you're obsessed with finding a new brain, but what you need is a new body
I am covered in bruises, most of them physical. I have the ones on my elbow from slipping on the stairs, some on my inner thighs from straddling a bike rack, more on my upper thigh/butt from sitting side-saddle on a different bike rack, I have some on my knees from tripping over a low wall, I have a big one on my ankle from getting my shoelace caught in my bike gear, and a few little ones on my upper arm from I have no clue where.
I also feel a bit heart-bruised, but like the marks on my arm, I don't know where it comes from. And it isn't unpleasant. In a way, I feel as if I'm living a Rilo Kiley song, moving through a relentless pop melody with subtly tragic lyrics--but probably that is too facile. I am not unhappy. I am feeling a lot of joy. I am just feeling a lot of everything, and paying attention to it.
Last night I almost used my favorite line ("This is very simple, and I don't want it to make things complicated, but I am attracted to you, and if you want to do something about it, I am willing."). It is my favorite because it is simple and direct and when I say it to someone it is honest. But I didn't, and I don't know if I should. This man is like an eel--whenever you try to hold on to him he slips away. And I am not interested in eels.
Today at the Christmas markets I bought a candle holder and a paper star lantern. I never really realized the significance of all of the lights we shine at this time of year. Now, though, when the the sun starts setting a little after four, I want light with a deeply physical craving.
...it feels your brain has lived a thousand lives before
and the skin you call your home
holds a heart that quits and knees that buckle in
and lungs that can't breathe when they're alone
...
there's blood spilled on the floor
everyone's staring at you--what for?
'til you realize the blood is probably yours
you feel you've lost something, you want it back
lying motionless on your back
and your legs aren't taking any more requests
I also feel a bit heart-bruised, but like the marks on my arm, I don't know where it comes from. And it isn't unpleasant. In a way, I feel as if I'm living a Rilo Kiley song, moving through a relentless pop melody with subtly tragic lyrics--but probably that is too facile. I am not unhappy. I am feeling a lot of joy. I am just feeling a lot of everything, and paying attention to it.
Last night I almost used my favorite line ("This is very simple, and I don't want it to make things complicated, but I am attracted to you, and if you want to do something about it, I am willing."). It is my favorite because it is simple and direct and when I say it to someone it is honest. But I didn't, and I don't know if I should. This man is like an eel--whenever you try to hold on to him he slips away. And I am not interested in eels.
Today at the Christmas markets I bought a candle holder and a paper star lantern. I never really realized the significance of all of the lights we shine at this time of year. Now, though, when the the sun starts setting a little after four, I want light with a deeply physical craving.
...it feels your brain has lived a thousand lives before
and the skin you call your home
holds a heart that quits and knees that buckle in
and lungs that can't breathe when they're alone
...
there's blood spilled on the floor
everyone's staring at you--what for?
'til you realize the blood is probably yours
you feel you've lost something, you want it back
lying motionless on your back
and your legs aren't taking any more requests