names
every day at work is like a wondrous adventure into the rainforest.
there's a great amount of interesting creatures, whom i call "clients," and even more fascinating beasts, like sales reps and whatnot, who give to me the most interesting names.
seriously if i get called anything other than my proper name, spelled either with an "x" or "ks", or for one special individual "ks/x" is fine (and i might add, for that one person exclusively is that acceptable), i will most likley unearth an extraordinarily large canteen of acid with which to enjoy eroding their skin to mere traces of flesh upon dissolving bone... sick, i'm grossing myself out.
the point is, my name is brooks. or broox. pronounced the same. broox is my nickname.
i made it up for myself, because no one ever gave me a nickname before and i wanted one, and i always give to myself the things i want when no one else will.
these names, which are actually things people have called me, are not acceptable:
-brooke (the most common, the most vulgar, and, next to "ma'am" the thing that is most likely to earn you the aforementioned acid treatment.)
-brook (pronounced similarly to the above, and i appreciate it more, because it seems more masculine. it most often appears in print, like when i've placed an order at work and we get an invoice. then at least i know that my efforts to lower my voice by seven octaves on the telephone are paying off.)
-broojs (appears often in print, because apparently on some people's typing instruments the "j" and "k" are close together. whatever. no excuse. use spell check, buttface.)
-miles (a conversation goes like this... "is miles in?" "no, there's no one here by that name." "oh. i thought he was the manager." "no, i'm the manager. my names is brooks." "oh, i'm so sorry, what an... er... interesting name.")
-brooke sheild (at thomas and andrea czinder's wedding this old... human being, who may have been of the female gender, but age had made it rather difficult to tell via all the usual physical means of visual gender detection... anyway, she said, "are you the one they call 'brooke'?" so i said, "no. no, they call my 'brooks,' that's my name." and she has the further gumption to add, "oh, like brooke sheild?" what in the bloody name of mary does this human have against an "s" at the end of a name?
...i know there are more, but in my rage i seem to have forgotten them. but seriously.
anyway, that's just one of the things i love about work, getting my name all confused. but at least i didn't have to suffer the misfortune of having been named lindsay, as one of my (male) co-workers has had to endure.
i love my name, so get it the hell right when you say it to me.
i will now let you return to your lives, which hopefully will be better with the knowledge that i am loving you all. until later...
Qui, la, dovunque sarai,
Sento forte il mio cuore che va.
Ancor la porta aprirai,
Per entrar nel mio cuore,
E il cuore mio va e va.
there's a great amount of interesting creatures, whom i call "clients," and even more fascinating beasts, like sales reps and whatnot, who give to me the most interesting names.
seriously if i get called anything other than my proper name, spelled either with an "x" or "ks", or for one special individual "ks/x" is fine (and i might add, for that one person exclusively is that acceptable), i will most likley unearth an extraordinarily large canteen of acid with which to enjoy eroding their skin to mere traces of flesh upon dissolving bone... sick, i'm grossing myself out.
the point is, my name is brooks. or broox. pronounced the same. broox is my nickname.
i made it up for myself, because no one ever gave me a nickname before and i wanted one, and i always give to myself the things i want when no one else will.
these names, which are actually things people have called me, are not acceptable:
-brooke (the most common, the most vulgar, and, next to "ma'am" the thing that is most likely to earn you the aforementioned acid treatment.)
-brook (pronounced similarly to the above, and i appreciate it more, because it seems more masculine. it most often appears in print, like when i've placed an order at work and we get an invoice. then at least i know that my efforts to lower my voice by seven octaves on the telephone are paying off.)
-broojs (appears often in print, because apparently on some people's typing instruments the "j" and "k" are close together. whatever. no excuse. use spell check, buttface.)
-miles (a conversation goes like this... "is miles in?" "no, there's no one here by that name." "oh. i thought he was the manager." "no, i'm the manager. my names is brooks." "oh, i'm so sorry, what an... er... interesting name.")
-brooke sheild (at thomas and andrea czinder's wedding this old... human being, who may have been of the female gender, but age had made it rather difficult to tell via all the usual physical means of visual gender detection... anyway, she said, "are you the one they call 'brooke'?" so i said, "no. no, they call my 'brooks,' that's my name." and she has the further gumption to add, "oh, like brooke sheild?" what in the bloody name of mary does this human have against an "s" at the end of a name?
...i know there are more, but in my rage i seem to have forgotten them. but seriously.
anyway, that's just one of the things i love about work, getting my name all confused. but at least i didn't have to suffer the misfortune of having been named lindsay, as one of my (male) co-workers has had to endure.
i love my name, so get it the hell right when you say it to me.
i will now let you return to your lives, which hopefully will be better with the knowledge that i am loving you all. until later...
Qui, la, dovunque sarai,
Sento forte il mio cuore che va.
Ancor la porta aprirai,
Per entrar nel mio cuore,
E il cuore mio va e va.