I -Want- to be alright with this...

[brother_fidales]

I've been crawling on my belly,
Clearing out what could've been;
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me,
Feel the outside turning in.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
Cleansing I've endured within

My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
- Listen to my muscle memory. -
- Contemplate what I've been clinging to. -
- Forty-six and two ahead of me. -

I
Choose to live and to
Grow
Take and give and to
Move
Learn and love and to
Cry
Kill and die and to
Be
Paranoid and to
Lie
Hate and fear and to
Do
What it takes to move through...

***

One of my oldest friends is dating my ex.

They always had kind of a connection, so it isn't really a surprise, but it still throws me off to hear about it. Now don't get me wrong, I kno I've got nothing to do with this; my buddy tried to spare my feelings, but I'm too damn stubborn to let a puzzle go without trying to crack it. So I kno, but I've got no clue what to do about it.

I'd thought myself over her, but I guess that'll never be completely true. Even so, it's not my life, and their decisions shouldn't have an effect on me like this. They are happy together, so why am I still feeling like this?

Oh well, I'll just fake it until I make it... or until I have another psychotic episode. Either way, after that, it really won't matter, eh?

M