(no subject)
First off--I love love love the word "snarky".
I am more content and just plain SATISFIED than I have been in a ridiculous amount of time.
The past six or seven months have turned me into someone I love. Someone who is comfortable and confident and eager and decent and open. I'll attribute it to a few people, but more than anything I'm happy because it was mostly myself. I knew what I needed to do to make myself myself, and I did it despite how absolutely horrifying it seemed at the time.
I just got off the phone with a good friend who I hear from in spurts about every six months or so. I guess the theme for the calm inside of me is CONNECTIONS--with myself, and with certain others that have made me realize the possibilities of life. This kid, Derek, is one. A friend since the moment we met between my freshman and sophomore year of high school (five years ago!?!?!). A good friend. One of the best I've had. Correspondence with him is always a deep breath of fresh air, as is the knowledge that this kid will undoubtedly be around for the rest of my life. And we've only actually been in eachother's physical presence twice in the five year span of our friendship.
And there's a guy in my life. "Just friends" as of know, but the "just" is absolutely ridiculous. I feel foolish for ever thinking Ryan and I ever had a connection or "clicked". This new "click" is so harsh and has been so quick, but all at the same time gentle and natural. It's easy for me to become so overwhelmed with things being so "just right" now that I come close to tears. It's official--nothing beats laying in silence listening to Miles Davis in near-dark with someone who "gets" you.
And new friendships with new kinds of people. I wasn't fortunate enough to uproot myself and be forced to mingle with a completely unfamiliar crowd. A great job has forced me to get to know a group of incredible and very different people. And in turn I've made a great new group of friends that allow me to be myself and actually be praised for it. Some of these friendships, I think, may even be lifelong.
Well shit, nothing beats a day like this. The sun is shining, why the hell am I scrubbing my bathtub?
I am more content and just plain SATISFIED than I have been in a ridiculous amount of time.
The past six or seven months have turned me into someone I love. Someone who is comfortable and confident and eager and decent and open. I'll attribute it to a few people, but more than anything I'm happy because it was mostly myself. I knew what I needed to do to make myself myself, and I did it despite how absolutely horrifying it seemed at the time.
I just got off the phone with a good friend who I hear from in spurts about every six months or so. I guess the theme for the calm inside of me is CONNECTIONS--with myself, and with certain others that have made me realize the possibilities of life. This kid, Derek, is one. A friend since the moment we met between my freshman and sophomore year of high school (five years ago!?!?!). A good friend. One of the best I've had. Correspondence with him is always a deep breath of fresh air, as is the knowledge that this kid will undoubtedly be around for the rest of my life. And we've only actually been in eachother's physical presence twice in the five year span of our friendship.
And there's a guy in my life. "Just friends" as of know, but the "just" is absolutely ridiculous. I feel foolish for ever thinking Ryan and I ever had a connection or "clicked". This new "click" is so harsh and has been so quick, but all at the same time gentle and natural. It's easy for me to become so overwhelmed with things being so "just right" now that I come close to tears. It's official--nothing beats laying in silence listening to Miles Davis in near-dark with someone who "gets" you.
And new friendships with new kinds of people. I wasn't fortunate enough to uproot myself and be forced to mingle with a completely unfamiliar crowd. A great job has forced me to get to know a group of incredible and very different people. And in turn I've made a great new group of friends that allow me to be myself and actually be praised for it. Some of these friendships, I think, may even be lifelong.
Well shit, nothing beats a day like this. The sun is shining, why the hell am I scrubbing my bathtub?