(no subject)
I hate this so much. I'm sitting in math recitation right now, staring at the screen, hoping that the maple commands I'm supposed to be doing will suddenly make sense. I've almost started crying, in class, 4 times in the past hour. I got a 50.5 on my first calc exam. And I don't care. I got a 50 because the night before the test I was so upset about everything I cried for 4 hours straight and laid in bed. I can't wait till the semester is over. I'm not coming back here. I hate it so much. I can't stand it. I have studio again today from 2-5. Maybe I just won't go. Yea. Like I want to sit for 1 1/2 hours and stare at our stupid charcoal drawings of boxes and talk about how much they suck. And then go sit for another 1 1/2 and listen to another professor ramble about stupid things adobe can do. And then go down to studio to work on my project after class only to have them tell me it sucks and it's a piece of shit and that I should redo it, even though it's due tomorrow. We're architects, we're supposed to embrace hard work and all nighters. Yeaa right. The other day my professor told me my structure needed to be more dense to support itself. So I work really hard to make it more dense. She picks it up Monday and says Hmm it's too dense now, make another one that was like your old one. Grrr. So I ripped huge chunks out of my project and it was less dense and finished in 5 minutes. I don't really care if she saw me sitting there furiosly ripping sections out. I hid all the ripped edges, it looks fine. Unless she rips it apart even more, and destroys it in her process of "evealuating" it. Which she will do tonight, which is why I am taking my project to my room with me right after studio is over. I am seriously hiding from the TAs so I will not have another critique. Honestly, at this point I am doing work just to be done with it. I don't care if I fail everything. I'm leaving after this semester and my credits won't be transferable anyways. If I could leave today I honestly would. The only thing that's keeping me here is the fact that my parents have already paid for the semester and that's a lot of money to throw down the drain. The only thing that's keeping me going is knowing that in 50 class days (77 days total) I will be free from this hell (aka architecture) and will be able to do something that I actually enjoy.
People told me coming into architecture that it was commonly refered to as architorture. I am seeing what they mean.