(no subject)
im sitting here listening to sappy love songs. i just read (for some unknown reason) ALL of my previous LiveJournal entries, majority of my Melo entries, and a few of my MySpace entries. wow. i took so much for granted. so many people and so many memories that i never appreciated until now, when its too late. when things went wrong, i never stuck it out long enough to try and make it better. i just assumed it was never going to change and i gave up on it, on them. for the first time in my life, i regret something. i regret not living my life to its fullest.
so here are some random "thank yous" and "im sorry's" that i wish i could have said so long ago, that i want to say now... even if you'll never read it:
MOM - thank you for always being there. you arent just my mom, you are my best friend, my therapist, my hero, my rock, my everything.
JEN - im so proud of you. thank you for being my "sissy". you are one of the strongest people i have ever met. im so lucky to have you in my life.
DANIELLE - im sorry that i havent kept in touch with you. im sorry i wasnt there when you needed me the most. we made more memories in the first week of knowing each other, than ive made with people ive known for years. thats something special. i hope we can make a billion more memories together.
MATT - im sorry i couldnt help you. im sorry i never tried to. maybe if i had, we wouldnt have turned out the way we did, maybe we would at least be friends today.
EMMA - thank you for being someone i can always count on no matter what. thank you for all the memories we have made, and will continue to make together. thank you for understanding its not what i deserve, but its what i want. im sorry for all the drama i put this friendship, and you personally, through. you didnt deserve it. thank you for always taking me back.
NICOLE - im sorry i didnt stick it out with you to try and see if we could work on our problems. instead i just bailed on you. thank you for being my friend. i want you to know that i never had a problem with you. i was never angry with you. it was who you were hanging out with that i didnt like. i hope one day, you and i can go back to being the "sisters" that we were when we first moved in together. i miss cuddling with you in your taz blanket watching the legend of billy jean, drinking rockstars like they were going out of style and scratching bingos hoping to win the BIG money. i miss our 12 hour marathons of nintendo. you will always be my eeyore and i your carebear.
AMY - I have hurt you in so many ways. its no wonder you dont talk to me today. i dont blame you. i cant believe you stuck around as long as you did. im so sorry that i did those things. if there was any way to go back in time and take it all back i would. i hope that one day you and i can work through this and be friends. you were my first love, theres no erasing that. i will always love you like they do in the movies.
DAD - you of all people, i have taken the most advantage of. im sorry im a dissappointment. i know i am. i know im not the daughter you had hoped for. but i promise to try to be her. the daughter that you can proudly call yours. the one that has a job, the one that is happy, the one that is independant and strong. the one that has her life in order. but no matter what, i will always be the little girl that hides behind your legs when strangers come withing 5 feet of me. the little girl with the big blue eyes, who would wear pink pjs while i "fly" on top of the refridgerator. the little girl who could light the world with her smile when you walked into the room
to anyone else that i forgot, im sorry i forgot you. im sorry if i have ever hurt you. thank you if you are my friend today. i promise to try to never take advantage of you, or any other human being as long as i live.
so here are some random "thank yous" and "im sorry's" that i wish i could have said so long ago, that i want to say now... even if you'll never read it:
MOM - thank you for always being there. you arent just my mom, you are my best friend, my therapist, my hero, my rock, my everything.
JEN - im so proud of you. thank you for being my "sissy". you are one of the strongest people i have ever met. im so lucky to have you in my life.
DANIELLE - im sorry that i havent kept in touch with you. im sorry i wasnt there when you needed me the most. we made more memories in the first week of knowing each other, than ive made with people ive known for years. thats something special. i hope we can make a billion more memories together.
MATT - im sorry i couldnt help you. im sorry i never tried to. maybe if i had, we wouldnt have turned out the way we did, maybe we would at least be friends today.
EMMA - thank you for being someone i can always count on no matter what. thank you for all the memories we have made, and will continue to make together. thank you for understanding its not what i deserve, but its what i want. im sorry for all the drama i put this friendship, and you personally, through. you didnt deserve it. thank you for always taking me back.
NICOLE - im sorry i didnt stick it out with you to try and see if we could work on our problems. instead i just bailed on you. thank you for being my friend. i want you to know that i never had a problem with you. i was never angry with you. it was who you were hanging out with that i didnt like. i hope one day, you and i can go back to being the "sisters" that we were when we first moved in together. i miss cuddling with you in your taz blanket watching the legend of billy jean, drinking rockstars like they were going out of style and scratching bingos hoping to win the BIG money. i miss our 12 hour marathons of nintendo. you will always be my eeyore and i your carebear.
AMY - I have hurt you in so many ways. its no wonder you dont talk to me today. i dont blame you. i cant believe you stuck around as long as you did. im so sorry that i did those things. if there was any way to go back in time and take it all back i would. i hope that one day you and i can work through this and be friends. you were my first love, theres no erasing that. i will always love you like they do in the movies.
DAD - you of all people, i have taken the most advantage of. im sorry im a dissappointment. i know i am. i know im not the daughter you had hoped for. but i promise to try to be her. the daughter that you can proudly call yours. the one that has a job, the one that is happy, the one that is independant and strong. the one that has her life in order. but no matter what, i will always be the little girl that hides behind your legs when strangers come withing 5 feet of me. the little girl with the big blue eyes, who would wear pink pjs while i "fly" on top of the refridgerator. the little girl who could light the world with her smile when you walked into the room
to anyone else that i forgot, im sorry i forgot you. im sorry if i have ever hurt you. thank you if you are my friend today. i promise to try to never take advantage of you, or any other human being as long as i live.