(no subject)
Hey.
OK,well yesterday I was feeling completely like shit. I had no idea what was going on. I felt like..I was kinda shut out with out a reason and I wanted to talk to Joe to find some closure or something.
So I called him after I checked into work, which is a big no no, but, I was already driving myself crazy..so I had to just talk to him for a little while.
Chad said he was sleeping but he woke him up for me. He seemed alittle...I don't know. That like I was torturing him or something...LoL. I don't know. What I mean is..cuz he really thinks that he's bringin me down with all his problems and stuff and he just feels really bad about it and only wants to break up becuz he knows it's better for me. He doesn't want to break up with me, but he feels like he has to, so me calling him makes it really difficult for him.
He was like "Laura, what are you doing?". I just told him I had to let him know my side of everything and how I felt. I told him I could really give a shit about him being homeless and oweing money and smoking ciggerrettes. Those things are pointless to me. I would never break us up over stupid shit like that.
I did say that smoking weed really upset me. To me, it's the only problem. I can take the ciggerrettes becuz I don't really care. He's 18, if he chooses to die of lung cancer when he's 40 then so be it. Him not being smart in school...well..I knew that when I got involved..and he seems to be really smart in Trades and stuff, so who cares. Him being homeless is a problem..but its a month away and it doesn't really effect our relationship. And all the money he owes sucks but he does have a job, and it will take awhile, but it will get paid off some day.
But I can't get over smoking pot. Like, I don't care if he did it once in awhile..like once a month at a party or something. Like have one hit. I guess I could deal with that. MAYBE. But he told me he's been doing it like every night. He says it relaxes him and helps him sleep especially when hes feeling stressed, and he's tried to stop but he can't.
So, I was like.."well, why can't you replace it with a beer or a ciggerette, or just call me?" And he didn't really give me an answer. I had to go so he said he'd leave a message on my cell to let me know what was going on.
I felt like..50% better after talking with him. I actually could eat something. Not alot, but atleast I had an appetite.
He had to go to his Dad's after work and his Dad doesn't have a phone so I obviously couldn't talk to him last night.
So today was ok. I was like stressing over the phone call all day. I couldn't wait for break.
Everyone at work is like so confused. Jake thinks I am pissed off or something. He keeps trying to make me laugh and I smile and stuff but I just feel like being left alone. And people would not stop freakin hitting on me today. LoL Someone won a prize from another game and came up to me and said they won it for me. This kid Matt from work (the goth kid) has my cell # some how and was saying he doesn't understand how anyone could hate me becuz I'm so cool. And Chris would not leave me alone. He said I was his favorite and that he used to have a crush on a girl Laura. I feel flattered and stuff but it just made me sad. I don't know why. It's like I only wanted to be hearing that stuff from Joe, I don't know how to explain it.
So anyway...my break finally came and I got my check and then I called Joe's work. I was like stressing becuz it's a Chinese Food place and I knew the guy would barely speak English..plus I didn't want Joe to get introuble. But it didn't really matter becuz he wasn't scheduled in the morning today.
So I called his house. Chad answered and said he was at work. LoL I was like "I just called there and they said he wasn't there." And Chad was like, "Oh, well..that's where he's supposed to be I thought. I didn't talk to him tho so I don't know. I'll have him call you if he comes home today." So yea.
I was like getting mad so I called Eric's Cell. He sounded kinda mad. He said he wasnt there. But he did tell me that Joe was supposed to come hang out with him soon. So I asked him to have Joe call me. And that was that.
So I was sittin there waiting for the phone to ring when Beth came. Which made me feel better. So I talked to her for the whole time and then my phone rang. LoL I was so happy, I don't know why. I asked Joe if he wanted to come over tonight and he said yea. Then he was like,"Yea I heard you were trackin me down." And he laughed. Seriously tho, he needs a fuckin cellphone. He has to work tonight so it won't be till later.So I won't know what's going on till then.
I just want to tell him to be straight with me about everything. I wanna know where he's going and who he's hanging out with. And I def want to tell him to limit the time he spends with Eric and Jonesy. Things were fine till he started hangin out with them a couple of weeks ago. I don't care if they hang out...but he's been with them like everyday this week. I want him to spend more time with me cuz the last time I saw him was...Saturday. So yea. And smoking pot...I realize he can't just completely stop right away..I want to ween him off it I guess. And I don't want him ever having any on himself, his car, or in a public place, and I don't want him drving high.
I think that's all of my terms and conditions. And if he's not willing to agree to them, well then it's over. There's nothing I can do. I probably won't even feel bad becuz if he can't even meet me half way, and comply with those simple terms..then I'll just be so disgusted and that's it.
I'd feel better if I was the one to break it off anyway. Becuz I don't know... becuz then I know it was my decision. I don't know.
And I'm gonna try not to be so much of a bitch to him. I don't usually write about it but alot of the time I start shit and do shit on purpose. I don't know why. Sometimes I just feel like it. And I have said somethings that were really cruel too. So I will work on that, and anything else he sees that I should work on. (That is, if I want to.)
So that's what I want to talk about. Can't wait. Who knows how it will go. I can't really say. I want it to work out. I really do. If we do get back together and something goes wrong, I can't complain becuz I brought it on myself. So yea.
Well...after my break everything was fine. I was fuckin starving and I just wanted to leave. It's weird. I've been sad before. Really sad. But it never made me not want to get out of bed, and not eat. I didn't even care if I showered or brushed my teeth or not. I don't know. It was weird. I hated feeling like that so I'm gonna do everything I can to not feel like that ever again.
Oh yea! Anyway! So I'm at my game. Doing my thang. Which is nothing...and Kevin comes up and says I have to take a 10 minute break. I was like "I just toook a 45 minute one." And he goes "Well..this one you get paid for." ?????
So I was all like YES!! And shit. And I jokingly asked if I was introuble, and he was like "Well, most likely you are."
I'm all like...WHAT?! LoL So I'm freakin out wondering what it was about. I thought Rhonda heard the stupid rumor. And then I realized it could be cuz I hid my cellphone in my shirt yesterday cuz I just wanted to know when Joe called, I didn't answer it but I just wanted to know that he did call cuz I was just stressing it so much.
Well................................
It turns out
I was over/short on:
April 17
April 18
April 22
April 24
April 26
May 7
May15
May 21
May 23
May 28
May 29
June 4
June 6
With a grand total of $$ 186.00
Hahaha I feel like April only much worse. LoL
They decided "We are going to retrain Laura so she won't have anymore over-shorts."
Atleast I'm not fired. =)
And thank God they don't take the money out of my check.
OK, well. Maybe I'll write later tonight to say what happened. If not, then tomorrow. Bye
OK,well yesterday I was feeling completely like shit. I had no idea what was going on. I felt like..I was kinda shut out with out a reason and I wanted to talk to Joe to find some closure or something.
So I called him after I checked into work, which is a big no no, but, I was already driving myself crazy..so I had to just talk to him for a little while.
Chad said he was sleeping but he woke him up for me. He seemed alittle...I don't know. That like I was torturing him or something...LoL. I don't know. What I mean is..cuz he really thinks that he's bringin me down with all his problems and stuff and he just feels really bad about it and only wants to break up becuz he knows it's better for me. He doesn't want to break up with me, but he feels like he has to, so me calling him makes it really difficult for him.
He was like "Laura, what are you doing?". I just told him I had to let him know my side of everything and how I felt. I told him I could really give a shit about him being homeless and oweing money and smoking ciggerrettes. Those things are pointless to me. I would never break us up over stupid shit like that.
I did say that smoking weed really upset me. To me, it's the only problem. I can take the ciggerrettes becuz I don't really care. He's 18, if he chooses to die of lung cancer when he's 40 then so be it. Him not being smart in school...well..I knew that when I got involved..and he seems to be really smart in Trades and stuff, so who cares. Him being homeless is a problem..but its a month away and it doesn't really effect our relationship. And all the money he owes sucks but he does have a job, and it will take awhile, but it will get paid off some day.
But I can't get over smoking pot. Like, I don't care if he did it once in awhile..like once a month at a party or something. Like have one hit. I guess I could deal with that. MAYBE. But he told me he's been doing it like every night. He says it relaxes him and helps him sleep especially when hes feeling stressed, and he's tried to stop but he can't.
So, I was like.."well, why can't you replace it with a beer or a ciggerette, or just call me?" And he didn't really give me an answer. I had to go so he said he'd leave a message on my cell to let me know what was going on.
I felt like..50% better after talking with him. I actually could eat something. Not alot, but atleast I had an appetite.
He had to go to his Dad's after work and his Dad doesn't have a phone so I obviously couldn't talk to him last night.
So today was ok. I was like stressing over the phone call all day. I couldn't wait for break.
Everyone at work is like so confused. Jake thinks I am pissed off or something. He keeps trying to make me laugh and I smile and stuff but I just feel like being left alone. And people would not stop freakin hitting on me today. LoL Someone won a prize from another game and came up to me and said they won it for me. This kid Matt from work (the goth kid) has my cell # some how and was saying he doesn't understand how anyone could hate me becuz I'm so cool. And Chris would not leave me alone. He said I was his favorite and that he used to have a crush on a girl Laura. I feel flattered and stuff but it just made me sad. I don't know why. It's like I only wanted to be hearing that stuff from Joe, I don't know how to explain it.
So anyway...my break finally came and I got my check and then I called Joe's work. I was like stressing becuz it's a Chinese Food place and I knew the guy would barely speak English..plus I didn't want Joe to get introuble. But it didn't really matter becuz he wasn't scheduled in the morning today.
So I called his house. Chad answered and said he was at work. LoL I was like "I just called there and they said he wasn't there." And Chad was like, "Oh, well..that's where he's supposed to be I thought. I didn't talk to him tho so I don't know. I'll have him call you if he comes home today." So yea.
I was like getting mad so I called Eric's Cell. He sounded kinda mad. He said he wasnt there. But he did tell me that Joe was supposed to come hang out with him soon. So I asked him to have Joe call me. And that was that.
So I was sittin there waiting for the phone to ring when Beth came. Which made me feel better. So I talked to her for the whole time and then my phone rang. LoL I was so happy, I don't know why. I asked Joe if he wanted to come over tonight and he said yea. Then he was like,"Yea I heard you were trackin me down." And he laughed. Seriously tho, he needs a fuckin cellphone. He has to work tonight so it won't be till later.So I won't know what's going on till then.
I just want to tell him to be straight with me about everything. I wanna know where he's going and who he's hanging out with. And I def want to tell him to limit the time he spends with Eric and Jonesy. Things were fine till he started hangin out with them a couple of weeks ago. I don't care if they hang out...but he's been with them like everyday this week. I want him to spend more time with me cuz the last time I saw him was...Saturday. So yea. And smoking pot...I realize he can't just completely stop right away..I want to ween him off it I guess. And I don't want him ever having any on himself, his car, or in a public place, and I don't want him drving high.
I think that's all of my terms and conditions. And if he's not willing to agree to them, well then it's over. There's nothing I can do. I probably won't even feel bad becuz if he can't even meet me half way, and comply with those simple terms..then I'll just be so disgusted and that's it.
I'd feel better if I was the one to break it off anyway. Becuz I don't know... becuz then I know it was my decision. I don't know.
And I'm gonna try not to be so much of a bitch to him. I don't usually write about it but alot of the time I start shit and do shit on purpose. I don't know why. Sometimes I just feel like it. And I have said somethings that were really cruel too. So I will work on that, and anything else he sees that I should work on. (That is, if I want to.)
So that's what I want to talk about. Can't wait. Who knows how it will go. I can't really say. I want it to work out. I really do. If we do get back together and something goes wrong, I can't complain becuz I brought it on myself. So yea.
Well...after my break everything was fine. I was fuckin starving and I just wanted to leave. It's weird. I've been sad before. Really sad. But it never made me not want to get out of bed, and not eat. I didn't even care if I showered or brushed my teeth or not. I don't know. It was weird. I hated feeling like that so I'm gonna do everything I can to not feel like that ever again.
Oh yea! Anyway! So I'm at my game. Doing my thang. Which is nothing...and Kevin comes up and says I have to take a 10 minute break. I was like "I just toook a 45 minute one." And he goes "Well..this one you get paid for." ?????
So I was all like YES!! And shit. And I jokingly asked if I was introuble, and he was like "Well, most likely you are."
I'm all like...WHAT?! LoL So I'm freakin out wondering what it was about. I thought Rhonda heard the stupid rumor. And then I realized it could be cuz I hid my cellphone in my shirt yesterday cuz I just wanted to know when Joe called, I didn't answer it but I just wanted to know that he did call cuz I was just stressing it so much.
Well................................
It turns out
I was over/short on:
April 17
April 18
April 22
April 24
April 26
May 7
May15
May 21
May 23
May 28
May 29
June 4
June 6
With a grand total of $$ 186.00
Hahaha I feel like April only much worse. LoL
They decided "We are going to retrain Laura so she won't have anymore over-shorts."
Atleast I'm not fired. =)
And thank God they don't take the money out of my check.
OK, well. Maybe I'll write later tonight to say what happened. If not, then tomorrow. Bye