I was more mad or hurt. I think mad.
So then I told him about the email when we got to my house and how I was seriously considering taking his advice. I was expecting him to get all upset and convince me to stay with him and bla bla bla.
It was really weird. He didn't really have a reaction. He was just like...I don't know. OK. Like he wasn't happy, but..I don't know. He just didn't care. I asked him a million times if he was mad or upset and he said no. I don't want him to be, but..I mean..I kinda did. He's the one that wanted me too so I was just taking his advice. I told him I'd see how things went and then we'd talk about it after prom and he was fine with that. =/
So I went tanning and I was sweating so bad and I was just thinkin what was gonna happen now that I said that to him. I was wondering if he really was upset and just didn't want me to know. I don't know.
We went back to my house and everything was fine. He was being so nice and I don't know. Things just felt different. It felt better. He said something about how he didn't want me to break up with him, and I was like 'I thought you said you wanted me to. Do you, or don't you?' And then he said he did want me too but he doesn't know yet. I don't know. But things were better and I was definately considering forgetting the whole thing.
And then stupid Thomas has to be here the whole time and he put in the movie we were gonna watch. So we watched it. Some of it.
Things were fine until Chad called. I don't know what happened after that. It wasn't a bad call. He just was askin Joe if they were goin to the movies later and Joe said yes.
After that Joe like turned his back to me to watch the movie and I asked if anything was wrong cuz he looked mad and he said nothing. And I didn't wanna keep buggin him. So then my neck was killin me so I turned around. And Joe asked me what I was doing and I said my neck hurt from lying in that direction for so long.
And then he just got up and lied down on the loveseat. I asked him what was wrong but he just pulled the blanket over him. And I asked him again and he didn't answer. And he wasn't using the pillow so I was bringin it back upstairs. He asked what I was doing so I said I was bringin the pillow back upstairs.
And when I got back down he was sitting up and putting his belt on. I asked him what time the movie was and what time he said he was leaving. He was like I told Chad 8:30, but I'm leaving now. It was like 7:10. So yea. I don't know what I did or what happened. And he went to kiss me as I was sitting up and he looked mad and I said hold on a sec but he went into the kitchen to get his shoes. I figured he was comin back in so I could say goodbye. Yea. After about 5 minutes, I went into the kitchen and realized he just left.
So...I don't know. I was all happy thinking things were good again. Maybe he just needed a little scare, ya know? Like...wow..I might actually leave you. And he had till prom to prove that he didn't want to break up and stuff.
And he didn't even last 4 hours.
So yea. I don't know. Prom is still a week away. So I'll have to wait and see. Maybe he was just pissed at something Chad said. I don't know. I just don't see why he had to be like that to me.
I don't know why I'm so upset right now. I mean, maybe today I just got my hopes up too soon. I didn't seriously think things wouldn't work out. I was just assuming they would. But it looks like they're not. I don't know. I'm just not gonna assume anything.
I'm gonna take a bath now. GoodNight
Well. I almost wrote Joe this whole entire email last night saying how I just want to have fun at Prom and I want him to have fun. So I didn't want any fights and I didn't want him to be mean or anything stupid to ruin it.
He told me like last week that he thinks I should break up with him and all this stuff and it got me all upset. But last night when I got off the phone with him I started to think about what he said. So I told him in the email that if things still weren't working out by prom, we should just break up.
Yea, I know. It's shocking that I'd ever say that. Well..of course I am too chicken shit and didn't send it. I started thinkin about how maybe it's not as bad as I think and that a lot can happen in a week...and plus, I wasn't going to start all this shit right before prom. So I didn't send it and I hoped I wouldn't have to later.
Today was fine and everything was ok. And Joe was bringin me home and I mentioned something about gas and how he spends a lot of money on it and he flipped out. I realize I bring up alot of subjects that he doesn't want to talk about...and it probably is really annoying. But there was really no need to say the things he was saying to me. He was screaming and he told me to Shut the Fuck up or he was going to punch me in the Face. I don't know if I was more mad or hurt. I think mad.
So then I told him about the email when we got to my house and how I was seriously considering taking his advice. I was expecting him to get all upset and convince me to stay with him and bla bla bla.
It was really weird. He didn't really have a reaction. He was just like...I don't know. OK. Like he wasn't happy, but..I don't know. He just didn't care. I asked him a million times if he was mad or upset and he said no. I don't want him to be, but..I mean..I kinda did. He's the one that wanted me too so I was just taking his advice. I told him I'd see how things went and then we'd talk about it after prom and he was fine with that. =/
So I went tanning and I was sweating so bad and I was just thinkin what was gonna happen now that I said that to him. I was wondering if he really was upset and just didn't want me to know. I don't know.
We went back to my house and everything was fine. He was being so nice and I don't know. Things just felt different. It felt better. He said something about how he didn't want me to break up with him, and I was like 'I thought you said you wanted me to. Do you, or don't you?' And then he said he did want me too but he doesn't know yet. I don't know. But things were better and I was definately considering forgetting the whole thing.
And then stupid Thomas has to be here the whole time and he put in the movie we were gonna watch. So we watched it. Some of it.
Things were fine until Chad called. I don't know what happened after that. It wasn't a bad call. He just was askin Joe if they were goin to the movies later and Joe said yes.
After that Joe like turned his back to me to watch the movie and I asked if anything was wrong cuz he looked mad and he said nothing. And I didn't wanna keep buggin him. So then my neck was killin me so I turned around. And Joe asked me what I was doing and I said my neck hurt from lying in that direction for so long.
And then he just got up and lied down on the loveseat. I asked him what was wrong but he just pulled the blanket over him. And I asked him again and he didn't answer. And he wasn't using the pillow so I was bringin it back upstairs. He asked what I was doing so I said I was bringin the pillow back upstairs.
And when I got back down he was sitting up and putting his belt on. I asked him what time the movie was and what time he said he was leaving. He was like I told Chad 8:30, but I'm leaving now. It was like 7:10. So yea. I don't know what I did or what happened. And he went to kiss me as I was sitting up and he looked mad and I said hold on a sec but he went into the kitchen to get his shoes. I figured he was comin back in so I could say goodbye. Yea. After about 5 minutes, I went into the kitchen and realized he just left.
So...I don't know. I was all happy thinking things were good again. Maybe he just needed a little scare, ya know? Like...wow..I might actually leave you. And he had till prom to prove that he didn't want to break up and stuff.
And he didn't even last 4 hours.
So yea. I don't know. Prom is still a week away. So I'll have to wait and see. Maybe he was just pissed at something Chad said. I don't know. I just don't see why he had to be like that to me.
I don't know why I'm so upset right now. I mean, maybe today I just got my hopes up too soon. I didn't seriously think things wouldn't work out. I was just assuming they would. But it looks like they're not. I don't know. I'm just not gonna assume anything.
I'm gonna take a bath now. GoodNight