(no subject)
I hate this habit that everyone has of building people up so much into seemingly better people than they actually are. Some people spend their whole lives trying to be more like those people they look up to. But those people are no different than anyone else; they have flaws too. And sometimes we get so wrapped up in trying to be more like those that we admire, we begin to inherit their not-so-notable qualities. Hanging out with becca so much, I started to almost change who i was. But i decided that the things that she likes are not the things that I want to like, and the kind of person she is is not the kind of person I want to develope into. I don't want to be someone who secludes myself from everyone else, the kind of person who doesn't allow themselves to get to know someone before judging them or stereotyping them as someone who is stupid or not intellectual enough to have a conversation with. I feel like she is just trying so hard to make a statement, that she doesn't care what other people think and anyone who does is a waste of space. But that alone means that she totally does care. And i totally care what everyone thinks about me. And I am open about that flaw. And just because I like clothes that everyone else likes, and music that everyone else, doesn't mean I am trying to be everyone else. And just because she likes music no one likes and movies no one likes, it doesn't make her any more original than me. I am just so confused. It's so hard, trying to figure out the kind of person i want to be. I wish being myself was easier; i don't even know who myself is. All I know about myself is that I like to run, and i am sick of her talking about how much of a waste of time it is. It kind of hurts my feelings. It is one of the only things I am passionate about in my life right now. What is she passionate about? nothing. Nothing in her life is important enough to waste any time on. She is indifferent about everything and doesn't give a flying shit. I don't want to be like that.