The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth...How do you do it...You're my heroin..
So about a year ago everything changed for me....
A year more or less...(after June 27th...before July 4th)
Since then I've done alot of bad stuff...stuff I regret....Things I thought I never would do....things I never wish I done...I threw out all common sense...all my morals.....
And I survived....I'm still here to make the same mistakes over and over....but this time around....I'm going to make better mistakes....
I spent 4 months drinking every day...never being sober...four months...every day...
I went just shy of a month with out drinking...
I lost friends....gained new ones....found out how much the ones that stood with me love me....
I figured out what true love is...
I spent far to much time on far to many drugs....
And that all changes now....
Now don't get me wrong...I'm not going to try and be sober...I give up on that...its not going to happen...
But I am going to start making better choices in life....
I'm going to stop looking for love...or rather a replacement for it....
I know who I love...and I could careless if I love any one again....I am perfectly happy loving who I love...yeah I'm sure I'll fall in love again some day...but I don't want too...and I'm not looking for it...
So theres that....
Other news....shooting the short film White Room around the end of the month...30th or 31st...I'll post pics of the actual white room some time this week or weekend. My friend turtle was gracious enough to use his talents and build it....Hopefully the film turns out good....
After white room....like a week later while I'm editing I'm going to start filming this little film I wrote to be filmed on a cell phone camera. It doesn't really have a name yet...but yeah that next....
After that is a short I'm currently calling "Chapter 6" I'm still working on this one...this one I'm the most excited about...I think this one will be really good....hopefully...
Then after that....I should be ready to start a full length film....
And during all that....hopefully we get CelOut TV going...maybe do a couple local band videos...and a few commercials for local business....the more I do...the better my portfolio will look right? Then more money invested in the projects I do....
Continuing...
Remember Fight Club? greatest movie ever made? So remember that red leather coat Tyler Durden wears in it? Well I got one exactly like that....red leather...satin lining....man I love that coat so much...I'll post pics here or on myspace soon...
Val.....for some one that tells me so much about love I'm starting to think you've never even actually been in love...you should try it some time....its wonderful....
So I'm starting to think I'm a really shitty boyfriend...I usually get dumped...and the one girl I didn't get dumped...all her friends always tell me how there is no way in hell we'll ever get back together...and how I was like the worst b/f....I could see if this is like one person....but many many people that are close to her tell me stuff like this....so I guess I was really bad....I really did try to be the best b/f ever...and I did love her more then I've ever loved any one....yeah I could have been better....yeah I could have showed my love better....but was I really that bad? I know I made a mistake...and I said alot of bad things....but I really didn't mean them...I really only said them so she would hate me...and be happy to be rid of me....I guess it worked too well....
Some day I won't be such a fucking mess...and I'll make some one happy...and I'll love them...and they will love me...and we'll live happily ever after....
I really wish love wasn't such a big part of my life....and I don't really know how it got to be that way.....
But here we are....
If you haven't seen The Hangover before...go see it...funniest movie ever...probably because I relate to it so much lately...but man its funny...
I was reading some of my old entries the other day....interesting stuff...there seems to be a theme running through you...my diary...I wonder if any one besides you and me even read this any more...I wonder if any ones ever taken the time...or even bothered to read every...last...entry...hmmm makes me wonder...
Well thats all I can think of for now Dear Diary....I'll talk to you later....sleep tight...and have good dreams out there....where ever you are....
A year more or less...(after June 27th...before July 4th)
Since then I've done alot of bad stuff...stuff I regret....Things I thought I never would do....things I never wish I done...I threw out all common sense...all my morals.....
And I survived....I'm still here to make the same mistakes over and over....but this time around....I'm going to make better mistakes....
I spent 4 months drinking every day...never being sober...four months...every day...
I went just shy of a month with out drinking...
I lost friends....gained new ones....found out how much the ones that stood with me love me....
I figured out what true love is...
I spent far to much time on far to many drugs....
And that all changes now....
Now don't get me wrong...I'm not going to try and be sober...I give up on that...its not going to happen...
But I am going to start making better choices in life....
I'm going to stop looking for love...or rather a replacement for it....
I know who I love...and I could careless if I love any one again....I am perfectly happy loving who I love...yeah I'm sure I'll fall in love again some day...but I don't want too...and I'm not looking for it...
So theres that....
Other news....shooting the short film White Room around the end of the month...30th or 31st...I'll post pics of the actual white room some time this week or weekend. My friend turtle was gracious enough to use his talents and build it....Hopefully the film turns out good....
After white room....like a week later while I'm editing I'm going to start filming this little film I wrote to be filmed on a cell phone camera. It doesn't really have a name yet...but yeah that next....
After that is a short I'm currently calling "Chapter 6" I'm still working on this one...this one I'm the most excited about...I think this one will be really good....hopefully...
Then after that....I should be ready to start a full length film....
And during all that....hopefully we get CelOut TV going...maybe do a couple local band videos...and a few commercials for local business....the more I do...the better my portfolio will look right? Then more money invested in the projects I do....
Continuing...
Remember Fight Club? greatest movie ever made? So remember that red leather coat Tyler Durden wears in it? Well I got one exactly like that....red leather...satin lining....man I love that coat so much...I'll post pics here or on myspace soon...
Val.....for some one that tells me so much about love I'm starting to think you've never even actually been in love...you should try it some time....its wonderful....
So I'm starting to think I'm a really shitty boyfriend...I usually get dumped...and the one girl I didn't get dumped...all her friends always tell me how there is no way in hell we'll ever get back together...and how I was like the worst b/f....I could see if this is like one person....but many many people that are close to her tell me stuff like this....so I guess I was really bad....I really did try to be the best b/f ever...and I did love her more then I've ever loved any one....yeah I could have been better....yeah I could have showed my love better....but was I really that bad? I know I made a mistake...and I said alot of bad things....but I really didn't mean them...I really only said them so she would hate me...and be happy to be rid of me....I guess it worked too well....
Some day I won't be such a fucking mess...and I'll make some one happy...and I'll love them...and they will love me...and we'll live happily ever after....
I really wish love wasn't such a big part of my life....and I don't really know how it got to be that way.....
But here we are....
If you haven't seen The Hangover before...go see it...funniest movie ever...probably because I relate to it so much lately...but man its funny...
I was reading some of my old entries the other day....interesting stuff...there seems to be a theme running through you...my diary...I wonder if any one besides you and me even read this any more...I wonder if any ones ever taken the time...or even bothered to read every...last...entry...hmmm makes me wonder...
Well thats all I can think of for now Dear Diary....I'll talk to you later....sleep tight...and have good dreams out there....where ever you are....