epiphany?

[brown_beauty]

I am rather bored today. And unamused. I feel like I need to do something. I feel like I'm not living up to my capacity. I think I've forgotten how to do so many things. I dislike what I'm becoming. I don't sketch anymore, don't sculpt anymore, rarely listen to music, almost never read anymore, I've stopped playing instruments, still can't take any pictures because my camera dosen't have a battery, I've stopped doing capoeria; something I really wish I'd kept up with..... as of late, my only sources of recreation have been getting drunk or high or going to the park and playing on the playground. I need something more. I need a purpose. There is no point to going about my life the way I am..... my brain needs stimulation..... I feel like I'm leading a pointless existence. I'm just sitting around, being, when I could be doing. I need a break from the direction my life is headed in.... I feel that I'm not capapble of giving anything my best anymore. I doubt that I even have a best to give.... I think I just realized that this whole month has just been a cover up for what I really feel inside. A way for me to take my mind off of my inadequacies.... basically, it's been a month of me being an inebriated bum as opposed to me having a nervous breakdown and people being able to see that there's something wrong.

I'm not the best at describing things, especially when they're problems I have or when they involve emotions I'm experiencing, but at least now, since I have identified part of the problem, the solution shouldnt be too far away....