Money
I don't have enough money. The only thing I can, in financial independence, do, is return to Istanbul and to my job at Fatih University. Or else -- more of a risk -- jetset to London immediately, take a flat, and pray for a job to come quickly. With what I have I could probably survive a month there. But even that wouldn't be completely independent. I'd have to ask Mum and Keith to cover my flight on airmiles.
I've written an email to my friend Alison asking if I can stay at her flat again -- paying her rent later, when I'm earning in London -- in order to stay in Istanbul through September, working part-time at EF if possible.
If I don't get work at EF there's no way I have enough money to start myself up in London.
I cannot stay with Tom and Ruth again. I'm positive I overstayed my welcome last time and it's a gnawing discomfort and guilt in my stomach every time I meet them. Made worse when I went out for them on daytrips here and they absolutely wouldn't let me pay for any food I consumed while with them. They have three little girls. Families are somehow inviolable -- you shouldn't disturb them for long, it makes you an unwelcome intruder.
I know Mum's attitude is -- at least partly -- that I'm her daughter, and if something seems the right move in my life and she can afford to help me (which with this, she very much can) then she will help me.
But I am her TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD daughter and it's about bloody time I stopped accepting handouts. But truly, if I am to rule out the possibility of doing so, I have no choice but to return to Istanbul for at least several months. I've already been living under their roof, on their food, at their expense, all August.
It breaks down like this:
1) Go back to Istanbul: because life is cheap there, I have enough money to afford plane fare and to survive until the university pays me.
2) Go straight to London: I will need all my savings for my first month. Mum and Keith will have to pay for my plane fare (probably with K's airmiles, but still, that means he can't use airmiles another time and will have to pay for some flight or another). The added problem is that I have no idea when I can go back to Istanbul to say goodbye properly to Seren and collect the things I've left in Alison's aparment.
3) Go to Istanbul for a month and then to London: again, would need all my savings, so Mum and Keith are providing airfare. In addition, I would have to live at Alison's, putting off paying her rent, and working part-time at EF to bulk up my stock for London.
The more I try to make things right emotionally -- to go with the gut -- the more of a mess it is financially.
Meanwhile, the job situation is equally hairy. I've now applied for five or six TESOL positions in London and heard back from none of them (mind you, I only just sent the last application, and it's nighttime there now).
Jobs in TESOL are notoriously badly paid in London. The chorus is united in the fact/belief/opinion that secretarial/PA/admin work is guaranteed to be more lucrative. But to get that kind of job, I have to be in London, walk into and get signed up at a temp agency, and pray. At least a TESOL position I can, in theory, secure from Canada and have waiting for me when I arrive. And I want that. I don't want to stay with anyone when I get there, I want to move straight into my own flat. Which would require either a job in hand or the strong possibility of one coming quickly.
I just don't know what to do.
I've written an email to my friend Alison asking if I can stay at her flat again -- paying her rent later, when I'm earning in London -- in order to stay in Istanbul through September, working part-time at EF if possible.
If I don't get work at EF there's no way I have enough money to start myself up in London.
I cannot stay with Tom and Ruth again. I'm positive I overstayed my welcome last time and it's a gnawing discomfort and guilt in my stomach every time I meet them. Made worse when I went out for them on daytrips here and they absolutely wouldn't let me pay for any food I consumed while with them. They have three little girls. Families are somehow inviolable -- you shouldn't disturb them for long, it makes you an unwelcome intruder.
I know Mum's attitude is -- at least partly -- that I'm her daughter, and if something seems the right move in my life and she can afford to help me (which with this, she very much can) then she will help me.
But I am her TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD daughter and it's about bloody time I stopped accepting handouts. But truly, if I am to rule out the possibility of doing so, I have no choice but to return to Istanbul for at least several months. I've already been living under their roof, on their food, at their expense, all August.
It breaks down like this:
1) Go back to Istanbul: because life is cheap there, I have enough money to afford plane fare and to survive until the university pays me.
2) Go straight to London: I will need all my savings for my first month. Mum and Keith will have to pay for my plane fare (probably with K's airmiles, but still, that means he can't use airmiles another time and will have to pay for some flight or another). The added problem is that I have no idea when I can go back to Istanbul to say goodbye properly to Seren and collect the things I've left in Alison's aparment.
3) Go to Istanbul for a month and then to London: again, would need all my savings, so Mum and Keith are providing airfare. In addition, I would have to live at Alison's, putting off paying her rent, and working part-time at EF to bulk up my stock for London.
The more I try to make things right emotionally -- to go with the gut -- the more of a mess it is financially.
Meanwhile, the job situation is equally hairy. I've now applied for five or six TESOL positions in London and heard back from none of them (mind you, I only just sent the last application, and it's nighttime there now).
Jobs in TESOL are notoriously badly paid in London. The chorus is united in the fact/belief/opinion that secretarial/PA/admin work is guaranteed to be more lucrative. But to get that kind of job, I have to be in London, walk into and get signed up at a temp agency, and pray. At least a TESOL position I can, in theory, secure from Canada and have waiting for me when I arrive. And I want that. I don't want to stay with anyone when I get there, I want to move straight into my own flat. Which would require either a job in hand or the strong possibility of one coming quickly.
I just don't know what to do.