"And Long-Winded"
The AMAZEBALLS
Ricky & Allison: Jazz
Oh. My. God. What the fuck is this AMAZINGNESS. LIke, for real real, this is awesome on every single level. Every. Single. Level. One critique I have is that I'm having a hard time not watching Allison. I think she eclipses Ricky as far as dancing goes, as opposed to complementing him (but that's Ricky's issue). But this choreo is just banoodles. And they're killing it, every step of the way. Dear God, Tyce Diorio, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?! The last 2 8-counts alone were just…holy shit
Sasha & Twitch: Hip-Hop
I love lyrical hip-hop so much and so far, this isn't disappointing. This choreo is amazeballs and the shit the dancers are doing is unreal. This is actually making me like Twitch a little bit. And starting to love Sasha again. Motherfuck, that was awesome.
Caitlynn & Pasha: Tango
Right now is the first time that I've ever really gotten personality from Caitlynn, as far as something unexpected and to which I can connect. Her footwork is really good. I wish it were a little tighter, but her legs are moving with purpose and staying where they're supposed to go. And just the mere fact that she's dancing with Pasha in a Goddamn suit is making this hot. Seriously, sexy is best when it's not overt.
Melanie & Pasha: Viennese Waltz
Melanie wins. That's all I've got to say, is Melanie wins. Just…she wins, you guys. She is just…she wins. I could go into all the technical stuff, the emotional stuff, but I'd be writing page after page. She wins. Period. Also Pasha, but mostly Melanie. Win.
The Really Good
Marko & Chelsie: Samba
This is my favorite song from the trainwreck that was Nine. I forgot how amazing Chelsie is at Latin ballroom. Good God, this boy can move his hips. Though to be honest, the first, like, two-thirds of the dance really seems to focus on Chelsie. Marko is a great partner and has some great "tricks" but didn't really get any choreo proper until nearer the end. He does it well though, both the tricks and the choreo. And it's really hard to take my eyes off of Chelsie, because damn.
Jess & Kathryn: Contemporary
I don't think Jess's issue with lifts is that he can't do them. I think the issue is just how short he is and as a result, the female dancers don't look like they're going as high as when, say, Mitchell lifts them. His partnering looks like it's really solid. This was a perfectly cromulent routine. Jess is kind of a secret little powerhouse. …with a nice ass in those pants.
The Good
Clarice & Robert: Bollywood
I have a hard time critiquing Bollywood because I haven't seen a lot of it. That said, this is super entertaining. Clarice is definitely out-dancing Robert.
Jordan & Brandon: Contepmorary
So what's funny is now that it's been pointed out, all I can ever see when Jordan dances is that damn leg going straight up in the air. It's not her fault when the choreographers make her do it, but still. Also, I just realized something about Jordan. She has no dance-personality. Or any personality to really begin with. Technically she's a good dancer, but there's nothing about her that makes me want to watch her. She danced this piece well, but I was watching Brandon the whole time.
They Did Their Best
Mitchell & Melody: Broadway Jazz
I'm having a hard time being objective, because I really don't like Tyce's choreography. They're dancing it good, I just don't care about this routine at all. We'll see if I remember it at the end of the night.
Tadd & Comfort: Hip-Hop
I don't know if it's the choreo or Tadd, but Tadd really is lacking swag in this. I feel like it's the choreo, because I've seen Tadd have swag. There was something just missing from this--from both him and Comfort--and I can't put my hand on it. THe choreo seemed really lackadaisical, in my opinion. The stuff during Busta's rap should've been really crisp and clean and hard hitting and it was really sloppy. I just didn't buy this.
Solos, From Best to Worst
Sasha's Solo
So far, this is everything I wanted her solo from last week to be. Good use of the stage, nice choreo to the music and it fit the mood of the music.
Melanie's Solo
God, this bitch is ridic. That's really all I got. OMG AND THAT END. I love her to death. All kinds of hearts.
Marko's Solo
So much fun. I think I got my expectations a bit too built up, but it was still really good. Surprisingly, my favorite part was his moves to the "So you think you can dance-dance-dance" at the end.
Jess's Solo
Jess is, like, the pirouette queen. His spinny-spinny are amazing. Much of this choreo wasn't really choreo, though. It just seemed like him running around. His personality definitely came through--and it's tamed down a bit--and the ending was adorable.
Tadd's Solo
Much better than last week's. Better choreographed, better sold, just better all around. The ending seemed a little off; perhaps his timing was off and he couldn't fill out the last couple of seconds.
Mitchell's Solo
Once again, I think I'm burned out on Mitchell because of all the time's he's been in the B3. His opening pirouette was amazing though. This might be the first time I've ever actually seen a story from a solo. The ending was kind of boring, though.
Clarice's Solo
I kind of like this, this is like Broadway/Latin contemporary. It's not the best, most engaging solo ever, but it's still pretty good.
Caitlynn's Solo
Good? Yes. Boring? Kind of, in the sense that we've already seen it from her. Thank God her tango was amazing, otherwise I'd be super bored with her tonight.
Ricky's Solo
I think I'm burned out on Ricky after all the Ricky & Ryan bottom 3 shenanigans. This just looks like everything he's ever done.
Jordan's Solo
God help me, I didn't entirely hate it. But I did notice something, and that is her feet. Her point/extension really isn't where it should be for a dancer of her experience. I'm not a dancer and my feet are more flexible than hers are. But anyway, good choreography and more variation than we've seen from her but overall I'm still not impressed.
Bottom Three Predictions
Guys
1. Tadd
2. Mitchell
3. Jess
Girls
1. Jordan
2. Clarice
3. Caitlynn
72 Random Things About Tonight's SYTYCD
1. I can't emphasize this enough: Cat Deeley got nominated for an Emmy.
2. OMG ALLSTARS TONIGHT!!!
3. Of the 10 introductions, 4 of them did spinny-spinny, Jordan did not raise any legs, Ricky did a back flip and no dance moves, and I only remember Tadd's intro because it's the only non-contemporary thing I saw.
4. That sums it up, right? 9 jazz/contemporary and 1 b-boy? How droll.
5. Yes. Yes I am still pissed that Nick and Iveta went home.
6. Oh my God. I actually just scowled out loud at Cat's dress. What the frilly hell?
7. Okay, here's the thing about Neil Patrick Harris: I think he's starting to get overrated.
8. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love him to death. He's talented as hell. He's just starting to be a bit overexposed for me. However, I anticipate he'll be a good judge.
9. OMG. Marko and Chelsie is, like, my ideal pairing for guy-newbie-girl-all-star. LOVE her.
10. "I took it in the face a few times, though." Out of respect for Marko, I will not make the obvious joke.
11. But I will say I'd take Marko in the face.
12. I hope Melanie doesn't fly into a jealous rage for that kiss between Marko and Chelsie.
13. Or maybe I do. Because that would be awesome.
14. I'm surprised Dancing With The Stars let Chelsie do this.
15. Dammit, Marko looks hot with his hair parted to the side.
16. How excited is NPH about the dirtiness of the routine. "She does that…scissor kick around your face." I love it. NPH is the first person ever to point out the vag-face connection on this show.
17. Seriously, though. Chelsie basically grinded her cooter all over Marko's face on that lift.
18. Every now and then when Mary uses proper dance terms, I get a little hard. I can't explain it.
19. I think Marko definitely proved tonight that he's not just a good dancer because he had a good partner. He proved he's just a good dancer. Bravo, kiddo.
20. "Chelsie Hightower is like a James Bond villain." …that makes the most perfect sense. Suddenly, everything about Chelsie makes sense.
21. I'm gonna see the shit out of "Crazy, Stupid, Love".
22. "This piece is about love." OMG, really?!?!?!
23. *faceplant*
24. I like how two weeks ago the judges were like, "Quit with the developes" to Jordan and tonight Mary is like "They played to your strengths, woo!"
25. Nigel, I'll keep Jordan in the competition when she gives me a reason to vote for her. Someone could be the most technically perfect dancer but if I don't like them…if their personality doesn't reach me, then…yeah. There you go.
26. Cat is, like, 14 feet taller than Jordan. Is Cat a giant? Is Jordan a hobbit? The hell?
27. Aw fuck, I think I like Jess.
28. So I just realized that the choreographers are doing stuff in the All Stars' wheelhouse on purpose tonight. Damn, I'm slow.
29. Also, hi Comfort! Remember when your shoulder went "click click"?
30. God, Tadd's abs. GOD.
31. "That was dope!" Oh, NPH…you stay white and leave your lingo in the 90s.
32. "Doesn't the plane thrust somehow?" Oh Tyce, with your horndog ways.
33. Why is Tyce never shirtless.
34. I love Britishisms like "over-egged the pudding". Because what does that even mean?
35. Also, how does my spell check recognize the word "Britishisms"?
36. Rob Marshall and Lady Gaga next week? That's like my only love born of my only hate.
37. I don't even know what that phrase means.
38. I like them both. Never mind.
39. Can you read me? Am I online?
40. I've missed Pasha and his voice and his sexy-ass face and woof.
41. It's possible I've not gotten any in quite some time.
42. Cat said "No one 'Blue Steels' like Pasha" and I may have heard "blue balls".
43. Mary's standing ovation for Caitlynn was rightly deserved, I feel. That's one of the best Argentine tangos I've seen on this show.
44. Oh! And Mary voices the same thing, re: Caitlynn's passion and personality. Usually it's Nigel reading my mind. When it's Mary, it's even scarier.
45. NPH is also really right. The dance started out slow and really drew the viewer in. By the end, I didn't want it to be over. Slow and sensual = overt, crotch-face sexuality anytime.
46. …Jordan.
47. Y'all, this is an unpopular decision, but…I don't like Twitch. And I don't think he should've been in S4's top 4.
48. Oh. My. God. Let's just recap this word for word, shall we?
Nigel: All I got for breakfast was cornflakes!
Cat: Were they soggy?
Nigel: They were after that routine.
And then Mary fucking losing it, especially when she realizes Nigel didn't even mean that in a dirty way. I love it. And then Nigel gets it 8 years later.
49. I want Frosted Flakes. MAKE IT HAPPEN, UNIVERSE!
50. "This is the first time I've seen you have chemistry with your partner." YES! That's what it is! That's totally what it is! That's why I'm loving Sasha again, because she's not with Alex!
51. NPH just used the word "kip-up" correctly and I got a little chubbed. He can stay.
52. "Jordan's dancing solo in just a couple of minutes." Oh joy.
53. Oh right, you can't hear tone through the internet.
54. OR CAN YOU.
55. I wish Jess would learn how to close his mouth. Not in the sense that he talks to much, but in the sense that it's always hanging slack. Even during dances.
56. Did Nigel just call out Joan Rivers for no good reason? I love it.
57. MELANIE AND PASHA. YES. YES. YES.
58. Dear Melanie's Mom: Please don't cry, because I cannot cry tonight. I simply cannot.
59. Allison! Hi! Allison! Hi! Allison!
60. Does anyone else think that Allison kind of looks like Elizabeth Mitchell?
61. "I love it when he is free like this and just choreographs." I feel like that's Nigel's way of saying that he hates Tyce's Broadway stuff, too.
62. Neil Patrick Harris can continue to come back and judge, often. He's very critical in a constructive way and knows what he's talking about. NPH and Carmen Electra (really, no seriously, she knew what she was talking about and wasn't afraid to say when things sucked) can come back any time.
63. No lie: I've been waiting on pins and needles for Marko's solo.
64. Does anyone else ever get sick of the dances always having to have a story? Because I am. Sometimes I just want them to fucking dance.
65. Is Robert gay? Please tell me Robert is gay.
66. Oh my. Robert and his nakedness. Just…hi there.
67. God, I need to get some.
68. In other news, I now have Liz Phair's song "Bollywood" stuck in my head. Which is a totally underrated song.
69. Spouting off all the numbers at the end of this episode, Cat is definitely proving why she earned her Emmy nom. Damn, girl.
70. Oh finally, this episode is over.
71. Oh! I don't mean it in a bad way. I just feel like I was watching that for hours and I got shit to do.
72. Like NPH. Get your sexy ass over here.