(no subject)
The paint is starting to chip off, you know. I guess I didn't paint enough layers, didn't wait long enough for it to dry before I starting painting it red again, not like Shannon, she painted hers grey. Painted over her walls long enough, deep enough, meaningfully enough when she said, "I'm done," to know that she can never come back. But me, I come back. I always come back around to you, your heart pulls me in like the tide, then shoves me back out when you're through. And that's when I paint my walls over, red, pink, black, anything so that I don't have to feel you anymore. Then, when I'm brave enough to test the waters again, there you go, pulling me back in, until I'm drowning in you.
And I don't even want to drown in you, that's the problem. I want to drown in someone else, in beauty and confidence, in pallid skin and someone who doesn't smell like you, cigarettes and the cologne you never wear. As soon as you figure it out, you push me back out, the salt from your ocean rippled through my body, planting it's seed as though it owns me, as though you own me. And though everytime I test your waters, you pull me back in, everytime you push me out, I paint over my walls. I will keep painting over my walls. And this time, I think I'll paint them deep enough. Long enough for you to know, my heart isn't yours anymore, baby. Right now, my heart belongs sole/soul-ly to me. And you don't get to pick the color this time.
And I don't even want to drown in you, that's the problem. I want to drown in someone else, in beauty and confidence, in pallid skin and someone who doesn't smell like you, cigarettes and the cologne you never wear. As soon as you figure it out, you push me back out, the salt from your ocean rippled through my body, planting it's seed as though it owns me, as though you own me. And though everytime I test your waters, you pull me back in, everytime you push me out, I paint over my walls. I will keep painting over my walls. And this time, I think I'll paint them deep enough. Long enough for you to know, my heart isn't yours anymore, baby. Right now, my heart belongs sole/soul-ly to me. And you don't get to pick the color this time.