jay
do i torture myself? cause i am pretty sure i do. i do things for the drama? i need the pain maybe. i need it, i deserve it. i dont deserve to be happy, why would i? what have i done to deserve to be blissfully content and fulfilled.
I love him, because unlike the rest of them, hes not perfect. He let me know that from the beginning, he didnt let me put him on that pedistool where they always end up. He is just as much of a mess as i am, and i relish in it. He is attainable, and mine for that matter. there is nothing idealized about him, so there is no way he can disappoint me. He brought me back, and he was imperfect just like me, so maybe i could get away with being with him.He doesnt take my bullshit, at all. It drives me insane, but i love it. Even the little things that should bother me, are comforting. The way he snored, was loud and not a pretty sight to look at. But every time i woke up next to him, his lips pursed and pouting, a rumble coming from his face, i couldnt stop watching him, and i smiled every time, because he was not perfect at all. And now, at night, my sleep seems so empty and quiet. My room feels so cold and lonely.I just want to be with him.
He would reach for me, wrap his arm around me and pull me into him. His nose would inetivebly find that perfect spot in between my shoulder blades. I would hear him inhale deeply and when he exhaled he snuggled even closer to me and would hum a satisfied hum that i would give anything just to hear right now. His smile at me, that first smile. I love that smile.
my insecurities kill me. I dont know if he wants me there to stay, or am i just a break from the grind. was i just a holiday where he didnt have to pack and go anywhere.
i just want to back with him. i never want to leave, i want to pack my shit, and leave this place. Not that houston is bad anymore, but being with him is so much stronger, there is such a pull to just be able to smell in between his shoulder and neck that nothing here could hold me back. I just want it all to work out, now, today, yesterday. I need to be in his arms, i dont belong anywhere else. If im not there, im awkward and out of place. Im bumping into everything and everyone. With him, i just melted into him. I want my head on his lap, or his head on my hip. i want his hand on my stomach, softly squeezing my breast. I want my hand on his chest, watching it rise and fall in his sleep. My head in between his arm and ribs, listening to his heart beat. I need that, i long for it, there is no one i would chose over him, there is no where i would rather be. No hand that would feel as good in my hand, no tongue in my mouth. Obsessive? Most definitely, maybe because, i have never experienced this. Im kind of drowning in love right now, panicking, begging for breath, what do i do? The waves crash over and over, im searching desperately for guidance. and then i see him and im o
How i wish i could make the world know how i feel. How i wish i could explian to myself how i feel. Numb. Empty. Cold. Alone. They scratch the surface. the worlds in their explanation alone are such a version of how i feel. They cheapen my real emotions. One more night, in this room, alone, i cant handle it. I have been miserable and tired all day. and the last place i want to go is this house. this place i was finally settling on home, i dont want to see it, i cant sit in the chair a second longer. i want to scrub you out of my life like you scrub dead skin off of your arm. it almost hurts, scrubbing a bath cloth deep, making your skin raw. every shred has to be off you. i want no shred, no memory of you here. No more haunting my job, my car, my bed. When i close my eyes, i gasp for air. All i can see is your face, that smile, and i hate it. i miss it, i want to touch it and kiss every inch. My heart aches, my breath catches.
I love him, because unlike the rest of them, hes not perfect. He let me know that from the beginning, he didnt let me put him on that pedistool where they always end up. He is just as much of a mess as i am, and i relish in it. He is attainable, and mine for that matter. there is nothing idealized about him, so there is no way he can disappoint me. He brought me back, and he was imperfect just like me, so maybe i could get away with being with him.He doesnt take my bullshit, at all. It drives me insane, but i love it. Even the little things that should bother me, are comforting. The way he snored, was loud and not a pretty sight to look at. But every time i woke up next to him, his lips pursed and pouting, a rumble coming from his face, i couldnt stop watching him, and i smiled every time, because he was not perfect at all. And now, at night, my sleep seems so empty and quiet. My room feels so cold and lonely.I just want to be with him.
He would reach for me, wrap his arm around me and pull me into him. His nose would inetivebly find that perfect spot in between my shoulder blades. I would hear him inhale deeply and when he exhaled he snuggled even closer to me and would hum a satisfied hum that i would give anything just to hear right now. His smile at me, that first smile. I love that smile.
my insecurities kill me. I dont know if he wants me there to stay, or am i just a break from the grind. was i just a holiday where he didnt have to pack and go anywhere.
i just want to back with him. i never want to leave, i want to pack my shit, and leave this place. Not that houston is bad anymore, but being with him is so much stronger, there is such a pull to just be able to smell in between his shoulder and neck that nothing here could hold me back. I just want it all to work out, now, today, yesterday. I need to be in his arms, i dont belong anywhere else. If im not there, im awkward and out of place. Im bumping into everything and everyone. With him, i just melted into him. I want my head on his lap, or his head on my hip. i want his hand on my stomach, softly squeezing my breast. I want my hand on his chest, watching it rise and fall in his sleep. My head in between his arm and ribs, listening to his heart beat. I need that, i long for it, there is no one i would chose over him, there is no where i would rather be. No hand that would feel as good in my hand, no tongue in my mouth. Obsessive? Most definitely, maybe because, i have never experienced this. Im kind of drowning in love right now, panicking, begging for breath, what do i do? The waves crash over and over, im searching desperately for guidance. and then i see him and im o
How i wish i could make the world know how i feel. How i wish i could explian to myself how i feel. Numb. Empty. Cold. Alone. They scratch the surface. the worlds in their explanation alone are such a version of how i feel. They cheapen my real emotions. One more night, in this room, alone, i cant handle it. I have been miserable and tired all day. and the last place i want to go is this house. this place i was finally settling on home, i dont want to see it, i cant sit in the chair a second longer. i want to scrub you out of my life like you scrub dead skin off of your arm. it almost hurts, scrubbing a bath cloth deep, making your skin raw. every shred has to be off you. i want no shred, no memory of you here. No more haunting my job, my car, my bed. When i close my eyes, i gasp for air. All i can see is your face, that smile, and i hate it. i miss it, i want to touch it and kiss every inch. My heart aches, my breath catches.