(no subject)
why is livejournal the place you
always come to
when you want to kill yourseflf
livejournal is like the last stop because
I don't know the stupid one eighthundred kill yourself hotline
fuck you livejounral
you stupid big cesspool of self pity I use you for
I hate that I can't be older and wiser and
just fucking OK WITH MYSELF AND MY LIFE
I'm shaking and I'm sick and I can't believe the stupid shit I do
I cut myself with a FUCKING SAFETY PIN
what the fuck?
why?
totally unnecessary. all this means is trouble for me.
I work in a salon. filthy.
cuts get infected, I have to figure out how to cover them because what the fuck?!
people aren't just retarded like this for no reason and I wouldn't want some
FUCKING WEIRD loser freak working for me
who can't just "keep it together"
so fucking pointless. I feel so fucking pointless.
I have no talent no passion no drive no motivation no self control no reason
I feel robotic.
I get up and go to work so I can come home to a house to sleep in before I go to work.
my friends
I don't know how to interact with them apparently
I'm a predator
dreams are trash on the side of the road.
how can I ever want to fight for myself when I so desperately wish I knew how to get away from myself.
this bullshit hasn't changed since I started this journal.
since before I started this journal.
WHAT THE FUCK
how is this ever going to change?
it's so fucked because saying I haven't been happy since fifth grade
wasn't that bad it was a few years prior
but the other day I realized I was saying I haven't felt ok for eight years.
they just keep marching by
I feel so pointless
I want people I love to get away from me because of what a disaster I am
always
but I'm so selfish I want them near
I feel so sick
this is all disgusting.
each day a reminder of my mistakes.
when does this all end?
always come to
when you want to kill yourseflf
livejournal is like the last stop because
I don't know the stupid one eighthundred kill yourself hotline
fuck you livejounral
you stupid big cesspool of self pity I use you for
I hate that I can't be older and wiser and
just fucking OK WITH MYSELF AND MY LIFE
I'm shaking and I'm sick and I can't believe the stupid shit I do
I cut myself with a FUCKING SAFETY PIN
what the fuck?
why?
totally unnecessary. all this means is trouble for me.
I work in a salon. filthy.
cuts get infected, I have to figure out how to cover them because what the fuck?!
people aren't just retarded like this for no reason and I wouldn't want some
FUCKING WEIRD loser freak working for me
who can't just "keep it together"
so fucking pointless. I feel so fucking pointless.
I have no talent no passion no drive no motivation no self control no reason
I feel robotic.
I get up and go to work so I can come home to a house to sleep in before I go to work.
my friends
I don't know how to interact with them apparently
I'm a predator
dreams are trash on the side of the road.
how can I ever want to fight for myself when I so desperately wish I knew how to get away from myself.
this bullshit hasn't changed since I started this journal.
since before I started this journal.
WHAT THE FUCK
how is this ever going to change?
it's so fucked because saying I haven't been happy since fifth grade
wasn't that bad it was a few years prior
but the other day I realized I was saying I haven't felt ok for eight years.
they just keep marching by
I feel so pointless
I want people I love to get away from me because of what a disaster I am
always
but I'm so selfish I want them near
I feel so sick
this is all disgusting.
each day a reminder of my mistakes.
when does this all end?