Thinkin'............
Hmmm.....lately I've been thinkin about a lot of stuff and I dont know really how to express myself....I'm trying to think on how I can change myself more for the better so others around me wont be afraid to get to know me..... Does that make sense?? I've been hurt soooooo many times in the past that I've like put up a barrier that now not even my closest friends can break down.. I tend to always "scare off" guys because I always put up a front around them acting like I'm not interested and acting really shy when really I'm like that when I'm around other guys that I like as friends or my girlfriends.... I can never be proud of what I accomplish and I always feel that I'm not good enough for anyone to have me and appericate me...... I always feel that I have to better myself and that I can't be straight forward with my emotions and just let someone know how I feel.. I feel embarrassed about the things I like to do and like if I like someone (like I do now) they wont like me back because of some of that stuff... Honestly how many guys are willing to datea girl in ROTC if they're not in the program themselves???????? They think the uniform is stupid and ugly and Blah Blah Blah and I think thats sooooooo retarded...
Anyway.. I know Im only 15 but I've been forced to grow up really fast and part of growing up is having to deal with these situations and be ok with yourself.. I'm only about to start my sophomore year but when ll your friends around u have relationships its rather depressing....Ever since I came to high school I felt differently about my self and I dont have the same amount of confidence I used to have..... I dont think that fondly of myself and I dont think others do either.. thats probably another reason why I'm by myself.. I just wish that I could be able to be my self around all my friends and still feel accepted... I have tons of friends that hang out in different "groups" but I just wish they would all accept me... Like that they understand that I'm hispanic but dont speak spanish.. or that I like ROTC.. or that I hang out with everyone.. and watch wrestling..... I don't like knowing there's always going to be someone out there thats not going to like me.. I want a guy that I'm interested to look past that I'm not the typical girl that they'd go for on the outside but in the inside I'm so much alike them on the inside...... I wish that guys now a days weren't so shallow!!!!! I'm never going to be that tall skinny blonde hair girl with fair skin that u love to date! I hate having to put up a front... I just wish that I could say "THIS IS ME.. and if u dont like it kiss my ass!!!" but unfortunatley I cant!!
Anyway.. I know Im only 15 but I've been forced to grow up really fast and part of growing up is having to deal with these situations and be ok with yourself.. I'm only about to start my sophomore year but when ll your friends around u have relationships its rather depressing....Ever since I came to high school I felt differently about my self and I dont have the same amount of confidence I used to have..... I dont think that fondly of myself and I dont think others do either.. thats probably another reason why I'm by myself.. I just wish that I could be able to be my self around all my friends and still feel accepted... I have tons of friends that hang out in different "groups" but I just wish they would all accept me... Like that they understand that I'm hispanic but dont speak spanish.. or that I like ROTC.. or that I hang out with everyone.. and watch wrestling..... I don't like knowing there's always going to be someone out there thats not going to like me.. I want a guy that I'm interested to look past that I'm not the typical girl that they'd go for on the outside but in the inside I'm so much alike them on the inside...... I wish that guys now a days weren't so shallow!!!!! I'm never going to be that tall skinny blonde hair girl with fair skin that u love to date! I hate having to put up a front... I just wish that I could say "THIS IS ME.. and if u dont like it kiss my ass!!!" but unfortunatley I cant!!