what the hell am I doing here???????
sometimes I seriously don't know what the hell I am doing here!! I mean, I've made a lot of good friends here and have a lot of fun sometimes, but what the fuck am I seriously doing???? Sometimes I'm really happy and oter times I'm really fucking sad and I don't know any really good friends around here to deal with that yet. Sometimes I'm really fucking happy and really fucking sad in the same day. It's hard for me to share the bad times with people and I don't know why. It's just easier to let them think I'm happy all the time. I guess it's just hard for me to really open up to new people because I've grown up around the same familiar people my whole damn life. I'd rather just let people think I'm happy so that they don't worry about me. I just don't know. I left CT because I was so damn bored of the place and needed new things in my life, but I can't help but think right now that if I didn't leave I'd still be with Cary and be living comfortably with my parents and good friends always close by.
This seriously is the hardest thing I've ever done. I left a real comfortable life only because I was bored with it...I made a lot of good friends here, but it's not the same as before, and a lot of them will be leaving soon. I don't know what to do...I've spent the whole year here waiting to get in state residency so I can continue my schooling out here, but I don't know anymore. Some of the friends I've made are leaving soon, some won't b returning to western next year and even my brother may not be back anytime soon. I guess I really can't blame this on my friends in CT, but most of them were supposed to come visit me at some point this year and not one of them has been able to yet. I'm probably just expecting too much of them, after all none of them has the financial freedom that I have right now...whatever it's not their fault. I'm just in a really sad mood right now...that's probably not hard to tell by now.
This summer started out great...met a lot of people and there was always something to do. then school started again and most of the people I met this summer sort of disappeared and I met a whole new group of really great people. Unfortunately it seems that one of my roommates ruined things with a lot of my new friends throughout the whole year and I barely see any of them anymore. I really wish things could have stayed the whole school year how they were at the beginning of the fall quarter. Unfortunately most of those people that I still consider friends won't come by or even call the house anymore mostly because my moron of a roomate has pissed them off too damn much. If I'm lucky I get to see them once a week and that's basically it. hell two of my original roommates moved out this year...one was directly related to my moronic roomate and the other, my brother, joined the national guard but even before he left for that he would fight with the moronic roommate like clockwork every 2 weeks or so. I like the kid but sometimes I really wonder why the hell I put up with him as well. And I still may live with the kid again next year. He's a really big jackass sometimes, but other times he does things that make up for it, but I still find myself wondering why or if I would live with him again next year. I don't know at all what the hell I'm gonna do anymore...I really like the newness about everything out here, but what has it really done for me this year??? I've seen a lot of new things and met a lot of new friends at the beginning of the year that I haven't seen nearly as much as I would have liked to throughout the year as it moved on, but I've also given up a lot and missed a lot from where I came from.
This seriously is the hardest thing I've ever done. I left a real comfortable life only because I was bored with it...I made a lot of good friends here, but it's not the same as before, and a lot of them will be leaving soon. I don't know what to do...I've spent the whole year here waiting to get in state residency so I can continue my schooling out here, but I don't know anymore. Some of the friends I've made are leaving soon, some won't b returning to western next year and even my brother may not be back anytime soon. I guess I really can't blame this on my friends in CT, but most of them were supposed to come visit me at some point this year and not one of them has been able to yet. I'm probably just expecting too much of them, after all none of them has the financial freedom that I have right now...whatever it's not their fault. I'm just in a really sad mood right now...that's probably not hard to tell by now.
This summer started out great...met a lot of people and there was always something to do. then school started again and most of the people I met this summer sort of disappeared and I met a whole new group of really great people. Unfortunately it seems that one of my roommates ruined things with a lot of my new friends throughout the whole year and I barely see any of them anymore. I really wish things could have stayed the whole school year how they were at the beginning of the fall quarter. Unfortunately most of those people that I still consider friends won't come by or even call the house anymore mostly because my moron of a roomate has pissed them off too damn much. If I'm lucky I get to see them once a week and that's basically it. hell two of my original roommates moved out this year...one was directly related to my moronic roomate and the other, my brother, joined the national guard but even before he left for that he would fight with the moronic roommate like clockwork every 2 weeks or so. I like the kid but sometimes I really wonder why the hell I put up with him as well. And I still may live with the kid again next year. He's a really big jackass sometimes, but other times he does things that make up for it, but I still find myself wondering why or if I would live with him again next year. I don't know at all what the hell I'm gonna do anymore...I really like the newness about everything out here, but what has it really done for me this year??? I've seen a lot of new things and met a lot of new friends at the beginning of the year that I haven't seen nearly as much as I would have liked to throughout the year as it moved on, but I've also given up a lot and missed a lot from where I came from.