Ch-ch-ch-changes.
As the end of this school year draws ever closer, I find myself in my usual reflective state of mind that inevitably accompanies the end of any chapter in life. I'm finding that more of my life changed in the last nine months than ever before and I feel compelled to make a list of the events that were significant this year and just do some general reflecting.
This year I:
[ in approximate order of occurence]
- began my journey as a music major.
- began learning piano.
- fell in love with a fictional couple.
- moved from secretly and begrudgingly accepting my "bisexuality" to secretly embracing my "bisexuality."
- began seeing leaves.
- made new friends.
- had my heart broken by the homophobic actions of television executives.
- openly protested and boycotted my two [former] favorite TV shows and a television network.
- joined Livejournal and the erica_callie community.
- met an amazing woman online after sharing two fantastic jokes about homophones and cake with her.
- used a chatroom started by the aforementioned woman to get to know her.
- fell head over heels in love faster than I ever thought possible.
- made new friends through the chatroom.
- became "official" with my girlfriend - my first relationship.
- finally figured out that I don't need a label.
- fully accepted and began loving my lesbian tendencies.
- sang my first solo - royally messing up the words and embarrassing the shit out of myself.
- stuck with it and didn't run away but instead went back to my voice lessons and prepared my next solo.
- began sleeping with a teddy bear named November given to me by my girlfriend.
- came out to a few friends.
- sang my next solo and destroyed it even more than the first one.
- left the recital crying, beat myself up for days, but came back the next term for another shot.
- came out to my parents.
- finally got to change my relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship."
- got straight As for the first time in college.
- slowly began coming out to more friends.
- started sleeping with - and wearing every day - a scarf that my girlfriend made me that smelled like her.
- understood what was going on in music theory and got a 94% or higher on every assignment.
- sang my next solo and did much better than in the past.
- was the only person to get above a 90% on a midterm project in music theory.
- told my parents about my girlfriend - including the age difference - and began sorting through the mess of that piece of information.
- negotiated the terms for meeting my girlfriend for the first time with my parents.
- counted down the days until she would get here.
- sang my next solo and did even better - making it through my mistakes without falling apart.
- settled on terms with my parents.
- lied and did what I wanted despite the terms.
- met my girlfriend and fell even deeper into love.
- was given an incredible promise [and ring] about the future that I intend to collect and give in return.
- got my first kiss.
- had my first date. [Yes. It was after the kiss.]
- had my first afternoon of snuggling and cuddling.
- had a ton of other firsts.
- said the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say.
- came out to more friends.
- reached the point at which I can talk about my lesbian tendencies and girlfriend with whomever is interested while still being a bit nervous.
- gained at least ten pounds.
- talked on the phone more than I have total in the entirety of my life previously.
- was unprepared for the intensity with which I miss my girlfriend.
- counted down the days until I would see my girlfriend again. [Still counting.]
- lost a friend and felt I've been living with a stranger.
- began planning my future. With someone.
- received an award for being the most improved brass player in the symphony orchestra.
- received an award for being in the top three students academically in first year aural skills.
- received an award for being the top student academically in first year music theory.
That's a lot for just nine months. I feel as if I'm a completely different person. I can't even remember what it felt like to be me at the beginning of the school year. But it's been an amazing journey and overall I'm extremely happy with the changes that have taken place. And it's not over. I'm about to embark on quite the adventure - being away from home for three months, living fully as an adult, with my girlfriend full time. Perhaps I'll finally discover that change - though scary - doesn't always have to be a bad thing.