(no subject)
i hate feeling stupid. it is one of my biggest pet peeves. nobody makes me feel stupid and if they even try they fail.. i simply dont let them. there is one person who always seems to make me feel this stupid and i dont understand why he gets under my skin. oh my goodness would you believe its nathaniel? i hate him so much right now because he just randomly exploded on me after school and i am NOT his girlfriend anymore... he can not just take stuff out on me and expect me to take it and say... oh it'll be alright... blah blah. so what happens? i keep chiming in and giving him my opinion, because im not gonna take that shit. well i come home, call him, and ask him whats wrong? (because after school he kept mentioning that he just had a bad day and thats why he is so angry) i called because i care and i DONT want to have stupid arguments with him... beacuse thats what we did when we were together, and im simply not gonna do it anymore. well i call and all i get is, i dont want to talk to you, im not obligated to do so, you are such a bitch, blah blah... and then i get hung up on! TWICE! thats bullshit! he keeps telling me i dont care but, umm, why the hell would i call if i didnt care? now i feel so STUPID for calling. my heart is still broken from the break up. its broken because i feel like i keep getting led on that he wants to get back together. i feel stupid because i admitted to him that i WANTED to be with him again and that im hurt without him. now he knows my feelings and i have NO IDEA how he feels. i dont want him to know that i need him. i hate feeling stupid and i just want to scream. also, when we got off the phone... i cried. hell no, i am not going to do that shit over him. fuck no. it is not worth my fucking time. so quickly, i stopped myself. i just feel so stupid for crying over him and missing him and admitting to him how i feel. he isnt worth it anymore. he such an asshole. i swear to god if he ruins my homecoming i am never going to speak to him again. asshole. now im just mad and i want to call him and scream at him so badly!! but somehow that will turn out to be my fault why im so mad etc... somehow i will be the bitch, as usual.. this is precisely why i do not love that asshole anymore. yes its true. im so ANGRY.