so let go...
okay... so its been like a million years since I have posted... and if you asked me 3 days ago to journal, I would have said that I had nothing to write about....but that changed very recently...
ok I know I am incredibly lame, and I very well may be getting my hopes way up... but I'm in love! hahahha ... ok not love... but I seriously met the most amazing guy ever...ok so its kinda complicated how we met so I will try and explain ....well remember when I mad a match.com profile like a year ago? (maybe longer I can't remember)... well basically the people that winked at me (like poking on facebook) were dirty old men or creepy guys... so I really just gave up on finding anyone on there... and we all know that the hot guys on there all wanted a girl who was "slender and toned" or works out 5 times a week etc etc... so basically I said... match.com you suck, and ignored it...anywayssss like 3 or 4 days ago I was extremely bored and feeling realllly down, I was checking my e-mail and there was the match.com newsletter thingy trying to get me to pay for a membership...(don't worry I didn't decide to pay for it haha)... so anyways, being bored, I went to just look over match again, I did a search of guys in tallahassee and looked at profiles and such.. noting that every guy wanted a date that was "toned" or "slender"...so I was feeling even more bummed, thinking... well Emily, you will be there one day, and maybe then you can meet a guy..ha....then I say this really hot guys profile..he seemed really down to earth... and I noticed when it asked for date's body type it said "any" and I thought to myself... does he REALLY mean that? or is he just one of those "good" guys that doesn't want to say looks matter, but when it really comes down to it, it matters a lot?....so I went out on a limb and winked at him (haha lame I know)...I really wasn't expecting to hear from him at all, I basically laughed at myself thinking about this guys reaction really (I have such high self esteem huh? ha)...so the next night, I get an IM from someone I don't know...I don't even think it could be him...this guy says he saw my profile on match and I'm thinking that because I had just been on, some other person found me... so I ask him to wink at me so I know who it is... and it was fucking HIM...(his name is Jim by the way)... after peeing my pants with shock and surprise we go on to have a like 5 hour conversation.... he is seriously the most amazing guy I have probabaly ever met....ok so I might be kinda biased right now, but he's pretty awesome...
we talked for 5 hours that night and then 6 hours last night... he asked me out for dinner when I get home... and I'm reallllly trying not to get my hopes up to... I'm trying to look at this as if we don't make a love connection (haha) then I made a really awesome (and incredibly hot) new friend...but I'm a girl....a lonely BIG girl... so i might get hurt in this... but I honestly don't care... I'm going to try and do things differently this time and let go of my fears....
we seriously talked about everything... he called me out on how in my pictures I stand behind people and hide myself... so I even opened up to him about how I'm insecure and how I am trying to lose a lot of weight and how I'm a work in progress, and I can't even describe how awesome it felt... he told me that he just recently lost 60 lbs and works out like 5 times a week so he knows what its like....and I don't even know what to say, I know I sound incredibly lame...but I can really tell that he accepts me for who I am...even though we obviously have only talked for a few times... I have already opened up to him more than any other guy... I have talked to him about things that i NEVER even talked to duane or jason about....its insane...i feel like I have know him for like a year... not only a matter of days...
and honestly... at this point... even if I NEVER talk to him again... I am so unbelievably thankful that I had those conversations...I know that sounds lame... but I was at a VERY low point in my life... I was feeling so unbelievably overwhelmed with loneliness and I would wake up crying...go to sleep crying... find myself crying over the littlest things... I didn't really tell anyone, but I was seriously considering dropping out of school... I know I was..maybe still kinda am... depressed....and I am crying right now thinking of how much someone I JUST met could restore what I had forgotten about myself.... I know this sounds pretty intense... but its true... I had forgotten that I am who I am... and I AM beautiful, the rest can change, but the person I am inside is the one that really matters...
and I know most of you are probabaly rolling your eyes thinking... Emily, we TOLD you that ourselves... and honestly I can't explain why it took a complete stranger to remind me of this... or to finally make me realize this...
whatever I am a weirdo... but at least I am a happy weirdo now.... I guess we'll just see what happens
ok I know I am incredibly lame, and I very well may be getting my hopes way up... but I'm in love! hahahha ... ok not love... but I seriously met the most amazing guy ever...ok so its kinda complicated how we met so I will try and explain ....well remember when I mad a match.com profile like a year ago? (maybe longer I can't remember)... well basically the people that winked at me (like poking on facebook) were dirty old men or creepy guys... so I really just gave up on finding anyone on there... and we all know that the hot guys on there all wanted a girl who was "slender and toned" or works out 5 times a week etc etc... so basically I said... match.com you suck, and ignored it...anywayssss like 3 or 4 days ago I was extremely bored and feeling realllly down, I was checking my e-mail and there was the match.com newsletter thingy trying to get me to pay for a membership...(don't worry I didn't decide to pay for it haha)... so anyways, being bored, I went to just look over match again, I did a search of guys in tallahassee and looked at profiles and such.. noting that every guy wanted a date that was "toned" or "slender"...so I was feeling even more bummed, thinking... well Emily, you will be there one day, and maybe then you can meet a guy..ha....then I say this really hot guys profile..he seemed really down to earth... and I noticed when it asked for date's body type it said "any" and I thought to myself... does he REALLY mean that? or is he just one of those "good" guys that doesn't want to say looks matter, but when it really comes down to it, it matters a lot?....so I went out on a limb and winked at him (haha lame I know)...I really wasn't expecting to hear from him at all, I basically laughed at myself thinking about this guys reaction really (I have such high self esteem huh? ha)...so the next night, I get an IM from someone I don't know...I don't even think it could be him...this guy says he saw my profile on match and I'm thinking that because I had just been on, some other person found me... so I ask him to wink at me so I know who it is... and it was fucking HIM...(his name is Jim by the way)... after peeing my pants with shock and surprise we go on to have a like 5 hour conversation.... he is seriously the most amazing guy I have probabaly ever met....ok so I might be kinda biased right now, but he's pretty awesome...
we talked for 5 hours that night and then 6 hours last night... he asked me out for dinner when I get home... and I'm reallllly trying not to get my hopes up to... I'm trying to look at this as if we don't make a love connection (haha) then I made a really awesome (and incredibly hot) new friend...but I'm a girl....a lonely BIG girl... so i might get hurt in this... but I honestly don't care... I'm going to try and do things differently this time and let go of my fears....
we seriously talked about everything... he called me out on how in my pictures I stand behind people and hide myself... so I even opened up to him about how I'm insecure and how I am trying to lose a lot of weight and how I'm a work in progress, and I can't even describe how awesome it felt... he told me that he just recently lost 60 lbs and works out like 5 times a week so he knows what its like....and I don't even know what to say, I know I sound incredibly lame...but I can really tell that he accepts me for who I am...even though we obviously have only talked for a few times... I have already opened up to him more than any other guy... I have talked to him about things that i NEVER even talked to duane or jason about....its insane...i feel like I have know him for like a year... not only a matter of days...
and honestly... at this point... even if I NEVER talk to him again... I am so unbelievably thankful that I had those conversations...I know that sounds lame... but I was at a VERY low point in my life... I was feeling so unbelievably overwhelmed with loneliness and I would wake up crying...go to sleep crying... find myself crying over the littlest things... I didn't really tell anyone, but I was seriously considering dropping out of school... I know I was..maybe still kinda am... depressed....and I am crying right now thinking of how much someone I JUST met could restore what I had forgotten about myself.... I know this sounds pretty intense... but its true... I had forgotten that I am who I am... and I AM beautiful, the rest can change, but the person I am inside is the one that really matters...
and I know most of you are probabaly rolling your eyes thinking... Emily, we TOLD you that ourselves... and honestly I can't explain why it took a complete stranger to remind me of this... or to finally make me realize this...
whatever I am a weirdo... but at least I am a happy weirdo now.... I guess we'll just see what happens