I missed you.
No, not you. My journal, I mean.
Somewhere and somehow I lost my ability to spill my stream of consciousness onto a page, or into a journal entry. What happened to freeing myself through rambling, when did I put up the guard that told me that was not worth it- that was no longer what gave me peace of mind.
It does. Something about knowing you are reading these words sends a pulse through me that reminds me that I can and will release any insecurities I have through this page, through this silly internet journal that for some reason excited me more than my own beautiful leather bound baby sitting on top of my bed, untouched.
It's funny how good I feel lately. All the time. My friend, she's doing a monologue in class and there is a line that says "I do not need male approval." And it has stuck with me. I don't. In fact, since being back I have found myself happier in the moments where I realize such or a day where I bring such to life than the moments where I am worrying about the male approval I AM getting. Jesus, just leave me alone.
Let me soak in these moments of self-realization. Let me find myself in this new city, this new life, this new me.
If I can ask for anything it is simply to let me be the way I am right now. To stay this happy, to keep these friends, to have my piece of mind so settled. I am so ready to take on the fucking world. I've never felt like this before.
Oh, wait. That's because I wouldn't let myself.
I'm ready. Like it or not.
Somewhere and somehow I lost my ability to spill my stream of consciousness onto a page, or into a journal entry. What happened to freeing myself through rambling, when did I put up the guard that told me that was not worth it- that was no longer what gave me peace of mind.
It does. Something about knowing you are reading these words sends a pulse through me that reminds me that I can and will release any insecurities I have through this page, through this silly internet journal that for some reason excited me more than my own beautiful leather bound baby sitting on top of my bed, untouched.
It's funny how good I feel lately. All the time. My friend, she's doing a monologue in class and there is a line that says "I do not need male approval." And it has stuck with me. I don't. In fact, since being back I have found myself happier in the moments where I realize such or a day where I bring such to life than the moments where I am worrying about the male approval I AM getting. Jesus, just leave me alone.
Let me soak in these moments of self-realization. Let me find myself in this new city, this new life, this new me.
If I can ask for anything it is simply to let me be the way I am right now. To stay this happy, to keep these friends, to have my piece of mind so settled. I am so ready to take on the fucking world. I've never felt like this before.
Oh, wait. That's because I wouldn't let myself.
I'm ready. Like it or not.