"Oh My God...I Love Josh!"
The Best
Melanie & Sasha: Jazz
For the first time ever, I'm not watching Melanie. I mean, she's doing wonderfully, but Sasha is owning this piece. She's not just owning it, she's bitch-slapping it into submission. I don't really have much else to say. Well danced by both, and both girls were fierce as shit, but this routine belongs to Sasha. Best of the night.
Marko & Allison: Contemporary
The last two 8 counts are absolutely, heartbreakingly beautiful. This is more a testament to how amazing Allison is, but it's very very difficult to not watch Allison. When she dances contemporary, she is in another league. However, Marko stepped up to the plate opposite her and matched her, step for step, line for line. Absolutely exquisite. This dance, I feel, will be Sonya Tayeh's first Emmy nomination.
Melanie & Neil: Contemporary
Um. Y'all. Melanie literally threw herself through the air from at least ten feet away from Neil and flew threw the air with no fear whatsoever on her face. Not only is that a sign of a strong partner, but of a completely dedicated dancer. Standing ovation for that one leap alone. The last ten seconds or so, though…holy fuckballs. Everything else is, of course, beautiful. Melanie just loses herself in ever dance she has.
The Worst
Jordan & Ade: Jazz
I don't want to be mean, but I really hate this choreography. A lot. It seems like they just asked Tyce to choreo yesterday and he threw a bunch of shit together. And Jordan just annoyed me throughout all of it. She kept turning into a pageant dancer throughout the entire thing. Her body is sick as hell and can do amazing things, but then that face and personality.
Caitlynn & Tadd: Fox Trot
Everything looks very elegant, but often to America, elegant is synonymous for boring. And I'll admit, at times during this, I'm bored. I largely blame the choreography, but the dancers still need to try and sell the dance. Sadly, I don't want to buy this. Which sucks, because once again Tadd is adapting very well to a new style that's not him, but there's just something missing.
The Rest, In Order of Goodness
Caitlynn & Ivan: Hip-Hop
I wish the beginning of this had more choreography for Caitlynn, especially later on when I see how well she's dancing this. This isn't the most spectacular hip-hop ever, but Caitlynn is just killing this. The choreographer was right, that Caitlynn's got a little soul or swagger we've not seen before. I honestly couldn't take my eyes off of her.
Jess & Michelin: Hip-Hop
Again, I'm not loving the choreo, but that's not Jess and Michelin's fault. Jess is at times a big too fluid, more so than he needs to be. I want his moves to be a little sharper, a little more defined. I'm having trouble buying into the fact that he and Michelin could even be in a relationship; he's missing that masculine aspect. Michelin is actually coming across as more manly. It's fun to watch and all because it's hip-hop but again, not my favorite. Jess's emotion was right on, though, and that's also part of what makes it fun to watch.
Marko & Ricky: Hip-Hop
Marko has all the swagger that Ricky is missing. I think Ricky's problem is that he's so tall and lanky that it's really hard to get down and dirty (all jokes aside, it's my problem when I try to dance as well). A fun number, but nothing memorable.
Tadd & Lauren F.: Jazz
I'm a little…conflicted. I wonder if Tadd accidentally losing his hat shook him a little bit, because he started off really strong and while he continued to dance strongly after losing the hat, he seemed a little unsettled. That said, his dancing was awesome. Mandy Moore really played to his strengths as a B-Boy with his choreo, or it's possibly that Tadd's B-Boy just really helped him with jazz. He had swagger all over the place.
Sasha & Pasha: QuickStep
It might be the choreography, but I feel like Sasha is succumbing to the quickstep curse. There's something about her that screams "uncomfortable" right now. However, when they actually get to quickstep moves where they're going really fast, she seems more into it. Mostly I'm just glad for this to be over.
Jordan & Jess: Rumba
Partner-wise, Jordan makes much more sense for Jess than Clarice, simply based on height. Jordan's sexiness is really being used in this routine, in a good way. Unfortunately, Jess is just kind of a prop in this routine. His partner work is much better than it was with Clarice, which confirms my theory that she was too tall for him. I wish Jess had had more to do in this routine than just carry Jordan around.
Ricky & Anya: Jive
Interesting. There are some moves--usually when both Ricky and Anya are actually partnering in the sense of touching--where Ricky seems really stiff and almost coltish. That is, dancing like he's a newborn horse. But get to the parts where he doesn't have to "stoop" to dance with his partner, and he actually gets loose and light-footed. By the end of the dance, I was nearly enjoying it but overall, it was pretty mediocre for me.
Boys: Ricky & Tadd
Girls: Caitlynn & Jordan
1. Should I pour another glass of wine before I start?
2. God, what a stupid question.
3. OH! I forgot about Gaga!
4. Is Cat Deeley wearing toilet paper as a dress? Did she buy stock in Charmin?
5. Really, Jordan? Pirouettes into a develope? GET A NEW TRICK.
6. Y'all, this judge's panel right here. I don't even know. I'm over-gaying already.
7. *snicker* Sasha & Pasha. Teehee!
8. Oh, we're really not wasting time tonight. I'm down with that.
9. Hey, remember that time that Nick and Iveta did a Quickstep? YEAH, ME TOO.
10. *ahem*
11. I just want Pasha to lay down on top of me, y'know?
12. Apparently, I was all wrong, because Mary Murphy is giving Sasha a big ol' tongue bath right now. I just didn't see it; the dance was boring for me.
13. Really, Nigel? Sasha is your favorite dancer of the competition? Have you met Melanie?
14. …oh Gaga, don't make me bleep bloop you.
15. Okay, way to bring it back around at the end. Watch yourself, Gaga. I'm giving you the side-eye right now.
16. Is anyone else wondering how quickly Fox will fuck up "Terra Nova"?
17. EEEE IVAN! *swoon*
18. Oh wow. Choreographer Marty Kudelka doesn't look like a hip-hop dancer so much as a living skeleton.
19. I forgot how adorable Ivan was. Just so very adorable.
20. I'm so very glad Gaga took those glasses off. They were just bugging the hell out of me.
21. Rob Marshall looks like if Peter Gallagher and David Hasselhoff had a baby.
22. Melanie and Neil have contemporary coming up? I think I just jizzed a little.
23. Or a lottle.
24. But I have to sit through a Jordan dance first. That which doesn't kill me only makes me want to kill it back. Or something.
25. Oh, a Jordan Jazz choreographed by Tyce. I…don't even know.
26. "How many different positions can you do with those fabulous legs?" …no, too easy.
27. *ahem*
28. Tyce looks damn sexy tonight. I don't even know why, but I saw that shot of him in the audience and I sat up a little straighter.
29. In my seat, you gutterfaces.
30. "This dance is about being at an emotional crossroads in a relationship." OF COURSE. OF COURSE THIS CONTEMPORARY DANCE IS ABOUT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS AND A SONG ABOTU A FLOWER AND KISSES FROM A ROSE AND TEARS IN HEAVEN.
31. I'll meet you at the crossroads, crossroads. Biatch.
32. "Hi, I'm Neil!" *giggledie*
33. Unf.
34. The mere fact that Mandy Moore choreographed a contemporary song to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and mandated that Neil be shirtless makes her number one in my book.
35. OMG, Gaga is, like, 18 feet tall in those damn shoes.
36. I like that Neil's stomach is a little softer than it used to be. I don't know why, but it makes him a bit sexier.
37. I love how big of a spaz Melanie is. Her reaction is always like a chipmunk on speed, like the only way she can process her emotions by giggling and flailing around.
38. Oh my goodness, Portia de Rossi looks absolutely gorgeous tonight. Just gorgeous.
39. I seriously had to watch that jump, like, 1400 times because what the fuck.
40. Y'all…I'm ready for Ricky to go home. I mean, he's a good dancer and all that, but…yeah.
41. I forgot how sexy Anya is.
42. I don't even know if I'm being funny anymore, so much as stating facts. "Cat and Nigel are British. That was a dance they did. Dogs go woof."
43. "I love that you're high." I wonder how many people have said that to Gaga.
44. Y'all, I actually thought that Michelin was a man for a second and that made me very happy. And then I realized it was Tadd in the suit and I was confused, but still happy.
45. This is a Top Ten Tour I would actually consider buying tickets for.
46. I feel like Jess has gotten less obnoxious as the season has progressed. I wonder why that is. Maybe he realized that all he has to do is dance, not necessarily mug his way through everything.
47. Ugh, fuck. I have a crush on Jess.
48. LOL…in my head that went "I am majorly, totally, butt-crazy in love with Jess." Name that reference.
49. I know nothing about Lauren F. So…there's that.
50. I don't know what's going on right now, but Tadd seems really out of it right now. He's not super-smiley like he usually is when they give him compliments. It's making me a bit sad.
51. Mary's comment about Tadd makes me wonder about who will be in the finale. I've had Melanie and Marko pegged from week one, but hadn't thought about who else might join them. I would imagine that for the girls, it will be Sasha. For the boys, I think it might be Jess, though now I can see Tadd making it there, too.
52. OH MY GOD SHIRTLESS MARKO.
53. Y'all, I actually just drooled. I'm not kidding. It wasn't necessarily in response to Marko being shirtless, but that's when it happened, and now I feel like an idiot.
54. I need cookies.
55. And for Neil to lay on top of me.
56. And then Gaga is crying and Marko is almost bawling and Allison looks like the most radiant cavewoman in the world and I don't know what's going on anymore but everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
57. You guys know what pairing I cannot wait for? Allison and Melanie. Because, yes.
58. Marko's mom and crying and then Marko crying and then me crying and good God how did this happen?
59. She flew in from Guam YESTERDAY?! I've got all the creys in the world right now, y'all. ALL OF THEM.
60. I'm actually getting to the point where I feel that it will be impossible to predict whether Melanie or Marko is going to win this competition.
61. I'm ashamed to say that I kind of want to see "Rise of the Planet of the Apes".
62. I liked Gaga's critique of the trophy hands. I've always struggled finding a way to properly explain what I mean, and here she's like "Trophy Hands".
63. IS CAT DEELEY HUMMING SUPER MARIO BROS.?!
64. I love that Rob Marshall just kind of bitch-slapped Gaga for dissing the choreo all night.
65. Holy crap, a rumba. It's about time we got something new tonight.
66. Despite my newfound crush on Jess, I still would like him to learn how to keep his mouth from hanging slack all the time.
67. If you're keeping count, this is the third Adele song used this season.
68. Interesting that when Nigel tells Jess & Jordan that the rumba wasn't his favorite routine, that Jordan almost looks devastated and Jess is like, "Okay, I can see that, thank you for the critique."
69. Dear Gaga: Stop. Commenting. On the choreo. And the songs. Seriously. You even just said yourself, the dancers don't have any control over any of that.
70. I love that when Cat says "Melanie & Sasha" that the audience just drowns out everything she says after, from cheering so loud. These two are definitely in the top 4.
71. I honestly don't think that anyone but Sonya Tayeh could choreograph a routine for Sasha and Melanie. Everything they are as dancers is everything she is as a choreographer.
72. Melanie & Sasha's routine proves what Nigel has been saying all season: this season belongs to the girls.
73. I love how every time someone brings up Cat's Emmy nomination, she just giggles like a loon.
74. This sisterhood between Sasha and Melanie is amazing. This huge loveliest right now is amazing. Everything is amazing.
75. I don't know what's going on anymore and for once, it's not the wine. Good night!