This is the letter I sent to my grandma and my dad.
The other part of the letter I sent to my grandma and my dad. My dad knew I was going to send it. I sent it to her becuase I was leaving. She is pretty much the leader of the family and she can help arrange things so things will be taken care of better while I'm gone. But, she never knew the full picture..so i sent her this. I couldn't be around my dad anymore and I needed to move on with my life. Caregiving for him has been so hard on my heart..and toxic for my soul. The arthritis isn't his fault. But, he still destroys himself... I cant watch that and i cant take any more abuse. It's hard to move on with this though and if you feel like reading through the letter..you can see a little bit of why.
I actually sent it over amonth ago. You know how it is with me though. I just dont post on here that often.But better late than never.
Grandma . I'm sorry I'm putting all this on you. But, I'm thinking you are probably going to better be able to figure out what to do. You can talk to the family and help them better understand what actually goes on. So, that now I'm gone you all can look out for him and Hunter.These aren't everyday things. Most days it good. But, it still wears down on me so much. And this all shouldn't happen in the first place. Thank you so much for your love and support. You talking to me last time I saw you.. meant so much to me. I'm sorry for crying so much when I last saw you. I was fighting with my dad a lot that day and I was feeling emotionally drained. What you said to me though. Helped me finally helped me make the decision to leave. You know how my dad can be and you can see things from the outside. So, thank you. I still worry..but I feel better about my decision. This isn't the most coherently written thing I've put together but I'm getting to the point where it doesn't matter I just need to get it out there.
So... part of the process of taking control of my life means I need to learn to let go and live my life for me. This is so hard for me. Because things are not perfect or even ok and I want to help keep things under control and be the good helping daughter. But, I'm realizing now that I'm not in control, in this state I'm going to make more mistakes than good. But still, trying to figure out what the best thing to do has been tearing me apart.
My dad is very sick and always broke, im afraid he will think im abandoning him and that i don't care that he's in pain a lot. I know he thinks I don't respect him and hate him. But, really I just worry and get angry.
My brother is mean and continually isolates himself from people,im afraid that he will be lonely without a mother or siblings around to love him and guide him, im afraid that that the guilt and obligation i had pertaining to my dad fall upon on him, that he will feel as trapped as I do and he will resent me for leaving
This is the extremely shortened and simplified version of everything thats going on and the anger and pain that is poisoning me and my family I'm going to change that.
I'm going to find the magic to turn my life around. Then I can live by example and share that magic with those around me.Becuase thats what i really want to do and this is different. I'm really going to do it.
However,I am also learning that even if i do all that it wont fix everything that they all have to fix themselves. Thier faults, pains, and hardships in thier lives are not for me to nessasarially something I always have to be apart of and that its a product of thier descisons in life. This is part of what is giving me strength to leave. But is also making it hard to do.
So, Im going to start finding this magic by writing this letter. To let out some of the thoughts and anger that has been driving me nuts. With this letter, I will try to peacefully share my fellings.
There was a day a couple years ago, when I was moving out of my roomates house and the fight got really bad. People I thought were my friend complelty backstabbing me and calling my mom a cunt. She was there helping me move out. Eventually, we threatened that we will call the cops if they don't let us move out in peace and they finally left us alone. My dadf heard about this. The main guy that was starting this was a guy named Adam. My dad drove al the way over to the house. Went into the house when my mom and I were literally begging him not to go in and went after Adam. Started punching him and beating him. Adam was pretty good at defending himself though. There were alto of people n the house and it turned into a brawl. Dad broke a beer bottle and almost came very close to stabbing someone with it. Somehow he kept his temper in check enough not to and let them take him out side. Poor haven was there. She was on the other room crying. The next few days my dad was calling me all pised off saying all sorts of stuff. I was very angry at them too..but really?
Some time during the month of october 2011, dad spent a bout a week and half compleltly drugged out on Valium, xanex and oxycodones. Started taking five pills of the xanex at the same time(I am pretty sure that he was only supposed to take two) and on the same night he took double the does of valium. I found this out after coming home from work the next morning and he was waay out of it. I told him to either stop taking them or only take one of the pills the next night at the desired dose. I reminded him of that many times that day. Next night did the same thing. Winthin less than a week he took entire bottles of xanex, valium, and later on I found out entire bottle of oxycodon as well.
He fell down the stars about a week after the drug incident. He called me a told me after he fell. I litterally begged him to please go to the hospital.i spent three days asking him to atleast get checked out. He refused. I believe its ok now. But, the reason this incident bothers me is because I am sick of asking him to get help. If anything happens. Im left with the mess. I dont always know what to do. Thisi why im writing it this. So people can get more of the full picture so we can get the help.his docter also chewed him out about this.
12-9-11 Dad fell down stairs again! Because of those freaking pills!The dose suggested is ½ to 1 per night. Hes supposed to take 2 at the most, since it was filled on the 7th, in the past two days. He has taken 5 xanex. I just found this out.
12-11-11-- On the 9th I made sure dad only had one xanex that night. I was gone the night of the 10th. I put only ½ pill out for him to take to sleep. And hid the rest of the pills. Today I got home he completely high laying on the couch. So, I go count the pills. Since he took the 5, then the 1 on the 9th, and I gave him the half last night He is only supposed to have taken 6 ½. I counted. I looks as if hes taken
8 ½ !!!
He says, “Man, just from that one half i've been loaded all day!” So, I confront him about it and say. “what about the other two? When did you take those?” he goes what I didn't take two more! I told him I counted.
Then, he changes his tune.
“The half wasn't enough! So, I found the pills and only took 1 more pill!” As if that was ok. It was only 1 and not 2! The fact is. He went behind my back and knowingly took more than he's supposed to.
So, it looks like he found where I hid it and took two more than he's supposed to! I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I thought that because he's on those pills that hes forgeting that he took it and taking more These, pills make you very very forgetful. But, now that he's deliberatlygoing behind my back and looking for the hidden pills and knowingly taking more. He knew that he had taken that one pill already.He told me so when I got home and h e knew where hes supposed to find it. Now, he abusing pills again :(
. He used to have a bad problem with pain pills a couple years ago. He had to go to rehab. I looks like to me that he found another one to abuse. Too bad..these pills coul have helped himhe has really bad insomnia.
While, haven was visiting, dad and I were having differences in opinions of cleaning arangments. Dad asked us to clean the kitchen while he was at football practice with hunter. We gladly agreed. Haven really really wanted to watch more episodes of charmed with me. I'll admit that we have been spentding days andh ours watchig this show together. However, the only thing we could use to watch the show was on hunters computer. We both knew that by the time we would be finished with the kitchen hunter would want the computer back and we couldnt watch more. So haven and I agreed that we will watch one more show and when hunter gets home we would give him the computer and clean the kitchen. Dad comes home angry pissed pusshing me around screamming calling me a lazy bitch and the fight got so escalated that haven was crying and hunter had to pysically put himself between us.
He puts me down calls me names, telling me that when he was my age he had all this responcibility. Basically being an ass to me just because he doesnt see things the same way as I do.
*Haven has seen a lot of the ways that my dad blows up and now has told my mom that if she dies she wanted to stay with john and not dad. Which breaks my heart because I know that dad is a wonderful loving father. He just has his issues
Dad not making hunter call his mom. Hunter is mean to him mom. And continually refuses to call her. I've confronted my dad many times before about it. His excuse has been “Can lead a horse to water, but cant force him to drink” or “Hes a teenager” . Really, so he's not making sure that Hunter has a healthy relationship with his mom and they don't listen to me. And he doesn't push hunter as a father.
I worry every day for Hunter. I do not know what the right thing to do is. And it tears me apart. There are so many days where I don't think hunter should be in dads care. However, most days its good and I know da loves hunter so much. I don't want dad heart broke or to ruin our relationship beyond repair. But, Hunter literally does NO chores, spends all day playing xbox. And I mean that. He gets home goes right onto the xbox. I try to puch him to go play with friends or to do something with me. I never happens and dad doesn't push him either. Only thing hunter has is football. Hunter wont speak, wont be nice, wont do anything for anyone else. Im the bad guys for trying to make these points and when I get so fustrated that I blow up.Then i'm told Im disruptive to the house and needs to move out. My fear of leaving him with dad..ie. Presures of takng care of him, fear of finding dad dead, fear of not right giudence, fear of him resenting me mom or dad.Fear of taking him away resentment, legal batter between parents, family becoming even more devided.
Arthritis medication. Found out he hasnt been taking methotrexate for a year. His docter recently found out as well and called him to chew him out. Now hes taking it finally. So he makes changes. And go figure hes actually feeling better. But, just another case where hes not taking care of him self addiqatly and only does anything for him self if ppl get on his case.
diabetes stuff. Ok so he has apoint we can barly afford food some days. Things like cars breaking down, medical bills, and medications make it hard. But, sometimes I feel ike he just doesnt even try to budget and whe things bet bad we either pawn hunters computer or he borrows money from me. But, I just have a huge issue with the fact thathe doesnt have any strips at all!! He says he cant afford it. It pretty expensive he alreadyhad to pat hundreds of $ on other meds. He says every month he takes test at the dr. and it says he has good blood sugar out of the month. Iguess they can tell that. Which is great. But........
There have been times where he seems a bit out of it and I would like to chack his blood sugar. Its all about assesing situation, There are days where his eyes suddenlt get blurry. Is it getting old, is it new medications, or is is his blood sugar? He drinks soda everyday and eats nothing but processed food. He tries to eat kinda healthy but still. Thers always candy wrappers all over the place, tobacco chew everywhere, and he literally lays on the couch and watches tv even on days where hes feeling pretty good pysically. The only time he gets out of the couch is to go to hunters practice and games, get food, try to sleep at night and pee. Yet another case where he can be doing things to help himself but chooses not to.
Dad lost the storage unit in AZ that literally had everything I owned all my momentos. I'm talking pictures, my favorite doll i've had since I was ababy, the video from the birth of my daughter, my massage therapy books and chair....everything. I was devastatded. Things I loved dearly and things I needed. He finally told me this around sept 28th 2011 but he lost it months before. He never gaveme the chance to work to save it. He never even told me that he was having trouble paying it. Another case where it feelsl ike he has no consideration for me like when he killed my cat,or threatened to kill my friends.
Dad gets mad at me for sharing things that happen with my mom. We are her children she deserves to know. But he looks at is as, “telling mom all my dirty laudry” As if we are all out to get him. When really, I'm trying to get things out , share things with mom that are happening to HER children, and figure out what to do.
Things were more manageble when he was more healthy and had good income coming in. But, now... it is just becoming impossible.
12-9-11 dad fell down stairs again. Hes supposed to take 2 at the most, since it was filled on the 7th, in the past two days. He has taken 5 xanex.
A couple years ago. My dad killed my cat and didnt tell me for a month. I recently had a cat and in order to move in with my dad Ii had to get rid of it. I was having a hard time getting a home for him. I refused to take him to a shelter because I knew he would be killed for sure. Dad siad I was childish for careing about my cat and taking longer to move in. He siad I was costing him money..but if he wasn't always barrowing my money I would have been able to afford to stay at my place. Barely..but I could have made it. I had two jobs I got in that time frame..one I lost because I had to take days off to take care of dad and the other when we went camping. He was sore from camping and wanted to leave with the car. He left me there with no transportation so I couldnt get to work. Anyways, he said he talked to a girl named Rachel at his work. She was moving into a new place and would like to have a cat. So, oneday while I was at work he was to take my cat Binks to her place with all of his toys and his litter box. I was happy that he found a home. Steve Waite worked with my dad. Sometimes I hang out with Steve. He mentioned going to the house of a Rachel girl tht he works with. I asked him if that was the only Rachel that works with them he said yes. I asked him if she has any cats. He siad no and as far as he knew she never had cats. I know my dad. He could have lied to me. Do I know the complete truth no. But, I should hav known better than to trust him. Many of my animals were abused, gone missing, or killed in his care.
12-16-11
So, today is the last day for a long time that hunter, my dad, and I will be together. Dad thinks its funny to startle me out of my sleep. He's done this the last two days. So, I am a bit irritated already. I'm getting last things done before the move. He mentions he needed luandry done. I said so did I and he suggested that I put my luandry in now. So, I did. Not even 15 minutes later he says we should go out to eat friday. I said today is friday..he gets upset with me and say iknow! Even though earlier he thought it was thursday (the xanex makes him miss days) So, I said ok we should. Then a few minuts later he says we should go now. I get a bit irratated and mention that I had just barely put my clothes in the laundry so I don't have clothes. That converstionhappened and he got in my way right where I was trying to do something a moment before he came into the room. He gets mad at me says I have split personality and calls me a psycho bitch. Anay ways, we end up arguming hes fallowing me into the closet wher im trying to find clothes and he calls me a psycho bitch, and Morgen(this is a name that means delusional crazy women, in reference to my mom's mom). I get so angery that I tell him if i'm a psycho bitch then he's the sociopathin the family and I tell him to shut up and that I really hate him sometime. I hate it when I get like that but he's very good at pushing those buttons. He ends up taking hunter out to eat and not me. Even though I'm the one leaving and this is the last time we will all be together. I try to explain this and I ask him to wait for my clothes to dry, or ask him for us to wait and cool down. Even though I was soooo angry with him I still wanted us to try and have a good nigh out together. His reply is why would you wnt to goout ot eat with someone you hate? I told him that doesn't matter he's my dad and I care about him. He shakes his head, says ya right, and him and hunter leave me here. I just do not know what to do anymore.
I actually sent it over amonth ago. You know how it is with me though. I just dont post on here that often.But better late than never.
Grandma . I'm sorry I'm putting all this on you. But, I'm thinking you are probably going to better be able to figure out what to do. You can talk to the family and help them better understand what actually goes on. So, that now I'm gone you all can look out for him and Hunter.These aren't everyday things. Most days it good. But, it still wears down on me so much. And this all shouldn't happen in the first place. Thank you so much for your love and support. You talking to me last time I saw you.. meant so much to me. I'm sorry for crying so much when I last saw you. I was fighting with my dad a lot that day and I was feeling emotionally drained. What you said to me though. Helped me finally helped me make the decision to leave. You know how my dad can be and you can see things from the outside. So, thank you. I still worry..but I feel better about my decision. This isn't the most coherently written thing I've put together but I'm getting to the point where it doesn't matter I just need to get it out there.
So... part of the process of taking control of my life means I need to learn to let go and live my life for me. This is so hard for me. Because things are not perfect or even ok and I want to help keep things under control and be the good helping daughter. But, I'm realizing now that I'm not in control, in this state I'm going to make more mistakes than good. But still, trying to figure out what the best thing to do has been tearing me apart.
My dad is very sick and always broke, im afraid he will think im abandoning him and that i don't care that he's in pain a lot. I know he thinks I don't respect him and hate him. But, really I just worry and get angry.
My brother is mean and continually isolates himself from people,im afraid that he will be lonely without a mother or siblings around to love him and guide him, im afraid that that the guilt and obligation i had pertaining to my dad fall upon on him, that he will feel as trapped as I do and he will resent me for leaving
This is the extremely shortened and simplified version of everything thats going on and the anger and pain that is poisoning me and my family I'm going to change that.
I'm going to find the magic to turn my life around. Then I can live by example and share that magic with those around me.Becuase thats what i really want to do and this is different. I'm really going to do it.
However,I am also learning that even if i do all that it wont fix everything that they all have to fix themselves. Thier faults, pains, and hardships in thier lives are not for me to nessasarially something I always have to be apart of and that its a product of thier descisons in life. This is part of what is giving me strength to leave. But is also making it hard to do.
So, Im going to start finding this magic by writing this letter. To let out some of the thoughts and anger that has been driving me nuts. With this letter, I will try to peacefully share my fellings.
There was a day a couple years ago, when I was moving out of my roomates house and the fight got really bad. People I thought were my friend complelty backstabbing me and calling my mom a cunt. She was there helping me move out. Eventually, we threatened that we will call the cops if they don't let us move out in peace and they finally left us alone. My dadf heard about this. The main guy that was starting this was a guy named Adam. My dad drove al the way over to the house. Went into the house when my mom and I were literally begging him not to go in and went after Adam. Started punching him and beating him. Adam was pretty good at defending himself though. There were alto of people n the house and it turned into a brawl. Dad broke a beer bottle and almost came very close to stabbing someone with it. Somehow he kept his temper in check enough not to and let them take him out side. Poor haven was there. She was on the other room crying. The next few days my dad was calling me all pised off saying all sorts of stuff. I was very angry at them too..but really?
Some time during the month of october 2011, dad spent a bout a week and half compleltly drugged out on Valium, xanex and oxycodones. Started taking five pills of the xanex at the same time(I am pretty sure that he was only supposed to take two) and on the same night he took double the does of valium. I found this out after coming home from work the next morning and he was waay out of it. I told him to either stop taking them or only take one of the pills the next night at the desired dose. I reminded him of that many times that day. Next night did the same thing. Winthin less than a week he took entire bottles of xanex, valium, and later on I found out entire bottle of oxycodon as well.
He fell down the stars about a week after the drug incident. He called me a told me after he fell. I litterally begged him to please go to the hospital.i spent three days asking him to atleast get checked out. He refused. I believe its ok now. But, the reason this incident bothers me is because I am sick of asking him to get help. If anything happens. Im left with the mess. I dont always know what to do. Thisi why im writing it this. So people can get more of the full picture so we can get the help.his docter also chewed him out about this.
12-9-11 Dad fell down stairs again! Because of those freaking pills!The dose suggested is ½ to 1 per night. Hes supposed to take 2 at the most, since it was filled on the 7th, in the past two days. He has taken 5 xanex. I just found this out.
12-11-11-- On the 9th I made sure dad only had one xanex that night. I was gone the night of the 10th. I put only ½ pill out for him to take to sleep. And hid the rest of the pills. Today I got home he completely high laying on the couch. So, I go count the pills. Since he took the 5, then the 1 on the 9th, and I gave him the half last night He is only supposed to have taken 6 ½. I counted. I looks as if hes taken
8 ½ !!!
He says, “Man, just from that one half i've been loaded all day!” So, I confront him about it and say. “what about the other two? When did you take those?” he goes what I didn't take two more! I told him I counted.
Then, he changes his tune.
“The half wasn't enough! So, I found the pills and only took 1 more pill!” As if that was ok. It was only 1 and not 2! The fact is. He went behind my back and knowingly took more than he's supposed to.
So, it looks like he found where I hid it and took two more than he's supposed to! I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I thought that because he's on those pills that hes forgeting that he took it and taking more These, pills make you very very forgetful. But, now that he's deliberatlygoing behind my back and looking for the hidden pills and knowingly taking more. He knew that he had taken that one pill already.He told me so when I got home and h e knew where hes supposed to find it. Now, he abusing pills again :(
. He used to have a bad problem with pain pills a couple years ago. He had to go to rehab. I looks like to me that he found another one to abuse. Too bad..these pills coul have helped himhe has really bad insomnia.
While, haven was visiting, dad and I were having differences in opinions of cleaning arangments. Dad asked us to clean the kitchen while he was at football practice with hunter. We gladly agreed. Haven really really wanted to watch more episodes of charmed with me. I'll admit that we have been spentding days andh ours watchig this show together. However, the only thing we could use to watch the show was on hunters computer. We both knew that by the time we would be finished with the kitchen hunter would want the computer back and we couldnt watch more. So haven and I agreed that we will watch one more show and when hunter gets home we would give him the computer and clean the kitchen. Dad comes home angry pissed pusshing me around screamming calling me a lazy bitch and the fight got so escalated that haven was crying and hunter had to pysically put himself between us.
He puts me down calls me names, telling me that when he was my age he had all this responcibility. Basically being an ass to me just because he doesnt see things the same way as I do.
*Haven has seen a lot of the ways that my dad blows up and now has told my mom that if she dies she wanted to stay with john and not dad. Which breaks my heart because I know that dad is a wonderful loving father. He just has his issues
Dad not making hunter call his mom. Hunter is mean to him mom. And continually refuses to call her. I've confronted my dad many times before about it. His excuse has been “Can lead a horse to water, but cant force him to drink” or “Hes a teenager” . Really, so he's not making sure that Hunter has a healthy relationship with his mom and they don't listen to me. And he doesn't push hunter as a father.
I worry every day for Hunter. I do not know what the right thing to do is. And it tears me apart. There are so many days where I don't think hunter should be in dads care. However, most days its good and I know da loves hunter so much. I don't want dad heart broke or to ruin our relationship beyond repair. But, Hunter literally does NO chores, spends all day playing xbox. And I mean that. He gets home goes right onto the xbox. I try to puch him to go play with friends or to do something with me. I never happens and dad doesn't push him either. Only thing hunter has is football. Hunter wont speak, wont be nice, wont do anything for anyone else. Im the bad guys for trying to make these points and when I get so fustrated that I blow up.Then i'm told Im disruptive to the house and needs to move out. My fear of leaving him with dad..ie. Presures of takng care of him, fear of finding dad dead, fear of not right giudence, fear of him resenting me mom or dad.Fear of taking him away resentment, legal batter between parents, family becoming even more devided.
Arthritis medication. Found out he hasnt been taking methotrexate for a year. His docter recently found out as well and called him to chew him out. Now hes taking it finally. So he makes changes. And go figure hes actually feeling better. But, just another case where hes not taking care of him self addiqatly and only does anything for him self if ppl get on his case.
diabetes stuff. Ok so he has apoint we can barly afford food some days. Things like cars breaking down, medical bills, and medications make it hard. But, sometimes I feel ike he just doesnt even try to budget and whe things bet bad we either pawn hunters computer or he borrows money from me. But, I just have a huge issue with the fact thathe doesnt have any strips at all!! He says he cant afford it. It pretty expensive he alreadyhad to pat hundreds of $ on other meds. He says every month he takes test at the dr. and it says he has good blood sugar out of the month. Iguess they can tell that. Which is great. But........
There have been times where he seems a bit out of it and I would like to chack his blood sugar. Its all about assesing situation, There are days where his eyes suddenlt get blurry. Is it getting old, is it new medications, or is is his blood sugar? He drinks soda everyday and eats nothing but processed food. He tries to eat kinda healthy but still. Thers always candy wrappers all over the place, tobacco chew everywhere, and he literally lays on the couch and watches tv even on days where hes feeling pretty good pysically. The only time he gets out of the couch is to go to hunters practice and games, get food, try to sleep at night and pee. Yet another case where he can be doing things to help himself but chooses not to.
Dad lost the storage unit in AZ that literally had everything I owned all my momentos. I'm talking pictures, my favorite doll i've had since I was ababy, the video from the birth of my daughter, my massage therapy books and chair....everything. I was devastatded. Things I loved dearly and things I needed. He finally told me this around sept 28th 2011 but he lost it months before. He never gaveme the chance to work to save it. He never even told me that he was having trouble paying it. Another case where it feelsl ike he has no consideration for me like when he killed my cat,or threatened to kill my friends.
Dad gets mad at me for sharing things that happen with my mom. We are her children she deserves to know. But he looks at is as, “telling mom all my dirty laudry” As if we are all out to get him. When really, I'm trying to get things out , share things with mom that are happening to HER children, and figure out what to do.
Things were more manageble when he was more healthy and had good income coming in. But, now... it is just becoming impossible.
12-9-11 dad fell down stairs again. Hes supposed to take 2 at the most, since it was filled on the 7th, in the past two days. He has taken 5 xanex.
A couple years ago. My dad killed my cat and didnt tell me for a month. I recently had a cat and in order to move in with my dad Ii had to get rid of it. I was having a hard time getting a home for him. I refused to take him to a shelter because I knew he would be killed for sure. Dad siad I was childish for careing about my cat and taking longer to move in. He siad I was costing him money..but if he wasn't always barrowing my money I would have been able to afford to stay at my place. Barely..but I could have made it. I had two jobs I got in that time frame..one I lost because I had to take days off to take care of dad and the other when we went camping. He was sore from camping and wanted to leave with the car. He left me there with no transportation so I couldnt get to work. Anyways, he said he talked to a girl named Rachel at his work. She was moving into a new place and would like to have a cat. So, oneday while I was at work he was to take my cat Binks to her place with all of his toys and his litter box. I was happy that he found a home. Steve Waite worked with my dad. Sometimes I hang out with Steve. He mentioned going to the house of a Rachel girl tht he works with. I asked him if that was the only Rachel that works with them he said yes. I asked him if she has any cats. He siad no and as far as he knew she never had cats. I know my dad. He could have lied to me. Do I know the complete truth no. But, I should hav known better than to trust him. Many of my animals were abused, gone missing, or killed in his care.
12-16-11
So, today is the last day for a long time that hunter, my dad, and I will be together. Dad thinks its funny to startle me out of my sleep. He's done this the last two days. So, I am a bit irritated already. I'm getting last things done before the move. He mentions he needed luandry done. I said so did I and he suggested that I put my luandry in now. So, I did. Not even 15 minutes later he says we should go out to eat friday. I said today is friday..he gets upset with me and say iknow! Even though earlier he thought it was thursday (the xanex makes him miss days) So, I said ok we should. Then a few minuts later he says we should go now. I get a bit irratated and mention that I had just barely put my clothes in the laundry so I don't have clothes. That converstionhappened and he got in my way right where I was trying to do something a moment before he came into the room. He gets mad at me says I have split personality and calls me a psycho bitch. Anay ways, we end up arguming hes fallowing me into the closet wher im trying to find clothes and he calls me a psycho bitch, and Morgen(this is a name that means delusional crazy women, in reference to my mom's mom). I get so angery that I tell him if i'm a psycho bitch then he's the sociopathin the family and I tell him to shut up and that I really hate him sometime. I hate it when I get like that but he's very good at pushing those buttons. He ends up taking hunter out to eat and not me. Even though I'm the one leaving and this is the last time we will all be together. I try to explain this and I ask him to wait for my clothes to dry, or ask him for us to wait and cool down. Even though I was soooo angry with him I still wanted us to try and have a good nigh out together. His reply is why would you wnt to goout ot eat with someone you hate? I told him that doesn't matter he's my dad and I care about him. He shakes his head, says ya right, and him and hunter leave me here. I just do not know what to do anymore.