The Letter
Title: The Letter
Author: brokenwings2min
Rating: pg-13
Pairings: jongkey, onkey, side!jongkyung
Genre: angst
Summary: The letter that explained it all.
A/N: So I feel REALLY guilty i haven't writen anything in a WHILE... I mean I did go on a trip but still, guilty. So until my brain is fully back on writing, this is just a last minute drabble-ish thing i decided to put together... which didn't really turn out to be a drabble... again. Just so we're clear, while writing this I made SO many changes to the plot it's not even funny... well actually it is. And if you've ever read my other fanfics you'd notice it's a bit different that my normal writing style... hope you like it though~
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Dear Jonghyun,
I knew from the first day I saw you sophmore year you were special.
Your blonde hair reflected the suns warmth and your doe eyes simulated a perfect replica of a puppys. In all, you were perfect, but unfortunetly, I wasn't the only one to notice. The moment you took a step within the school gates was the moment you stole the entire female populations hearts and wet their panties, and mine... not including the panties part.
I admit it. I'm gay. I've known it ever since i felt myself get a hardy when I first tried going to a gym 8th grade. Needless to say, I quit soon after. I mean besides the fact that I hate sweating, it's also very hard to concentrate on working out when you have a bunch of six-pack dudes sweating their hot asses off while grunting every few minutes. Those two days changed my life. Unllike some others, I openly embraced my sexuality, I mean it's not like I had parents to bitch at me. I was abandoned at age 3 and put up at a local adoption center ever since. People always sprouted apologies whenever I told them, but I don't get the fuck why. I don't even remember what they look like so why the hell would I be so sad?
Anyways after that, I got a job and started buying clothes and other things more my taste. Life was good; I mean it wasn't a breeze. I lost some friends and gained some, but that's life. Now in high school, I got plenty of friends and even a new crush, you. I should have been happy right? Well yes and no. We were friends, best even, and I didn't mind one bit with your extra need for skinship. We knew everything about eachother, which brings me to the sore spot. You knew I was gay, but I knew you were straight. The first day you told me, granted it did hurt, but you weren't the first crush I had that didn't respond so I figured I would move on. Wrong, I didn't.
I tried, I mean I REALLY tried. Junior year, I even resorted to going to gay bars... That earned me a couple of one-night stands, but nothing serious. It's not like I never seriously dated anyone though, I am pretty hot. All of them were fun, but none of them ever lasted over 3 months. No spark. Some ended well like Minho who I'm still friends with, and some ended badly like Dongwoon who I had to file a restraining order against... that dude is just insane. In the end, all my thoughts came back to you. Second year and I was still pining over you, pathetic.
So then we're seniors and things changed a LOT. I can't help think some of it was my fault... oh wait, it was ALL my fault. Stupid me had to get drunk at some cheap-ass bar one night over summer and somehow ended up walking 9 FUCKING miles to your house! First of all it's completely unatural for ANY drunk to walk ANYwhere that far without passing out , and second, I'm Key Fucking Kibum, I don't walk, ANYWHERE. So yeah. Anyways after getting to your house I so gracefully banged on your door for who knows how long before you opened the door bare chested, face flushed, and semi-pissed. That should have been the tip off but I was to effing wasted to see. That or too distracted by your six-pack. Yeah, that was probably it. Anyways I could tell you wanted me out but again, wasted beyond repair. Then I did the one thing I regretted most. I told you I loved you... for 2 fucking years. You'd think that when some drunkie tells you they got a thing for you, you'd just write it off as the alcohol talking, but then you remember that there's a reason it's called liquid courage. I really wished you didn't.
After my little confession you kinda just stood there staring at me, barely even blinking. I'd be lying if I said I didn't see that coming, but what I really didn't see coming was a scandily clad Sekyung walking up from behind you wrapping her arms around your waist. It was my turn to stare back at you unblinking. I think it was about at this time I started to sober up. I should have drank more. Eventually, and I'm just guessing, about an hour of staring I got kinda tired, so I just called it quits and tried to muster a simple goodbye while trying to rush out the door. You caught my arm which gave me a little hope, but after you realized what you did you... flinched I guess, which hurt... I'm not even being sarcastic, it seriously fucking hurt, but I wasn't about to let you know that.
You told Sekyung to wait for you upstairs and oh great, another sting. like I needed to see you gently grab her shoulders and whisper in her ear. After she left, a little confused I might add, you motioned me to sit down on you couch, so I did. You however, did not sit; in fact you started pacing around the room. Way to get me even more nervous. After 62 rounds, yes I counted, you finally stopped and looked at me. The moment of truth. Lay it on me, I knew eventually this day would come, so I thought I could handle it. Wrong again. I can still remember word for word what you said to me.
Look Kibum, Key. I'm just come out and say it. I don't like you. I mean even as a friend. Yeah, when you first said that I went into shock. The truth is, when I first met you, yeah, sure, you seemed pretty cool. Even after you told me you were gay I didn't really mind. In my head i was just kinda screaming WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM THEN?! But somewhere along the lines... you changed. What? I changed? You got all naggy and mother-liked, it started to really piss me off. The only reason I haven't told you was, well, you have a lot a of VERY hot chick friends and I can't as well get with them as long as you're pissed at me. Oh fucking great, I've been in love with a total ass for two fucking years! Yeah, yeah, I know it's douchey, but the hell with it, I'm a STRAIGHT guy, with STRAIGHT guy needs. Now THAT just plain pissed me off. But now it doesn't really matter since I actually really like Sekyung so I'm gonna say this nicely, piss off. Nicely? you call that nicely? My BULLDOG can reject people nicer than that and he bites peoples fingers off!
And with that, you turned around and went upstairs to what I presume, continue banging your girlfriend. You'd think I would have been so pissed I would want to follow you up there with a knife and stab you repeatedly, but for some reason... I was still sad over you rejecting me... isn't that just so pathetic? So after that I walked home... which took a total of 1 minute since I literally live across the street and cryed my eyes out. Fun.
The rest of the summer I was basically a hermit that lived under the covers of my blanket. A couple of weeks later people finally noticed my absence and finally came over to pull my out of my black hole. I can still remember those conforting words. It's suprising how loud Jinkis voice can be when he's pissed.
Key, dude, MAN THE FUCK UP. if Jonghyuns such a douche, I don't get why the fuck are you so sad he rejected you! I'd sure as hell would be glad I wouldn't have to deal with that asshole!
I'm think I've never heard him swear until that day... I don't know whether I should have been proud or disappointed... either way I was shocked, but it worked. I got out of my slump and rebuilt myself. Senior year went on and it was pretty much the same except for your missing presence by my side and although it hurt for a couple of days and not to mention when seeing you make out with your girlfriend in class, I eventually got over it. The really odd thing was that after I started dating Jinki, I couldn't help but notice you staring at me a lot. Probably was just my imagination so I ignored it, but then you go and confront me right before the graduation ceremony. I didn't even know the school had an abandoned wing.
I was expecting a sort of apology or even a slap or two, but I never would have expected you to rape me... not that I didn't enjoy it...? Seriously it was weird though, it wasn't even rough. You were so gentle I assumed you thought I was made of glass. I mean I get that I'm skinny, but I still have SOME muscle... After we both came you told me, no, begged me to meet you at the park tonight. Guilty as charged, I considered it. Even after what an asshole you were, one doesn't fall out of love that quickly. I have to say I almost went, but right after ceremony, Jinki told me to meet him at his house tonight and left before I could respond, not without tripping first of course. To his defense it was raining, but then again, he tripped before he even got outside.
So yeah, I was in a pickle. Who to go to? You, the asshole that for some reason I still had feelings for or Jinki, the sweet, nerd of the school that I currently was dating. I had feelings for both of you guys, but which was stronger? No idea. So who was better in bed? No idea. So I resorted to one last question which I ultimately had the answer for. At that very moment I came to an epiphany and ran as fast as I could, not even caring that it was pouring down.
Now it's been about 4 days since then and I want to tell you I'm happy. I'm positive I've made the right choice because Jinki is the man I'm sure to live out my life with. He's sweet and kind and of course a chicken maniac and clumsy, but he does love me. Not a second passes where I regret my choice. But anyways, I heard you were in the hospital with pneumonia and I'm pretty sure that's my fault. I didn't think you'd wait outside in the rain for me that long... sorry. I hope you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with too because I now know that that person, isn't me.
Sincerely,
Kibum
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I'M DONE!!!! Turned out way off what I was going for but ah well, as long as I get some comments~ *hint hint*
seriously though, feel free to comment... actually scratch that, i'm FORCING you to comment... not really.... i'm gonna shut up now..