i feel like im going crazy but that feeling is subsiding
first of all, becca, im sorry to address you here but i have to tell you im sorry for everything and im going to give you your space. i acted irrationally today. i punched the sidewalk, i banged my palm against my head, i cut half my hair off. no, im not suicidal or anything. yes i think about death but i dont konw anyone who doesnt. i dont want to be dead, in death i doubt i could experience the joys iv felt in life. i want to be alive and i have finally realized that i have uncontrollable emotional problems.
my father has given me a short temper, made me reactionary, and codependant. my mother has given me the inability to let go of anything, phusical, emotional or mental. ontop of all that, i have ADD, depression, maybe im bipolar, who knows. maybe its because my mom used to do alot of drugs, though i know she did not do anything during her pregnancy with me. maybe its because my dad was 47 when he had me, im not sure if the males age effects the offspring. but i still refuse to take psychiatric drugs, so i must find an alternative. im going to start meditating again and on a regular basis and i may start attending alanon. my dad has been a member for 3 years and it keeps him together. not to be confused with AA, alanon if for friends and family of alcoholics. my mom was a sever alcoholic for many years and my father was raised by one as well. if i can get past the religious overtones, i think this could be good for me.
i am going to work on being able to let go of things by cleaning my apartment and studio, maybe finishing cutting my hair. as for now i really regret it but hair is just a biproduct; and i been thinking about getting a temporary mullet for a while. its trashy as hell but i can dig it. in the mean time i still can't let go of my bike. sure i can build up a new one but its the most fun possession iv ever owned and it helps me save gas. i have enough faith in parts of my community that i believe ill get it back one way or another.
for now i just need a change. im meeting new friends every day in the freshmen classes at rsad and ncf and along with them, their frinds who come to visit. new is good. like my haircut maybe?
my point is i know everything is going to be ok and i have the power to overcome my own emotional shortcommings. i am just so eternally sorry to the people i hurt in the process. again, im sorry becca, and im sorry krystal, and im sorry everyone else. i love everyone.
my father has given me a short temper, made me reactionary, and codependant. my mother has given me the inability to let go of anything, phusical, emotional or mental. ontop of all that, i have ADD, depression, maybe im bipolar, who knows. maybe its because my mom used to do alot of drugs, though i know she did not do anything during her pregnancy with me. maybe its because my dad was 47 when he had me, im not sure if the males age effects the offspring. but i still refuse to take psychiatric drugs, so i must find an alternative. im going to start meditating again and on a regular basis and i may start attending alanon. my dad has been a member for 3 years and it keeps him together. not to be confused with AA, alanon if for friends and family of alcoholics. my mom was a sever alcoholic for many years and my father was raised by one as well. if i can get past the religious overtones, i think this could be good for me.
i am going to work on being able to let go of things by cleaning my apartment and studio, maybe finishing cutting my hair. as for now i really regret it but hair is just a biproduct; and i been thinking about getting a temporary mullet for a while. its trashy as hell but i can dig it. in the mean time i still can't let go of my bike. sure i can build up a new one but its the most fun possession iv ever owned and it helps me save gas. i have enough faith in parts of my community that i believe ill get it back one way or another.
for now i just need a change. im meeting new friends every day in the freshmen classes at rsad and ncf and along with them, their frinds who come to visit. new is good. like my haircut maybe?
my point is i know everything is going to be ok and i have the power to overcome my own emotional shortcommings. i am just so eternally sorry to the people i hurt in the process. again, im sorry becca, and im sorry krystal, and im sorry everyone else. i love everyone.