How To Write A Generic Bear "Dating" Site Profile
It's easier than you think!
First off: Bears. What are they? According to wikipedia and my own laziness, "Bears tend to have hairy bodies and facial hair; some are heavy-set; some project an image of working-class masculinity in their grooming and appearance, though none of these are requirements or unique indicators."
So, profiles on dating sites. You a bear? You don't know what to write? After reading countless bear profiles, here are some ways to make sure your profile doesn't stand out too much. You don't want to stray too far from the herd. Bears do prey on the weak and isolated.
1. The only adjectives you should use to describe yourself are honest, down-to-earth, and masculine. Granted, you can thesaurus the hell out of that. But anything more than that is considered extraneous information.
2. Make sure to include some ruggedly masculine activities, like a sport (anything from rugby to curling, something communal. Singles tennis simply won't do. We have to work as a team here.)
3. Include interest in the outdoors. Ideally camping. Nothing more bearish than having to rough it in the wood with 5 friends, booze, and an escape car.
4. Say you're looking for someone masculine. You can also phrase this as "no femmes". This is a necessary lie. Sure, bears might have the appearances of lions, but inside that lion there's a screaming queen screaming "HERE I AM AND FEELING FIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCCE!"
5. What you are not looking for are "liars, time-wasters, or game-players." A lot of times, you think this goes without saying. You think wrong. It's probably though that when you write that phrase, the liars, time-wasters, and game-players lurking on the internet see that and go, "Whoa shit! This guy means business! I better not waste his time by lying through my games!"
6. Say something vague about what you're looking for in a man. Preferably, "Looking for the man whose funeral I would love to plan but in the meantime, my bed needs heating. Also I don't like eating at restaurants alone." That way you cover all your bases for stands, dates, and relationships.
7. Include one really sexy picture. Ideally in leather gear or uniform. Even more ideally of your cock. Especially is you say in your profile "looking for friends only." After all, I like my messages like I like my Lil' Mama songs: MIXED!
8. Finally, most importantly, end your profile with "Don't worry, I don't bite...
a)...unless you ask!"
b)...unless provoked!"
c)...hard!"
Sure, it doesn't show your actual interests, your favourite movies, or any discernible personality traits. But why do you need to get into specifics when everyone will just assume you're their type? That's the beauty of the vague profile: everyone fills in all the little details.
First off: Bears. What are they? According to wikipedia and my own laziness, "Bears tend to have hairy bodies and facial hair; some are heavy-set; some project an image of working-class masculinity in their grooming and appearance, though none of these are requirements or unique indicators."
So, profiles on dating sites. You a bear? You don't know what to write? After reading countless bear profiles, here are some ways to make sure your profile doesn't stand out too much. You don't want to stray too far from the herd. Bears do prey on the weak and isolated.
1. The only adjectives you should use to describe yourself are honest, down-to-earth, and masculine. Granted, you can thesaurus the hell out of that. But anything more than that is considered extraneous information.
2. Make sure to include some ruggedly masculine activities, like a sport (anything from rugby to curling, something communal. Singles tennis simply won't do. We have to work as a team here.)
3. Include interest in the outdoors. Ideally camping. Nothing more bearish than having to rough it in the wood with 5 friends, booze, and an escape car.
4. Say you're looking for someone masculine. You can also phrase this as "no femmes". This is a necessary lie. Sure, bears might have the appearances of lions, but inside that lion there's a screaming queen screaming "HERE I AM AND FEELING FIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCCE!"
Click to view5. What you are not looking for are "liars, time-wasters, or game-players." A lot of times, you think this goes without saying. You think wrong. It's probably though that when you write that phrase, the liars, time-wasters, and game-players lurking on the internet see that and go, "Whoa shit! This guy means business! I better not waste his time by lying through my games!"
6. Say something vague about what you're looking for in a man. Preferably, "Looking for the man whose funeral I would love to plan but in the meantime, my bed needs heating. Also I don't like eating at restaurants alone." That way you cover all your bases for stands, dates, and relationships.
7. Include one really sexy picture. Ideally in leather gear or uniform. Even more ideally of your cock. Especially is you say in your profile "looking for friends only." After all, I like my messages like I like my Lil' Mama songs: MIXED!
8. Finally, most importantly, end your profile with "Don't worry, I don't bite...
a)...unless you ask!"
b)...unless provoked!"
c)...hard!"
Sure, it doesn't show your actual interests, your favourite movies, or any discernible personality traits. But why do you need to get into specifics when everyone will just assume you're their type? That's the beauty of the vague profile: everyone fills in all the little details.