4:00 am posts are for girls who works shifts
I AM AWAKE. This is probably because I worked until 3:30 am, taking shrieking 9-1-1 calls, and then expect to go home and fall right asleep. Yeah, right Meghan, run on pure adrenaline for 11 hours and then snooze. My body calls shenanigans on me regularly on this shift.
So naturally an update is in order, mostly because I'm creeping on LJ and have comments to leave that will completely confuse the authors if I don't put some pretty pertinent info out there.
1. Dean and I broke up at the beginning of May. I will be getting my own place in September, he will be moving in with his brother. Most days I am extremely at peace with this decision, since ultimately it was the right one; some days (like today) I go between angry and a heaving sobbing mess. Please don't feel an ounce of bad for me though; I broke up with him. (After an agonizing internal battle lasting several months, and numerous long drawn-out conversations with the young man in question.) It is a very strange thing to love a man but not want to be with him.
2. I will be living by myself in September! Alone! Solo! Can we meditate on how huge that is, please? I moved out at 18 from my parents' home into this (now ex- ) love nest, and have never had the opportunity to not decorate in neutrals or buy the brands that I like, instead of the ones that we like. It will be a little sad, a little exhilarating, and very likely a whole lot scary as fuck, but I am embracing it and getting a little drunk on the feeling.
3. Rob. God help me, I swore I would be Single!Girl for the rest of my life, but then this ridiculous man came into my life at the most inconvenient time (for both of us, he just ended a 6 year relationship with a woman he bought a home with) and here we are. In limbo. But in a comfortable, snails' pace limbo that mostly makes me want to sigh happily. And he is terrified, and I am terrified, and it is perfect in it's imperfections. Who knows what will happen there, but the man makes me smile even when every fibre of my being is telling me to scream, whether in general or at him, since he is intelligent and stubborn and aggravating, and that is surprisingly exactly what I need. Especially when, as I mentioned above, I am sometimes full of rage or am a heaving sobbing mess. Because he has to break up the home with the person he thought he was going to marry, too, and sometimes it's nice to just sit pressed against someone in silence.
4. My job is incredibly fulfilling, despite the emotional exhaustion I feel regularly. Because it's hard to take a 9-1-1 call from your mother telling you your brother has been held-up at gunpoint, especially if your mother doesn't recognize your voice and hangs up on you (yep it happened) and it's hard going on a ride-along with an officer and seeing an 8 month old little girl lifeless and blue in the face. (Yep... that happened too.) But the rush of energy you feel when you talk a suicidal male out of ending his life at 3:00 in the morning on some random Tuesday, or the way you want to cheer when you transfer a caller to ambulance with their wife going into labour in the background... It makes it worth it. The nightmares only last one night.
(Sidenote: I also started dispatching recently; I should be released by myself by August. This is A Big Deal, since everyone else in my class is only STARTING their training in September. I'm kind of a big deal.)(And I'm obnoxious, apparently.)
5. I get pedicures on a regular basis. Yeah, okay, not that noteworthy, but can that little Asian lady ever do MAGIC with my calves. Jesus. I felt someone should know about her voodoo.
6. How bomb is the new Jack Johnson CD? Yeah. It's bomb. My Little Girl makes me want to get married RIGHT THIS SECOND. (Alright, not really. But it is sweet.)
7. I've almost talked some friends into going to Syracuse in August. Hello, 3 days of shopping. Plus I have my eye on a pretty blue Schwinn cruiser, and I can get it down there. WANT.
8. Canada Day plans! I'm going to Rob's best friend's cottage in Quebec (Ah, about Rob... he's a francophone. His friends are francophones. This is wonderful and awful all at once) from Wednesday evening until Thursday evening, and then hopefully dragging him downtown (probably after an afternoon nap) for the fireworks. What else is there to do? Out of curiosity, has anyone been to Petrie Island or Britannia for the festivities?
9. I have a new(-ish) car. Lucy, my 1997 Oldsmobile Achieva, has been generously donated to my little brother Sean, as my parents bought a 2002 Mazda Protegé (hereafter referred to as 'Maddie') for me instead. Liz: it has air conditioning. THIS IS HUGE.
10. I dislike odd numbers, but I don't really have anything else to say... oh, did everyone here know I don't eat red meat? Yeah, I don't. Haven't for two years. Interesting fact. Still eat chicken though, and fish. Pretty sure I'd die otherwise. (Not really, but who gets their iron from spinach and fava beans? I mean really. Plus I could never give blood if I was a vegetarian. And I like the free cookies.)
That's all I got, folks. My energy level just dropped considerably, I'm heading to the sack. Questions? Concerns? You know what to do.
So naturally an update is in order, mostly because I'm creeping on LJ and have comments to leave that will completely confuse the authors if I don't put some pretty pertinent info out there.
1. Dean and I broke up at the beginning of May. I will be getting my own place in September, he will be moving in with his brother. Most days I am extremely at peace with this decision, since ultimately it was the right one; some days (like today) I go between angry and a heaving sobbing mess. Please don't feel an ounce of bad for me though; I broke up with him. (After an agonizing internal battle lasting several months, and numerous long drawn-out conversations with the young man in question.) It is a very strange thing to love a man but not want to be with him.
2. I will be living by myself in September! Alone! Solo! Can we meditate on how huge that is, please? I moved out at 18 from my parents' home into this (now ex- ) love nest, and have never had the opportunity to not decorate in neutrals or buy the brands that I like, instead of the ones that we like. It will be a little sad, a little exhilarating, and very likely a whole lot scary as fuck, but I am embracing it and getting a little drunk on the feeling.
3. Rob. God help me, I swore I would be Single!Girl for the rest of my life, but then this ridiculous man came into my life at the most inconvenient time (for both of us, he just ended a 6 year relationship with a woman he bought a home with) and here we are. In limbo. But in a comfortable, snails' pace limbo that mostly makes me want to sigh happily. And he is terrified, and I am terrified, and it is perfect in it's imperfections. Who knows what will happen there, but the man makes me smile even when every fibre of my being is telling me to scream, whether in general or at him, since he is intelligent and stubborn and aggravating, and that is surprisingly exactly what I need. Especially when, as I mentioned above, I am sometimes full of rage or am a heaving sobbing mess. Because he has to break up the home with the person he thought he was going to marry, too, and sometimes it's nice to just sit pressed against someone in silence.
4. My job is incredibly fulfilling, despite the emotional exhaustion I feel regularly. Because it's hard to take a 9-1-1 call from your mother telling you your brother has been held-up at gunpoint, especially if your mother doesn't recognize your voice and hangs up on you (yep it happened) and it's hard going on a ride-along with an officer and seeing an 8 month old little girl lifeless and blue in the face. (Yep... that happened too.) But the rush of energy you feel when you talk a suicidal male out of ending his life at 3:00 in the morning on some random Tuesday, or the way you want to cheer when you transfer a caller to ambulance with their wife going into labour in the background... It makes it worth it. The nightmares only last one night.
(Sidenote: I also started dispatching recently; I should be released by myself by August. This is A Big Deal, since everyone else in my class is only STARTING their training in September. I'm kind of a big deal.)(And I'm obnoxious, apparently.)
5. I get pedicures on a regular basis. Yeah, okay, not that noteworthy, but can that little Asian lady ever do MAGIC with my calves. Jesus. I felt someone should know about her voodoo.
6. How bomb is the new Jack Johnson CD? Yeah. It's bomb. My Little Girl makes me want to get married RIGHT THIS SECOND. (Alright, not really. But it is sweet.)
7. I've almost talked some friends into going to Syracuse in August. Hello, 3 days of shopping. Plus I have my eye on a pretty blue Schwinn cruiser, and I can get it down there. WANT.
8. Canada Day plans! I'm going to Rob's best friend's cottage in Quebec (Ah, about Rob... he's a francophone. His friends are francophones. This is wonderful and awful all at once) from Wednesday evening until Thursday evening, and then hopefully dragging him downtown (probably after an afternoon nap) for the fireworks. What else is there to do? Out of curiosity, has anyone been to Petrie Island or Britannia for the festivities?
9. I have a new(-ish) car. Lucy, my 1997 Oldsmobile Achieva, has been generously donated to my little brother Sean, as my parents bought a 2002 Mazda Protegé (hereafter referred to as 'Maddie') for me instead. Liz: it has air conditioning. THIS IS HUGE.
10. I dislike odd numbers, but I don't really have anything else to say... oh, did everyone here know I don't eat red meat? Yeah, I don't. Haven't for two years. Interesting fact. Still eat chicken though, and fish. Pretty sure I'd die otherwise. (Not really, but who gets their iron from spinach and fava beans? I mean really. Plus I could never give blood if I was a vegetarian. And I like the free cookies.)
That's all I got, folks. My energy level just dropped considerably, I'm heading to the sack. Questions? Concerns? You know what to do.