so...that is how i officially became a non-pot smoker
god it has been so long since i have done anything with this thing...i don't even know if people will even read this but i guess it really isn't about all that, is it....or is it?
Life is such a fucking mess right now...I just kind of left the house going on a month ago and the first week or so was good, but it has just seemed to steadily slip down hill since then...School is going to shit, and if i am not at school i am at work, which most of the times is one of the only parts of my day that is good and then....there is the relationship.
I thought that moving out of the house would really start to fix things, but it really hasn't, just made me not be able to leave when i probly should cause well, it is where i am sleeping. kristen is on this whole nazi-mother camgaign about me smoking pot...and it is starting to slowly kill me. I mean i would rather do pot honestly over getting drunk, or fucked up, or tripping...or even cigarettes, but yet, i can do all those other things, but the one thing that actually matters is the one thing she just "cannot allow". I mean when she started dating me i smoked and never said anything or acted to the nature that i was stopping anytime soon if ever. It is something that i truly enjoy, something that really helps to brush away all the bullshit and let me see and be my real self again. But for things that have happened to her in her past and the more recent facts of that she wont give money to help kristen buy a new skirt or even with bills when she needs it, but direct quote "Jessica(her sister) will have a new bong."
So, i have explained to her that i will give up the rest of my life, just not that and we have tried to make compromise after compromise, that i fully fulfill, but yet never ever seem to be enough until she pretty much is breaking it down to me or her. And for any of you that smoke pot out there in the manner which i do, know that it isn't like that at all at all. In alot of ways i think that she feels that i am choosing it over her when really they are two completely seperate things. i mean i tell her i "need" it for stress and sometimes because of her when we have been in heated arguements about it, but i don't really think that it is like that. at all.
Anyway, so i go out to the car today to go to school and low and behold, there is a prefectly fine glass piece sitting right beside my car...i mean come on!!! My bowl got stolen at the party that we had and here is this new bowl...just sitting there. So, earlier i had told her that even though i don't want to at all...i will give it up...in a year. So, i tell her of my discovery and she tells me to leave it alone and not take it and i am just like what...no way. I am not going to smoke anymore than usual...
So now she is all pissed and upset and slowly but surely distancing herself from me and it will equal surely in me giving up something that i dearly treasure for something else that already meant more....i don't understand why she hates me when it gets like this, but i just know that i don't know how much longer i can handle all of this shit
Life is such a fucking mess right now...I just kind of left the house going on a month ago and the first week or so was good, but it has just seemed to steadily slip down hill since then...School is going to shit, and if i am not at school i am at work, which most of the times is one of the only parts of my day that is good and then....there is the relationship.
I thought that moving out of the house would really start to fix things, but it really hasn't, just made me not be able to leave when i probly should cause well, it is where i am sleeping. kristen is on this whole nazi-mother camgaign about me smoking pot...and it is starting to slowly kill me. I mean i would rather do pot honestly over getting drunk, or fucked up, or tripping...or even cigarettes, but yet, i can do all those other things, but the one thing that actually matters is the one thing she just "cannot allow". I mean when she started dating me i smoked and never said anything or acted to the nature that i was stopping anytime soon if ever. It is something that i truly enjoy, something that really helps to brush away all the bullshit and let me see and be my real self again. But for things that have happened to her in her past and the more recent facts of that she wont give money to help kristen buy a new skirt or even with bills when she needs it, but direct quote "Jessica(her sister) will have a new bong."
So, i have explained to her that i will give up the rest of my life, just not that and we have tried to make compromise after compromise, that i fully fulfill, but yet never ever seem to be enough until she pretty much is breaking it down to me or her. And for any of you that smoke pot out there in the manner which i do, know that it isn't like that at all at all. In alot of ways i think that she feels that i am choosing it over her when really they are two completely seperate things. i mean i tell her i "need" it for stress and sometimes because of her when we have been in heated arguements about it, but i don't really think that it is like that. at all.
Anyway, so i go out to the car today to go to school and low and behold, there is a prefectly fine glass piece sitting right beside my car...i mean come on!!! My bowl got stolen at the party that we had and here is this new bowl...just sitting there. So, earlier i had told her that even though i don't want to at all...i will give it up...in a year. So, i tell her of my discovery and she tells me to leave it alone and not take it and i am just like what...no way. I am not going to smoke anymore than usual...
So now she is all pissed and upset and slowly but surely distancing herself from me and it will equal surely in me giving up something that i dearly treasure for something else that already meant more....i don't understand why she hates me when it gets like this, but i just know that i don't know how much longer i can handle all of this shit