Rock Your Soul
Okay... so life keeps going and going, changing and evolving... and sometimes I feel like I can't keep up. So many emotions are circulating inside me that I feel as if any second i could explode...I'm trying to sort all the different emotions, and I feel so overwhelmed that instead of dealing with anything I am just numb to everything...
I am missing something, perhaps someone even, but nothing feels complete lately. Like I'm always looking over my shoulder, at the clock, waiting for something to happen. It's such a hard feeling to describe really, but it's a mild panic-y, anxietous type feeling. Like I'm waiting for the ball to drop and something huge to happen...I don't know..
perhaps I'm just waiting on school to start, to get my loan money, and finally feel like I'm working towards something again...
Plus I miss so many things, and people...thinking about how much I miss certain people hurts so much, I am a person who usually embraces change, but this transition period is extremely hard for me. I feel like a fish out of water, so out of my element. So unreasonably sad...
little things have been eating at me lately... the most miniscule, insignificant things have seemed like life stopping, heart wrenching issues... for example, Alex's little sister posted an old picture of herself, Alex, their brother, Nick, and Alex's ex, Lindsey...I really can't explain why, but when I was looking at Sadie's (Alex's sister) pictures, I got to this one and it took my breath away...I can't even put into words why this picture bothered me...but it did, and still does. I mean no one wants to see pictures of someone they are with in the arms of an ex, but my reaction didn't feel fitting...Maybe because I am missing him a lot right now. He's visiting his friend, Mike, In detroit until Thursday and has been gone since Sunday...you would think these 10 days would be nothing compared to the entire begining of our relationship, as it was long distance, but I am so sad without him here.
I know that sounds incredibly lame, but its hard to describe... I have been going through a lot emotionally lately, and he has really been one of the very few people who have been here for me...and not really because its anyone's fault, but because, believe it or not, I have had a hard time really talking about everything going on in my head lately.
I don't know....I'll write more later.. I can't formulate what's going on in my head properly right now..
I am missing something, perhaps someone even, but nothing feels complete lately. Like I'm always looking over my shoulder, at the clock, waiting for something to happen. It's such a hard feeling to describe really, but it's a mild panic-y, anxietous type feeling. Like I'm waiting for the ball to drop and something huge to happen...I don't know..
perhaps I'm just waiting on school to start, to get my loan money, and finally feel like I'm working towards something again...
Plus I miss so many things, and people...thinking about how much I miss certain people hurts so much, I am a person who usually embraces change, but this transition period is extremely hard for me. I feel like a fish out of water, so out of my element. So unreasonably sad...
little things have been eating at me lately... the most miniscule, insignificant things have seemed like life stopping, heart wrenching issues... for example, Alex's little sister posted an old picture of herself, Alex, their brother, Nick, and Alex's ex, Lindsey...I really can't explain why, but when I was looking at Sadie's (Alex's sister) pictures, I got to this one and it took my breath away...I can't even put into words why this picture bothered me...but it did, and still does. I mean no one wants to see pictures of someone they are with in the arms of an ex, but my reaction didn't feel fitting...Maybe because I am missing him a lot right now. He's visiting his friend, Mike, In detroit until Thursday and has been gone since Sunday...you would think these 10 days would be nothing compared to the entire begining of our relationship, as it was long distance, but I am so sad without him here.
I know that sounds incredibly lame, but its hard to describe... I have been going through a lot emotionally lately, and he has really been one of the very few people who have been here for me...and not really because its anyone's fault, but because, believe it or not, I have had a hard time really talking about everything going on in my head lately.
I don't know....I'll write more later.. I can't formulate what's going on in my head properly right now..