what.
Christmas trees are weird, and traditional, and every jackoff in the world gets one and Bro hates them. Not after Dave went smuppet crazy on that shit when he was seven and Bro had to spent four hours picking pine needles out of delicate tendrils of soft, plush hair. Oh, no, no. They did not use the "C t" words in this household. They were stupid. They were pointy. They were also expensive, and difficult to lug up a bajillion flights of stairs. But moreso, they like turned into sawblades and chopped people up and shit.
Too much late night TV.
The point here was that Striders didn't do that Christmas tree bullshit. Trees were for pussies and lumberjacks.
The Striders had a Christmas Obama.
There was a long-standing tradition of decorating cardboard cutouts as stand-in trees. Predating Obama was Cher (too sparkly, tinsel didn't show up), and Obi Wan Kenobi (beheaded in a stray fight over the last Oreo, may he rest in peace), and also Bilbo Baggins (nobody trusted him alone with the presents, he was going to steal them, their Christmas cutout went blissfully unadorned that year).
Much way cooler shit. They put a hat on these damn things, there were ornaments, they had fucking garnishings or whatever they were called (feather boas and Halloween lights, who was counting). Only a few gifts - they played games, stealthy, sneaked the packages under the Christmas Obama when they though the other wasn't looking; you got caught, you had to try later, because dem'z da rules - but who cared? Obama was decked the fuck out and guarding those goddamn presents way better than any tree could.
And not a single pine needle in the wrapping paper later, bitches.